Hi to everyone who's reading this! I posted a story here a long time ago but then with then the website was down for so long that I forgot to keep putting my stuff up. I have a whole bunch of stories to post now but I thought I'd continue with the series, since the other story I have here is the first one in it.

Anyway, if the formatting in this one is screwed up I'll try and fix it next time – it's just that I don't know what I did last time so I can't do the same thing.

I hope you enjoy, the first part is a little slow but I hope you like it anyway. =D

         

Title: To Hold Another's Life

Author: Erika

Series: Rebuilding the Bond (#2)

Rating: PG...but there is ONE swear word so I guess it would be PG13?

Summary: When Qui-Gon mysteriously falls ill, Obi-Wan is left alone to make a decision that no one should ever have to make.

Time Frame: Right after JA8. This is a sequel to my first FIC "Something Worth Fighting For" but there's nothing really important that you need to know. I think the most important thing is that Obi and Qui talked about what happened on Melida/Daan and that Obi borrowed Qui's birth certificate.

Spoilers: For JA5-JA8

Category: AU, Angst, H/C, non-slash, POV

Disclaimers: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only. Any characters that are not recognizable as being part of the SW universe belong to me, but you guys probably figured that out, right?

Feedback: Don't make me beg!!!!! Both positive feedback and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated and will be cherished! ([email protected])

Archive: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, JAFD, The Guardians of Peace, and anyone who has any of my other stories. Anyone else who wants this, please ask and send me a link to your site so that I can check it out :-D

Special Thanks To: My good friend Rheana, who, despite not liking Star Wars and never having read a Jedi Apprentice book, took the time to read this. And of course I am always grateful to my beta reader, Adi-Ser, thanks for your help!

Things in 's are telepathic communication through the Master/Padawan bond.

            To Hold Another's Life

            ~ Part One: The Braiding ~

Qui-Gon:

            "It's very beautiful, Master." Obi-Wan said softly, glancing at me from where he stood a couple of feet away. "Thank you for bringing me here."

            I smiled as I gazed across the small walkway that my Padawan and I stood in front of. No more than ten feet ahead of us was a waterfall that emptied itself into the depths of a lovely blue-green pond. Surrounding the pond was a fence of small white flowers and to the right of the rocks that the waterfall fell over was a delicate young tree. The soft sound of the water as it rushed over the reddish-brown rocks was very soothing. I had always loved the Macarvic Gardens and was pleased that Obi-Wan could appreciate their beauty.

            "Yes Padawan, it is," I answered gently, "I am glad that you are enjoying yourself."

            "I am. I'm honored that you would bring me here, Master."

            Honored... His words echoed in my mind. Xanatos had not felt 'honored' the only time that I had brought him here...he had been bored. "No, Obi-Wan," I said with a heavy sigh, "it is I who am honored by your presence here. Thank you for coming with me."

            I could feel Obi-Wan's surprise flood our newly-forming bond and before he could say anything I continued, "I had to ask Xanatos four times before he agreed to come here with me and even then he only pretended to enjoy himself. I am grateful for your honest enjoyment of something so simple and yet so intricate as nature."

            "I am sorry, Master," Obi-Wan chose his words carefully, "that Xanatos could not appreciate how lucky he was to have someone like you for his Master and friend. I will never make that mistake again," he vowed fiercely.

            A small lump formed in my throat at Obi-Wan's words but I quickly swallowed it away before answering, "Thank you, Obi-Wan. I know that you will never take our bond for granted again...neither will I."

            Obi-Wan didn't answer me and instead a calm silence fell between us as we each enjoyed the comfort of the other's company. I had to admit that my Padawan's presence near me was just as calming, if not more so, than the gardens themselves. How could I ever have tried to keep this boy out of my life?

            "Obi-Wan," I said after a few minutes of silence, "if you would allow me the pleasure and the honor, there is something I would like to do now."

            Obi-Wan turned toward me and I also moved to face him, "Yes, Master, what is it?"

            I smiled and lay my hand on his shoulder, "Let us sit down on the grass by the lake and I will tell you."

            Obi-Wan nodded and at a leisurely pace we crossed the walkway and seated ourselves on the short bright-green grass that grew around the pond. "As I am sure that you know it is customary that when a Master/Padawan team is formed the Master cuts and braids his Padawan's hair," I said, looking warmly at my young student. "When I first took you as my Padawan we were immediately sent on a mission and we had no time than to do more than quickly braid your hair. For that, I am sorry."

            "That's alright, Master, I–"

            I held up my hand and Obi-Wan immediately fell silent. "It was wrong of me to ignore the tradition and if you would allow me, I would like to properly braid your hair now. I know that this is usually done in public but I feel that it would be better if we did it here, in the gardens."

            Obi-Wan smiled tentatively and his eyes lit up with joy, "I would like that very much, Master."

            "Good," I said at length, "I am glad." For a few long moments I stared into the deep waters of the pond, contemplating. Xanatos had laughed when I had reminded him about the braiding tradition and although he had not said it, I knew that he had found it silly. How could I have been so blind to the darkness in him? Why had I refused to listen to Yoda and my own Master's warnings? And more importantly, why had I then seen darkness in Obi-Wan's soul when no such darkness existed?

            "Why don't you face the pond?" I said distantly, gesturing for Obi-Wan to turn toward the water.

            Obi-Wan quickly stood and knelt in front of me, facing the lake as I had instructed him to. "Master," my Padawan began uncertainly, "if you're not comfortable with this yet, I understand–"

            "No!" I said a bit more sharply then I had intended for Obi-Wan had caught me by surprise. Had he sensed my troubled mood? I needed for him to know that he was my Padawan. I wanted him to feel like he belonged with me, and that he belonged with the Jedi. I had shut him out for too long. Even though our conversation earlier today had cleared up some important issues between us, I felt that it wasn't enough. He needed to belong again. I needed to belong again. It had been so long since I had trusted anyone...

            "No," I repeated more softly this time but I kept my tone firm, "Thank you for your understanding, but I want to do this for you now, Padawan."

            Obi-Wan visibly relaxed before me and said, "Thank you, Master."

            I ran my hand through Obi-Wan's shortly cropped hair and then reached down to take the end of my Padawan's braid between my fingers. Carefully I slid off the bead that held the three strands of hair together and gave it to Obi-Wan to hold. "If you will allow me," I began softly as my fingers deftly started unwinding the small braid, "I would like to tie your braid with the bead that I wore when I was a Padawan. It is old and faded but–"

            "Master," Obi-Wan interrupted me, "I would be honored," he said simply.

            I smiled and continued my gentle work until the braid lay in its three separate pieces across Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Hold still," I instructed before I began to tightly re-braid the strands together. "A Padawan's braid not only represents his devotion to the Order but his dedication to his Master and to the Jedi cause and also," I said softly, "his Master's dedication to him. Each strand of hair represents something very important. The first strand represents the Force and the Order, for without these the Jedi would not exist; the second strand represents the Padawan himself who strives to learn the Force so that he may better serve the galaxy; and the last strand represents the Master who swears to protect and guide his Padawan until he is knighted."

            I could feel Obi-Wan's joy reflected in our bond and I sent my own joy back to him, wanting him to know that this was important to me as well. "The braid itself," I continued, "shows how they are all are bound together on a journey of learning and light. It is merely a symbol though. What is important is that there is light in the souls of the Master and Padawan..." I let my voice trail off uncertainly and my hands faltered in their braiding.

            I could sense a blackness looming over me...a deep foreboding of something to come. I tried to shake the feeling but the Force hummed in protest and my head exploded into pain. As a Jedi is taught to do, I accepted the pain into my system instead of trying to fight it and slowly it faded.

            "Master?" Obi-Wan asked, sensing my distress.

            "I'm fine, Padawan," I assured him softly as the cloud in my mind slowly receded. "I'm sorry. Where...where was I?"

            "You were saying that the important thing is that there is light in the souls of the Master and Padawan," Obi-Wan supplied helpfully, but I could feel his worry for me.

            "Thank you, Padawan," I said. "As I was saying, what is important is that there is light in the souls of the Master and Padawan and that their dedication to the Order, to the Force, and to each other is very strong. We will have to endure many hardships, Obi-Wan, and sometimes I will not be with you. During those times it is important to remember that the braid represents our bond and that even if the braid is broken, or I am not at your side, I am always in your heart."

            I finished weaving the last strands of hair together and reached into my pocket to retrieve the small bead I had worn on my own braid, so many years ago. Carefully I slid the bead onto the end of Obi-Wan's braid and made sure it was secure, then I gently tucked it behind the boy's ear.

            There now, I said, reaching out across our bond with my voice, all done.

            "Master?" Obi-Wan craned his neck back to look at me, the surprise evident on his face.

            I smiled at him and placed my hands on his shoulders, urging him to look back at the pond before his neck got sore. They never taught you about this in the Temple, Padawan?

            "No, Master."

            Although it is not usually the case, sometimes it is possible for a Master and Padawan to speak through their bond. The two have to be physically close to each other, and there has to be a strong bond, or the potential for a strong bond, between them. All you have to do is find your center and focus on sending your thoughts to me.

            Obi-Wan concentrated for a few moments before his voice reached me, Like this, Master?

            I let my approval flow through our bond, Yes, Obi-Wan, just like that.

            M-Master? Obi-Wan started, sounding very hesitant and unsure of himself, c-can I ask you something?

            For Obi-Wan to sound so tentative I knew that the question involved my former apprentice. Honestly, I didn't want to think about Xanatos right now but I knew that to deny Obi-Wan the knowledge he sought would alienate him. My Padawan deserved to know of the one who had come before him. I would not lock him out of my heart again, even if his questions forced me to relive painful memories. Of course, Obi-Wan, you may ask me whatever you wish, I answered, my voice steady, unlike my heart.

            Did you have a strong enough...bond with Xanatos to speak to him through it?

            I swallowed and closed my eyes. My bond with Xanatos have been very strong before he turned to the darkside, and yes it had been strong enough to communicate through even though we rarely did. Xanatos had always been a private person and he did not appreciate people 'fooling around' inside his mind. We only used the bond in cases of extreme emergency during a mission.

            Force, why hadn't I seen he would turn? I should have known by all the little things. He had never wanted to go to the gardens with me. Not just the Macarvic gardens, but even the gardens in the Temple. He had never truly appreciated the Padawan braid and what it represented. He had never wanted to use our bond to speak or exchange feelings and emotions. How could I have been so damned blind?

            I sighed and forced myself to drop those thoughts. Obi-Wan was waiting for an answer and I could feel his uncertainty and regret increasing rapidly through our bond. Silently I composed myself and prepared to answer, Yes, Padawan, our bond was strong enough to communicate through but...Xanatos didn't wish it and therefore we rarely used it.

            My Padawan's uncertainly died down a little and confusion filtered through to me instead. He...he didn't want to? Why not? the question had been impulsive and immediately Obi-Wan regretted asking. I'm sorry...Master, he started to apologize but I quickly cut him off.

            No, Obi-Wan, it's okay. It's only natural for you to be curious. Of course it was only natural for him to be curious about what he didn't understand. And how could he understand the darkness in Xanatos when he was made of pure light? Why indeed? It was a very good question. Why hadn't Xanatos wanted to use the bond to speak? I don't know, I spoke honestly.

            I like using the bond, Obi-Wan confided, sounding endearingly shy.

            I smiled, pushing away my troubled thoughts, So do I, Padawan, so do I.

            We stayed in the gardens for almost another hour without speaking as we simply enjoyed the beauty of our surroundings and each other's company. For the most part, I was able to keep myself from thinking of Xanatos and from comparing him to Obi-Wan. However, sometimes he resurfaced in my mind and disturbed the peacefulness that had fallen between my companion and me. Would Xanatos continue to cause problems for us even though he no longer lived?

            I knew that Obi-Wan sensed my troubled thoughts and for his sake, as well as my own, I mostly avoided them. Mostly. No matter how hard I tried though, Xanatos still harbored a corner of my mind as if he was intent on ruining this for Obi-Wan and me. Finally, I managed to simply take pleasure in the beauty around me by meditating for a few minutes and finding my center. I enjoyed the rest of the evening sitting silently by my apprentice.

            Finally, when the sun began to set, I regretfully told Obi-Wan that we would have to return since it was a two hour flight back to the Temple.

            Can we come back here, Master? Obi-Wan asked, still delighted by this new aspect of our bond.

            As many times as you like, Obi-Wan, I assured him as we left the gardens and headed toward our transport.

            As we boarded the ship I again felt the Force buzz around me in warning. When I reached out to find my center I felt the same dark cloud hanging over my head and this time I felt the urgency in its message. I felt tired and disconnected from myself...as if my link to the Force was weakening. Something was going to happen. I couldn't tell what, for precognition had never been one of my talents, but I knew that it involved my Padawan and me in some way. In my mind I could see Obi-Wan – standing alone – faced with some terrible decision and having no one to turn to...

            "Master, are you well?" Obi-Wan's urgent voice broke through my trance-like state and brought me back to reality. I looked around and found that we had stopped walking and that Obi-Wan was staring at me extremely concerned.

            "I am fine, Obi-Wan," I said. After everything that had happened the boy deserved at least one night of good sleep without having to worry about what the next day would bring. "Everything's fine," I said, draping an arm over his shoulders and leading him into the small transport we had rented to bring us to the gardens, "Let's go home," before the weight of decision hangs on your shoulders... was my unspoken thought.

Obi-Wan:

            "Master!" I called out desperately into the darkness that surrounded me, "Master, where are you?"

            I shivered involuntarily and tried to control the surge of fear that rose up deep within me. Where was I? It was so dark...I could see nothing. I reached out with the Force but couldn't feel anything...at all. There was life, no Temple, no universe... It was as if I was nowhere.

            I reached out through the Master/Padawan bond but I couldn't find Qui-Gon, he was just gone. Everything was gone. Master? I called out into the emptiness of our bond but received only a wave of coldness in return. Please...Master, where are you?

            "Is there anyone else here?" I yelled, now unable to control the small tremors that began to wrack my body. Why was I alone? I couldn't find anyone...

            For no real reason I began to run, hoping that I could escape this darkness, but nothing around me changed. It was too dark to see anything and it didn't seem like I was going anywhere even though my legs were moving.

            Master, please. I reached for him like a frightened child but still there was no answer.

            I couldn't contain my shout of surprise as the unseen ground caved in underneath me and without any warning I found myself falling through the never-ending darkness. Master! I yelled one last time through our bond before everything became a haze of confusion and fear as I tumbled through the air.

            I flayed my arms wildly as I reached out and tried to center myself on the Force, but now it was as if the Force itself had vanished. I was alone. Totally and completely alone. "No!!!!" I screamed suddenly and heard my shout echo off the walls of nothingness as I continued to fall down...

            I sat up with a start. My whole body was shaking and I was breathing erratically. I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart and reached out toward the Force, almost afraid that I wouldn't find it. It was there, as if it had never been gone, and I realized with a start that I was in my bed. I ran a hand through my hair, which I found soaked through with sweat and matted down to my head.

            I let out a long sigh and fell back onto the bed. It had been a dream. I was home, in our quarters. In a rush, yesterday's events all came back to me. Qui-Gon had gone to speak with the Council and when he returned we had spoken about my decision to stay on Melida/Daan and his past with Xanatos. When we had finished Qui-Gon had shown me our new quarters and then we had gone to the Macarvic Gardens. Once there he had honored me by braiding my hair. After that we had stayed in silence until the hour became late and we returned home.

            I distinctly remembered getting on the transport, but I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remembered was the dream... A cold shudder ran through me. The dream had been so terrifyingly real and I had been completely alone. Tentatively I reached out through my bond with Qui-Gon and let out a relieved sigh when I felt his mind, peacefully resting.

            Suddenly I felt absolutely childish and stupid. It had only been a dream, of course the bond and the Force hadn't disappeared. I wasn't alone. I was home, with my Master, where I belonged. "Just go back to sleep, Obi-Wan," I muttered to myself and turned over to bury my face in the pillow.

            It didn't take long for sleep to come to me and although I had no dreams, it was a restless worried sleep, almost as if I was anxious about something going wrong...

            When I woke up the next morning I was surprised to realize that it was nearly ten. Usually I was up by six thirty and even if I slept in I knew that Qui-Gon would probably come to wake me at eight – at the latest. Why had he let me sleep in?

            I sighed. He had probably sensed my restless sleep and ridiculous dream and then felt me touch his mind and decided I needed the extra sleep. 'Yeah,' I thought, 'he probably realized I needed the extra sleep so that I would stop acting like a four year old having nightmares in the middle of the night.'

            I slowly got out of bed and made my way to the 'fresher in the adjacent room. After taking a relaxing shower I quickly got dressed and left my room to see where Qui-Gon was. After checking in the living room and kitchen I looked around to see if he had left me some sort of message but could find none.

            Master? I asked reaching out along our bond. At first when I received no answer I assumed that he was merely... 'out of range' but then I realized that his awareness seemed different. I touched his mind again and drew back abruptly when all I felt was coldness. It was like he was asleep...but it wasn't a calm or usual sleep it was... With a frantic start I realized my Master was unconscious.

            Sprinting back through the living I ran into Qui-Gon's room and hastily looked around. His bed was empty but the covers were tangled up together at the foot of the bed and the pillow was on the floor.

            With my heart pounding in my chest and an uncontrollable fear dwelling inside me I made my way to the 'fresher that was adjacent to Qui-Gon's room. I was walking so quickly that when my foot snagged on something I was sent staggering forward toward the cold white tiles of the floor. Instinctively I slid my hands up against the wall and caught hold of a small hand rail which I used to pull myself to my feet just before I would have hit the ground.

            A dawning horror flamed in my mind as I looked down at the floor to see what I had tripped over. My heart leapt up into my throat and for a moment I forgot how to breathe when my eyes fell upon the horrifying form of my Master's limp body splayed across the floor.

            "Master!" I cried out. My shrill call wrung in my ears and bounced off the walls to echo in my brain again and again as I dropped to my knees by my Master's completely immobile form.

TBC...