"You are low, Barney, so very low."

(so low it's not even funny any more)

"And you just figured that out, Mars?"

The man before me (if you can call him a man at all, trust me it looks more like a woman) was the one and only Barney Stinson, his words not mine.

Ladies you might know this name if you are: one stupid and two gullible beyond belief because you fell for all the lies that come shooting out this guys ass, and trust me that is a whole lot of lies

"Did you try and give Piz dating advice again?"

(not that he needs it, here I go lying in my own freaking head again)

"What, I was trying to be helpful."

When you ever hear the world 'helpful' or anything that requires the person have a heart (and not a black swirling hole) come out of Barney's mouth expect lies upon top of more lies, more or less lies filling the whole room.

"Helpful? He doesn't need help getting a girl, he's my boyfriend and that isn't changing anytime soon plus you and me will never, and I mean never happen. Got it?"

"Got it, I don't even like you in that way. Your my friend, your so much my friend that you might one day bump Ted out and become my one and only Bro, I mean girlfriend of course."

(didn't I tell you lies!)

-

It wasn't long after (meaning a few hours after the friend/bro speech) that he was at it again, shoving every girl he could find in Piz's face before he had the chance to make a run for it.

(but being the boyfriend that I love, which of course I'll never say, was faithful as always)

"Liar, Barney, that's the last straw, and I mean it this time. This whole friendship or Bromance as you call it is so over it died yesterday. Come on Piz, lets leave Barney to what he does best, lying to get in to some girls pants but it did not work on this one."

Everything would have been fine, I would have walked out (my ears steaming and Piz following at a careful pace behind) and been done with him and that would have been that but of course it never works out like you plan.

Before I could blink (my eyes filled to the brim with so much anger it wasn't even funny) I found my 'friends' lips on mine while the boyfriend watched like a deer in headlights.

(and I liked it, I liked it way too much.)

"Barney?"

"Yeah? (please don't slap, please don't slap me, please GOD don't slap me!)"

"That was legend...wait for it...dary!"