Message:: I don't have much to say, cept it's been awhile. My 10 year old sister is in the hospital and I'm a complete wreck. Needed to vent my energies somewhere. I haven't answered messages yet, but I promise I will. Sorry. There isn't going to be an author's note at the bottom, so get it here.
1. Eat You Alive? Working on it. If anyone wants to help me research the Denali Vampires (didn't pay much attention to them except for Tanya), I'd be very grateful.
2. Anyone have a wii? I'll exchange friend codes and we can totally go against each other :] (just set up wii stuffs so I'm all excited).
3. Yay! I turned 16 yesterday! :D
4. **This story can be interpreted many different ways. There's going to be confusion. Please review & ask any questions you need answered.
Important:: Oneshot is entirely in Edward's point of view. The time frame is five years after New Moon if Edward never came back, and Alice never saw Bella jump off the cliff. Inspiration from the song "Breakin'", by the All-American Rejects. Please take the time to listen to it. It's very very good.
Breaking (is what the heart is for)
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Hold on tight—
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Wrap your arms around me 'till your knuckles are burning white.
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All your tears—
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Couldn't match the bitter taste of all these wasted years.
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((fast forward::--))
I loved her.
I love her.
She loved me.
It had been five years.
One thousand eight hundred and twenty-five days—
"Because I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human."
... since I'd last seen her. Last heard her voice.
Since I left her alone in the forest of Forks, Washington.
"You're not good for me, Bella."
Where I left her was where I left my heart.
I missed her.
I missed her so much.
Too much.
More than I should.
It hurts to think about her. It's hard for me to be around anyone. Anything. Anything that can remind me of her.
... I can't escape the memories of her.
... but I don't know that I want to.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?... I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself— for him."
I left my family because I didn't want them to see how miserable I was.
My behavior is pathetic.
I was acting like a lovesick teenager—
... maybe because that was exactly what I was.
"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me."
I told Alice to never use her visions to look into Bella's future.
I wouldn't have any of it. I would hear her thoughts. I would know.
And I didn't want to be reminded.
Leaving my family was for the better.
I didn't answer their calls. In fact, I threw my phone away.
... in an alleyway. In France. Or was it Russia?...
I don't remember. I don't care. Nothing matters anymore.
"I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again."
I knew I would slip. I knew that, eventually, I'd have to go back.
To check on her.
To make sure she was happy.
My name is Edward Cullen—
"You can go on with your life without any more interference from me."
— and leaving my love in Forks is the biggest mistake in my entire existance.
"It will be as if I'd never existed."
I ignored the voices in my head, screaming at me, cursing at me, to stay where I was. To not take my final step.
But it was too late.
They were too late.
I was too late.
I closed my eyes. It was almost noon. The bright, hot sun nearly lit up the square.
It was the start of another day—
— and the end of mine.
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You take take—
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Everything that wasn't even yours.
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Wait wait—
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You don't got a hold of me anymore.
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((--:: Rewind))
Her voice still resonates in my head. Haunts every thought. Plagues my mind.
... and blesses me all at once.
Bittersweet.
Forks. I need to go back to Forks. I need to see her. I can't wait. I can't stay away any longer.
I was in South America. I was a mess. A wreck. A fucking train wreck.
She was the only person who could bring me back to life.
So I did what I wanted to do the moment I left—
... go back.
To her.
To everything I knew. Everything I wanted.
I bought the fastest plane ticket I could to Washington state. As I sat in the waiting area, I became painfully aware of my appearance. Messy hair. Disheveled clothes. Black eyes. Bruises underneath them.
I hoped that they weren't too apparent.
"Flight 620 leaving for Washington in twenty minutes. Boarding has begun. Please begin to make your way to Terminal 17—" the stoic voice said over the loudspeaker.
I was the first one on that damn plane.
The plane eventually took off. It was when we were finally in the sky that the feeling was worse.
Faster than running... Faster than running...
I spoke to no one.
My mind was going a mile a minute.
I occupied my time by thinking about what I would say to Bella. My one chance to bring her into my arms and tell her I love her— and that was the reason why I had let her go. I ran a hand through my messy hair and growled under my breath. I didn't sound convincing. I was in trouble.
I did not want to screw this up.
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For so long—
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I've had to bite my tongue... but what's the point if the feelings gone—?
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I turn my head—
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Learned I only see some memory but all I see is red.
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When the plane landed in Washington, I was nervous and scared. I didn't know what her reaction to me would be. To say I was terrified was an understatement.
A car was waiting for me outside the airport. It was black and particularly fast... for which I was grateful.
The familiar trees of Forks welcomed me home. The smell of Forks welcomed me home. The rainy weather welcomed me home.
And needless to say, I was happy to be back.
Happy. I haven't been able to smile in five years, yet here I am, giddy.
What would I tell her?
I missed you. I love you so much. I'm so, so sorry.
The words didn't sound enough. There had to be more I could give her. There had to be.
I brought with me what I could. A bracelet with diamond heart charm. It was a little trinket Carlisle gave to me, saying it was from my mother. Its cold, hard, and shimmered in the sunlight.
Sound familiar?
I closed my eyes. It was a habit when I was frustrated. Even when I was driving. At 102mph.
She would be at the glorious age of twenty-three when I saw her. She would be... human. I would be happy. Happy she was living the life I intended for her. A human life.
And then I pulled up into her driveway. Charlie's cruiser wasn't here, and neither was her big red piece of metal. I smiled at the memory. Maybe she finally decided to get rid of it. The house smelled of her, her father, and... some other people that smelled rather... disgusting. I crinkled my nose as I walked up. Something was off, I realized. There was only one heartbeat in the house.
I knocked on the door. A slightly familiar man opened it.
"Edward...?"
I know who this is... I thought.
"Billy Black?" I asked. Was he visiting Charlie?
"Dear God. It is you. What are you doing back in Forks?" His voice flashed with anger, and then sadness. His mind was jumbled. I couldn't hear his thoughts through the haze.
"I'm here to see Bella," I replied simply.
Billy tensed up. "She's not here."
She hasn't been for seven months now...
"Is Charlie here?" I was so numb that my vampire senses weren't even working right.
"No. Edward, he died last year. After Bella's—" he stopped himself. He didn't even think of the word. What was going on? "Anyway, I'm watching the house for him until someone buys it. As for Bella, do some more searching, Cullen. She doesn't live here anymore. Moved out a couple months now. She has a house here in Forks. I do believe that she went out tonight with—" He stopped.
With who?
"Just tell me where—"
"I will do no such thing."
His thoughts became painfully clear then. Images of Bella when I left her. Torn. Damaged. Destroyed.
Everything I was doing... just froze. I froze. I didn't blink. I didn't breathe. I couldn't do anything.
This is what I had done to her. I clutched my shirt where my heart was.
The pain... make it stop...
And then the door was shut in my face, leaving images in my mind to torment me.
And you know what?
I fucking deserved every bit of it.
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Don't don't—
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Say it didn't happen that way.
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I won't won't—
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Believe another word that you say.
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I drove the Aston Martin as fast as it could go on the highway. I knew the distinct smell of Bella's blood from miles away. I was in-tuned with her. Sychronized, if you will.
She was in Port Angeles.
I drove down the familiar streets, not bothering to stop at the red lights.
It was dark out. The rain came down hard on the windshield as buildings passed me in a blur. I was too anxious. I needed to calm down...
And then I saw our restaurant. The restaurant I took her to all those years ago, after I saved her...
I swerved perfectly into a parking spot next to a big red truck.
She was here.
I took a deep breath, and my hands trembled on the steering wheel. I wasn't ready, yet I wanted to go in with all I had. I managed to pry a hand off the steering wheel and run a hand through my hair.
It became a habit since I left her.
I closed my eyes and stepped out of the car and into the restaurant. Déjà vu hit me hard. I clenched my fists at my sides as my eyes scanned the crowded restaurant.
And then my eyes fixed on a particular table. I saw her. The back of her, rather. Her long brown hair was down against her back and a passing waitress caused her scent to flow into my senses.
My thirst multiplied to the highest extreme. An awful burning in the back of my throat came into the forefront of my mind.
And I loved it.
Masochistic as I am, I'd put up with the pain if I could be with her again.
A man was with her. He had dark skin, and long hair in a low ponytail. I searched my memory and a certain name came ito my head.
Jacob Black.
Next to Jacob was a little boy with black hair and chocolate brown eyes. The boy looked across everyone in the restaurant and smiled at me. I looked into his eyes, and something about them made me smile back.
Reality was suffocating.
That boy was hers. He had her smile. He had her eyes.
And Jacob—
I saw Bella's hand reach for a drink and on her fourth finger... was a ring.
—was her husband.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Sir, can I help you?" A waitress came over with some menus in her hand.
I ignored her thoughts, and tried my best to answer.
"No, I'm... waiting for someone..." My voice was low, barely audible.
The waitress seemed to hear my mumble, and she nodded and left to deliver the drinks on her tray.
And suddenly, a voice from Bella's table caught my attention.
"I'll take him..." I heard Jacob say. "We'll only be a minute."
I looked over to them.
Jacob helped the little boy out of the booth and look to Bella with a "Be right back,". He took the little boy by the hand and led him towards the bathrooms.
I pulled over the waitress who had approached me before.
"Can you tell the woman sitting alone-? Yes, the one with the brown hair- to meet me outside?" My voice was hoarse and rough. It didn't sound like me... at all.
The waitress was a bit... "dazzled", as Bella puts it, because for about twenty seconds she just stared at me. But, finally, she nodded and went towards the booth. I sighed and went out the door.
My hood was up, shielding my eyes and hair. A few stray pieces fell out from behind the shroud, however. Never could seem to to keep my hair tame. I was in the front of the restaurant; the lights on the building were illuminating me just enough to keep my presence known. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. I heard the entrance door to my left open and close. I heard her walk towards me and I finally looked up at her. I exhaled slowly, and then I smiled. She was so so beautiful. More beautiful than I remembered.
"Excuse me, sir?" she said softly.
Her voice flowed like a symphony.
"... someone told me you wanted to meet me outside? Do I know you?"
"Yes, I wanted to see you," I said softly. "As for the second question..."
She gasped, and something sparked behind her eyes... as if she knew who I was at that instant.
I pulled her towards me— at this point, I didn't even care if she didn't realize who I was— and my lips were against hers. Passion ignited and every single fiber of my body screamed for her. I had her against the wall, my hands resting on the wall beside her head.
And what I realized was strange was... she didn't try to fight against me. She didn't want to pull away. Her lips molded to mine and kissed me like I never allowed her to. And that's when the pieces fell into place.
She knew who I was.
And words weren't needed.
Her arms wound around my neck and went underneath my hood, pulling it down. Trailing upwards, her fingers ran through my hair and then gripped it, pulling me closer.
Closer.
Vemon pooled in my mouth. I hadn't feed in two months. I forced it back down my throat. I would not succumb to thirst. Not now.
We were drenched. With one of my hands, I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a small box. I placed it one of her hands. I could hear Jacob coming back to the table. There was not much time.
I pulled away from her, and finally let her get a good look at me. My dark eyes locked with hers.
"I love you..." I whispered, panting. "And I never stopped..."
"Don't lea—"
My hands caressed her face, running down her neck and to her shoulders. She shivered and bit her lip, stopping her sentence.
"Live a happy life for me. No matter what happens to me, please..."
"What do you mean 'no matter what happens—'"
My lips pressed against her forehead and I smiled, "I wish I could have been so much more... for you. I wish I could have give you what Jacob can give you...I wish... I wish I could have been human for you..."
And then I had to tear myself away from her. I was in my car the an instant, and driving away from her in the next.
My eyes burned. I wanted to cry. I wanted to be able to... I wanted to vent my pain.
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When I see you in a silhouette—
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And you hold close—
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Do you feel regret...?
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... Keeping me down when I hit the floor...
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And I figured it out, girl—
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Breaking's what the heart is for.
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((fast forward::--))
I could hear my family's voices in my head. They were rushing— trying to save me when I was already too far gone.
The large tower of Volterra was beautiful today, with the way the light shone on it. And then the bell began to toll. It was 12pm.
Edward! Don't you dare! I could hear Rosalie screaming.
Don't! Edward, you can't leave your family behind! Alice thought quickly.
This isn't the way, man! Emmett.
Calm down, Edward! You're overreacting! Jasper.
Edward! Stop this instant! Esme.
Son... I know I won't be able to stop you. Your mind is made up. I'm sorry. And we love you. You know that. Carlisle.
I managed a smile.
And then I took a deep, uneven breath and spoke softly into Volterra's skies.
"Goodbye. I love you."
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Breaking's what the heart is for.
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Yeah, breaking's what your heart is for.
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Bella walked slowly in the park, her little boy holding her hand. A bracelet on her left wrist made soft, clinking noises. A crystal heart charm shimmered in the sunlight. It had been given to her three months ago by the man who owned her heart.
"Mommy, are you crying?" the little boy asked.
"No, sweetie." She managed a laugh and rubbed her eyes with her sleeve. "I'm not."
She had been lost in her memories.
"Okay, so..." she tried to change the subject. "We're here. Stay where mommy can see you, okay?"
The little boy nodded, and bounced up and down with excitement.
"Go ahead then."
The little boy ran to play with the other children on the playset. Being the brave little thing he was— just like his father— he immediately started climbing up the ladder so he could go down the slide.
Bella sighed and turned to sit down on the bench a couple of steps away from her. Her foot catching on— well, nothing (as it usually did when she tripped)— she fell towards the ground. She yelped and closed her eyes.
Arms were around her in that instant, holding her and keeping her up from hitting the concrete. A blush scrawled over her face. She stood up then, to look at her savior.
"I'm sorry..." she said softly, wiping the dust off her pants. "I'm really really clumsy... and—"
"It's no problem," the man laughed.
Bella's eyes widened at the voice. She looked up at the man that saved her, and his messy auburn hair and pale skin threw her off. He looked a year or two older than her. He looked so so much like... him.
"E-Edward?"
And then his sparkling emerald eyes locked with hers and a crooked smile spread across his lips.
"Hello, beautiful. Have we met?"
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In a clear view, there's a silhouette.
And not a soul sleeps.And I watch you, no, I'll never forget...
Another heart skips a beat.
... Do you feel regret? Another heart beats tonight.
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End.