Learning to Drive

AN: Sorry for the absence. This Chapter is aptly titled. (haha.) Hope you enjoy. Re-read if you need a refresher. Please review!
Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimer.

Chapter Ten
Life Hard

Willow and Xander had left for the evening with a promise to return tomorrow morning for Black Friday shopping.

Buffy, Spike and Dawn amused themselves with final clean-up, though Xander had been forced to help with the majority of it before he'd left; seeing as he'd contributed the least amount to actually constructing the meal.

Buffy and Spike maintained a forced mirth all through dinner, their earlier encounter looming over each of their heads. No one else seemed to take notice, fortunately for them. But they each supposed something ought to be said; though that was most assuredly a discussion neither was looking forward to.

"Ugh," Dawn groaned, tossing a dishcloth unceremoniously over the sink's edge. "I'm done. Buffy, if I promise to get up super early can I help finish the cleaning tomorrow?"

Buffy gave her sister a nod as the younger girl approached for a hug. Placing a kiss on her forehead before parting; the older girl's reasoning suddenly kicked in.

"Wait, you're going to bed?" Buffy squeaked.

Spike looked up momentarily from his spot near the table as his task of folding the tablecloth was halted. He understood the panicked lilt in Buffy's voice. Dawn's absence meant they'd be alone.

"Yeah," Dawn laughed, "I'm stuffed."

Buffy had no real reason to keep the girl awake and by her side, so she merely nodded and gave her sister a feeble smile.

"Night," Dawn added before hopping over to Spike's side. "Night," she repeated to the man.

"Night, Kitten," he managed; a bashful smile and a quick hug and the girl waved once more before disappearing down the hall.

No problem. They were adults. Nothing happened. Nothing to feel weird about. Nope. No problem.

"Dinner was nice," Spike said after a moment, his back to Buffy as he resituated the table back to its former self.

"Good," Buffy nodded, "Glad you thought so." She spared a glance at the back of Spike's head through the alcove of the kitchen before noticing him start to spin around. Her head dipped quickly to concentrate on loading the dishwasher.

"Buffy," Spike started as he approached; leaning against the doorway.

"Umm, you coming with us tomorrow for Black Friday?" She questioned innocently, another dish carefully settled in its nook.

Spike shrugged, "S'pose. Though I don't really fancy the 'getting up early' part."

"Well, you don't have t—"

"Did we almost kiss?" Spike blurted, coming to stand beside her as Buffy's eyes went wide.

She nearly dropped the plate in her hand. Buffy cleared her throat and dared to face him.

"Uh huh," she barely managed.

Spike nodded, "Right. Just checking."

Buffy braved an outstretched hand and caught his wrist before he could fully turn away from her. His breath hitched as he slowly spun back again to face her.

"I'm sorry," she squeaked.

Spike managed a small smile, "No need, pet. Nothing happened."

"No," she corrected, releasing the wrist she suddenly realized she still had a grip on. "I'm sorry that I even had the thought."

Spike's smile faded at this. He nodded and breathed, "Oh."

"I mean, I'm with Riley and you're…with Harmony…"

Spike feigned ignorance, "Right…"

"…And thoughts like that are of the bad. They're wrong."

Spike tilted his head and crossed his arms, "Why's that, then?"

Buffy blinked, wide eyed at his cool and calm demeanor. "Because," she repeated lamely, "I'm with Riley and you're with Har—"

"Is that the only reason?" Spike questioned.

Buffy fixed him a confused and pitiful look, "Look, I don't know—well, actually I think I do know what you and Harmony are like. But Riley and I aren't like that and—"

Spike scoffed, "Excuse me? You think you know what Harmony and I are like?"

Buffy snickered defensively, "Oh come on! You expect anyone to believe you two are like, actually doing anything more than just sleeping together?"

Spike undid his arms and raised one to point an accusing finger at the blonde girl, "What I do is my own bleedin' business!"

"I never said it wasn't!" Buffy shot back.

"Well don't get all high and mighty about me shaggin' some random bint, if I want to!"

"I don't care if you shag a stop sign!" Buffy mocked, "I'm just saying that Riley and I actually care about each other and even thinking about someone else is—"

"You think I don't care about Harmony?" Spike challenged.

"Do you?"

"That's not the bleedin' point, woman!" Spike seethed; throwing his hands in the air.

"Yes it is, Spike!" Buffy sighed, "Look, maybe Drusilla messed with your idea of fidelity—"

"Shut your gob!" Spike spat.

Buffy blinked and silenced the rest of her thought. She knew she'd over-stepped her bounds the moment she'd uttered the name.

Spike burned slowly, "Gave everything to that bloody woman. We were together for over six years and all the while I had to listen to her loony ruminations about sunshine and cherubs and California and soddin' Angel! But I never gave up on her. Knew she was a bit touched in the head, was all. Knew she still loved me even though she'd only said it twice the whole time we were together. I supported her, gave her comforts, a roof over her head when she'd be cryin' her eyes out over the stars she couldn't see in the sky or some rot. Hell, I practically blew my whole coffer chasing her back and forth from here to London. If Dru messed with anything, it was my ego. I was a proper ponce before she came into my life. Right tosser with my foppy haircut and stupid love poems. Didn't know that bit, did you? No, cause I've kept William locked safe inside so no one can get to him. Changed my look, my name…became Spike. And she still tossed me around like one of her dollies. Never thought I'd fancy another bird the way I did Dru…but I'll be damned if someone's gonna question my loyalty. I bleedin' reek of it. It's in my blood. I'm love's bitch, baby."

Buffy gaped at Spike in silence, completely dumbfounded at all he had confessed. When the courage to finally speak became her, she was stopped before she started as Spike rushed at her and slammed her up against the far kitchen wall.

She stared back at him wildly, his eyes boring into her; his hands pinning down her own.

"Spike I—"

He kissed her. Actually kissed her. No hesitation, no slightness of breath before the motion. His lips clashed against hers fervently, desperately proving something. She gave in. His hands ran along her arms as he pressed his body closer. On instinct, Buffy slowly curled her fingers around his waist to brace herself, clutching his shirt in her fists. She gasped as he pressed against her once more. He seized the opportunity as his tongue found its way into her mouth. Buffy moaned as their Lips and tongues twirled around and about one another, teeth nipping at lips, their breathing heavy and anxious. His hands were strong, but soft. The feathery strokes he'd been delivering to her arms ceased. She gripped his shirt tigher as Spike's own hands reached higher to cup the back of her neck; his fingers playing with her golden tresses.

Buffy felt dizzy. And just as the thought of breathing entered her mind, Spike pulled away; his hands shooting abruptly from her hair to reach hers; squeezing them hard. Buffy licked her lips as if to remember the sensation, panting to steady her breath. She stared back at him with heavy lids. Spike's gaze however, was fierce and challenging.

"Now you really do have something to be sorry for," he said flatly. Her eyes lost their mooniness at his words as she felt him unceremoniously drop her hands and pull away.

She followed his movements silently as he passed through the living room, grabbed his jacket and disappeared behind the door.

***

"He did what?" Xander balked.

Buffy nodded distractedly; scanning the cafe for signs of eavesdroppers. Xander scoffed and leaned back in his chair.

"But I thought she and Oz got over that whole 'Veruca' debacle."

"They did. She said it wasn't about that," Buffy explained.

"Wow," he mused, lowering his teetering chair back to the ground with a sigh. "Oz and Willow….not together…..that's just…."

"Weird. I know."

"And why wasn't I informed of this sooner?" Xander considered.

Buffy shrugged, "Girl-best friend," she indicated to herself. "Besides, she only just told me. It must have happened over the weekend."

Xander nodded, though he still felt slighted by the redhead for not having divulged her break-up to him as well.

"So, how was the rest of your holiday?" Xander asked after a moment. "Giles have a good trip to Cloudy Ol' England?"

Buffy snickered, "Yeah, he got back last night. Dawn and I picked him up. He said he had a good time. But I think he's hiding something. He was very…."

"Gilesish?" Xander suggested.

"Shirty," Buffy decided with a single nod.

Xander nodded absently before suddenly ducking his head down. Buffy caught his movement and spared a quick glance behind her to see the source of Xander's sudden evasion.

"You're a dope," she said as she settled back to face him. Xander watched the object of his dopiness all the while.

"Buff, she practically ripped my head off when I asked her out!" He whispered harshly, still hiding behind his backpack.

"So Anya said no," Buffy reasoned, "Big deal."

Xander waited another moment before Anya seemingly disappeared from sight before straightening back up in his seat. "I'm a little gun shy."

"I'd say," Buffy snickered.

"You all told me to go for it," Xander bit back.

"And?" she reasoned further, "You had nothing to lose. Don't worry, you'll find another girl you fancy."

Xander quirked an eyebrow as Buffy's choice of words suddenly hit her. She hadn't seen Spike all weekend since Thanksgiving night. Buffy had been suddenly grateful for having to stay over at Giles' house. He hadn't joined them for shopping, which was not that surprising, regardless of what had happened. But Giles' was back now, and it'd start to look mighty suspicious if she never returned to her own place. And besides, it was her own place. She wanted to be able to return to it. Though how they could continue to avoid one another would definitely prove difficult.

She considered if they should discuss the kiss. They'd tried discussing the 'almost-kiss' moment, and that hadn't gone over so well. Not that the actual kiss was bad….on the contrary…..but it was wrong. For a whole host of reasons, it was wrong. Morally and inconveniently wrong.

"Fancy?" Xander mocked, "You've been hanging out with Spike too much."

Buffy chuckled nervously as a familiar voice rang out behind them. Xander stood up as Buffy turned and smiled feebly.

"Hey, man!" Xander called out, giving the guy a high five.

"Hey Xander," Riley nodded before tucking in to embrace his girlfriend. "Hey Buffy."

"Hi," she responded quietly, her thoughts suddenly conflicted.

Xander tossed his bag over one shoulder and slapped a jovial hand on Riley's back.

"Hope you had a good break," the brunette offered. "I'm gonna let you catch up. I'll see you later, Buffster?"

"Yeah," she called out, almost desperate to keep Xander's neutral presence near. No such luck. He waved and disappeared amidst the crowd.

Riley turned back to regard Buffy and gave her a loving smile, "I missed you."

"Oh yeah?" She attempted to flirt, clutching onto his forearms as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

"Did you have a good Thanksgiving?" He asked.

Buffy nodded and bit her lip and Riley leaned in. She shut her eyes and braced herself for his kiss. She kept them close as he pulled back; the threat of newfound tears forming.

"Buffy, you okay?" Riley wondered; braving a strong but gentle hand to lift her chin up.

Buffy sniffled and opened her eyes; the obvious presence of watery orbs making the man nervous. She gave him another sad smile and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just….I missed you too."

***

"Holy Elvira, Batman," Xander snorted.

Willow turned to face the boy with wide eyes. She looked terrified, standing in the middle of her dorm room; pictures and mementos of her recent break up with Oz scattered across the floor.

Xander snickered at his friend's silence and entered further into the room; obliging himself with a clumsy fall to her bed.

"Wait, wait, don't tell me," he started again, "Something's different."

Willow rolled her eyes and spun around to face the mirror she'd been examining herself in earlier. Gone was her signature, naturally red hair. She'd dyed it, for the first time in her life, a deep chestnut brown.

"You hate it," she whimpered, catching Xander's still shock expression through the mirror.

"I don't hate it," Xander insisted, "It's just…un-Willowy. Err-new Willowy."

"I felt like I needed a change."

"So I heard."

"Oh," Willow grimaced as she turned back to face him once more. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I told Buffy."

"S'okay," Xander shrugged, "Figured you just wanted to avoid anyone with a Y chromosome for awhile."

Willow snickered, "You're not wrong."

"So what happened, Willz? You okay?"

The former redhead shrugged and collapsed onto the bed with Xander, letting him wrap a consoling arm around her shoulder as she lay her head against his chest.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Course, Willow. You can tell me anything."

"I haven't even told Buffy this so please promise me you won't say a word."

"Scout's honor," he assured her, saluting as the girl gave him a stern look. "Guess that'd work better if I'd ever been a Scout."

"I cheated on Oz."

Xander's eyes wanted to bug out like they did whenever he was blindsided by information, which was often. But he'd assured the girl she could tell him anything, so with a tremendous amount of self control, he merely nodded.

"I cheated on Oz with another woman."

Xander's brain had no control this time. He sat up abruptly and tossed Willow off of him as he did, leaving her to stare back at him worriedly.

"What?"

"I think I might be kind of gay."

***

"You're what?"

Giles sighed as Buffy watched him pitifully from across the room.

"When?" She continued; shaking her head as the man's recent news sunk in further.

"About a month ago. That's why I needed to leave for England. My brother's there and he's the only blood relative left to assume my estate."

"But," Buffy started, "How? I mean—you're not—you don't look…sick."

"Well, I'm afraid I am," Giles sighed again. He removed his glasses and leaned against the back of the couch as Buffy continued to pace. "I didn't want to worry you until I knew how dire the situation was."

"So is it?" She demanded, "Dire? What happens now?"

"I'll go in for testing tomorrow. With any luck, they'll have fuller results by next week."

"Should I tell Dawn? The others?"

"Tell the others if you must. Though assure them it's nothing to fret about. As for Dawn, I should like to speak with her myself, if that's all right?"

Buffy nodded, though it was with great protest. She didn't like this situation. She couldn't handle it. Giles had evidently been sick, some phantom ailment, for about a month and now he was going to the hospital for testing. It was her mother's illness all over again. She couldn't imagine her life without Giles. She didn't want to.

"I need to…I need to go," Buffy whispered, dazedly searching for her bag and jacket.

Giles straightened up from relaxed position and opened his mouth to speak but shut it once more as Buffy quickly grabbed her belongings and headed out the door.

The older man sighed as his gaze lingered on the door for another moment before glancing at his watch. Dawn would be home soon.

***

She cried. She cried hard. She cried hard for a whole host of reasons. She'd been crying since she left Giles' house and caught her bus back to her apartment.

Then she cried with relief to find the apartment empty. Only one complicated thing at a time, I owe you one, she'd silently thanked the Powers that Be.

She needed a shower. She needed to wash away her problems. Even for ten minutes. Or twenty. Or a half-hour.

She'd cried when the hot water started to run cold. Then she'd thought about Giles again; how mad she was that he hadn't told her sooner. But also how mad she was at herself for taking him for granted, or so she believed due to his now possibly serious condition. She blamed herself for things that may or may not have even really occurred, and she vowed right there, in the shower, as the water and her tears mixed, that she'd make it a point to always remind the older man how much he meant to her.

She cried about her mom, similar reasons to Giles, and about how she just simply missed her. Those tears of course led to her to thinking about Dawn. How Dawn didn't deserve any of this. About how much she truly loved her sister, the petty sibling pats notwithstanding. Dawn was a good kid. She made another vow to spend more time with the young girl again. Like they used to.

She cried about her friends. About Willow and Oz's recent break up; two people she thought would never part. Which in turn made her think about Xander; and how obviously lonely and disconnected he'd felt recently with his two best friends both coupled. That of course, reminded her of Riley. Of how happy he'd been to see her upon his return from Thanksgiving break. And how she'd completely feigned the same sentiment. She made a vow to be more honest with her friends, about everything. What they were going through, what she was going through…

Then she cried because she couldn't make that vow for Riley. She didn't know what she wanted from him anymore. She thought she liked him, but now there was someone else on her mind. She cried at this too, wondering if this was some kind of perverse karma. The Powers would throw her into the same position Angel claimed to be faced with.

Angel. She cried about him too, though it was brief. She managed a small chuckle amidst the seemingly endless tears at the thought of how proud she was of herself. She'd gotten over Angel in a timely and mature manner. Then she remembered why her mind had even gone to her ex-beau. Because of….perverse karma…..Riley….not wanting Riley….wanting somebody el—

Knock. Knock.

Buffy blinked a few times, the now tepid water still hitting her face in a steady stream. She'd finally stopped crying. The knocking at the door rang out again.

Still inside the bathroom, her eyes went wide as realization hit her. How long had she been in the shower? She knew it was Spike. Whether he was leaving or just returning, she knew not. She started to panic as she thought of the implications of both.

She wrapped her robe around her snugly and sat on the toilet seat. One leg bouncing nervously as she gnawed on a fingernail.

She waited another minute or so before another knock came. Her resolve firmly set, Buffy stood and reached for the doorknob, the agonizing time she took to turn it annoyed even herself.

She practiced the face she'd give him and flung the door open, letting out a small scream when the figure came into view.

Looking back at the blonde woman, with a tilt of the head, the figure spoke. "You're not my lovely William."

To Be Continued…

AN: Guess who's back? Back again? Please review!