Here is a short, fun fic that I wrote that's not supposed to be taken too seriously. I hope you enjoy it!

Summary: What are Bella, Alice and Emmett going to do on a Friday night when they have the Cullen house all to themselves? Alice knows and it most definitely isn't boring! But more importantly, what will Edward think when he gets home? B/E. Oneshot. Fun, light fic!

Cocktails and Cherry Chapsticks

Bella sighed as she pushed her food around with her fork, not really tasting what she was eating. She always hated waiting for Edward to return from a hunting trip, and in doing so she had completely lost her appetite.

"What's up, Bella?" asked Alice, dancing her way into the room. She took in Bella's glum expression and rolled her eyes. "He should be back in a couple hours. It's not the end of the world."

Bella grimaced at Alice, annoyed that she could read her mood so well even without the help of Jasper. The Cullen house felt strangely empty. Carisle, Esme, Edward, Jasper and Rosalie had all gone hunting together, leaving Alice, Emmet and Bella with the house to themselves.

Bella pushed her bowl of food away from her and looked up into Alice's eyes. "I'm so bored right now," she admitted. "The house just feels so…. empty."

Alice grinned at her friend, a million ideas whirling in her brain. "Well, why didn't you say something?" she said, laughing lightly. "There are so many things we could do to pass the time!"

"Yeah, like what?" asked Bella sceptically, afraid of Alice's enthusiasm. Of everyone Bella had ever known, Alice was by far the worst person when it came to over-doing even the simplest of things.

"Bella, Bella…" sighed Alice, walking over to her and leaning her head on her shoulder. "There are so many human experiences I missed out on, or at least can't remember. Won't you be an absolute doll and help me to re-live these things?"

"Like what?" Bella growled, an uneasy feeling stirring in the pit of her stomach.

Alice flashed a grin and in a split second was in the pantry cupboard. Bella was surprised and had no idea what to expect. The Cullen's pantry cupboard had always been for show, what with the family of vampires never having any food to eat. At least no food they could store in the house.

Bella heard Emmett's loudguffaw of a laugh from upstairs, which only made her feel even more uneasy. In a flash he was standing in the kitchen, grinning. "Now this I've gotta see," he said, looking at Bella with a humorous expression on his face.

"Alice, what exactly are you planning on doing?" asked Bella, getting impatient.

With a clinking noise Alice reappeared in front of Bella. Bella pondered the noise she had heard. It almost sounded like…

"Ta da!" announced Alice, pulling two bottles out from behind her back.

"What. The. Hell. Is. That?" asked Bella, a look of shock appearing on her face.

"Honestly Bella," said Alice disapprovingly. "I know as far as teenagers in the 21st century go, you're pretty much on the straight and narrow. But I thought even you would recognise bottles of alcohol when you see them."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Of course I know what they are," she said. "But what I'm asking is why do you have them?"

Alice grinned again while Bella shrunk back in horror shaking her head, realising what Alice had in mind.

Alice set the bottles down, walked over to a cupboard and began taking out glasses, stirrers, shot glasses and an assortment of other things. She then went back to the pantry cupboard and pulled out even more bottles of alcohol and set them down on the kitchen bench next to the other materials. Finally she turned around to face Bella again, smiling at her a little too eagerly.

"Cocktail party!"

"No way, no way, no way!" said Bella, shaking her head continuously. "There is no way!"

"Oh, c'mon Bella!" pleaded Alice, her eyes growing wide. "You have to! Who knows how long it is until you officially become one of us?"

Bella's eyes lit up at the thought.

Alice continued speaking, ignoring the expression on Bella's face. "And when you do, the fun human stuff, like alcohol, will never affect you again. You at least have to try it!"

"That's ridiculous Alice," interjected Bella. "That's like saying I should try drugs or jump out of a plane while I'm still human so I don't miss out on the experience."

"No it's not!" Alice pleaded. "Besides, it's a Friday night, you're staying here for the weekend and I know you have no homework left to do. No one will ever know what you get up to tonight."

"I don't care either way, because I'm not having a cocktail party!"

"Bella. Have you ever even had one little drop of alcohol?" asked Alice, intrigued.

"Of course I have!" said Bella, blushing. "At my mum's work party once. I had a glass of champagne."

"And that's it?" asked Alice, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes," answered Bella stubbornly, sticking out her chin.

Alice shook her head at her. "Just let me make you one itsy bitsy cocktail. If you don't like it, you can throw it out. I need someone who's human to let me know how advanced my cocktail making abilities are."

Bella rolled her eyes at her friend. "Alice, you know you're good at everything. Stop trying to use that excuse on me."

Alice batted her eyelashes so Bella quickly looked away, refusing to meet her gaze. After a moment or two suddenly Alice let out a loud 'whoop!' and got up and hugged Bella eagerly. "Thankyou thankyou thankyou!" she almost yelled, jumping up and down.

"What for?" asked Bella, feeling a little stunned.

"For agreeing to do this for me, of course!"

"But I haven't even said yes yet!"

Alice looked almost patronisingly at her friend and tapped the side of her head. "I know that, but I can also see that you're going to say it."

Bella huffed, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I think you're seeing skills need some fine-tuning. I absolutely refuse to do this, not even for you."

Bella glared at Alice, almost challenging her to disagree.

"Fine...," huffed Alice in disappointment. "Have it your way then."

Carisle entered the kitchen, his face scrunched up in disgust. From the moment the absent Cullen's had gotten near their home they had all realised something was wrong.

Terribly wrong.

Without exchanging a word they had all picked up speed, determined to find out what exactly had happened in their absence. Edward especially had felt a hot surge of panic flood through him. Surely Bella would be okay, wouldn't she?

As they got nearer to their house, Jasper slowed down, sensing the mood from outside. He stopped, double-checking to make sure he hadn't 'read' the mood wrong. Realising he had been correct the first time, he began to hurry towards the house again. Edward, however, who was so caught up in making sure that Bella was okay, hadn't bothered to read Jasper's mind.

As the five vampires approached the front door, Rosalie let out a laugh and disbelief spread through the rest of them. What they were hearing couldn't be real, could it? There was no way Alice, Emmet or Bella would ever sink that low, right? The five vampires began to enter their kitchen, Carisle leading the way.

"What is that music, or should I say noise coming from my stereo speakers?" he asked as he pretended to clamp his hands over his ears to block out the sound. It was what he was seeing, however, that stunned him and the four other vampires into silence.

Alice was perched gracefully on the kitchen bench, her legs crossed and her eyes trained on the person next to her. Emmet was sitting across the other side of the kitchen on a chair, a huge grin spread across his face. It was Bella, however, that everyone was most preoccupied with. She wasn't the most graceful or coordinated person at the best of times, so why exactly was she standing on the kitchen bench? Scratch that, why was she DANCING on the kitchen bench, a water-bottle-turned-microphone in one hand, body glitter shimmering on her arms and legs and a distinctly glassy yet hyper-active look in her eyes.

Bella twirled around to face Carisle, a slight look of hurt across her delicate features. She opened her mouth and responded to Carisle's question with a little bit too much enthusiasm. "It's Britney, bitch!"

Edward stared in horror, his mouth agape. "What have you done to her?"

Alice let out a peal of laughter while Emmet grinned hugely. Even Rosalie cracked a smile and Jasper hovered on the edge of the room, looking amused.

Edward, however, looked furious.

Bella continued to twirl on the bench top, somehow not realising that Carisle wasn't the only new vampire in the room. Using her water bottle/microphone, she belted out Britney's lyrics to the best of her ability.

"Camera's are flashin', while we're dirty dancin' they keep watchin, keep watchin! Feel's like crowd is saying gimme gimme more!"

As she belted out 'dirty dancin' Bella attempted to get low to the bench, swaying her hips from side to side. Instead, she found herself loosing her balance and began to topple off the table.

Strong, cold arms flashed out to grab her before she hit the ground, turning her upright and placing her on her feet in one swift motion.

Bella giggled and looked up into the eyes of her saviour.

"Eddie-pie!" she squealed, jumping up and throwing her arms around him. He held her close, then slowly let go of her.

"Bella?" he said softly. "I am so sorry for letting Alice talk you in to this. Mark my words, she will pay for doing this to you."

Bella cocked her head to one side, then giggled. "What on earth are you talking about, my ice ice baby?" she asked. "I LOVE Alice!"

Alice grinned at her, then at Edward.

Edward growled in response.

Bella giggled again. "You sound so SEXY when you do that!"

Each vampire, minus Edward, couldn't help but laugh at Bella's total inhibitions.

Bella danced her way over to Alice and grabbed the remote off her to begin searching for a new song. She finally settled on a new one, smiling to herself as it started playing. Alice and Rosalie were the only ones who recognised it and exchanged wicked smiles at each other, eager to see Edward's reaction. They both immediately began to block their thoughts from Edward so as not to spoil the surprise from him. As Alice was translating several languages in her head, she couldn't help but egg Bella on, knowing full well that this was the only time she would get to see her friend like this. "Are you going to dance to this song, too?" asked Alice, an innocent look on her pixie face.

Rosalie snickered then stopped quickly, using all her energy to make sure Edward could not hear the thoughts that would give them away.

Bella giggled again and climbed back onto the bench top. Edward made to stop her, but Emmet pulled gently back on his arm. "If she's about to fall, every single one of us in here could and would stop her from crashing into the ground." He paused before he continued speaking. "Besides, Bella's pretty freakin' hot right now."

Rosalie frowned while Edward glared at his brother. He then turned his head to watch the love of his life with saddened eyes. That is, until she started belting out the chorus of the song.

"I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT! THE TASTE OF HER CHERRY CHAPSTICK!" sang Bella, shaking her hips and tossing around her hair.

"Oh my god," muttered Edward, putting his face into his hands. "I don't think I can handle this."

Bella continued her singing. "I KISSED A GIRL JUST TO TRY IT! I HOPE MY BOYFRIEND DON'T MIND IT!"

Bella jumped off the bench then began dancing her way over to Edward. At the last moment, however, she turned and with an extra sway of her hips, stood next to Alice and kissed her on the cheek.

This made both Rosalie and Emmett burst out in wild, uncontrollable laughter.

Bella turned to face them and winked before scrambling back on to the bench top. She continued to sing until a moment later Edward got up and gently lifted Bella off and placed her back on the floor.

"Bella, as a man, I'm begging you, please stop singing that song. It's getting increasingly hard to control myself."

Bella looked up into his eyes and wiggled her eyebrows at him. She then slowly lent forward and stroked the side of his face. "Why?" she purred in a low voice. "Does that turn you on?"

Jasper gasped at Bella's exuberance and Bella let out a giggle. Apparently Bella found her seductive side just as amusing as everyone else did.

Edward's breathing had become shallow while the rest of his family were all snickering under their breaths. Except for Esme and Carisle who had the good sense not to.

"As I've explained before, love, I may not be human, but I am a man."

Bella blushed then giggled again. "That's good to know." She paused for a moment then danced her way over to Alice. "Can I have another one please?" she asked, holding out her hand.

"Another lime daiquiri?"

Bella nodded fervently.

"I think she's had enough!" called Edward from across the room.

Bella turned around to face him and pouted. "Eddie-kins. Just one more? Please? These taste really good. Much much better than the tequila shots I did before. And the lemon ruski. And the Malibu and pineapple. The Toblerone cocktail Alice made me was delicious though!"

He sighed in resignation. "Fine. But you'll regret it in the morning. And I hate seeing you do something that you'll regret. I only want to protect you."

As Bella chugged down her daiquiri, a strange look came across her face. She slowly walked over to Edward and he looked at her in alarm. "Bella?" he asked, a definite edge to his voice. "What's wrong, love?"

"Oh, no...." said Alice who had just seen a vision.

Edward snapped his head up and just as he had begun to read her thoughts, it happened.

A horrible retching sound, followed by Bella vomiting all over Edward's shoes.

"I'm so sorry...." she mumbled, before staggering forward.

Edward caught her and held her upright.

"Ssshhhh...." murmured Edward, stroking her hair. "It's not your fault."

For a moment everyone just stared, before Carisle became businesslike. "Edward, carry her gently upstairs to the bathroom. She'll need the toilet for awhile. Alice, go out and buy Bella some bread, bagels and anything else that will help her body to recover from all the alcohol." He stopped when he heard Bella call out weakly.

"Some Maccers fries," she said. "And a big burger. And onion rings. Anything that has lots and lots of grease."

Alice flashed a grin then was out the door in a streak of colour.

Bella awoke the next morning, a sick feeling in her stomach and a pain throbbing in her temples.

"Morning sleepy head," said Edward, leaning across the bed and kissing her on the forehead. "How're you feeling?"

Bella groaned and clutched at her stomach. "Like I've been hit by a truck. You?"

Concern flashed across Edward's features. "What's wrong?"

Bella frowned, scrunching up her nose. "I think I'm hung over," she admitted sheepishly staring down at the sheets, refusing to meet his gaze.

He reached out a hand and gently titled her chin upright. "I'm not surprised. But all that matters now is that you're okay. Can you remember everything from last night?"

Bella recounted in a small voice what she could remember. She told Edward about how Alice had managed to talk her into it and how once she started, she really liked it. She was careful though not to place the blame on either Alice or Emmett. It was no one's fault but her own that she managed to get as bad as she did.

"So is that everything?" she asked, once she had finished recounting her memories from the previous night.

"Yeah, that's pretty much all of it," he said, not entirely meeting her gaze.

Bella could tell Edward was trying to hide something from her. She was deep in thought, trying to remember. After a few moments she gasped, a look of shock coming across her face. Edward snapped his head up, wondering what the matter was. "Are you okay?" he asked, searching her face for any clues.

"I can't believe I would do something like that," moaned Bella into her pillow.

Edward was confused. "Like what?" he persisted.

Bella looked at him and grimaced.

"It's Britney, bitch?"

The End.

So what do you think? Obviously it's not to be taken too seriously. It's just a bit of fun that I enjoyed writing. Who doesn't like writing about drunken escapades? Haha.

Leave your comments and it will make me happy. :D