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SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING

SAINAN NO KEKKA
Sub Rosa: Duo

"You woke up screaming aloud
A prayer from your secret god.
You feed off our fears
And hold back your tears."
--Sarah McLachlan, Building a Mystery


Duo Maxwell was in one fine fit of rage. First Wufei, then Heero.

Chang Wufei had left without a word to anyone, taking his Gundam with him, but that was almost to be expected. The pilot of Gundam Shenlong had always been the most independent of them, showing up only when he deigned to.

No, Duo really didn't blame Wufei, though it would have been nice to be able to say goodbye to someone who had been so much a part of his life. No, what had him pissed off was the stoic Wing Pilot. That in itself was nothing new, but when Heero VANISHED, leaving only a note behind... a note and Wing Zero.

Duo had awakened the day after the Eve wars with a pounding headache, most likely from all the alcohol he had consumed at the party. He remembered the events of the party vaguely. Opening his eyes slowly, he winced as the light assaulted his senses. He was tempted to roll over and go back to sleep, but his eye caught an envelope with his name on it that was sitting on his dresser.

Inside it was that thrice-cursed note. The note was only one word, aside from Heero's signature. Etched into the crisp white paper in text-book perfect handwriting, all it said was "Until."

Duo was worried about Heero, and that manifested through anger. The other pilot had been less then a minute away from suicide less then a day ago, and now he had vanished. Still, Duo had the knife, and understood the implicit vow. Heero wouldn't kill himself; at least, not without seeing Duo first. If Heero ever saw the need to reclaim the knife, Duo would trust him, know that Heero's life truly wasn't worth living anymore. Duo trusted those few he honored with the title "friend", and if Heero saw the need to reclaim the knife... well, he wouldn't deny his friend.

Still, Duo worried about Heero's tendency to be extreme. Heero never did anything by half measures; he had been the perfect soldier, but there was no war left. What happened to all the soldiers when all the wars were done? Heero had left behind his knife, but there were other, more subtle, methods of self destruction. Duo prayed to a God he didn't believe in for his friend.

They were friends. Theirs was the most unlikely of friendships, but in each other, they could find understanding. They had found someone who was able to take what they were and amplify that, and let them expand into people they hadn't known they could be.

But like all good thing, as Duo had learned, even their friendship had come to an end. Distance and time would separate them, he believed, and things would never be the same. He would never be able to be the same.

Still, Heero had left with one final gesture, a sign of his immense respect and trust in Duo.

He had left behind Wing Zero. Duo still couldn't believe it.

Duo spent a day puzzling that out, not sharing the fact that Heero had left him anything. Relena would be all over him, and he wasn't that fond of the Queen of the World. She was everything he had learned to dislike in a person, and he disagreed with almost all of her philosophies. She was childish, and Duo had never been able to understand Heero's fascination with her. True, Relena would lead this new world, but that didn't mean he had to like her.

Trowa and Quatre he trusted enough to share the message with, though he didn't tell them about the dagger and the events surrounding it. It hadn't been a true suicide attempt; Heero never attempted anything. He did it.

The three gathered late in the evening in Quatre's infirmary room. He had been forcibly put there by Sally Po, who had chided him for being stupid enough to attend the end of the war celebration in his condition. He needed to rest, and she was going to see he got it. The blonde was still weak after losing so much blood (getting into his Gundam to fight after getting run through with a foil by Dorothy Catalonia had not been one of his more brilliant moves), and the other two pilots sat in the uncomfortable chairs that all medical settings seemed to have in common.

Trowa watched them, waiting for the conversation to begin. Duo didn't understand the pilot of Heavyarms; never had. How could anyone stand to be so blasted quiet? he had wondered time and time again.

"Well, Heero's gone, and so is Wufei," Duo said when it became clear that neither of the others was going to make the first move.

Quatre shrugged. "It was bound to happen. The war is over, and we have to go back to our lives." His eyes took on a distant, troubled, look, and Duo felt sympathy for the pilot of Sandrock. The Arabian was the one who was returning to the life he had known before the war, but things had changed. He had lost his father, a man who he had never made peace with. Duo remembered Father Maxwell, and understood the conflicting emotions that Quatre must have been experiencing.

"Well, he could have at least told us!" Duo snapped.

"He told us everything he needed to," Trowa said quietly.

"There's nothing to do now," Quatre said, trying to placate his friends. "The question is what we're going to do with the Gundams."

The three young men stared at their mecha, lost in thought.

"We could destroy them," Trowa suggested softly. "Put them on a barge and fly them into the sun- that will destroy even Gundium alloy."

Duo flinched. The thought of destroying Deathscythe Hell was too much for him; his machine had, at time, been his only companion, and had taken on its own life. He had seen it destroyed once by Trowa's hand; he couldn't bear to do it himself. He was ready to bite out a strong retort when Quatre beat him to it. "That won't work. The barge could be intercepted by one of the remaining factions that haven't quit fighting yet. Besides, Wufei has Shenlong. There can't be just one Gundam in the world- there is a balance of power that must be maintained."

"So we keep them," Duo said. "We've been entrusted with them before- I guess some things just don't change. The question is what to do with Zero." He shivered as he thought of the monster, a creature that was the master of insanity and destruction.

Quatre, if possible, went even paler, which was remarkable when one considered how little blood he had left to begin with. "I-I should take it," he whispered. "I created it, and I should be responsible for it."

Trowa shook his head, focusing his amazing emerald eyes on Duo. "Heero left it for Duo. He let us know by leaving the note in Duo's room."

Duo nodded. "So I have to take both of them?" he said. "Aw, man, where am I going to hide two Gundams?" he said, then an answer immediately sprang to mind.

You know, a small voice whispered.

"Sure. I can handle it," he said.

The two others looked at him quizzically, wondering about his sudden about face.

"It's not a problem!" he assured them, giving them a cocky smile and impertinent wink. "I'm Shinigami- I can do anything!" Then the smile drained from his face as he remembered a very special person who was still aboard the Peacemillion, unconscious from the battle wounds she had sustained. He had been checking on her every few hours. He wanted to get his mission done with as soon as possible, but the idea of leaving Hilde behind was almost physically painful.

"I'll be back in two days. Please, watch Hilde for me?" he asked Trowa.

Trowa nodded solemnly. "Two days. If she awakens before you return, I'll explain things. She's a soldier; she'll understand."

Duo smiled gratefully and headed to the hanger, preparing for his course of action. He started by jury-rigging the control of Wing Zero so he could fly it remotely from Deathscythe Hell, then raced to the galley and grabbed a backpack full of food.

And then he prepared for his own sojourn, the final trip he needed to make before he could lay his past to rest. Suiting up, he opened the hanger and guided both Gundam out, and set course.

For L2.

It took sixteen hours to make the journey, and he spent most of them lost in his memories. He was relieved that most of L2's sensors had been destroyed in the recent war. It made his task that much simpler. True, Deathscythe had the disrupter field, but that wouldn't protect Wing.

Guiding the two Gundams down together, he landed during nighttime in a place he knew all too well. He had to take several deep breaths before opening the hatch of his Gundam, and then his feet hit the ground, kicking up dust of the war-torn land.

This Colony, this place, had been in his dreams so many times. Occasionally he would remember the good times, those all too few months he had spent with Father Maxwell and Sister Helen at the Church, but those dreams were always tainted by the sad knowledge that things hadn't lasted. Nothing good was ever able to last. The God they all had believed in so fervently hadn't done anything, proving to the young boy that the only thing truly eternal was death. The only thing worth believing in was death.

He stepped through the rubble of recent battles, and walked forward.

Wreckages of old buildings etched themselves grimly against the sky, and he knew where he was.

The ruins of Maxwell Church.

The building had never been reconstructed after it had been destroyed, something for which he was grateful. It was fitting that the rubble had never been picked up. It was the only memorial he could think of. See? the rubble seemed to say to him. See? Something happened here, people were here, then something went wrong. Don't forget us...we were real.

The dust swirled around his ankles as he pushed forward. Almost thoughtlessly, he knelt to the ground towards where the altar had been. He could almost feel the spirits of those who had died here around him.

"I'm home," he whispered.

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