Adderstar's eyes narrowed, and sweat beaded on her forehead as she stared down her foe. Her gaze flickered this way and that, searching for a possible angle of attack. There it was; her hand trembled as she spotted an opening. Should she go for it? In this game, one mistake could ruin the outcome.

Her hand shot out, and she made her move. In a few quick movements, it was done. Satisfied, she revelled in her victory...

...only to find a flaw in her otherwise perfect plan.

Frustration welled up in her, and she resisted flinging the hated object against the wall. Her enraged scream rang out as she gave vent to her anger.

"CURSE YOU, RUBIX CUBE! CURSE YOU!!!!"

At that moment, Jonathan poked his head into the room. "At it again? Just make sure you don't destroy it. You promised Matt you'd buy him a new one if you lost and/or broke it."

"This thing is a torture device if you don't know how to do it!" the teenaged girl complained. "One side. ONE SIDE is all I can get! I did it right and got a layer, too, but that was just a fluke!"

"Weeeelll... you have fun with that." The Muse was about to leave when he was unexpectedly bowled over by a small black and white shape.

"ADDER!" Plot Bunny 42 flung herself into the room in a panic. "Adder! Okay, according to Bretta, Anteon told her that Dante told him that Todd happened to overhear Saria talking to Jaru, and she said that she'd heard from Cyrus that Violet had been told by Copper and Chestnut that--"

"42! Get to the point already!'

"The Sues are back!"

Adderstar sat back, her mouth forming a perfect O. Her voice trembled slightly.

"Oh. B-back. Which Sues, now?"

42 dithered for a moment.

"I won't kill the messenger."

"That's not what I'm afraid of, I'm just trying to remember how to pronounce it. Oh, right. Er... Saerin Mariah--"

"WHAT?!" Adder roared

"Yeah," the Plot Bunny said uncomfortably. "Saerin, Liliuokalani, and Raiegnarec."

"Lilia and Raieg? I thought we killed them!"

"Saerin healed them," 42 sighed. "She's found a way to control plotholes. If used properly, they'll dump you wherever you want to go."

Adderstar rubbed her face. "So where are they now?"

"They're in a generic time period of Mossflower, not published in any of the books," said 42. "Should we break out the Plocontravice?"

"Do I have to answer?" Adderstar put down the Rubix cube. "We can't take chances with Saerin. By now they've probably gained followers. We need more help."

"According to Bretta, she has a small band at her back," 42 explained. "She was smart; she came to a generic time period with unknown characters that lacked a storyline. So she injected them into one."

"Right." Adderstar grabbed her cell phone and dialled a number. "I'll talk to the closet emo first, then I'll talk to my brother." She waited impatiently for her friend to pick up.

The closet emo's voice sounded irritated, even over the phone. "For the last time, you have the wrong number!" she snapped. "I'm not Carmelita!"

Adderstar winced. "Ooh. You got that call again?"

Her friend's voice dulled again with recognition. "Yeah. So... what is it?"

"Remember how I promised you I'd let you come along the next time I had a Sue to kill?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I have more Sues to kill," said Adderstar. "You coming?"

"Sure."

"Good. And..." Adderstar hesitated with her next request, knowing it would either save their lives or ruin everything. "...Bring Cae-- on second thought, no. Don't bring Caesar with you. That would just... suck."

"Oh, good lord," was the only reply before the closet emo hung up.

Adderstar turned her head, adopting a singsong tone. "Oh, Elliooooooot..."

"Don't call me Elliot!" The silenced roared. "What do you want?"

"Some help. You know... killing Sues. In the Redwall Fandom."

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

Adderstar rolled her eyes heavenward and waited for the closet emo to arrive.

"Okay, so we all know the rules, right?" said Adderstar, glancing around at her helpers.

"Not... really..." the closet emo muttered.

"Stick to the canon, stay in character, and above all (this is directed at you, T.S.), DO NOT BRING REALWORLD HOT SAUCE INTO THE REDWALL UNIVERSE. Be satisfied with hotroot for once."

"Aw, man..."

Jonathan snickered, both with amusement at T.S. and at the prospect of another battle with Sues.

"Oh yes, and don't forget to refer to each other by your Redwall names," Adderstar finished. "That's about it. And now for the Plocontravice..." Fiddling with the controls, she pressed the large purple button. There was a flash of light.

Kenzie Farsight stepped carefully out into the Redwall universe, smiling at the familiarity of pure, normal Mossflower. Apparently, the Sues hadn't gotten to these parts yet, and she enjoyed the canon-ness while she could. From her experience, she'd learned that it rarely lasted long.

At last, the rat broke out of her reverie and looked around. "Jonathan? 42? Anybody there?"

"Here, Kenzie." The ferret and the Plot Bunny appeared out of nowhere, with a dark shape behind them. The coal-black squirrel's bushy, curling tail caught the slight breeze, causing him to stumble slightly.

"Oh, good, then you're here, Vash," said Kenzie, addressing the squirrel as he regained his balance. "Where's Mai?" (A/N: That's pronounced May, by the way.)

"Here." A reddish-orange vixen, her entire form covered by a thick cloak, stumbled rather dizzily out of the underbrush. "I feel nauseous. Am I supposed to feel nauseous?"

"Maybe you're just too hot or something," Kenzie suggested. "After all, you do have that heavy cloak on."

42 disagreed. "Nah, she's just unused to trans-universal travel. Happened to me too. Remember last time? I started vomiting out my eyes."

"Ew," Mai remarked distastefully. "I'll try not to do that."

Suddenly, Jonathan yelped. Kenzie drew her saber swiftly. "Sues? Where?"

"Clearing!" the ferret screamed. "Where'd this clearing come from? It wasn't here before!" The other four blinked; Jonathan was correct; quite unexpectedly, they were standing in the middle of a woodland glade that somehow seemed... too green. Near the edge, a crowd of purple butterflies danced through the air like miniature ballerinas.

"This looks like the perfect spot for a Sue-confrontation scene," Kenzie mused aloud. Suddenly she smacked her forehead. "Oh geez, I'm smart. Vash, climb a tree."

"Why?"

Kenzie blinked. "To see where we are, of course. Why else would you climb a tree?"

"I dunno... pick apples maybe?"

The rat shook her head to clear it of Vash's slightly off-topic logic. "Just climb a tree and see where we are! I'm sure these Sue-trees are ungodly tall anyway."

With a flick of his tail, Vash scurried up the thick trunk of an oak, since oaks are usually the only trees Suethors know of. Also, as Kenzie had predicted, it stretched to an unnatural height, providing the black squirrel with an ideal vantage point.

But, even from such a great height, Vash's sudden burst of uncontrollable laughter reached the four who were waiting at the base of the tree.

"Vash?" Kenzie called up. "What is it? What do you see?"

The laughing fit continued, until Jonathan gave up and began to climb the tree. With a shrug, Mai went after him, and 42 followed close behind.

Kenzie gulped; climbing was not her strong suit. It wasn't that she couldn't climb (she couldn't, but Sue trees were usually easy to scale), but she harbored a terrible fear of heights. Steeling herself, she grasped the lowest branch and began pulling herself up. As she suspected, it was easy enough to climb, just as long as she kept her eyes on the next branch.

Before she knew it, she had rejoined her companions, and Vash (who was still laughing his tail off). The others, however, were staring out in the same direction with a somber expression. Kenzie swallowed her fear and forced herself to look.

Her fear of heights was forgotten, and she nearly fell off the branch at what she saw.

The Plocontravice had deposited them near the edge of the woods, where the vast dunes that lead to the sea should have been visible. They weren't, for one simple reason.

A veritable army covered the land, obscuring the yellow sand and glowing with a faint hue of lavender and pink. Weapons made of gold, silver, and a wide variety of precious stones flashed in the sunlight, adding to the strange sparkling aura.

Near Kenzie, Vash continued to laugh. "Hahahahaha! You got your small band of Sues, all right! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

In a sudden burst of temper, Kenzie twisted around and punched him, knocking him down a few branches. When she looked down to make sure she hadn't accidentally killed him, she finally realized how far up she was.

Jonathan stifled a whimper, swallowing hard. "We can't do this by ourselves."

42 sighed resolutely. "Let's go then. We're getting nothing done here." With that, she began making her way back down. Mai and Jonathan followed her.

"I think..." Mai began. "I think I'm going to have to bring Caesar next time."

"Never thought I'd say this, but that's a good idea," Jonathan muttered.

Kenzie was left on her branch, wrapping all four limbs and her tail around it. "Um... a little help please? Please?" A strong wind rocked the tree, and the rat fought the urge to throw up. For all she knew, it might come out of her eyes. "VASH! MAI! JONATHAN! 42! HELP ME!"

Of the four, only Jonathan bothered to climb back up and drag the panicked rat back to the safe, solid ground.

If you'd like your alter ego to appear, please PM me. Be sure to specify your preferred weapon. And don't be too hurt if all I can squeeze in with your character is a cameo, because I have no idea how many requests I'm going to get.