Reptile In The Fast Lane

Chapter 1: A Boring Old Day?

Today was turning out to be a normal, miserable old day for a certain Randall Boggs… Nothing out of the ordinary had happened, and Randall wished that he would have a little more action inside his life. Everything just seemed to revolve around work, work and work! Yeah sure… he had to work because he had to eat, he just wished it would be a little more interesting sometimes. Huh, even as in interesting he would like the world to be announced doomed or a volcano would explode.

'Like if that would ever happen…' he thought gloomily to himself. Truth be told, he'd even do the extreme and MAKE something happen! As he strolled lazily along the concrete path to the looming Monsters Incorporated factory. His stubby toes made the usual pitter-patter as all four of his limb segments moved in an odd pattern. His hands lay almost discarded against his cord body with his fingers giving the little twitch if needed at all. His eyes lay fixed upon the scenery in front of his path while his fronds bounced casually up and down on his head from his movements. Even his tail just swayed boringly side to side. Yep, nothing was out of the ordinary about the reptile himself. Stopping at the curb line of the fine walkway, he turned to the side and forced the button to alert the light signals down and waited impatiently.

"What's taking so long?" He muttered intolerantly while crossing his arms awkwardly and tapping one foot on the ground. Everything was just trying to get on his nerves today. Its not like anything was doing it especially because Randall was stressed out, it was just his sense of timing was not that accurate, due to his lack of consciousness to the world around him. The illuminated 'Don't Stalk' sign above his ratio of vision glowed attractively and if Randall were paying attention to it, he would have almost been traumatized by its distinctive hypnotism. Finally, the repeated light retreated and the 'Stalk' sign finally relieved its distant cousin from its job. Much to his relief, Randall continued forward on his relatively simple but depressing journey to the factory. He began to study the most common of objects around him. The graffiti covered bus station, which happened to have sprawled across it a very vulgar swear word, was an appalling sight. It was falling apart as it is and didn't need yobs pushing it into more misery. Not many people were using many of the free transport services around the place anymore since purchases of cars were much more common than before.

'Now there is a fine contraption. Something worth inventing.' Randall thought to himself, knowing he himself was correct. He almost thought the whole idea of a moving structure meant to carry a number of sized passengers was phenomenal and an invitation to what these inventors could really pull out of the hat. Randall's great love of mechanical machines and vehicles really got the best out of him at times. If people would take more interest in talking about the dynamics of an aeroplane, perhaps they could take away most of Randall's arrogant attitude and at least have a very decent and nice conversation with him, but sadly, not many people at Monsters Incorporated shared his own love.

Almost tripping over an out struck pavement block, Randall found himself back in the realms of reality. He silently cursed the outranged builder who the main council of Monstropolis had chosen to arrange this path. Ok, at least they had mostly succeeded in the placement of the other blocks… It was just Randall's own misfortune that he had happened to stumble upon that one particular slate. Anyway, that wouldn't matter to him anymore as he had finally arrived at his outcome destination. The colossal factory laid a large shadow over the many buildings and the outstretched car park around its mighty birth land. Randall could almost hear the constant shrill of screams in the background landscape. Closing his slit eyes and taking a gulping sigh of fresh monster world air, he strutted forward with pride towards his soul workplace. He had so many memories with this place and he couldn't get over them all at once… Some were pleasant memories. Others were not so nice and difficult to talk about. Randall shivered at the mere thought of all of the embarrassing times and hoped that none of his colleagues still remembered any of those, eh, 'incidents'. He began to weave his way in and out between the different sized vehicles parked in the perfectly painted spaces. The boss didn't waste any time in ordering some of the BEST painters in the whole dimension! Randall growled suddenly as all of this weaving business was giving him a headache. Why did all of the extremely big monsters own cars? Why oh why… Finally exiting the labyrinth of vehicles, he moved towards the shiny metallic doors, which would lead to the main lobby of the biggest producer of power in the country. Randall thought it was a nice effect to have a lot of palm trees situated along the lines. Added a bit of superiority to the building and, to his surprise, a sense of calmness, like it was getting you ready for the biggest shock of your life. Well, Randall would hardly call it a 'shock'. Perhaps he was just too used to the setting, since he had already been working here for four years!

Grasping the cold steel in his chubby hands, Randall opened the door and was nearly overwhelmed by the flood of monsters just inside the door. He was stuck inside by force from a passer buyer who had happened to get their flailing limb stuck on his belly. Randall grunted with surprise and called after the ignorant fool.

"Watch where you're going idiot!" He shouted threatingly. Of course he was completely unheard inside the bustling crowd who were chattering in a busting repeat of noise. Randall headed to the side of the room quickly and waited a few seconds to let the room finally calm itself down. This was again, a usual welcome for him. Only the odd one passing person shouted a quick hi before continuing on his or her route. Its like nobody seemed to care about the certain lizard monster and that they would be better of if he weren't even there to bother them. Randall decided to think nothing of the sort and proceeded to walk towards the Men's Locker rooms to get ready for the days quota. He just hoped that by wouldn't notice him…

"Hey Randall!" A shrilly voice flung itself into his tiny ears. Randall grimaced, not facing the figure that had decided to chat to him and turned swiftly around in a whir of lilac scales. He knew EXACTLY who this was. Celia Mae. Randall faked a warm smile towards her and paced over to the grey reception desk. The sight that greeted him was the sheer amount of phones that were stationed only a few centimetres apart from each other. Celia's one eye seemed to flutter before him and Randall cleared his throat as if to answer her call.

"I just wanted to say that Fungus asked me to give you this!" She continued on, oblivious to his hidden scowl. Her snakes seemed to nod in agreement with her speech and squeaked along. Celia then revealed a squarely set white envelope before Randall's very own sparkling, emerald eyes. This was not what Randall had been expecting and he raised an imaginary eyebrow.

"THIS is for me?" He asked questionably, not wanting to take the wrong packaging if it was meant for another monster. Celia looked a little offended by his sudden question.

"Uh, I'd think I would know if Fungus said RANDALL." She emphasised bravely. She did have a point… as annoying as Fungus was, he wouldn't get the slightest calculation wrong. He was really my very own personal brain box if he had to be. Celia then handed the fine piece of paper out to me. I gradually leaned forward to take it.

"Well take it then!" She struck out, getting inpatient with me.

"Alright, alright lady! Take it easy!" Randall protested back. He then took it from the palm of her tentacles and looked at it suspiciously, hanging it out in front of him with one hand like it was infected with disease. A look of disgust slowly crossed his face and Celia huffed out and folded her arms.

"Are you going to open it or what?" Celia enquired, obviously curious as to what I had received. Randall's expression turned into a look of control and glared at her with one eye further open than the other. He grinned playfully and turned his back to her, clutching the envelope to his chest.

"I'm not sure I want too…" He beamed, nearly chuckling at his antics. Celia looked at him with a tired expression, not wanting to laugh at his stupid jokes. Randall turned back round and opened his arms out innocently with his mouth agape.

"Alright, alright! If that's what you want already…" He joked with a short chortle. He then eyed the paper carefully and began to slowly tear the letter open. His fronds began to lay back closer to his head in concentration. Eventually opening the slit so he could pull the object from within, a puzzled expression came across his face. What the heck was it?

"Well?" Celia asked hopefully. Randall didn't say anything, but without giving a single blink, pulled the substance out of the paper. His expression was defiantly memorable as his eyes widened out wide and his mouth fell agape, leaving a slithery tongue to fall slowly out.

Fungus had sent him a birthday card…

'Happy Birthday' was noticeably spread across the length of the cardboard. Below the yellow and red funny coloured lettering was a picture of a giant cake with blue icing and yellow crusts that seemed to stick right out of the very page. If the front was embarrassing enough, the entry on the inside was much more worse… As soon as the card was opened fully, an annoying tune floated out of the inside and echoed around the giant room. It was to be identified as the disturbing 'Birthday song'. On the insert was a neatly written note saying:

To Randall

From Fungus

As soon as Celia heard the noise, she knew instantly what Randall had been expecting. Her eye widened in shock that Randall had not mentioned this anytime sooner, even though he had only just entered the building.

"Its your birthday?" She managed to squeak out before pulling a beaming smile of congratulations. Randall looked up from being sucked into the card and a look of denial spread across his muzzle.

"What? No!" He rejected, his eyes turning again back into slits. "Well, not yet anyway…" Celia's eye became a look of confusion.

"What do you mean not yet?" She stated confidently. "Its either it is or it isn't! There is no 'not yet' about it." Randall spoke again almost instantly after she had finished.

"Well, it's not my birthday until two days from now." He retorted simply. He than began to flick the tip of his tail limb back and forth in an agitated stance. Suddenly, he heard a voice that was one of the voices he was expecting the least to hear from, for it was one of his archenemies.

"Whose birthday is it?" Questioned a very confused Mike Wazowski. The eyeball was stumbling slowly up to the desk with his pompous fur rug of a friend close on his, well um, body.

"Yeah!" Sullivan spoke up cheerfully. "Who's in need for the celebrations." A giant grin spread across his fur covered face and he looked down upon the rest of the short monsters around him. Randall looked away from the boastful pair and pretended that he wasn't there. Gosh, he wished that he cold materialise, but it would be too predictable from him. He decided to let Celia do the explaining instead of himself.

"Hey Googley Bear!" She almost screamed in utter delight. "It's supposedly Randall's birthday soon." Randall then bit his bottom lip, careful not to make himself begin to bleed by his pearl white fangs, but this made him feel more comfortable. Mike's face turned into a expression of glee and his eyelid closed halfway down. He leaned his arm against the side of the large plank of wood and eyed Randall down with a grin.

"It is huh?" He drawled out sarcastically. Just typical Mike… always boasting off even though it was close to Randall's very own special day. "And how old will the boy be?" He continued on suddenly, drawing Randall's arrogant attention. He turned around in a blast and loomed over Mike, showing his true height.

"I'll be younger than you, that is." He pointed out, giving his very own trademark grin. Mike began to look very bored and yawned inappropriately to the side.

"At least I've had more experience than you Randall." He smirked at Randall's predictable scowl. Mike then snatched the card boisterously out of his very palm and opened it up to hear the irritating music.

"Aww Randall… Fungus does have a heart for you." He tauntingly cheered. Randall almost felt his scales blend into a deep red colour, although in reality, he was blushing on his purple, fleshy cheeks. The embarrassment suddenly left his face and he took the card instantly back, snapping it shut in disregard.

"Can it Wazowski!" He dared, showing his teeth and pointing a very dangerous finger towards the smaller figure. Sulley then decided to contrast the situation because he had just been sidestepping an encounter with his nemesis, but because it was close to the one enjoyment that Randall had only to care most about for the year, he decided to show his gratitude towards the lizard monster.

"Well, congratulations Randall! Hope you have a nice birthday." He emitted in a happy sounding tone. It seemed extremely twisted to Randall who spoke disrespectfully back.

"Thanks but I don't want any admirers." He replied venomously, waving a plain hand at him like he was a servant begging for food. Sullivan's expression turned into a look of shock, which faded into disappointment.

"Oh, well ok. I'll be here if you need me." He smiled once again at his 'opponent'. Randall's eyes widened and he looked back angrily.

"Huh!" He puffed out ferociously. "Like you've never been before, why now?"

"Alright, alright!" Celia nervously commented, waving her arms. She was the definite peacemaker of our little group. "That's enough… ALL of you!" Mike's one eye flung open with such force he nearly fell over from the impact.

"But Celia, he's the one who…" Celia's glare that said 'if looks could kill, you'd be dead by now' silenced him off. He crossed both of his arms obscurely and looked like a child that had just been denied ice cream. Randall tried to snort in laughter, watching the ridiculous scene of Celia pretending to be Wazowksi's mother play out. He then discovered that most of the other scarers and assistants in the room were watching them all closely and to break the inconceivable pause between them all, he shouted back out to them all.

"What are you all looking at, huh?" Everybody then immediately turned back into what they were doing, whether that be running off to the scare floor or having a nice little conversation with a neighbour… or really just whatever the hell they were doing in the first place. Randall gave a massive sigh of the uncomforting dilemma and ran a straight hand through his fronds, making them scatter in all directions across his broad head. His blank face suddenly turned into an evil like array of teeth.

"Well, I'm sorry to spoil all of your moments here, but I've gotta get going now. You know how it is with the scaring and all." He spoke confident and with the truth, something that people believed was rare with this species of monster. Since it was by the fact that 'serpents' were incredibly sly and not someone who is trustworthy. Randall then started to advance backwards, his feet seemingly criss crossing each other. His smile then disappeared and some sort of hate appeared.

"See you both on the scare floor." He said darkly, and with a swish of his scales bristling in the breeze he created, Randall was racing down the corridor towards the locker rooms. The three remaining crew looked after him, watching him disappear around a bend. The tense situation was broken by another stupid and brainless comment.

"So, what was that all about?" Wazowski asked curiously. The rest of the monsters just rolled their eyes, Sulley especially. A look of innocence crossed his face like Mike didn't have a clue what was going on.

"What?"

In the pale environment of the locker rooms was the agitated figurine of Randall Boggs, who was looking straight inside his very own personal locker. He was looking, almost in a trance, at the birthday card he had received only a few minutes ago. Truth be told, he had actually forgotten that it was his birthday in two days, but of course had rung the memory bell after opening the card. But the thing he wondered was why would Fungus even bother with a birthday card? It was unlike him to show any type of admiration towards him. He just blabbered on and that was it right? Is that all he did? Or did he really care about what had happened to the lizard monster everybody knows? So many questions were buzzing through his considerably intelligent brain… and he knew that most of them would not be answered because secretly, he didn't have the guts to ask Fungus any such thing. He actually hardly even knew any personal details about his very own assistant! He didn't know where he lived, if he had any kids or not. He didn't even know his age! Gosh, all he knew is that he was like a very irritating bug that would not go away. Is that all he really thought of the only persona he would consider being a friend? Or maybe even a friend at all? Yes of course… He had to be. Randall had no other friends at all. He reasoned himself as too arrogant to make anybody like him, but that was Randall's natural nature with people, so could you really blame him for something like that? The thoughts were replaying themselves over and over again inside his mind like clockwork and Randall decided to try and shake it off. Placing the card upright on the inside of his tight, dark locker, he slammed the door shut and shifted the dial to make sure nobody could re enter it.

"Happy Birthday." Mumbled a sudden voice, bouncing off the small tight walls of the room. Randall's fronds perked up at the obliviously hidden person. His eyes narrowed and he looked around to try and find the intruder in his own private conscious thoughts.

"Hmm?" He asked in a small voice, trying not to panic at the intrusion. This time, he caught the monster that had said it to him. The mint coloured monster rounded the corner of the stacks upon stacks of lockers, shifting his stumpy tentacles about the ground to move. He recognised who it was instantly and relaxed his previously tense muscles. It was Charlie, George's assistant who happened to work right next to me in the station next door. His classic Monsters Incorporated helmet moved swiftly around his head, clanging in the stalks that held his eyes.

"I said, Happy Birthday." Charlie repeated, still moving slowly up to Randall. He finally stopped about a metre in front of the lizard monster and gazed up at his round eyes. Inside his head, Charlie was thinking if anyone in this entire building had took a notice to particular details of Randall, whether that would be his nature or just his mood. He would think that people would definatly notice his 'mood', since he was profound for having a 'bad attitude' towards other people, but he wondered if anybody else had even cared to notice 'little details' about Randall and not his more noticeable features? Probably not, since his behaviour is not exactly inviting you to speak with him with open arms. But this little chat was beginning to turn out ok.

"Oh." Randall replied finally. He proceeded to lean up against the locker, twisting his body this and that to get into a suitable position to talk and lie half down. "You heard?" He continued in a cocky form. Charlie huffed out in a sincere way.

"Who wouldn't? You were shouting like a train engine." A chuckle entered Randall's throat, but he managed to hold it down enough to let a single 'ha' escape his mouth. Wanting to change the subject, Randall brought up another conversation.

"So, uh…" He reached around with one of his arms and scratched a small itch on his vertebrae. "How is Georgie doing then?" He asked with a little interest. He wanted to keep this going for a little while… perhaps this might turn out a little subtler than his last conversation that was so rudely interrupted. Charlie's face turned into a grateful grin and he began to ponder about George's performance.

"Oh, he's doing fine. He's been having his fur grow back for a while now." He laughed, knowing of George's many decontaminations. Yep, he had so many; you couldn't remember the total amount. Maybe he was just the natural clumsy monster. I smirked too, but didn't laugh as hard as Charlie was. This was actually, nice… a conversation which didn't include mechanical influences that I was actually enjoying. Anyway it is nice to get to know your neighbours, even if it isn't the proper definition. Without warning, Charlie suddenly did a massive gasp, finally realising what time it was.

"Oh my gosh! I should be out on the scare floor." His tentacles clasped over his mouth as he raced to get out of the room. "I'm sorry Randall, but like they say, duty calls!" He called back to the lizard monster, frowning gently at him.

"Well, I think I'd better be going too then." Randall replied attentively, knowing that he was right. "But Charlie…" he hollered for a second, watching as the sprinting monster turned around. And at that moment, Randall said something he thought he would never say to any other monster besides his self…

"Thank you." He smiled warmly towards him, showing that he truly meant what he said. Charlie frowned again, wondering what he had deserved for such a nice reply.

"For what?" He asked muddled. Randall looked straight into the beams of Charlie's absorbing sea blue eyes.

"For one of the most decent conversations I've had in a long, LONG time." Randall emphasized long irresistibly because it was certainly true. He hadn't had the chance to even TALK to somebody for a long time. For the last time, Charlie smiled before finally exiting the room with the slam of the locker rooms entrance door.

Maybe this day isn't so boring after all?