Title: Misconceptions
Author: heeroluva
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing: Gibbs/Tony, Tony/OMC (briefly)
Rating: M
Warnings: Rape and BDSM (non-graphic)
Words: 3932
Spoilers: none
Summary: Can Gibbs and Tony clear up some misconceptions before it's too late?
Notes: This is a bit fluffier than the warnings make it out to be. Thanks much to downfall35 and cariad_winter over at Livejournal for the beta. I've also never written anything like this.
Gibbs bit back a curse as he glanced at Tony for the hundredth time that day, wincing at the look of desperation that crossed Tony's face as he lost his happy-go-luck player mask, which had sadly been happening more and more lately. He knew that he was the cause of that look at least in part and if he was true to himself, he'd probably say a large part really. He'd be a liar if he said that he didn't find Tony attractive, had since the moment he'd first laid his eyes on him when Tony was still a Baltimore cop.
While he was sure that he would have stayed happily married to Shannon for the rest of his life had she lived, he'd known that he was bisexual since junior high when he realized that he checked out the guys in the locker rooms just as much, if not more, than he did the girls in the hallways.
His following three marriages failed mainly due to him trying to find a sort of replacement for Shannon, which he had finally admitted to himself as he was once again going through the motions with his fourth wife and knew that he was soon to take part in a third divorce. He'd seen it all clearly as he bit back a moan of 'Shannon' during sex with his fourth wife. He was living in a fantasy world, trying to recreate something long gone. It was like he woke up from a dream, the fog lifted, and he saw what rubbish his previous three marriages had been based on and how much disrespect he was paying to himself and Shannon's memory.
He'd implemented Rule Twelve mostly for himself after his third failed marriage, hoping to protect himself in the event that another redheaded woman came to work under him. He never thought that it would be an issue with anyone else. Hell everyone knew about Abby and McGee and he also knew when Abby and McGee became Abby, Kate, and McGee. He didn't care as long as they kept it away from work and it didn't become an issue.
But before Kate or even McGee had joined the team there had been Tony. Just him and Tony working alone together for over two years before his excuses and delays were overridden and he was finally forced to find more team members since they were both running themselves ragged and he feared that Tony would burn out.
From the beginning he noticed the looks that Tony gave him unintentionally and how Tony delighted in any praise that he gave him. Gibbs thought that Tony saw him as a bit of a father figure since he knew that Tony's childhood wasn't all sunshine and roses and that Tony didn't talk to any of his family.
Before Kate joined the team, Tony had a bit of the cocky playboy attitude, but nowhere near as much as he acted out after she had. And it also wasn't until after Kate and McGee joined that Tony's pained looks started to make an appearance. It was always when Tony thought that Gibbs was ignoring him or he gave praise to Kate or McGee when it was Tony that had actually done more, done better, got it right. Tony would throw himself into his work that much more because of it.
One night he'd caught Tony at the office at some disgustingly late hour. He'd known that Tony had left since he'd gotten on the elevator shortly before he himself left. And when he'd gotten to the garage, Tony's car was nowhere to be seen, but yet there he'd sat, back in the office again. When he'd asked why, Tony said that he couldn't sleep and Gibbs had almost laughed at that because Tony was one of those people that could sleep anywhere at any time. Tony had seemed serious though, so he'd let it go.
Then it happened again, so he'd asked night security about it and apparently Tony had been in most nights for over a month by that time, even on the weekends when the rest of the team wasn't there at all. He knew how much Tony relished his weekends, always complaining when they got called in for a case, so he was shocked and worried.
At first, he thought that Tony was acting like a jealous kid who'd gotten a new baby sibling, since he'd never had the experience before, and didn't like the lack of attention. But Gibbs noticed that Tony didn't seem angry or resentful towards Kate or McGee, that he didn't seem anything but hurt with the lack of attention that Gibbs sent his way.
One night after a particularly grueling case he'd stopped by Tony's place with the piss for beer that Tony enjoyed. He was surprised to find the place dark and no answer at his door. When he used his key to get in, he was shocked to find the place spotless and oddly bare without the personal touches that start to fill a space after someone has lived there for awhile. It looked almost like a hotel room with its sterility. He did a quick once over to make sure Tony really wasn't there before heading back out and locking the door behind him.
If he couldn't relieve his stress at Tony's he knew the perfect place to go, a nice little hole in the wall place called the Palace that a person would never find without connections, a nice hidden place that catered towards his more eccentric desires.
The place was packed as usual and he quickly found his ideal partner: tall, broad, dark hair, blues eyes, done up, and dressed to kill. Just like Tony he realized with a start, but pushed that thought away. The man met his eyes and a grin split his face as he inclined his head in agreement. He grabbed the man's hand and dragged him through the crowd then upstairs to the many small rooms made just for this reason. He passed a few closed doors where mixed sounds of pain and pleasure could easily be made out.
But as he passed the next he froze and his blood went cold. He recognized the pained moan without a hint of pleasure, had heard that sound more than he wished to recall.
Then his body caught up with his mind and he shouldered the door in, heedless of the shouting of the man he'd brought up and then the man on top of Tony. Tony turned his head and met Gibbs' eyes in shock before he quickly closed them and turned his head away, but not before Gibbs saw the defeat, the fear, the self-disgust, and loathing that flashed in his eyes. Gibbs saw red as he ripped the flogger from the man's hand and then the man himself, who had yet to stop his movements, off of Tony and into the wall where he crumpled into a heap out cold.
The other man tried to rest a hand on Gibbs' shoulder, but he shook it off, sending a scathing glare at him and causing the man to drop his hand and back off in fear.
Gibbs made quick work of the gag and ties that bound Tony's limbs, heedless of Tony's increasing tension. Grabbing the haphazard pile of clothes from the floor, he pulled Tony to his feet and began dressing him. He might as well have been dressing a mannequin for all the help that he was getting from Tony, but at least a mannequin didn't move.
Tony's eyes were clenched tightly closed, still refusing to look at Gibbs, but in that instance Gibbs felt so much anger that he was glad Tony couldn't see it, though he was sure he could feel it.
Grabbing Tony's hand, Gibbs pulled him through the door and past the inquiring crowd out of the club. Not seeing Tony's car he pulled him toward his own. Opening the door, he waited for Tony to climb in. Tony hesitated and shot a look at Gibbs, wondering if he could escape without the impending explosive confrontation that he knew was unavoidable, but he could hope.
That hope was destroyed when he saw the angry expression that Gibbs wore, the same ruthless determination that he'd seen when Gibbs was after Ari.
He clinched his eyes shut against the burning veil of tears and got into the car. Gibbs slammed the door behind him before climbing in his own side and starting the car.
The drive was painfully silent and Tony mentally cursed himself for being such an idiot. A few tears escaped unnoticed to Tony. But Gibbs noticed and some of the anger disappeared, replaced with sorrow and worry.
Tony knew that he had fucked up, fucked up bad, had known the instance he'd set foot in that place that things were going to go bad. God he was an idiot, a stupid fuck, just like his father had always said he was. Gibbs would never want anything to do with him after this. He'd be lucky if Gibbs allowed him to resign before he was fired and would never be able to get a decent job again, let alone work for the government or law enforcement, something that he couldn't imagine ever having to give up.
He didn't know what he would do with himself if he didn't have this. It was all he had, all he was, had been for a long time. Sure he had the money to live more than comfortably or even better than he currently was for the rest of his life even if he never worked another day in his life. But that wasn't the type of person that he was. He needed to be constantly doing something. One of the reasons that he dated so much was that it was something to do other than sit idle and re-watch his DVD collection. Not to say that wasn't okay from time to time
The car suddenly came to a stop, pulling Tony from his internal musings and snapping his eyes open. Blurrily blinking his eyes to remove the remnants of tears, he was shocked to find they were parked in front of Gibbs' house, not in front of his own apartment building as he'd expected.
Gibbs got out of the car and waited for Tony to do the same, but when he showed no signs of moving anytime soon, he signed and opened the door himself pulling Tony out and towards the house.
Tony still refused to look at Gibbs, placidly following behind to wherever Gibbs led. He knew that sigh that Gibbs gave, felt the disappointment like a knife through the heart. It was like his worst nightmare come true. He was going to lose it all over a moment of stupidity, when all he was trying to do was gain Gibbs' favor. He started to shake in sorrow and shock as the pain of what he'd done made itself known across his body. His shirt was sticking uncomfortably to his bleeding back and he felt a thick trail of something warm worm its way down his thigh, causing him to shudder and his stomach to clench painfully.
Tony stopped when Gibbs stopped, realizing they were in the bathroom. Tony didn't understand what was going on. When Gibbs moved to pull his shirt over his head, he made no move of protest, not even when they pulled off newly formed scabs. But when Gibbs' hand landed on his fly, his eyes snapped to Gibbs' face and he breathed, "Please," begging him not to do this. Having seen his humiliation was bad enough, but this was so much worse.
But Gibbs gave him that look and he knew that he wasn't going to win this one, even if it cost him his last shreds of pride and dignity. He looked away, unwilling to witness his own unmaking. Moments later he stood naked and shivering before he heard the sound of more clothes hitting the floor and he realized that Gibbs was also stripping. When Gibbs pushed him towards the shower he went and was joined quickly by Gibbs who reached around him and turned on the water. At first it was shockingly cold but gradually warmed, though still he shivered.
A wash cloth ran gently down his back causing him to flinch hard and moan in pain, but still Gibbs kept up the cleaning. This continued for several minutes before the cloth moved down over his ass and thighs, causing him to tense and whimper in distress.
Soothingly, Gibbs ran his hand along Tony's arm, hating that he had to do this but knowing that it was either this or a doctor. And he knew that in the long run Tony would rather it was him and off the record. Tony seemed to relax at the touch and made no more protest as Gibbs pushed him so he was leaning forward and spread his legs for ease of access. The cloth was torture against his abused flesh. The cloth disappeared and he jerked at the first touch of Gibbs' finger which pulled back at his movement.
He'd dreamed of Gibbs doing this for ages, but never in this context. The finger returned, this time much more insistently, before it gained entrance and began to move around checking for damage. Gibbs brushed against something that caused him to see white and his cock jerked in interest. Tony had thought that things couldn't get more humiliating but he was wrong.
Finding no damage that wouldn't heal on its own, Gibbs switched off the water and pulled Tony out of the shower after him. Mindful of Tony's abused flesh, he wrapped a towel around both their waists. Tony knew that there was no way that Gibbs missed that he was half hard, but he didn't mention it. Tony figured that it was just another thing to add to the impending explosion.
Tony was surprised when Gibbs guided him down the hall, not to the guestroom which he had frequented from time to time, but to Gibbs' own master bedroom. Gibbs directed him to lay down on his stomach before disappearing for a minute only to reappear with a first aid kit.
Gibbs made quick work of his back, liberally applying the salve, noting that some of the lashes were deep and while he didn't think that any needed stitches, he used a few butterfly strips and wanted to keep an eye on them for a few days. Grabbing the salve again, he generously spread it across Tony's wrists, ankles, and neck. He pulled Tony's towel off and massaged his ass pulling his cheeks apart to gently rub the ointment around Tony's hole before working a large amount in.
He packed everything back in the kit before stowing it on the bedside table and quickly washed his hands. When he came back, Tony had not moved from the position. If it wasn't for the tenseness of his shoulders and slightly ragged breathing, Gibbs would have thought Tony was asleep.
He rolled Tony onto his side, mindful of his back. The look on his face nearly broke his heart. He struggled to find words, to say something that he wouldn't later regret, but all that came out was "Why?"
Out of all the things that Gibbs could have said or asked him, that wasn't even on the list and the quiet, pained, brokenness of the word also wasn't what he'd expected. But that one word held so much weight and he wasn't sure if he could answer without making things worse, but he knew no matter what, anything he said would condemn him.
He wiped his hand angrily across his face as more tears began to form and flow. He was acting like such a girl.
Finally he forced the words out, "For you," and instantly regretted it at the look of shocked anger and disgust that crossed Gibbs' face
He went to get up, but Gibbs stopped him, climbing into bed beside him and pulling him close. "Oh God, Tony. I'm so sorry. I'm such a blind fool. What happened to you isn't how it's supposed to be. It's about domination and submission, control and lack of control, but it's also communication, consent, and most of all trust. And yes sometimes there's pain, but there's always pleasure to go along with it. What happened to you today, what you experienced was a sick parody of what kind of relationship a sub is supposed to have with his master. He was twisted inside, Tony. He got off on the pain and there was no consent or trust there. He didn't care about you, he just wanted his fun."
Tony hid his face in Gibbs' neck as the words sank in. He knew what Gibbs said was true. He wasn't a complete idiot. He'd done his research. He didn't have any kind of experience with this, but he knew the places were out there. Hell that's how he'd found out that Gibbs was into such things. But he'd gone into it impulsively and against his better judgment. He'd quickly learned that he was in over his head, but by then it was too late and there was nothing for him to do but lay there and take it. Upon realizing that someone had burst into the room, he'd been relieved until he'd realized it was Gibbs and then he'd wished that he could've just curled up and died.
"I was attracted to you from the first instance I saw you. There was just something about you that drew me and it scared me to death. I'd never been attracted to a man, never been curious even. Hell I'd slept with more women than I could count. But one look at you and I was questioning my sexuality. I thought it was a fluke and denied it since I knew I would probably never see you again. But then you offered me a job and there was no way I could say no. I thought I could ignore the feelings, direction them to something else. I turned into such a playboy and those women; I was using them, really wishing they were you. I never imagined that you were anything but straight either. I mean the whole military 'don't ask, don't tell' policy and all your ex-wives. I never would have guessed if I hadn't seen you one night when I was meeting one of my more timid contacts in a back alley. I got my information and was about to leave when I noticed you walking past the alley. You went into a door down the street and when I tried to enter I was turned away. I asked around a bit and when I found out what the place was, I was shocked. Sure I've done some light bondage, but I was always the one dominating. I'd never done anything like that, never even considered it. Then I realized if I was ever with you, I wouldn't be in control. As much as I would love to, I can't imagine you being anything but my Boss even in bed. I didn't want to ruin our relationship if we started something and it ended up that I couldn't see it through."
"Tony, what am I going to do with you?" Seeing Tony's worried look he continued on. "I don't always need that. Very rarely in fact. It's when things go spiraling out of control in my life and I need to be in control of something to make sure that I'm not loosing myself. I need the grounding. Tony, if we start a relationship of any sort of physical nature, I promise you it would be relatively normal, but from time to time I need to be in complete control."
Tony couldn't help but look at Gibbs in shock. "You want me?"
"Hell, Tony, I've been attracted to you as long as you've been to me. I just never acted on it because I thought you were as straight as an arrow and I valued having you on my team. I didn't want to screw things up just because you make my cock strand at attention and beg. I'm old enough to control my impulses." He leaned in close to Tony, their lips scant inches apart. "Can I..?"
Wide eyed, Tony nodded, not believing this was happening or understanding how a nightmare had somehow changed into a dream come true.
When Gibbs' lips met his, he knew it was silly and cliché, but it rocked his world and it was like time froze with nothing but them existing in that moment. Hell the kiss was better than some orgasms Tony'd had. Gibbs was a force to be reckoned with, plundering and claiming all for himself, but giving just as much in return. It was the first time that Tony hadn't been in control of a kiss and it felt liberating, like he was shaking off the weight of shackles that he didn't know he wore. He felt himself blushing, something he would have thought himself incapable of anymore, when a needy, wanton moan unlike anything he had ever produced escaped his lips. He tried to bite it off, but wasn't very successful if the shit eating grin that spread across Gibbs' face said anything.
"Don't hide from me. I want to hear you." Gibbs leaned forward catching Tony's lips again, one hand moved to torture Tony's peaked nipples and his other hand slipped down to grasp the erection that was digging into his hip. Tony's head flew back and he whimpered as Gibbs moved his fist up and down. He humped his hips frantically, feeling is balls tighten unbelievably fast and knew that he wouldn't last long. He tentatively reached his own hand down to cup Gibbs, gently running his hand along the length, testing the differences between.
A sense of pride washed through him as Gibbs moaned. He'd made Gibbs moan. He couldn't believe it. He tried to follow Gibb's rhythm, but he was so close and all was forgot when Gibbs bit down hard on his neck, squeezed his nipple, and twisted his fist just so and he knew no more.
The next thing he knew he was still on his side and something wet was wiping across his crotch. Blinking blurrily at Gibbs, he managed, "Did you…?"
Gibbs smiled down at him. "Yeah, Tony, it was good for me." He bent his head down to lick the mark that he'd made on Tony's neck. "You're mine now."
Tony couldn't help the silly smile that spread across his face as Gibbs shut off the light and climbed back into bed with him, pulling him over to sprawl on top of him. Protesting, Tony tried to pull away. "I weigh too much. Don't want to hurt you."
Hushing him with a kiss, Gibbs pulled him back down. "Stop bitching. I like it and it reminds me that you're here and safe. I got your six. Now shut up and go to sleep. You aren't leaving this bed anytime soon."
Grinning, Tony waggled his brows. "Oh yeah, got some plans for me?"
Lightly smacking Tony's ass, he quipped, "Keep this up and you'll never find out."
Knowing that it was better to quit while he was ahead, Tony quickly dropped off knowing that things were definitely looking up and come morning things could only get better.