Title: Smooth Move, Romeo - The Smart Beginning

Summary: The whole gang gets drunk. What happens when Elphaba wakes up the next morning and . . . something's . . . different?

Disclaimer: What's up with these disclaimers! I'll sprout wings the day that I tell you, "I'm really the author in disguise, writing for my own blasted story, so don't critisize me for plagiarism." Yeah, fat chance. I disclaim Wicked and the certain movie I got my idea from: What Happens in Vegas.

Author's Note: So, this is going to be my attempted humorous fic. I would dearly appreciate reviews, but I'm not going to gripe if I don't get much anymore. :( It's not very nice. So . . . I won't. I'll just ask, and pray, and hope. That's all I can do, anyway, unless I come barging into your house and hold a gun to your head, shouting some crap like, "Review, you nutter!" BUT I WOULDN'T DO THAT. So all I can do these days is ask sweetly.

So PLEASE read, and PLEASE review, but whether or not I get a bundle is not going to affect how often I update.

Enjoy!

-Faba

Elphaba awoke very tired. Unbelievably tired, as if she'd spent the whole night partying. With a frown upon her face, she pulled a bottle out from under the covers.

Shit, she thought, Was I partying all night?

Then, she felt herself flush. Where was her nightdress?

She jumped up, her head spinning, and quickly grabbed the blanket from her bed. She drew the curtains closed fiercely, causing them to snap audibly, and then hurriedly changed into a white blouse and black skirts, and then put her hair up in a customary braid.

Almost forgetting her glasses, she slipped them on, and went to awaken Galinda, whom (to Elphaba's horror) was also sleeping in the nude. When the blonde awoke, she drew the covers up around her chin and said, "What, Elphie?"

"Galinda, do you sense something . . . odd? I-I mean, I went to sleep last night . . . naked, and you have, too, you see? I feel sick, and sore, and, frankly, I can't remember a single thing from last night—"

"Oh, you don't remember?" Galinda said airily, "Well, it's not surprise, really. 'I don't drink,' you said. . . . You're not used to it. . . ."

"Oh, Oz," said Elphaba, sounding strangled.

"Yes, we had a few drinks, Elphaba, calm down."

"But that doesn't explain why I was naked, Galinda. What else?"

Galinda sighed, getting up and taking her covers with her. Elphaba politely turned away.

"Okay, so how do I explain this? But I'm afraid that, subconsciously, you'll already know. That you're just asking me for a confirmation," Galinda mused, somewhere behind Elphaba. "So maybe if you'd just think really hard, you can guess exactly what happened last night, which would explain why you were naked in bed this morning."

"Galinda, talk," said Elphaba calmly.

"Okay, okay . . . just wait," there was some ruffling, and then Galinda said, "So, last night we all decided to go to the Emerald City for a night away from this hectic dump. Remember?"

Elphaba nodded slowly. She did remember that.

"So . . . Boq, Fiyero, Crope, Tibbett, Avaric, you, and I came. Alright? We all had a drink at a local bar, after some hesitation from you, and then another, and another, and another, and another . . . Until. . . ." Galinda wavered, and she said, "Okay, you can turn around now." Elphaba did so, and Galinda's eyes flickered downward uncertainly, and she sat down on her messy bed, the covers lying forgotten on the oak floor. "Until—I, disturbingly, had some sort of desperate thing with Boq—Oz knows why—Tibbett and Crope were . . . getting intimate, Avaric was messing with some random girl, and Fiyero . . . had you pinned beneath him."

Elphaba almost fell over, but caught herself in time, stumbling over and sitting beside Galinda.

"And you can guess what happened next," Galinda said darkly.

"We had sex with them?" Elphaba squeaked.

Galinda looked scared for a split second, and then nodded slowly. "Yes. . . . And—"

"What?" Elphaba demanded.

"Nothing," she said quickly.

Elphaba sighed, and took a deep breath. "Well, that's not as horrible as it could be," she told the other girl hesitantly. "I mean, I'm an adult. I'm fine. It can be forgotten, right?" Elphaba got off Galinda's bed, and flipped her braid over her shoulder nervously. "Surely we're fine. Even though I am a little surprised as to how we snuck two men into our dorm whilst drunk, I'm sure everything is dandy . . . correct?"

Galinda cleared her throat softly and nodded.

"Okay," said Elphaba. "Let us just . . . go down to breakfast like always and pretend as though we haven't done anything wrong."

"Elphie," Galinda murmured, "You're blowing this out of proportion. I can tell you're quite ready to pop."

"I'm not," said Elphaba stiffly. "I've told you—I'm fine. Let's go eat."

Elphaba walked from the dorm, but Galinda called, "Elphie, I haven't even done my hair!" Elphaba was already gone, though, so Galinda sighed, ran a brush through her limp, blonde curls, and chased after Elphaba.

"Elphaba!" she called and her roommate stopped graciously to let her catch up. When she was in better earshot, Galinda whispered, "Like you said, Elphie, there's nothing wrong with losing your virginity at this age—you're an adult!"

"But I would have liked it to happen sober, when I had a choice," Elphaba grumbled.

Galinda rolled her eyes.

They were silent for the rest of the walk to breakfast. But when they started to make their way to their usual table, Elphaba suddenly blanched and quickly mumbled, "Look, I really don't feel hungry anymore, so I think I'll just—"

"Elphaba!" Galinda said exasperatedly. "What happened to 'let's pretend that we haven't done anything wrong'? We're going to go eat breakfast with the guys. We're not going to mention anything. . . . I mean, I had sex with Boq, how do you think that makes me feel?"

"But I had sex with your boyfriend, aren't you . . . mad at me?"

Galinda sighed sadly. "That really doesn't matter anymore, Elphaba."

"What, have you broken up?" Elphaba gasped, as they started making their way over to the table slowly. "Because of me? No, Galinda, you shouldn't have—!"

"We didn't break up," Galinda snapped. "Well—oh, but it's complicated. You'll find out in a little bit, I promise."

Elphaba was about to retort, but they had now reached the door, so she decided it could wait.

Fiyero was smiling, however vaguely, and Boq looked positively mortified. When the girls sat down, Elphaba took care to avert her eyes from Fiyero and particular, instead nodding at Boq, who replied, "Hello," in a rather wispy voice.

Galinda was beaming, but also, Elphaba noticed, not making eye contact with Boq, whose blush was tomato red. "Sooo," she said cheerily. "How is everyone?"

"Lovely," Fiyero said, sounding very wistful.

"Fine," Elphaba herself grunted, and Boq merely blushed brighter.

For a few moments, there was mere small talk, no one quite ready to talk about what had happened the night before. Galinda was overly cheerful, Fiyero was content with eating a muffin, Boq was messing half-heartedly with his scruffy hair, and Elphaba was fighting to control herself. It proved too much for her to handle eventually. She desperately wanted to scratch an itch on her finger, but didn't.

Elphaba sighed loudly. "Okay, I can't take this anymore," she muttered. She finally made eye contact with Fiyero, and he held her gaze. "Listen, Fiyero, to clear the air I must say that whatever . . . happened last night (because I really can't remember) I wish to assure you that I didn't mean any of it, and that we can all go back to the way things were as if nothing happened."

Fiyero's breath caught, and, suddenly, he went as pale as Boq was red. His normally golden skin milky, he cleared his throat, as if asking for backup from Galinda and Boq.

Boq had a convenient coughing fit, so Galinda said, "You really can't remember, can you?"

Elphaba's eyes narrowed.

"Elphie," Galinda said. "You know how you were saying something felt odd this morning? Well, just think about . . . think about it for a moment." Galinda's eyes flickered downward, and Elphaba recognized it as something that she had done earlier, too. Elphaba rapidly assessed her personal feelings, her mood, how cold her hands were. . . .

For a moment, she thought she realized what felt different. But it couldn't be that, surely?

Elphaba took a deep breath and moved her right hand. In the corner of her eye, she noticed a flicker of light dance across Galinda's forehead. She thought she was going to be sick, and lifted her hand tenderly to her face.

It was what she had thought, and yet what she hadn't wanted to think. Fitting thin around her fourth finger were a few strands of golden wire, all intertwined to fashion a truly beautiful ring. She slipped it off and stared at it in awe for a moment, then set it gingerly on the table. Then, she proceeded to scratch the itch on her finger, as she now knew the cause of it.

"Is this what I think it is?" she asked loudly, fiercely pointing at the ring after a pause.

The three of them nodded.

"So, you see, things can never truly be normal . . . because. . . ." Galinda began.

"Galinda, shut up," said Elphaba. After a moment's hesitation, she added, "Which one of you?" to Boq and Fiyero.

Boq and Fiyero looked at each other a moment, then Fiyero's hand went up slowly. "Me?"

At first, Elphaba looked as though she were about to laugh, smiling dopily. "You?" she asked sweetly.

Fiyero nodded, scared, and had a good reason to be. For then only a moment later, Elphaba let out a truly piercing shriek, and everyone in the room turned to look at her.

Fiyero smiled, and then hastily slid beneath the table.