Summary: When a female Saiyan arrives on earth, an unlikely hero saves the day. Mary Sue parody; one-shot.

Rating: T

Warnings: Language, Character Death, Innuendo, AU.

Beta: Melreincarna

Disclaimer: Dragon Ball Z does not belong to me. I make no profit from this story. The Mary Sue, unfortunately, is mine, but you can use her ... only if you want your readers to sigh in exasperation.

Timely Intervention

On a fine morning, Goku and Krillin were floating in the air. Krillin was worried enough for both Goku and himself. After all, Goku didn't appear to be, nor was he training as ought to, for the Cell Games were nine days away.

"It's a perfect day for fishing, don't you think?" said a beaming Goku, taking off his gi top and weighted clothing.

Krillin agreed, albeit reluctantly. They'd come to a picturesque river located in the forest close to the Son house.

"Well, then, what're you waiting for? Let's go!" he called to Krillin and dived. The latter, however, did not make any move.

However, before Goku hit the water, something rather significant happened. He heard the distinct sound of someone appearing via Instant Transmission and froze, turning awkwardly to face the newcomer.

"You look like a Ginyu Force wannabe with that pose, Kakarrot!" someone called.

Goku immediately stood upright. The person who had spoken was definitely not male. He flew up to have a closer look at the highly amused female standing at Krillin's level.

She was quite good-looking. Her shoulder-length red hair had smart-looking spikes that seemed to frame her face. Her green-coloured Scouter matched her sparkling emerald orbs very well. Form-fitting, curve enhancing, black and white standard Saiyan armour was worn above black spandex shorts, which seemed to increase her sexiness. She was wearing black, high-heeled and clearly designer boots to up her glam quotient. (How Goku could recognise designer boots was the greatest mystery of the century.) A pair of metallic earrings accentuated her face. To complete her beauty, her sleek Saiyan tail was wrapped around her waist.

"Hmmm, you're good-looking and your power level's decent, but I don't think you're my type. You look too innocent, and besides, I prefer elite Saiyans," she said thoughtfully.

Goku and Krillin were staring at her like she was insane.

She turned to Krillin. "You're weak, human."

"Did I ask you?" Krillin shot back. "Who are you and why are you here?"

"My name is Rolling Brinjal Bluesky Jade Emoblade Lightning, and I'm here to … fuck it, I just dropped by for no reason. Call me Bringe."

Goku was stunned. "… Wow," he muttered after some time. Recovering from his daze, he said, "Your power level's really high and you don't seem to be hostile, so can you help us against Cell?" He extended a hand.

"Goku, we've only just met her!" cautioned Krillin.

Bringe raised a flawless red eyebrow. "Definitely not." Her eyes went wide all of a sudden. "Wow, this power level's AWESOME! I've got to meet this guy!" She scrunched her eyebrows in concentration.

"What are you trying to do?" asked Goku.

"I'm bringing someone here via Instant Transmission," said Bringe.

"Wow, you can do THAT?" said a shocked Goku, just as another person materialised before them.

Vegeta was confused. One moment earlier, he was at Kami's Lookout and now he was somewhere near Kakarrot's hut. To top it all, he was in the unwelcome company of a gaping Kakarrot, his equally puzzled bald friend and an unfamiliar red-haired female who was eyeing him with a look he'd seen a thousand times before: undisguised lust.

"Hmmm, just as I expected," the female, who Vegeta recognised as a Saiyan thanks to her tail, said in what she would've thought as a seductive voice. It didn't fool him; her voice was about as appealing as Frieza's. "He's hot, like any Saiyan Prince should be. Greetings, Prince Vegeta." She bowed. "I am Rolling Brinjal Bluesky Jade Emoblade Lightning AKA Bringe, Elite Super Saiyan."

"Yeah, right, Super Saiyan," said Vegeta, amused at her disgustingly un-Saiyan name, her pathetic attempt and the amazed looks of Kakarrot and Krillin. "You expect me to believe that, woman?"

This brought a complete personality change in Bringe or whatever the fuck her 'nickname' was. "So, you weaklings doubt me, eh?" she growled. "My Super Saiyan level's over NINE THOUSAAAAND!" she shrieked. Her voice would have probably been heard at the Lookout.

Kakarrot laughed his ass off, saying, "T-That definitely b-beats King Kai's jokes, ha ha!" Krillin joined in. If Vegeta didn't have his pride, he would've joined in too. He smirked instead.

"Prove it."

"You asked for it, Prince Vegeta!" Bringe hissed, her power level rising. "A power-up contest involving the three of us only!"

Kakarrot fell over in mid-air. He recovered and said, "I thought you were going to kill us!"

"Well, you retard," she fumed, "That's not all! When I'm done powering up, I'm going to destroy this fucking planet and take Vegeta as my sex slave!"

Now it was Vegeta's turn to laugh like a maniac. "You talk too much! Can you back it up?"

"I'll show you!" She began to power up with an annoying screech. She reached Super Saiyan Stage One in record time. Vegeta wasn't worried at all. She wasn't lying about being a Super Saiyan. That doesn't matter for me. Unfortunately, she had many more stages to go …

She continued, reaching stages two, three and four (1) in quick succession. Vegeta didn't need to see Krillin's looks of horror or Kakarrot's shocked one. Hell, anyone who could sense ki was taking notice of this one. Her power-up was showing no signs of getting over: her appearance and aura experienced rapid changes; her veins and muscles continued to bulge and strain; the earth shook; dust storms rose into a black sky …

"I think she's going to destroy the planet just by powering up!" yelled Kakarrot, just as she reached Super Saiyan Level Seven.

"I've got an idea!" said Krillin. He flew up to her, braving her blazing, golden ki aura and never-ending roars. "Hey, listen up!" he yelled. "You don't want to destroy this planet just by powering up, do you? You can destroy it with a ki blast and all when you're fully powered up! So, can you teleport far away from here, finish powering up and then come back here?"

Vegeta's mouth was open in sheer incredulity at Krillin's "idea" and the incredible power before him. What Bringe did next was even more unbelievable.

"Oh, all right!" she said. She placed two fingers on her forehead and disappeared.

The dust was now settling. The landscape had suffered extensive damage, but Kakarrot's house had miraculously escaped.

Vegeta screamed at Krillin, "What the fuck were you thi—?!" He stopped mid-sentence because the female's ki was still rising …

Two-and-a-half hours later, Bringe was close to completing her power-up. The less said about her looks at this point, the better. She was on a deserted but inhabitable planet. She was now at Super Saiyan Level Nine Thousand. Only two levels remained …

After five seconds, she had reached her full power; the final stage of Super Saiyan Nine Thousand and Two. "At last! I knew I'd achieve this stage today! This whole power up and Vegeta himself were irritating enough, and it was latent for who knows how long!" She placed two fingers to her forehead, when –

"Oh shit, what's happening to my body!?" she shrieked. She was bubbling all over. "I'M GONNA -!!"

She exploded in a blinding flash of light, which took out the planet she'd been powering up on. Hell, the entire solar system associated with the planet was now space dust. The flash could be seen even on Earth, which was light-years away from the explosion, thanks to the quick thinking of a short, bald and wise ex-monk.

Goku was stunned. The unreal ki signal was now non-existent. The light had dissipated after many seconds.

"Apparently, she couldn't handle her own power level." There was a hint of amusement in Vegeta's voice. "I have wasted enough of my time here," he said, and blasted off in the direction of the Lookout.

The taller Saiyan sighed in relief and smiled at his best friend.

"Krillin, when was the last time you saved the day?"

A/N: This nonsensical story is the result of reading (and getting irritated with) one too many Dragon Ball Z Suefics. XD

(1) She doesn't have the Golden Oozaru transformation for convenience's sake.