RABIES

A "South Park" story

By Snodin

***

ACT III: The Cure

It's been quite a while since the small town of South Park had any real reason to feel threatened. But on that Saturday night, an unexpected thunderstorm blew in with hurricane-like winds blowing out of control, coupled by the fact that a strange blast of fire was beaming from the Broflovski residence. Those who were smart headed straight for the community center in Town Square, while others took to their basements and poorly-made bomb shelters in their backyards.

In the middle of a stampede of panicked people was little Stan, running in the direction of the Broflovski house while everyone else moved like a tide away from it. "Hey! Let me through! Stop! Stop pushing!" he screamed as he struggled against the tide. "I gotta get to Kyle's house!"

Suddenly, a car screeched to a halt on the street. Stan recognized it instantly; "Dad! Mom!"

"Stanley, get in!!" hollered his terrified mother from the passenger seat. Shelly quickly opened the back door for her little brother, and he instinctively jumped in. His father then stomped on the gas pedal, and the car went roaring down the street.

Stan was met with his sister and grandfather in the backseat. "Guys, where are we going?"

"Anywhere is better than here," replied a half-panicked Randy at the wheel.

"But Dad, what about Kyle? It's his demon that's doing all this!"

"Stanley," replied his confused mother, "I'm sure Kyle and his family are already at the community center. You can meet with them there."

"No, Mom! Kyle's still back at his house, and his demon is going crazy!"

"What th'hell are you talking about?" growled his hot-tempered sister.

"Kyle's been possessed by a demon, and it's trying to blow us all up. But he's gonna kill Kyle first, unless we stop him!"

"That lucky little bastard," moaned Grampa. "I wish a demon would blow me up for a change…"

"Dad," ordered an angered Stan as he leaned over his mom's seat, "stop the car."

"I can't Stanley. We gotta get out of here."

"Dad, I'm serious. Stop the car!"

"Not until we get out of South Park."

"Dad!! Please stop the car right now!!"

"Stanley, I- HOLY SH*T!" screamed Randy, as he realized that he was speeding right towards a swarm of cars. In their panic, a slew of drivers flooded the streets in an effort to flee the havoc of fireballs and lightning bolts. Randy swerved in all directions in a failed attempt to avoid them, and soon enough the car crashed into a pile of swerved cars. "…There, we've stopped. Happy now?"

Stan opened his car door and jumped out, and was once again on the run toward Kyle's house. "Stanley!" screamed his mother, "you get back here right now young man!"

"I can't!" he screamed back while still running. "I gotta save Kyle!!"

*

At this point, Kyle's parents and Dr. Doctor were helping Ike push back the furniture that was blocking the door of Kyle's bedroom. But even with all of their combined might, the beast on the other side was still pounding and scratching his way out. Then at last, his great yellow claw came tearing through the chipped wood of the door.

A single yellow eye and a crooked fanged smile peered through the hole in the door. "Heeeeere's Mephis!"

"Yah-yah!" screamed Ike in terror, holding onto his mother for protection now. Even Sheila couldn't recognize who it was that peered into their souls in that brief moment.

As the beast's claws kept punching through the door, Gerald finally grabbed his wife's arm and stated, "Everybody, run! Get out of here!" Sheila took a breath and followed her husband, with the doctor close behind her. As soon as they were in the clear, the beastly version of Kyle tore through the doorway, knocking away all of the furniture in front of it.

Mephis-Kyle was now almost completely demonized; his flesh looked scaly and pale green, his clothes ripped, two ram horns protruding through his green bomber hat. But now a new addition to his figure appeared: a long, reptilian tail with small yellow spikes on its end. It swished back and forth, anxiously waiting to whip someone. But now that his prey had fled the scene, he had no choice but to break through a wall and scale the building until he was on the roof.

In a brief moment, as he overlooked the black sky and burning town, the creature that used to be Kyle felt peaceful. He watched gleefully as people ran in all directions, avoiding fireballs which he himself had conjured up with his dark magic. But then, a giant police helicopter was zooming his way. He snorted at it as though it were a mosquito.

"You there, on the roof!" called out a cop with a loudspeaker in the helicopter. "Come down from there, this instant! Don't force us to use… uh… force."

"Pitiful," muttered the beastly child. "This is the best you humans have got?" He pointed to the helicopter's tail, and it was suddenly lit aflame.

As the helicopter started to whirl out of control, the policeman with the loudspeaker screamed, "Mayday! Mayday! Subject on the roof is hostile! All units respond with caution!" The beastly child snickered as the helicopter spun into a horrible crash in the parlor nearby.

Minutes later, a set of police cars arrived at the scene. The cops came out of their cars with heavy artillery, aiming at Kyle in preparation to fire. "You on the roof!" called one of them. "Come down with your hands up! You're under arrest for reckless endangerment and-"

Unamused, Mephis-Kyle puckered his lips and exhaled a hurricane wind, blowing all of the cars away in a similar fashion as the evil trio of Kryptonians in "Superman II."

By the time Stan had arrived at the scene, it was already too late to save the police. He gazed in awe at the beast on the roof, as well as the carnage he had already caused. Shaking in fear, he hid behind the neighbor's house before Mephis-Kyle caught sight of him. "…Oh my god," he murmured. "What'm I gonna do? …What would Brian Boitano do?"

"Stanley," whispered a voice nearby. He turned around and saw that the Broflovski's, as well as Dr. Doctor, were hiding under the torn roof of the neighbor's house, which was in the house's backyard. "Mrs. Broflovski!" he cheered as Stan ran to them. "Thank God you guys are still alive."

"Stanley, what are you doing here?" asked the concerned Sheila.

"It's Kyle- I mean Memphis."

"Who?"

"Listen, Kyle's not sick. He's never been sick! He's possessed by an evil demon named Memphis, and he's trying to end the world!"

"My little wubee? Turned into a demon??"

"Yes. I'm sorry, but it's true… and it's kind of my fault."

Confused and alarmed, Kyle's parents turned to the one other person who might have had an answer for them. Dr. Doctor simply frowned, "There's no prescription for this. I'm sorry."

Stan's patience had worn out. "Guys, seriously. Where can I find Jesus or God, or Chuck Norris? I gotta find somebody with the power to exercise a demon!"

Sheila paused to think. "…Well… I suppose we could call for a rabbi."

Stan raised a confused eyebrow. "…A what?"

Gerald frowned, "We don't have time for that, Sheila! Our synagogue is out in North Park, and it's probably blocked of by traffic."

"Does anybody here know where I can find Jesus??" asked Stan impatiently.

The Jews replied with a blank stare.

"...Nevermind. I'll go find him myself; you guys try to get to the community center."

"We're not leaving you here all by yourself, Stanley," denied Sheila.

"Look, I know how crazy all of this is, but this is something I have to do! Kyle's my best friend, and I feel bad for playing with that damn Weegie board. I gotta make it right." With his last sentence, Stan palmed a fist in determination.

"Aww, lookit that Fred," said Cartman, who mysteriously showed up behind Stan for the third time. "I think he's blushing."

Dumbfounded, Stan turned around to face Cartman with narrowed eyes and a gaped mouth. "…How the hell are you doing that?"

"What, showing up outta nowhere? Call it a gift," shrugged Cartman.

"Are you gonna help me or not, fatass?"

"Help you find Jesus? Sorry, Stan; Jesus don't work for fags."

Enraged, Stan grabbed Cartman by his coat collar. "God dammit, fatass! Why don't you just admit that Kyle's your friend, too!?"

"He's not! I hate that friggin' Jew asshole!"

"Hey!" barked Gerald nearby.

"Oh," peeped Cartman sheepishly. "Sorry, forgot you gahs were still hyah."

Stan still clutched onto the fat boy's coat. "Admit it, Cartman. The only reason why you follow me and Kyle around is because you like us. That's why you made up Fred as an excuse to STILL follow me around, even after I kicked you out of the gang! That's why you're here right now! It's not because you like to torture me, it's because you CARE!"

Cartman pushed Stan away in exasperation. "Alright, alright, alright! Get off me, you little sissy-freak! …Okay, I'll admit that I like you gahs. But you gotta admit that you got a thing for that little kosher bitch."

"Excuse me!?" growled Sheila.

Again, Cartman felt sheepish as he glanced her way. "Damn. You're still hyah?"

Stan gritted his teeth. "I am not in love with Kyle. He's not my boyfriend. He never was. He never will be."

"Fine, Stan. Fred an' I will leave you alone while you go save your demon lover. Come Fred, let's go raid the neighborhood while we still can." With that, Cartman waddled away.

Stan glanced back at the Broflovskis and frowned, "Sorry about that."

"Stanley," said Sheila with a weak smile, "I'm very honored that you care so much for my little Kyle. I understand he's your best friend… but Eric is right. You do love Kyle. Just not in the way he thinks you do. I know, because I've seen you two together, and I notice how you two always agree on the same things, and watch the same shows. It's almost like you're joined at the hip!"

"Yeah," agreed Gerald. "We didn't notice it at first, but you and Kyle are more like brothers than friends. And there's really nothing wrong with that- in fact, it's very special. You should be glad to have a friendship like that; look at Eric. I'm sure he's extremely jealous of you two. And who could blame him? You're willing to fight a monster that could burn you on sight, but you don't care because you're doing it for your best friend. Because you love him."

Stan could swear he heard cheesy piano music during the Broflovski's monologue. But in any case, he asked them, "And… that doesn't make me gay?"

Sheila explained, "No, Stanley; love isn't just something between two sex partners. It's an emotion that can go far beyond our own understanding."

"…So you agree that we're not gay."

"You're definitely not gay," agreed Gerald.

"Good. I just wanted to get that off my chest," sighed Stan. "So you'll let me save him then?"

"Do what you have to, Stanley. We'll be praying for you," nodded Sheila.

Ike then bounded toward Stan with a small fish bowl in hand. He held it up to Stan and babbled, "Peddle fish koopie."

"What's this?" asked Stan as he curiously gazed into the bowl. The longer he stared at it, he could see a faint blue light inside. It was clear who it was, but he no longer looked like Kyle; he was just a small ball of light now. "Oh my god… it's Kyle! His spirit's still here, but… it's fading!"

"….stan….?"

"Hang on, dude! I'll get you to the church. Just hang on!"

"Hurry, Stanley! Run!" ordered Sheila. Without uttering another word, Stan took off toward the church with the fishbowl in his arms, no longer concerned that he may get torched by the demon nearby.

Ike then looked up at his parents with drooped eyebrows. Sheila seemed to understand, and reluctantly gave him a nod. "Go get your brother back." Ike smiled at her and bounded off after Stan.

*

Within the hour, military tanks and helicopters arrived at the Broflovski residence. Still standing contently on the roof of the house was Mephis-Kyle, giggling fiendishly at their feeble weaponry.

"On my word, gentlemen," commanded the army general in the lead tank. "…Fire!!"

Ear-splitting missile fires rang out, each bombarding the demon-child and explosing on impact. The soldiers cheered and jumped for joy when they thought their mission was a success; however, cheers fell silent as the smoke caround Mephis-Kyle cleared. He was not only still alive, but he hadn't a scratch on him.

"Second wave! Fire!!"

This time, the demon-child revealed an invisible barrier around himself, causing the on-coming missiles to ricochet and explode way off course. Some even hit army tanks and helicopters. Not even a rainfall of bullets from anti-aircraft guns could penetrate his force field. Mephis-Kyle quickly grew tired of this game, and yawned before conjuring up a gigantic fireball from his hands. The fireball shaped itself into a burning skull before he launched it at the remaining tanks. They were all consumed by it with a loud, ground-shaking BOOM!!!

*

The force of this last attack was enough to shake the community center, where most of the town's residence had gathered in a petrified huddle.

"My god," frowned Mr. Garrison, "it sounds like World War Three out there."

"Are we all gonna die, Mum n' Dad?" asked a fearful Butters. His father knelt down to his level with a certain look of comfort in his eyes. "…Yes, son. We're all pretty screwed."

"To think," lamented Uncle Jimbo with his best buddy Ned nearby, "we all wasted our lives in this Podunk little town and never really amounted to anything. I never got to kill any endangered species like I wanted to."

"MMM-I never got to replace my voice box-MMM."

"I never told James how much I really loved him," cried a young lady nearby.

"I never read the 'Twilight' book series," frowned a young schoolgirl.

"You're really not missing much. Trust me," said another classmate by her side.

Where she stood with her family, Sharon Marsh said, "Maybe we're all giving up too easily; maybe there's still hope. I mean, we've faced a ton of crisis before and got out okay, didn't we?"

"Hmm," replied Randy, "that's a good point, Sharon. We did survive eight years of George W. Bush."

"Still," said the Mayor from where she stood surrounded by her bodyguards, "we should all use this time to reflect on our lives- no matter how much longer they may last. If Mrs. Marsh is right, and we do make it out of this Apocalypse, then maybe we can clean up this town and the whole world will get together to clean up the earth."

"……Nah, I'm pretty sure we're f#ked," replied Mt. Garrison.

"Oh, honey!" mourned Mrs. Tweak as she embraced her coffee-obsessed husband, "I love you so much!"

"I love you too dear," he said as he hugged her back tearfully.

Other people started to gush out their true feelings toward each other in an act of despair: "I'm sorry I called you a dirty slut, Liane." "That's okay, I am a dirty slut." "I'm sorry I killed that poor kid in the orange parka a while back." "I'm sorry I ever broke up with Suzanne." "I'm sorry I've played hookie in high school." "I'm sorry I buried my Dad in France." "I'm Cartman's real Mom!!"

Suddenly, the room fell silent in response to the last urgent confession. Even Mr. Garrison glanced around in curiosity. "Who the hell was that?" Unfortunately for him, and for all of those who ever wondered, that answer would never surface.

*

Stan flew open the front doors of the Church, still delicately holding the fishbowl with Kyle's dying spirit trapped inside. Right behind him bounced little Ike. They were both surprised to see that there was indeed one other person there- the very person they were hoping to find. He was sitting at the altar drinking the last of his own blessed wine from its chalice, looking pretty miserable.

"Jesus! Jesus, thank God you're here!" cheered Stan as he ran down the aisle to the altar.

"Oh, hey Stanley. Glad you arrived; wanna help me finish up this wine?"

"Sorry, I can't. My mom won't let me."

"That's too bad; you might as well enjoy something while the world is about to end."

"What!?" gasped Stan. "But Jesus… you're The Messiah! You've gotta help us stop this thing!"

Jesus frowned, "I can't. The Apocalypse is meant to happen sooner or later- it's all part of my Father's plan. You see, every couple million years, the earth goes to pot and so Father has to wipe the slate clean and let it start all over again from scratch."

"But… but he… You can't just…" Stan's heart felt like a ton of bricks sliding down his chest as he tried to force words out. "…Don't you even care about us anymore?"

"You know I love you all," replied Jesus with a renewed glow in his eyes. "But this is beyond my power, Stan. The only one who can truly decide how the world ends is… him." He then pointed toward the front piu. To Stan and Ike's amazement, the person sitting there with a gloomy look on his face was Damien, son of Satan!

"Damien??"

"What?" muttered the unconcerned youth dressed all in black.

Stan approached him with his V-shaped angry eyes. "Dude, what the hell are you doing just standing around here?"

"Forget it, Stan. Your 'savior' has already tried talking me into stopping Mephistopheles till he was blue in the face. And I still say no."

"…Why you stupid, selfish son of a bitch."

"Stanley!" barked a disapproving Jesus.

"No dude, seriously, his mom IS a bitch! …Damien, listen. I know you're all pissed off at your dad for ignoring you, but that doesn't mean we all have to suffer for it! If you stop Memphis, your dad will probably praise you for a job well done."

"Or, he could disown me completely for canceling out his plans."

"But Memphis is NOT the bringer of the end, YOU are! Tell him, Jesus!"

"He's right, Damien." Jesus' eyes flashed ala "The Highlander" as he stated, "There can be only one."

Damien sat there in his mope while taking in all of these lectures. He then fidgeted in his seat, looking slightly more puzzled by their concerns. "…Is that your friend in the jar there, Stan?"

"Yes," answered the young human as he looked down on the small flicker of light in the fishbowl. "This is Kyle… What's left of him, anyway."

"Stan…" came Kyle's very faint whisper. "…Take care of Ike for me… Tell Mom and Dad I love them… and tell Cartman… that he's a fat f*$ing f#k-tard."

"Dude, don't talk like that. You're gonna be okay."

"Dude… don't ever change. You were always the smart one- I always looked up to you… You were like… a brother to me."

"Dude, Kyle, seriously… shut up." Stan's eyes started to water. "…Dude? …Dude??" He shook the bowl in an effort to make Kyle's voice speak up again.

"What's happening to me… is not your fault… Don't blame yourself, Stan… Please… take care of… my… family… dude…"

"Kyle… Please don't leave us, dude… please don't…" Stan fell to his knees, emotionally broken down. He couldn't stop the tears from falling from his eyes, or the sobs that chocked his throat. Ike was also distraught, as he leaned in and cuddled with Stan to share in his grief.

Jesus then descended from the altar and stood by the mourning children, presenting them to Damien. "You see, Damien? There's more to family than just blood ties."

The gothic boy let out a small sigh. "…Yes. I see it now. You're right. …But my father-"

"Let me deal with your father. Now you go and do what Fate has bestowed upon you, and kick that wretched faker's ass!"

Damien then turned to his would-be friend, who was still sobbing slightly. "…Stan. Truly it was fate that had brought you to my hiding place in the junkyard. You were right when you said that it's not yet time to end the world."

"You… You're gonna go save Kyle?" sniffled Stan.

"…Yes."

"Well, it's about friggin' time!" yelled Cartman, who walked into the scene uninvited. He pointed to Damien and ordered, "You get yer Goth ass out dere and beat the sh*t outta that Jew fer me! Go on, git outta hyah!"

As Cartman chased Damien off, Stan looked up to Jesus with a weak smile. "He does that sometimes."

*

"Alright, if this doesn't work nothing will. Bring out the last line of defense," commanded a new army general, as the previous one had been blown to smithereens already. A massive two truck branding "WIDE LOAD" on its side rolled in a gigantic atomic bomb at the front of the Broflovski residence, the roof of which Mephis-Kyle still stood atop, giggling maniacally at his hapless attackers.

"Wait! STOP!" screamed Stan, as he led Cartman, Ike and Damien into the scene in a hurry. "You can't kill him that way!"

"What the!?" gasped the general. "Get the hell out of here, you kids! This is a matter of homeland security!"

Stan cocked an eyebrow in response. "Since when does blowing up half of Colorado count as 'security'?"

"Mind your own business," warned the peeved general.

Damien then stepped forward. "Foolish mortals! I alone can put an end to this charade. You hear that, Mephistopheles??"

Upon hearing his true name, the demon-child twitched. "…Eeh?"

"It is I, Damien, son of the unholy Prince of Darkness! I command thee to descend from upon thine tower and face me in final combat!"

"Speak English dude," uttered a confused Cartman.

Damien then rephrased, "Get your f*&king ass down here so I can smack it back down to Hell!"

The demon-child hissed, sputtering green saliva in the process. He jumped off the roof and landed in front of Damien with a great "THUD," shocking everyone nearby. "Well, it's about damn time you showed yourself, you little weasel. I was beginning to think you were a coward."

"You've… been wanting to fight me all this time?" blinked Damien.

"Of course I did! Everyone in Hell knows how special you are to his unholiness. Now I get to show him what a prissy little mama's boy you really are." With that, the beast cracked his knuckles.

Damien's eyes beamed with fury and his hands clutched into tiny fists. "…Then let us end it."

As the humans all backed away to give the demons room, a black cloud began to swirl in the sky right over them, hurling lightning bolts at random. Mephis-Kyle flexed his neck muscles before undergoing one final mutation, into a taller, goat-legged and bat-winged being with dark green scales and even longer ram horns. Kyle's spirit responded to this transformation by shrinking ever smaller within its glass bowl, much to Stan's worry. He could now see the actual essence of Kyle seeping out and into the demon's body as a life support.

But Damien had his own inner beast form, and didn't hesitate to show it by mimicking his rival's muscle twists. His eyes turned bright yellow and without irises; his flesh turned light blue and scaly, and he grew several inches taller thanks to his own pair of goat legs. He also grew a set of black bull horns, black fallen angel wings, a forked tail and wolverine-like claws, not to mention wicked-sharp fangs. His aura beamed around him in a purple tint.

Referring to what he said in the end of Act II, Stan gulped, "I was wrong... THIS is as f&#ked up as it gets right here!

Together, the demons took to the sky and began to launch at each other like missiles, scratching and clawing with each wing-beat. Stan, Cartman and Ike cheered for Damien with every punch he threw, although Mephis-Kyle was as fast and agile as he was. At one point, Mephis-Kyle bit into Damien's tail and whirled him into a house down the street. Damien recovered, but not quickly enough to dodge a fire blast from Mephis-Kyle's fists.

"Dude, this is just like in the movies!" cheered Stan.

"Yeah," smiled Cartman. "I wish I had mah video camera."

Dazed after taking the full blow of the fire beam, Damien was picked up by his horns by his rival and thrown into the nearby tavern. Mephis-Kyle zoomed in through the window to catch up with him, when Damien suddenly yelled, "Time out!" He then grabbed a soda bottle from under the bar and quickly chugged it down while the green demon patiently waited. "Time in," said Damien calmly, and threw the glass bottle in Mephis-Kyle's distorted face. "AUGH!"

Damien then shoved both himself and Mephis-Kyle out of the building, and they rolled onto the street until the blue demon was on top of the green one, pinning him down by the waist. Damien then showered his foe with punches to the face while his human friends ran to his side. "Dude, be careful!" yelled a concerned Stan. "That's Kyle's face!"

"Oh! Sorry," frowned a sympathetic Damien, loosening his hold on Mephis-Kyle. The green demon then kneed him in the groin, to which Stan gulped, "Oops."

Once again, the green demon with the yellow iris-less eyes had the upper-hand. He grabbed Damien by the hair and jumped into the air again, where thunder same swarming in all directions. He dragged the smaller blue demon until he was struck not once, not twice, but three times by lightning. Slightly dazed again, Damien was released and nearly plummeted to the earth head first. Luckily, he regained consciousness in time to spread his wings and soften his fall. As his foe came swooping down on him, Damien threw up a fist and punched him square in the nose.

"Kick his ass, devil-boy!" rooted Cartman.

Mephis-Kyle quickly recovered from the punch, but now he and Damien were poised to summon their dark magic on each other. Mephis-Kyle once again turned his punches into fireball-launchers, while Damien countered them with bright light from his own hands. Then Damien was on the offensive with a great laser beam from his fiery eyes, but Mephis-Kyle dodged it by jumping out of the way. The laser smacked itself right through two blocks and eventually into South Park Elementary. As if they had seen this for themselves, Stan and Cartman high-fived. "YES!"

Seemingly out of fire power, Mephis-Kyle let out a frustrated roar, and charged at Damien like a mad bull. Damien bent forward to take the full blow, but was hit hard and knocked on his back. And this time, he wasn't getting up right away. "Oh no," frowned Stan.

Mephis-Kyle grabbed Damien by the throat this time and took him high into the air again. There, he began to slowly squeeze the life out of the little blue demon, grinning viciously as he did so. From the ground, Stan felt helpless; he knew that if he didn't do something quick, Damien could die. He tried to think of what to do, when Ike bounced in front of him to get a better view of the fight.

Stan then glanced down at Ike, then back up at the demons, then back down at Ike, then the demons, then Ike, the demons. Ike. Demons. Ike. "That's it!!" cheered Stan, as a light bulb went off in his head. He quickly bent down to Ike's level, the way Kyle used to. "…Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!"

Ike seemed stunned and confused at first, but it didn't take him long to figure out Stan's plan. For once, he was jumping for joy: "Yah! Kick da baby!!"

As Stan aimed up at the back Mephis-Kyle's head, he muttered, "This one's for you, Kyle." Ike tucked in his arms and legs until he appeared to be a football with a face. Stan took a small running start before kicking Ike in the back and sent him flying in the air, squealing happily.

THWACK! Ike made impact right where he needed to, in the back of an unsuspecting Mephis-Kyle. "Augh!! What the hell!?" In his confusion, the green demon loosened his grip on Damien, which would soon become his downfall. Meanwhile, Stan caught Ike just in time and smiled at him proudly. "Again!" cheered the toddler.

Before he even knew it, Mephis-Kyle was now in Damien's death-grip, choking for air. "We finish this now," hummed Damien in an inhuman voice. The blue demon then pile-drove his foe into the ground with such force that they created a small crater in the earth. Mephis-Kyle was now down for the count, out cold.

With a wave of his hand, Damien then used his dark magic to open a portal to the Underworld from which he stood, while still holding onto Mephis-Kyle's throat. "May this be the last time you ever decide to mess with me. Begone, unworthy adversary."

In a flash of red light, the two demon-children seemed to have disappeared before the eyes of their witnesses. Stan and the others had to close their eyes to shield them from the blinding light, but then all was dark again. As Stan and his friends reopened their eyes, they saw that the sky was now clear and full of stars. Buildings were still burning, the street was still ravaged, but there seemed to be a sudden sense of calmness in the air. "…It's over," sighed Stan.

"Damn it," frowned a disappointed army general nearby. "I really wanted to blow something up today. Ah well. Move it out, boys!" The Wide-Load truck reluctantly moved off with the bomb as the army slowly began to leave the scene.

Ignorant of the army's departure, Stan and the others ran to the crater in the street where they last saw Kyle. And still there he was, only now he was a fleshy human with nothing more than tears in his clothing and bruises on his face. And he was still out cold; it was unsure if he was even still alive.

"Kyle? …Dude, are you okay?" Stan immediately jumped to Kyle's side and cradled him in his arms. "Dude… Dude, is that you in there? Wake up." "Stan," uttered Ike, who bounced over to his side while holding the fish bowl that was carrying Kyle's soul. Stan's mouth gaped in sorrow, seeing that the fish bowl was now completely empty. "Oh no… No… Don't tell me we were too late!! …Kyle!? …Kyle!! Wake up, dude! Come on… please…?"

At that point, even Cartman couldn't help but frown and even shed at least one tear. But he would keep his distance, perhaps to not let Stan know of his grief.

While Stan began to break down and cry, Ike kept a dry eye and crawled over his brother's chest to hug him tightly. Echoing what Kyle's spirit said before, Ike closed his eyes and softly said, "I feel you, bo…"

"…ugh… ike? …stan? …f-fatass?"

"…Kyle??" sniffled Stan, hearing his friend's true voice for the first time in days.

Kyle's eyes, now back to their black-and-white colors, fluttered open but not completely. "what… happened? …my head, ow…."

"Dude, you made it. You're alive!" cheered Stan before he and Ike gave him a long, warm hug.

"…Where am I?" moaned a weak and confused Kyle. "Dude," replied Stan in mid-hug, "you were possessed by a demon, and he nearly killed you. But Damien saved you! He sent that demon bastard back to Hell. Isn't that awesome?"

"Damien… Oh… Where is he? I need to thank him."

"He's gone," replied Jesus, who walked into the scene unannounced. "He and his father are having a long, well-needed talk. But I think it's safe to say that we're all safe now."

"Thank God," sighed Stan.

"You're welcome," smiled his lord and savior humbly.

"Dude," muttered Stahn to Kyle softly, "I really thought I lost you there. I dunno what I'd do without you." The little Jewish boy looked back at him with tender loving eyes. "I feel the same way, dude. If something ever happened to you, I… I'd probably kill myself." "Don't worry," repled Stahn, "I'm never gonna leeve you. You're my bestest friend in the whole world, and… and.. I love you." "Really?" asked the Jew. "…I love you too, dude." As they gazed into each other's eyes, their faces drew closer… and closer… until their lips-

"CARTMAN!!" screamed the two furious boys at their narrator.

*

Snapping back to reality, Cartman was sitting at his laptop computer, typing up the last paragraph of his recollection of the demon incident, while Stan and Kyle stood by with disapproving looks on their faces. "What?" he blinked. "What'd I do wrong?"

"That is NOT how it ended, you sick bastard," growled Stan.

"Yeah," added Kyle with a threatening fist. "Who's gonna believe that two nine-year-old kids made out like that?"

"Look, it's mah story and I'll write it however the hell I want! Screw you gahs!"

"Ugh," moaned Kyle as he approached the computer screen. "Look, the least you could do is paragraph; nobody's gonna read a bunch of jumbled-up blocks like this. And look! You misspelled a bunch of words, and you even misspelled Stan's name! How you ever got past the first grade, I'll never know!"

"You're not the boss of me, Jew-boy! Why don't you go write your own story if you don't like mine?"

"Fine," grinned a plotting Kyle. "Maybe I will. Maybe I'll write a make-out story with you and Kenny, and call it Carnie! Get it? Car-nny?"

"Hahahaha! Good one, dude!" laughed Stan. The two of them then started to hop out of the room chanting, "Cartman's a Carnie! Cartman's a Carnie!"

"AAAY!" howled Cartman as they hopped off.

As they reached the door, Kyle suddenly stopped and turned to Stan with a look of concern. "Dude! I just realized something… Whatever happened to Kenny after the junkyard scene?"

Stan paused to think deeply over Kenny's mysterious fate. "Hmm… You know? …I don't really know…"

*

Somewhere deep within the abandoned junkyard on the edge of town, two stray dogs were tugging apart a chew bone, when suddenly a creature jumped out of the dark and sent them running. The bone was then picked up and gnawed on by a rabid Kenny, with his clothes slightly tattered and fizzy drool peering over the lower part of his hood. Upon sensing more threats to his food, he barked and clawed like a crazed animal.

END