Prince Remy

"I can't believe this is happening. This is a disaster," Pyro fretted as he paced back and forth in the recreation room. "International Throw a Neighbor Into an Obsidian Studded Giant Hollowed Out Cucumber in the Shape of a Snow Globe Filled With Rubber Seed Oil and Whipped Cream Week is starting and we don't have any whipped cream! Can you believe it? And we can't get any due to the severe whipped cream shortage and all the whipped cream makers in the world are on strike. What's wrong with these people? Don't they know what an important celebration this is?"

"Hmmm," Remy sighed distractedly while lying back on the couch.

"Oh sure, we could go and use something else like vanilla frosting or cream cheese or shaving cream," Pyro went on. "But that just wouldn't be proper now would it? No! We gotta stick to tradition and use whipped cream the way it was originally intended, am I right? I said, am I right?"

"Hmmm," Remy let out another sigh with his eyes half closed.

"Hey Gambit. Gambit?" Pyro moved over and waved his hand in front of Remy's face. "Earth to Gambit? Hello?"

"Huh?" Remy snapped out of his daze. "Oh, uh yeah, sure. Whatever."

"What's with you lately mate?" Pyro asked questioningly. "You feeling okay?"

"It's nothing," Remy tried to wave him off.

"You're thinking about that white-striped hair shelia again aren't you?" Pyro gave him a look.

"Yeah," Remy admitted. "I just can't get her out of my mind. There's something about her that draws me in and won't let go."

"Well why don't you just go talk to her already?" Pyro asked. "Lay on all that Cajun charm you boast about."

"I've tried," Remy said unhappily. "Didn't work. It was like pulling teeth just to get her to talk to me. Never had this problem before with any femme."

"Well what about impressing her with your powers? Or athletic abilities? Or some others skills shelia's usually go for in a guy," Pyro suggested.

"Uh, that might not be such a good idea," Remy coughed. "She's already seen an example of my powers and my...coordination abilities."

"And?" Pyro pressed.

"And...she didn't exactly walk away with a great first impression of either," Remy admitted.

"Oh, well then maybe you're just not her type," Pyro said.

"Hey, I'm Remy Lebeau," Remy looked highly offended. "I'm every femme's type. I just gotta find a way to grab her attention and get her interested."

"Well, maybe you need to show off a little more," Pyro scratched his head. "Try focusing on the whole thievery thing. Broadcast your triumphs and present yourself as royalty. Be a swashing, debonair figure with a catchy name that she'd love to come by and sweep her of her feet, like the Red Bandit or Errol Flynn or...?"

"The Prince of Thieves?" Remy suggested.

"Yes! That's great! She's gonna love that!" Pyro grinned and slapped Remy on the back. "Okay, let's get to work! We're gonna need some balloons, flowers, streamers, fireworks..."

"Now wait just a second," Remy held up his hands. "I don't know what you're thinking but I don't like the sound of it."

"Aw, come on Gambit. What do you have to lose?" Pyro asked.

"My reputation, my dignity," Remy ticked them off his fingers. "The little sanity I have left."

"Oh don't be so negative!" Pyro scolded him. "You wanna impress the shelia, right? Really knock her off her feet?"

"Well, yeah but..." Remy began.

"Alright! This is gonna be great!" Pyro started laughing maniacally.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Remy groaned.

"What are you two doing?" Piotr entered the room followed by Sabertooth and looked at Pyro for a second. "Or do I even want to know?"

"Hey mates! Gambit wants to impress a certain X-shelia. Wanna help?" Pyro looked at them eagerly.

"It will not hurt anyone or involve doing anything illegal will it?" Piotr asked.

"Nope, not a bit," Pyro shook his head.

"Well, okay," Piotr agreed.

"Great! Thanks Colossus. How about you?" Pyro turned towards Sabertooth.

"Forget it. I've got better things to do than waste time helping the Cajun get a girl," Sabertooth snorted in contempt.

"You might get a chance to fight Wolverine," Pyro said.

"Okay, I'm in," Sabertooth gave an evil chuckle. "Anything to have a shot at the runt."

"Oh boy," Remy whistled. "This better be good Pyro."

"Don't worry. She's gonna love this," Pyro grinned.

A short time later Kitty was walking down a hall on the second floor of the Institute. She happened to glance out a window and stopped dead at what she saw. "What the?"

"Hey, what are you looking at?" Rogue asked walking up to her.

"It's...like...it's...it's...like..." Kitty stammered and pointed outside.

"Geeze, snap out of it," Rogue moved up to the window. "Whatever it is can't be that weird...HOLY COW!"

"P...P...PROFESSER!" Kitty managed to shout.

"What is it Kitty?" Xavier wheeled into the foyer and glanced out the French glass doors. "Oh dear."

Outside approaching the front gates was Pyro waving a flaming baton and leading a huge line of marchers and musicians made out of fire. Behind them was an enormous metal float. The float was decorated like a royal barge with tons of flowers, golden dragon heads and a large raised throne in the middle. Standing on top of the throne and posing like a Greek god was Remy wearing a purple cape and a heroic grin. At the back of the float pushing the whole thing was Piotr in his armored form.

By now everyone had joined Xavier in the foyer staring out at the bizarre spectacle. "Man, what is that?" Kurt looked out in shock.

"Are we under attack?" Sam asked.

"Not exactly," Xavier sighed as Pyro sent out a large fireball that literally blew off the front gates. "It appears someone out there is trying to impress Rogue."

"You picked that up from reading their minds?" Amara asked.

"No, I just read the skywriting made out of fire," Xavier pointed at the huge jet of flame Pyro sent up which spelled out: HEY ROGUE! THE PRINCE OF YOUR DREAMS IS HERE!

"Oh no," Rogue covered her face with her hands. "This is so embarrassing."

"Don't worry" Logan growled and shot out his claws. "Those clowns are gonna pay."

CRASH!

The float broke through the remains of the gates along with most of the front wall. "Yahoo!" Pyro cheered as he led his fire marchers toward the Institute. "Onward men! Onward!"

"Yeah!" the fire marchers shouted and waved fire flags with Remy's face on them. "Make way for Prince Remy! Say hey! It's Prince Remy!"

"How the heck are those guys able to sing?" Bobby blinked in shock.

"Who cares! Beast! Activate the outside defenses!" Logan shouted.

"On it!" Hank punched keys into a nearby control console.

"All right, this is gonna be good," Ray cackled as multiple laser turrets sprang up out on the lawn.

Before they could shoot Remy pushed a button on his throne. Immediately several dozen hidden laser cannons popped out of their hiding places in the dragon mouths on the float and opened fire.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"Great, that went well," Jean groaned as the defenses were completely destroyed.

"Come on!" Pyro shouted as he made his way past the smoking laser turrets while waving his flaming baton. "Hey! Clear the way to the mansion far! Hey you! Let us through! Move that dumb old car!"

"MY CAR!" Scott screamed as some fire marchers picked it up and threw it at a tree.

BOOM!

"Oh come! Be the first to herald him, don't be shy!" Pyro sang as he danced past the remains of Scott's car.

"THAT'S IT! X-MEN TAKE THEM DOWN!" Scott shouted and ran out the door with his eyes glowing madly.

"Yeah! Let's get 'em!" Bobby cheered as they all ran after Scott.

"Make way! Here he comes! Ring bells! Bang the drums!" Pyro kept leading the procession toward the mansion. "Are you gonna love this guy!"

"I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU IN PIECES!" Scott yelled and was about to blast Pyro right before the dragon head lasers started firing again at him. "AAAHHHHHH!"

"YEEEOOOWWWWWW! THOSE THINGS HURT!" Evan shrieked as he was struck by lasers. The other X-Men were busy running around trying to avoid being hit.

"Prince Remy! Charming is he! Remy Lebeau!" Pyro sang happily as dozens of fireworks and balloons flew from the float and burst in the air. "Genuflect, show some respect! Down on one knee!"

"I'll put you down!" Logan roared and leapt at Pyro only to be tackled by Sabertooth. The two of them rolled around on the ground fighting.

"Now, don't you try to stay calm," Pyro waved his baton. "He's absolutely da bomb! Come on and join the spectacular jubilee!"

"I don't think so," Ororo stared to create a whirlwind but was hit in the face with a gas canister launched from the float. "Ack! Cough! What in world? Cough! Ohhh, I feel kind of dizzy..."

"Prince Remy! Stealthy is he! Remy Lebeau!" Remy began to strike different poses up on his throne as more balloons were released. "Strong and slick, dashing and quick, obviously!"

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" the X-Men screamed as a fleet of winged dragon robots rose from the float and started shooting rockets at them.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"He stole the British Crown Jewels," Pyro danced around merrily. "And the royal swimming pools! Who made the guards look like fools? Why, Prince Remy!"

"Yuck!" Kitty coughed as she was hit by another gas canister. Bobby, Ray, Jamie and Amara were hit as well. "Ewww! Like what was that? Whoa, why is everything starting to spin around in circles? Oh wow..."

"He's stolen two hundred and four diamond rings!" Pyro's fire marchers chanted in unison. "Silver goblets, he's nicked sixty-three!"

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Sabertooth and Logan rolled by with their hands around each other's throats.

"When it comes to exotic rare gemstones!" Several compartments on the float opened up revealing large piles of jewels. "Pearl, jade, tanzanite! Alexandrite! It's a mountain of jewelry!"

"Oh dear, this is not going well," Hank gulped as the fighting continued on the front lawn and fireworks lit the air. "Storm see if you can knock out Pyro and we can...Storm?" Hank blinked as he watched Ororo stagger around the lawn in some kind of daze. "Storm are you all right?"

"Prince Remy! Gorgeous is he, Remy Lebeau!" Ororo giggled and danced around with her eyes glazed over. "That physique! How can I speak? Weak at the knee!"

"What the?" Hank's jaw dropped as Ororo sang and started shooting out random bolts of lightning. Then he noticed Ray, Bobby, Jamie, Kitty and Amara were all acting similarly. "Oh great! The gas must have affected them somehow."

"His red-on-black eyes are cool!" Kitty giggled uncontrollably.

"That splendid attractive fool!" Amara swooned and nearly fell on her face.

"Come gawk and ogle and drool at Prince Remy!" The two of them linked arms and started skipping around the lawn.

"Will you two stop goofing off and help us here?" Jean shouted and was distracted long enough for Pyro to set her hair on fire. "AAAHHHHHH! MY HAIR!" Jean screamed and started running around in circles.

Pyro and the fire marchers parted to let the float take the lead toward the mansion. "He's purloined ninety-five solid gold trumpets!"

"He's got the trumpets, let's hear the trumpets!" Ray, Bobby and Jamie sang and danced around with their powers running amok.

"Even stole a rare Stradivari!" Remy held up the said violin as more fireworks went off.

"He's marvelous, so marvelous!" Kitty and Amara cheered happily while waving their arms in the air.

CRUNCH!

The float ran over the front water fountain and broke it to pieces. Water gushed out and ran everywhere.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Jean shrieked still running around with her hair on fire.

"He's swiped Fabergé eggs, doubloons and silk carpets!" Pyro lead the fire marchers around the broken fountain remains. "He does it for fun!"

"Get these things away from us!" Sam and Roberto flew through the air with dragon robots on their tails.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"He's second to none! Never outdone! A grand master of thievery!" the fire marchers sang and waved their flags. "That Remy!"

"Uh oh," Hank gulped as the massive float reached the front steps.

"Prince Remy!"

"Look out!" Kurt shouted and teleported out of the way just as the float smashed through the entire front wall of the mansion.

CRASH!

"Prince Remy! Amorous he! Remy Lebeau!" Pyro happily skipped around the resulting piles of rubble. "Wanted to get to know Rogue intimately!"

"WHAT?!" Logan roared and leapt at Remy with murder in his eyes only to be grabbed by Sabertooth and thrown through a wall.

"That's it! This has gone on too far," Xavier prepared to wipe their minds only for a piece of the ceiling to fall and knock him out. "Oooh..."

"And that, Xavier, is why we all got up and dropped by!" Pyro laughed and spread his arms wide. "With tons of fireworks, chaos galore! With lasers and fistfights! Explosions and more!"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Scott ran by with a dragon robot still shooting at him.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"With destruction in tow, a big inferno! It's total insanity!" Pyro lit the chandelier on fire. "Make way for Prince Remy!"

"Oh my," Rogue stood at the bottom of the stairs gawking at the huge float parked in the foyer.

"Bonjour chérie!" Remy triumphantly descended from his throne and made his way toward Rogue. "I Remy, the Prince of Thieves, am here to ask you out on a date!"

"I...I...I..." Rogue stared at him in shock.

"Yes?" Remy gave her his most charming smile. "What do you say?"

"You...you..." Rogue's face turned red. "You...are absolutely incredible!"

"Of course," Remy smirked and swished his cape around dramatically. "Like I'd be anything less?"

"That was amazing!" Rogue gasped and reached for him.

"Well, it was nothing really...whoa!" Remy yelped as Rogue went and dipped him, their faces just inches apart.

"What can I do to make up for all the rude ways I've treated you?" Rogue whispered and slowly began to move her face towards his.

"I can think of one thing," Remy grinned and leaned in for a kiss.

"Oh Gambit...Gambit," Rogue's lips were almost touching his. "Gambit...Gambit...HEY GAMBIT WAKE UP!"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Remy's eyes snapped open and he instinctively tried to sit up.

BAM!

"Ohhh," Remy moaned as he lay on the floor having fallen off the recreation room couch.

"Good, you're awake," Pyro stood over him. "We have a major crisis on our hands."

"Aw, man," Remy groaned as he slowly climbed back onto the couch. "I should have known that was a dream. Especially if I was taking romantic advice from Pyro."

"I can't believe this is happening," Pyro began to pace back and forth. "This is a disaster. International Throw a Neighbor Into an Obsidian Studded Giant Hollowed Out Cucumber in the Shape of a Snow Globe Filled With Rubber Seed Oil and Whipped Cream Week is starting and we don't have any whipped cream! Can you believe it?"

"The dragon robots should have been a major tip off. Like Mags would ever have those just lying around the base and...huh?" Remy shot up and looked at Pyro. "What the...?"

"And we can't get any due to the severe whipped cream shortage and all the whipped cream makers in the world are on strike," Pyro went on not noticing the shocked look on Remy's face. "What's wrong with these people? Don't they know what an important celebration this is?"

"It's just a coincidence," Remy tried to convince himself. "I can't dream the future. There's no way that dream could really happen."

"Oh sure, we could go and use something else like vanilla frosting or cream cheese or shaving cream, but that just wouldn't be proper now would it?" Pyro asked. "No!"

"Then again, if there is even a tiny chance it could come true..." Remy rubbed his chin in thought.

"We gotta stick to tradition and use whipped cream the way it was originally...huh?" Pyro stopped as he felt Remy slip an arm around his shoulder. "Uh, what is it, mate?"

"Oh, nothing," Remy smiled and guided both of them towards the door. "Say, how'd you like to help me pay someone a little visit?"