Harry Potter and the Conference From Hell

Severus Snape was walking along an empty corridor in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. One might ask why this corridor was not crowded with students (or as Snape would put it, snot nosed dunderheads)

That, my friends, is because it is summer.

Yes the wonderful summer with heat, flowers, swimming and no school. For Severus Snape that would mean no dunder-……students interrupting his time with complaints on how long the homework was for that particular day.

Anyway, Snape was scowling his usually menacing scowl (surprising isn't it?) with his robes billowing behind him. One would also say that this is completely normal for this solitary man, and, said person would probably jump in to the nearest closet in fear of losing house points if he/she were in any house but Slytherin.

Now, anyone who might be watching this particular man closely they would come to the conclusion that the mystery person was mistaken.

Well, he wasn't mistaken about jumping in a closet out of fear part, fore that was entirely true.

But, he was mistaken about the scowl.

Yes, the scowl was technically the same. But, if you looked closely enough, you could see a vain throbbing in his head indicating that he was more angry than usual.

The dreaded vain throb only happens on two occasions.

Severus Snape is in some way listening, looking at, or breathing the same air as a Potter. (Doesn't really matter which Potter, they're all the same. The arrogant, self-absorbed bastards.)

Or:

One of his colleges has done something so stupid and/or frustrating that Snape is personally entitled to have a vain throbbing in his temple.

So in one word, Severus Snape was, in fact, pissed.

And not the drunk kind.

As he rounded the elongated corridor with a perfected scowl twitch on his face he heard people talking. And not just any people, his, on he can't bear to say it, dunderhead colleagues.

The leaders of said dunderheads being Dumbledore, and, shudder, Auriga Sinstra. Although he did owe Dumbledore his life, so he agrees to spare him of his extra wrath on those occasions that are few and far in between that he does choose to. But Sinstra, vile wench, had no sparing from him.

Severus Snape absolutely loathes Sinstra the horrid Astronomy professor. And Staff Meetings. But when it came to Sinstra, those Staff Meetings came far below her.

And incidentally he was heading to one such Staff Meeting including all of the staff. Shudder.

He sighed and prepared himself to walk into the Door of Horrorsand face is mental co-workers.

So closing his eyes for one second, Severus opened the door.

He was immediately greeted by the sight of all his colleagues standing around and waiting for Dumbledore.

Severus moved to the darkest corner of the room and stood there scowling. Sinstra looked at him across the room and commented loudly,

" So Snape, you have finally decided to grace us with your invigorating presence. All us lower life forms feel so touched."

Then she had the nerve to sweep into a deep curtsy and her friend, the equally horrid Arithmacy Professor Victoria Vector let out a loud unladylike snort.

Snape looked at her disdainfully. He then replied,

" I am touched you think so much of my presence Auriga"

She then promptly glared at him then told him hotly that he was a bastard.

As if he even cared what she thought of him. McGonagall snapped at both of them saying to stop behaving like children.

It was then that Dumbledore decided to make his dramatic entrance. He beamed all around the room and said,

"Good Morning everyone! Thank you all for staying after break has started it means so much to me. Because this really is important."

Snape refrained from rolling his eyes. Dumbledore then continued with his speech.

"This meeting has to do with the questions I asked all of you before the year ended."

Severus scowled at the memory. The old coot personally went to each and every college pestering them for days on what they were doing for their summer vacation. Surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly) none of the Professors were planning on doing anything extravagant for their vacation.

"Recently, I have came to the conclusion that some non-magic and a few magic parents aren't exactly evolved in this school. So, I have done some research and concluded that we will be holding what the muggles call, a parent-teacher conference."

Some of the professors looked mildly interested. Snape, however, wasn't fooled. He had heard about these conferences before. It's when teachers and Parents are suppose to see each other and discuss their child in great detail. Snape thought he had escaped the snot nosed ingrates for at least three months and didn't at all plan about discussing any of them.

Dumbledore started to explain what these conferences were and that the teachers would be traveling to each selected students house to talk to their parents.

In a whole group.

Severus' left eye started to twitch.

"Now, who is up for the idea?" Dumbledore asked.

More than half of the teachers chorused their agreement. (i.e. everyone but Snape)

Naturally, Dumbledore's eyes flew to Severus and he raised his eyebrows.

"You don't agree with the idea Severus?"

"Well Headmaster, my plans have thus changed since you asked me. I am afraid I will not be able to attend this 'parent teacher conference." Said Snape smoothly.

"Severus, it pains me to hear that, but majority rules. I suppose if you don't want to come you don't have to though it would mean a lot to me if you did." Dumbledore said this all in an I'm-disappointed-in-you-tone that he reserved for Snape.

Severus sighed. Once again the choice was up to him. Manipulating old sod.

"I suppose I could…..rearrange my plans Headmaster."

"Excellent!" clapped Dumbledore "We will start right now."

"Today?" Snape questioned, appalled.

"Yes! And seeing that we have a shortage on Defense Against the Dark Arts professors once again I have this young man filling in!"

Albus pointed to a short, balding man with fit cloths and a scar running down his right arm.

This man couldn't represent the post, thought Snape. The man himself was practically hopping from one foot to another in anticipation with a cheerful expression upon his face.

Severus glared but it didn't seem to faze the strange man.

"This everyone is Marafest Diggle, who works at the Magical Law enforcement office with his brother, Dedalus."

The man was so excited to be introduced by Albus Dumbledore that he dropped his top hat.

Figures.