Title: RENT Fans: The Musical

Genre: Humor/Parody

Rating: T

Summary: Written in honor of Adam and Anthony's 09 tour. And because I missed writing parodies, and I thought it was about time we RENTheads had an entire musical dedicated to us!! :D

Notes: Ok so, I was dying to parody another libretto after my first two parodies. I swear, I've fallen head over heels in love with parodying lyrics. :) So, as I was knocking around ideas in my mind about making a third ROGER centric parody, making a trilogy – I saw the RENT tour. And this idea came to me!

I'll be parodying the tick, tick… BOOM! libretto this time. Have fun and tell me how I did!

It stars – Adam Pascal, Anthony Rapp, others… but most importantly, RENTheads and FANGIRLS! LIKE US!

The show is starting.

The curtain slowly rises. The audience sees that we are in a hotel room somewhere in the United States. There is the sound of chanting, which increases in volume and intensity.

(RENT ... RENT ... RENT ... RENT ... RENT ... RENT ...)

ANTHONY: (sitting cross-legged on a bed) The sound you are hearing is not a creepy tribal ritual. It is not a landlord chasing a slacking tenant. It is not a joke, either. It is the sound of… everyday life now for two men. Adam and I ... are those two lucky men.

ADAM: (walks into hotel room, snacking on something from the vending machine) Anthony… (stops, noticing the audience) Uh…hi? (continues) Anthony, what the hell? I got downstairs to get some Funyuns and get tackled to the ground by two teenage girls. Why? "Because I'm hot." It wouldn't be a big deal, usually, but… Funyuns, man. That's all I wanted. (laughs drily) "I'm hot…"

ANTHONY: (shaking his head) Do they know we're in our thirties? Three-zero s. Older than old. Older than the dinosaurs were when they died – I don't even know. I don't get it. Sorry, I love RENTheads, but honestly. I really don't get it. At least they didn't steal your food. (sighs) Damn… I wanted to go out – enjoy the city, not be cooped up in here between shows. But I keep hearing them chanting and chanting and chanting! (He pulls at his hair in frustration and groans.) And sometimes, after a couple of rounds of the chants, I'll hear something else – a distant scream, like a bomb has gone off not too far away and the next one might be closer and I'd better look out.

(RENT… RENT… AAAAAAAAAAAAH!)

(They cannot help but laugh at the irony)

ADAM: (to audience) So that's where we are. It's a Saturday night in 2009, in this hotel on the RENT tour; I'm trying to have a snack, trying to enjoy what remains of my extremely late night, trying to ignore the screams of RENTheads…

(The scene shifts to the lobby of the hotel. There is a cluster of RENTheads gathered around, singing.)

RENTHEADS:
WE'RE STOPPED IN SHOCK – WAIT, TIME OUT
RENT'S NOT ON BROADWAY, WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?
START THE CRAZE –FANGIRLS TO LURE
SINCE THEY DON'T HAVE THE NEDER, THEY'LL DO A RENT TOUR!

PATIENCE IS GETTING SHORTER
LINES AT THE TICKET OFFICE GETTING LONGER
FEEL LIKE YOU'LL PEE YOUR PANTS
BEFORE YOU EVEN SEE ANGEL DANCE!

IT'S PANIC, IT'S SQUEEFEST
IT'S RENT TOUR, IT'S YOUR BIG SHOT
YOUR CHANCE TO SEE THE SHOW THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE

THEY'RE SINGIN' "NO DAY BUT TODAY"
YOU JUST WEEP AND SOB AND CRY
NOT YOUR MOTHER'S BROADWAY MUSICAL
ITS ADAM AND ANTHONY
HOW OLD ARE THESE GUYS AGAIN?
THEY LOOK AND ACT ABOUT TWENTY TWO
SEEING RENT WITH ADAM AND ANTHONY
SHIT, THAT'S AWESOME
THAT'S FUCKING COOL
THAT'S FUCKING COOL, SO FUCKING COOL!

ADAM: (sitting down) Hey, you know what? Forget it. It's no big deal. What's another crazy RENThead encounter? Just, you know, the 525, 600th one… in the past year and a half.

ANTHONY:
Yeah, we have to just chill.

ADAM: (thinking suddenly) Anthony… my tour roommate, my oldest and dearest friend. We made it through the 07 return together, not to mention the OBC…and now we're on tour together. We're two terrific actors, if you'll let me toot our metaphorical horns, and we have awesome lives. I mean come on, Anthony… aren't you happy?

ANTHONY: (shrugging) Yeah, sure. The tour's great. The tour's like… a blessing in disguise.

ADAM: (points out) Hard to ignore it when you're physically attacked and they scream deafeningly in your ears, though.

ANTHONY: Well, maybe you spend too much time making trips to that damn vending machine, Adam.

RENTHEADS:
BUILD THE SET UP – YET ANOTHER TOUR STOP
SCREAM AND YELL UNTIL THE THEATER CALLS THE COPS
MOMENTUM'S GETTING BIGGER
CHANCES TO WITNESS IT GETTING THINNER
YOU JUST WANT TO SEE RENT
THAT AMAZING PULITIZER PRIZE WINNER

YOU'LL FREAK OUT, YOU'LL CRY OUT
IT'S LIKE NOTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD

SO NEVER GO ALONE
BRING YOUR RENTHEAD FRIENDS TOO
THEY'RE SINGING, "ANOTHER DAY"
YOU JUST WANT TO RE-LIVE THIS DAY
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
WITH ADAM AND ANTHONY, YAY!

CAN'T MAKE IT ON A WEEKEND
SCREW THIS, IT'S RENT, WE CAN MISS SCHOOL
SEEING RENT WITH ADAM AND ANTHONY
HOLY SHIT!
THAT'S REALLY COOL
THEY ARE SO COOL
THEY MAKE US DROOL!

ANTHONY: (they've been listening to the RENTheads singing, Adam slowly began to hyperventilate during the last section) Adam, breathe.

ADAM: (freaking out) Oh…. oh god…. Anthony… they're going to find us! And then they'll… ah, my Funyuns!!! Not the Funyuns… and then I'll be all messed up… the shows have gone fine so far… forget that shit, man… I'm going to forget the lyrics to One Song Glory!

ANTHONY: (resolutely) We're going to enjoy this tour. I looked at our itinerary and it looks great. Lots of fun with the rest of the cast… a good time.

ADAM: (looking terrified) And then… they'll stalk us again… and find out that I like to watch Dancing With the Stars!

ANTHONY: And the band will play their best… we'll all sing flawlessly… I hope so?

ADAM: (continuing to freak out strangely) And then… I'll hurt myself.

ANTHONY: (laughing) That's a given, Adam. I haven't forgotten the tree attacking you. Alright? Roger's not supposed to have a big ass bandage around his black, blue, green, and purple hand…. I remember things like that!

ADAM: Aaaaah! Just because you brought that up… I'll get up on stage tomorrow and I'll realize I've forgotten One Song Glory completely. Holy shit, and the guitar! I'll forget how to play the guitar… and then I'll fall on my ass.

RENTHEADS:
CAMERAS AND FENDER GUITARS
THO' NOT IN NEDER-NEDERLANDER
THE WHOLE COUNTRY'S GOT RENT NOW
SINCE ADAM AND ANTHONY
MADE THE TOUR EVEN GRANDER

ADAM AND ANTHONY: (from hotel room)

ON THE STREETS, THEY PROWL, THOSE RENTHEADS

WITH PLAYBILLS AND SHARPIE MARKERS!

THEY'RE SO INTO
EMO ROCKERS, SEXY STRIPPERS
CROSSDRESSERS,

AND MEN WHO WEAR STRIPED SCARVES
TWO LEZZIES, AN ASSHOLE LANDLORD
A GAY PROFESSOR…

RENTHEADS: (back in lobby)

TICKETS, WE HAVE TO AFFORD!
THEY'LL BE SINGING "FINALE A"
YOU'LL FEEL LIKE IT ALL WAS A DREAM
IT WOULDN'T MATTER IF IT WERE DOOMSDAY
WOW
ADAM AND ANTHONY
SING LIKE ANGELS FROM THE HEAVENS
AND DANCE LIKE SPASTIC KIDS ON KOOL-AID
SEE RENT WITH ADAM AND ANTHONY
INTO OUR SEATS NOW
INTERMISSION'S PASSED
I WANT IT TO START, BUT STILL LAST
NOW THE CURTAIN'S FALLING
THE SHOW IS OVER, OH
WHY CAN'T I STAGEDOOR FOREVER?
WOW
ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,

ADAM AND ANTHONY,
SO FUCKING COOL
INCREDIBLY COOL!

ADAM: (calmed considerably)

I still hear them… Anthony… they won't shut up!

ANTHONY:

Just put a pillow over your ears and go to sleep. Pretend it's a nightmare.

ADAM:

Maybe I don't have to pretend… (pauses) Anthony, did you hear that?

ANTHONY:

(frustrated) What?

ADAM:

It was a rustling noise… sounded like it came from the bathroom… oh shit, one got in here, didn't they? If they touch my plaid bath towel, I swear I'll…

ANTHONY:

Adam… That was the thermostat kicking on.

ADAM:

… oh.

ANTHONY:

Goodnight, Adam.

LOL. I had a little too much fun with Adam panicky-ness. Hahah. Well, let's just say, at least at OUR tour stop… Anthony kinda put all the fangirl/RENThead pressure on poor Adam. And leave it at that.

And we actually did stay in the same hotel as them. Too bad I wrote this song afterward, eh? We could've sang it in the lobby for real!

REVIEW PLEASE!