"And so my only hate became my only love."

-Anonymous

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"Mr. B, TJ took my pencil again," a young girl whined, her cheeks red. She pointed a chubby finger at a small, dark-haired boy in the center of the classroom.

"TJ Tucker! What have I told you about manners? Stealing isn't nice," Kyle reprimanded. The boy coolly flipped his teacher the middle finger, returning his attention to the coffee in front of him.

Kyle Broflovski was twenty-nine years old and taught second grade at South Park Elementary. Most of his friends had moved away from the small town after high school, but Kyle had just never seen the opportunity. His best friend Stan Marsh had moved to Washington, D.C. to live with his girlfriend Wendy after law school. Kyle's other friend Kenny McCormick had won the lottery and bought a condo in Miami. Who would have guessed?

"Andrea, you can borrow one of my pencils for today," Kyle said kindly, handing the girl an extra pencil. "Just don't let TJ get to you, okay?"

"'Kay," Andrea nodded, skipping back to her group of friends happily. Satisfied, Kyle leaned back in his leather chair, surveying the classroom. The kids were working on art projects for a school show. He smiled, watching them glue macaroni to paper and cover it with sparkles.

Life in South Park had become routine. Ever since graduating high school, Kyle had noticed that less and less weird stuff seemed to happen with every year that passed. It was actually kind of sad. He missed his old adventures with Stan, Kenny and...

Eric Cartman had been Kyle's enemy, his nemesis, and his rival. The pair had hated each other ever since they first met in kindergarten. The stupid fatass loved nothing more than ripping on Kyle for being Jewish, or for the massive Jew 'fro that he tried so desperately to hide under his green ushanka. Sometimes it seemed like the only thing getting Kyle through his day was the chance to beat Cartman, to wipe that smirk off his fat little face. But in the sophomore year of high school, Cartman moved away. The school had gotten sick of dealing with his 'delinquent behavior' and expelled him, forcing Cartman's mother to send him to boarding school.

Stan and Kyle had lost track of Cartman after he moved. Kyle wasn't complaining. All that asshole ever did was try to screw him over. Cartman had humiliated him more times than anyone could count, almost gotten him killed on numerous occasions, and even given him AIDS once. What did Kyle ever do to that stupid asshole that made him single Kyle out?

Kyle frowned, pushing a stray red curl off his forehead. Although he had hated that racist asshole with a passion, for a while after Cartman moved, he had felt... Different. Almost empty. His enemy was gone, and Kyle no longer had anyone to measure up to, nobody to strive to beat.

Suddenly the bell rang, snapping the redhead out of his thoughts. The children folded up their drawings, tossing the glue and sparkles into a bin. TJ flashed Kyle the bird as the boy tossed his empty coffee cup into the crafts bin. That little prick.

"See you next week, kids," Kyle called, trying to hold back his famous temper. Today was the Friday that began spring break. Kyle had been planning to visit Stan at his new apartment in Washington, D.C.

"Bye, Mr. B," Andrea called shyly, skipping out of the classroom. Kyle waved back as she blushed and turned away.

As the last of the kids said their goodbyes and left the room, Kyle cleaned up the last of the art supplies and books. When the classroom was back in order, he locked the doors and went home.

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Kyle bustled around the kitchen of his small house, preheating the oven and pulling a box of pizza out of the freezer. After a few years of teaching, he had bought a green house on the outskirts of the town. It wasn't mush, but it was all Kyle could afford with his teacher's salary.

Kyle's cell phone buzzed in his pocket, playing an obnoxious ring tone that he made a mental note to change later.

"Hello?" he answered, flipping open the phone.

"Hey, man! What's up?" The voice of Kyle's best friend greeted.

"Oh, hey, Stan! Wait a second, let me put you on speaker. I'm making dinner," Kyle replied, setting the phone down on the counter.

"Hot date with your mom tonight?" Stan teased. Kyle could feel his face flush.

"No!" Kyle replied hotly. "I'm just making myself some frozen pizza." He slid the tray into the oven, picking up the phone and sitting down on the small leather couch.

"Listen, Kyle. When you come down tomorrow, Wendy and I have some big news for you!" Stan exclaimed.

Kyle rolled his eyes. After years of being in an on-and-off relationship with Wendy Testaburger, Stan had never really lost his initial amazement with her. Sometimes he still seemed like a fourth-grade boy with a crush.

"Well, you can tell me on Sunday. The flight from Colorado to D.C will probably take all day, and when I get to your place the first thing I'm going to do is sleep," Kyle chuckled.

"Sure, fine. But you're mine all day Sunday! Wendy and I want to show you around town. We got a great little apartment in the middle of the city. It's got a really nice view of the Lincoln Memorial," Stan said.

"I didn't take you to be a history nut," Kyle replied. "Washington D.C must have tainted you. What made you decide to move all the way down there, anyway?"

"I dunno. Wendy has some family down here, and my boss was willing to let me transfer to the D.C branch of our company. And besides, it's a really beautiful city. I can't wait for you to get here!" Stan yelled in excitement. Kyle held the phone away from his ear, wincing.

"Chill out, dude! I'll be there at around seven tomorrow night. And you sure as hell better be picking me up, the cab drivers down there expect you to tip heavy!" Kyle informed Stan.

"Aw, dude, don't be such a Jew," Stan whined.

"Oh, shut up. You sound just like…" Kyle's voice trailed off. Thoughts from this afternoon swam through his head.

"Kyle? You still there?" Stan's worried voice snapped him back to reality.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll see you at seven tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, man. Talk to you then!" Stan hung up. Kyle snapped his cell phone shut, sliding the pizza out of the oven. It was slightly burnt around the edges, but he'd seen worse. Kyle munched on a piece of pepperoni pizza, settling down into the couch to watch a late-night rerun of Terrance and Philip.

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As predicted, the plane ride had been brutal. There was a three-hour delay at the connecting airport in Philadelphia, and Kyle had been stuck sitting next to a teenage girl who was chatting loudly on her cell phone. When he finally arrived in Washington, Kyle was relieved to find that Stan had kept his promise to pick Kyle up from the airport. Stan and Wendy's apartment was predictably enormous and richly furnished, with a beautiful high-rise view of the city.

At the crack of dawn Sunday morning, Stan had dragged his best friend out of bed to go sightseeing. The city of Washington D.C was like nothing Kyle had ever seen. He'd expected it to be a bustling metropolis, but the city was green and beautiful. As the two young men walked down one of the city streets past the Washington Monument, Kyle could almost see the allure of the place. The sky was a perfect clear blue, casting a warm haze over the city.

"Come on, man! Wendy made reservations at Giorgio's. It's the best Italian place in the whole city! She said she's going to meet us there," Stan announced.

He hadn't changed at all in the year since Kyle had last visited. Stan's shaggy black hair was combed back neatly and he was clean-shaven, making him look very business-like. Stan was still as handsome as ever, making Kyle feel self-conscious. He had been working on his mass of red hair for years, and finally gotten it to the point where it hung tamely to frame his pale face. The only part of Kyle's appearance he truly liked was his large green eyes.

"Stan, come on! We've been out walking for hours. I'm going to sit down for a while," Kyle proclaimed, swinging himself onto a green bench. "Besides, the scenery here's really nice."

"Oh, fine," Stan huffed, sitting next to the redhead. They sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying the afternoon. It felt almost like old times; just being together with nothing to say.

"So… how are things?" Stan asked casually.

"Okay, I guess. Not much going on. Did you hear about Kenny?"

"Yeah, man! How lucky is he? But I guess we can't rip on him for being poor anymore," Stan realized, frowning. Kyle laughed.

"So what are you doing for work nowadays?" Stan inquired.

"I teach at our old elementary school now," Kyle answered, looking down. His career wasn't nearly as exciting as his friend's. Stan was an executive of a law firm, and made a good amount of money.

"Really? Does Mr. Garrison still work there?" Stan exclaimed.

"Actually, he does. But he got demoted to teaching kindergarten after he molested some kid," Kyle replied. "Can you believe that guy?"

"Yeah, he always freaked me out a little."

There was silence for another moment.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Kyle blurted out. "What was your big news with Wendy?"

Stan's face immediately lit up.

"Wendy and I are getting married! We were going to tell you at dinner, and… Oh, I hope she won't be mad at me for letting it slip," he muttered.

"Stan, that's awesome! And it's for sure?" Kyle asked, overjoyed for his best friend.

"Yup! I proposed to her last weekend. The wedding's going to be in August," Stan declared proudly. He took Kyle's hand, going down on one knee. The redhead blushed as passersby stared.

"Kyle Alexander Broflovski," Stan uttered with the utmost seriousness.

"What!?" Kyle hissed, looking around in embarrassment.

"Will you… Be my best man?"

Kyle rolled his eyes, yanking my hand away from Stan. He stood up, grinning.

"Of course I will!" Kyle couldn't help but smile as his blush faded. "I'm really happy for you, dude."

"Thanks. Oh, I just remembered! Wendy's waiting at the restaurant!"

"Look, man, you're already late. Go ahead without me. I'll catch up to you guys later," Kyle suggested.

"You sure?" Stan asked, brushing the dust off his jeans.

"Yeah, I want to walk around for a while. Don't worry about starting without me, I can treat you guys to ice cream later."

"Okay, then. See you in a few!" Stan shrugged, taking off down the street.

Kyle strolled off in the opposite direction, stopping for a moment to gaze at the Washington Monument. Looking at the tall buildings and people all around him, Kyle suddenly felt meaningless and unimportant. When had he decided to sell out his dreams and live in his hometown?

Shaking off the thought, Kyle started walking towards the street Stan had gone down. He paused for a few seconds at the entrance to a small park on the side of the road. Some kind of event seemed to be happening. A tall brown-haired man was speaking on a makeshift stage, surrounded by a crowd of onlookers. A plastic banner reading 'Colorado 2012' stretched across the back of the stage in front of blue velvet curtains. Mildly interested, Kyle took a seat on a park bench near the podium.

"…And I promise that if I am elected Governor of Colorado, I will bring peace on Earth and end world hunger."

Cheers erupted from the small crowd. Kyle's eyes widened. Why the hell would they be cheering a dumb line like that? He stood from my seat on the bench, moving closer to the stage.

"Moving on, I will also use my power as Governor to cure AIDS!" The speaker shouted, raising his arms above his head amidst loud applause.

There was something odd about the man onstage. He was very handsome, with light brown hair and a muscular frame. His deep yet childish voice carried a strangely familiar accent.

The crowd went wild. This man was very charismatic, charming the audience with every word. For some reason, a twinge of annoyance came over Kyle. He pushed his way to the front of the crowd until he was within seven or eight feet of the speaker.

"Thank you all so much for coming out here to support me today. And remember, vote Eric Cartman in 2012!"

In the span of a few seconds, a thousand memories rushed through Kyle's mind. Eric Cartman…

"You dumb Jew asshole!" he shouted, giving me the middle finger.

"Suck my balls," he ordered, holding up a contract.

"I'm not fat, you goddamn Jew! I'm fucking big boned!" He fumed.

"Miss Lopez, would you like to give Kyle a kiss?" he teased, watching the other boy blush.

"I'm here, Kyle!" he cried sincerely, a tone of worry in his voice.

Eric Cartman…

A wave of dizziness passed over Kyle's body. His vision swam, and there was a sensation of falling. Kyle was dimly aware of a commotion, and could barely make out the face of somebody leaning over him.

"…Kahl?"

That was the last thing he heard before everything went black.

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A/N: This is so much fun to write. I give all credit for the idea to use quotes at the beginning to Onigiri Reject, the author of the brilliant story 'Don't Suck My Balls'. Go read it.

Anyway, I can't wait to get into Cartman's character. He's so much fun to write for! By the way, if you spot any grammatical errors in this, please, PLEASE let me know. This was originally written in first person, then changed when I decided it was too obscure. The lyric for the chapter title is from the song 'Falling For The First Time' by the Barenaked Ladies.

Reviews are greatly appreciated. I will give you cookies if you give me reviews.