Never, ever love thy neighbour.

"You know what a romantic he is," Robin says, her arms crossed protectively in from of her. She cares about Ted, she really does, but she can't stop him being such a- a Ted - about everything. Really, she wouldn't change him even if she could. "He can't separate the physical from the emotional. He's all like-"

"I love you," Barney interrupts, plaintively.

"Exac- hold on. What?" Robin double-takes. "I'm sorry?"

Barney sighs, closing his eyes briefly. "I'm in love with you."

She stares at him for a beat and he looks so serious that her brain reacts, bouncing off and careening off in the opposite direction. She begins to laugh. "I'm sorry? You're what?"

"I'm in love with you…" He kind-of sags, hopelessly, but she can't stop herself with the damn reflexive, nervous laugh. She even chortles a bit.

"No… no wait, Barney… you can't…"

He pushes past her, his expression twisted and angry. She stumbles out of the way, caught off balance. He's caught her off guard. There's no way in this reality that he actually said what he just said. There's no way that actually just happened.

The door slams with a painful finality.

*--*--*

When Lily arrives at McLaren's, Barney is alone at their usual booth. He's sitting, head bowed and hands outstretched in front of him, turning a tumbler of scotch between his palms. He looks like he's praying.

Lily sits herself down in front of him, plagued by the same feeling of worry that's nagged at her since his appearance in her kindergarten class the previous day. "You okay, honey?" She asks.

Slowly, he lifts his head, looking up. He blinks, once, but there's an emptiness in his gaze that she's never seen before, even when he's been at his most crazed over Robin. Lily knows intuitively what has happened. She's kind of dreaded it since Marshall called her about getting Feely the Share Bear back for her. She lifts her bag on to the table and pulls out the small stuffed toy, handing it over solemnly to him. He takes it and pulls it in to his chest, wrapping both arms around it.

"You told her, didn't you?" Lily prompts him."You told Robin?"

He nods, and for a moment, he doesn't speak. She thinks that perhaps he's going to jitter or go into one of those nervous ticks. But then he clears his throat and says: "She laughed." His voice cracks on the second word so he says it again. "She laughed at me, Lil."

Lily's heart breaks for him in that moment. She can see his eyes fill with tears even as he tries to fight it, tries to fight the impulse to break down in front of her. "Oh god, baby… I'm so sorry." She reaches across the table for him but he's still hugging the bear as if his life depends on it. "But… perhaps she thought you were joking? Perhaps…?"

"No."

The way he says the word scares her a little. It's the surety in his voice, the way it speaks volumes more than a single tiny word should ever be capable of expressing.

"But…" Lily tries desperately to try and think of something positive that she can say. "Okay, well, at least you know, right? That's gotta be a good thing."

He quirks an eyebrow and gives her a half-smirk. "It's a good thing that she laughed at me? Boy, Aldrin, that's cold."

She shuts her mouth and swallows. She's trying to help him but it seems like everything she says is just like she's throwing burning pitch over the castle wall of his emotional defences. She should be supporting him and instead all she can do is sit and watch him burn.

"I didn't mean it like that, Barney. I just meant that you could- you can-" What does she mean? That you can stop pining over her because she's never going to want you? You can stop clinging to that tiny shred of hope?

But it's all to fresh, too raw for him. She can see the agony he's carrying; that he knows he has to carry. She's been there. She's felt that crushing weight of rejection and she bleeds for him.

And he's always been there for her.

"Look, there's nothing I can say that will make the pain go away," she says quietly. "But I can sit here with you and I can buy you drinks and…" She smiles. "And you can maybe keep the Share Bear for a while…"

His shoulders sag and he lets go of Feely, holding the little toy out towards her with a shaking hand. "S'okay. Don't need it."

Because he's got nothing left to share, she guesses.

So all she can do is to sit with him and buy him drinks and for a while she's happy just to watch them slowly numbing his pain, willing her strength into him so that he can survive this.

And then Robin and Ted arrive.

*--*--*

Ted gestures to Robin to slide into the booth, to take her usual place next to Barney. There's a merest hint of hesitation on her part and Ted is about to sit down when Marshall claps him on the shoulder. "Hey dude!" Marshall says, cheerfully. The big man collapses on the bench next to his wife with a grin. "Who's buying the beer?"

The weird thing is that the next thing that happens is over in seconds but to Ted it seems like hours - because he sees everything. He's watching Barney because it's a great new sport, seeing how his friend reacts to Robin: How he looks at her with such adoration and how she's completely oblivious. He's watching Barney so he sees him flinch as Robin sits next to him, sees his expression darken with something indefinable that lowers the temperature in the room by at least ten degrees.

Ted notices Robin's stony expression - there's something hard and unpleasant there. He sees her bristle.

Then Barney's out of his seat like a jack-in-the-box (and that's not out of the ordinary considering Barney's behaviour recently) and Robin doesn't look over or smile indulgently with that familiar confused expression on her face.

Barney bypasses the bar and heads out the door. That's weird, even for him.

Marshall watches him go with something like concern. Lily looks as though she's about to cry. Ted puts two and two together and, for once, he comes up with four.

"He told you, didn't he?" He says, turning to Robin. He's forgetting the obvious fact that: (a) Barney's never actually admitted out loud he has feelings for Robin - despite their smattering of bro-telepathy up in the apartment and (b) If he's wrong, no one at the table is going to know what the hell he's talking about.

But Robin slumps against the back of the booth. She looks angry.

"Yeah," Lily says, breaking the awkward silence. "He told her all right. And she laughed at him."

The atmosphere at their table morphs from awkward to hostile in an instant. Marshall looks from Ted to Lily then back to Robin.

"Okay, you guys. I have no idea what's going on but could someone please explain. Starting with you," Marshall points to Ted, "then you," to Lily, "then you," he says, indicating Robin.

Lily nods at Ted then looks away miserably. She's holding a toy teddy bear in one hand. Ted feels strangely cold inside - horrible, not at all like how he'd felt when he'd realised Barney had this crush. There is so much tension in the air that he lets out a nervous half-laugh. "It's silly really. Barney- I think that Barney has feelings for Robin. He's- He might be in love with Robin. I think he told you. He told you, didn't he?" Ted stares at Robin pointedly.

Marshall laughs and Robin looks up at him, raising her hands.

"Which was Robin's reaction!" Lily interjects. "She laughed at him. He told her he loves her and she just laughed at him!"

"Well who wouldn't?" Robin says, her voice strident. "Marshall just did! This is stupid. It's Barney! Barney doesn't do feelings."

"Robin!" Lily brings her up short, using her most intimidating teacher-tone. "You know that he does. He's been there for all of us, again and again." She looks around for support from Marshall and Ted.

"Yeah, as friends…" Marshall says. "Look guys, I hate to side with Robin on this but I can't believe that Barney's capable of having a relationship with anyone of the female persuasion beyond a couple of hours in the sack. You know how he treats women."

"Women, yes! Not Robin!" Ted argues.

"What none of you know," Lily interrupts before Marshall can say a word, "is that Barney's been like this since… well, it's been months! He confided in me at the end of the summer. Remember that first day he got out of rehab, when were all came down to the bar to celebrate and he started laughing hysterically at everything Robin said?"

Robin nods, shrugging. "Yeah, we did think that was weird."

"Well," Lily continues, "he told me then that he was in love with you," she bobs her head towards Robin, "only, he was sure that you didn't see him like that. He was terrified to say anything because he didn't want to lose you as a friend. And he was sure that if he did say anything that he'd get exactly the reaction you gave him…" She glares at Robin as if she can slap her across the face just with the power of her mind.

Robin seems to be thinking about something, Ted realises. Probably doing exactly the same thing that he did when he realised what was up with Barney - going through all her memories of him over these past few months and filling in the gaps with this new knowledge, re-evaluating things.

"Oh," she says, then, "but… No! No, this is ridiculous, Lily. I can't believe that any of you are taking this seriously. I know Barney! I know him better than any of you, believe me. He does not do this! He doesn't do girlfriends or romance or any of that stuff. He does awesome and suits and scotch and one night stands. This is all just some kind of 'bit'!"

Ted sighs. "You're wrong." He tries to be gentle but his voice betrays his frustration.

"Ted-!"

"Robin, you're wrong. There are certain things that Barney feels deeply. And if you can't see that then it says more about you than it does about him."

Robin gets to her feet, glaring at him, her cheeks flushed crimson. "I can't believe you're all falling for this! I'm- I'm going upstairs and when all of you idiots wake up, you'll know where I'll be."

Ted puts out a hand to stop her but she gathers her things and runs, taking the exact same route that Barney took, minutes before.

"Well," Marshall said, putting one arm around Lily's shoulder. "That went well…"