Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers.

A/N: Don't ask where this comes from… I have no idea.

Beta Read by Lament of Meow.

Mustard and Ketchup

Public Relation trips… these trips were used to build up relations between humans and the Autobots. To help each to have a better relationship with the other, but some days more then one of the Autobots believed this was Primus's (or at the very least Prime's) way of punishing them for something. Among those who believed this was Sunstreaker… he hated PR trips and everything they involved such as being around dirty, smelly, messy squishes. To Sunstreaker there was very little that was as disgusting as a human... except maybe a human child… and even worse was when a group of the tiny human children crawl all over him and he wouldn't being able to get rid of them.

So a PR trip to a bunch of preschoolers that were little tiny, really dirty, really smelly, and really, really messy squishes… Sunstreaker was sure Primus hated him.

Sideswipe, on the other hand, was loving it! All these little humans to play with, laughing at his jokes (no matter how stupid they were) and happily telling him all sorts of interesting things about humans (most of it not true or not completely true), and having a grand old time playing all over him.

Ratchet was just happy to not have the children all over him, asking him all sorts of silly questions, making unusual comments and other things that just made no sense to him. That and Ratchet liked to watch Sunstreaker try so hard to play nice with the little tikes, it was the best punishment anyone had ever thought of. Maybe it would keep the twins from pulling pranks for a while… or at the very least keep Sunstreaker from doing anything too bad.

Ratchet did notice that, at first, many of the children were very cautions around the bots, but after several of the more adventurous ones started climbing all over Sideswipe it seemed that the ice was broken and all the kids were touching and play around the Autobots as if they had always been there.

Watching the children, it didn't take Ratchet long to notice that there was one little girl who stood there with a small stuffed toy under her arm and her thumb in her mouth. This little girl, unlike the other kids, hadn't rushed over to Sideswipe and Sunstreaker and was instead just standing there staring at the twins.

The little girl took her thumb out of her mouth and pointed one finger at Sunstreaker. Sunstreaker looked at the girl and raised an optic ridge at her, "What?" he asked sourly.

The little girl stared at him, still pointing at him when in a tiny voice she said, "Mustard…"

Sunstreaker looked at the little girl as if she had just grown a new head. What in Primus's name was mustard?

One of the boys playing near Sunstreaker's feet starting laughing, "Megan's right! He does look like mustard!"

After that all of the kids were laughing, many of the teachers chuckling right along with them. Sunstreaker was glaring at all the children, a low growl coming from his chest which seemed to make the children laugh even more (thinking back on it Sunstreaker decided that human sparklings, like his brother, had no sense of danger what so ever). Ratchet and Sideswipe were looking at each other, confused.

One of the preschool teachers seeing their confusion decided to help them out by explaining that mustard was a food condiment that many people liked to add to food. Sideswipe loved it.

"Bro! You're something that goes good with food!" Sideswipe could barely contain his laughter enough to get that out and still be understood. Ratchet was having trouble keeping his laughter back, his hand in front of his mouth as he snickered.

Meanwhile one particular little girl called Megan was now looking at Sideswipe, a familiar look on her face… slowly pointing her finger at Sideswipe. Only a few of the children and teachers noticed, Sideswipe didn't notice but Sunstreaker who was still glaring at the unfazed little girl, watched as she opened her mouth and waited for the word that she would use to describe Sideswipe with.

"Ketchup."

Sideswipe was a little surprised when the kids suddenly changed from chanting 'Mustard' to 'Ketchup'. What was 'Ketchup'?

The same preschool teacher explained that ketchup was another food condiment. At that Ratchet did let out a laugh, the twins… the mighty twins, who by just walking onto the battlefield made seekers nervous (even turn tail sometimes), who made Red Alert and Prowl fritz from their pranks and nonsense, and caused more trouble then they were worth sometimes had been put in their place by a little girl calling them food condiments.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe looked at the little Megan, somewhat between glares and curious looks. Mostly it was curiosity… why was this little girl calling them the name of food condiments? Aside from the color of their armor, Sideswipe asked little Megan.

Little Megan smiled and hugged her stuffed toy to her, "Because…. Mustard and ketchup are good together and Sunny and Sides are good together. And mustard and ketchup are good… just like Sunny and Sides! And I like both."

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe looked at the little girl and then at each other. Somehow, when this little sparkling explained it that way, it made sense and kind of made it all good. This little girl was comparing two Autobots she liked to two things she liked, and with such sincerity. Could they really fault her logic? Especially when they both were flattered?

"So are you going to be putting us on your food?" asked Sideswipe, a small smile on his face.

Little Megan giggled, "No! I won't put Sunny and Sides on my food! I put mustard and ketchup on it! I play with Sunny and Sides!"

Sideswipe chuckled, while Sunstreaker just shook his head, human sparklings were making even less sense to him.

Sunstreaker looked down at the smiling little girl and sighed, "So why are you standing over there?"

Little Megan smiled, "To look at you. You're pretty!"

Sunstreaker smiled, puffing his chest out with pride, "Of course I am, I'm the most handsome mech you'll ever see."

Sideswipe sighed, "Here we go again with Mr. Ego…"

Ratchet and the teachers chuckled and Sunstreaker glared at his brother silently, promising that when they got back to the base Sideswipe was going to get it. But the joke went right over the children's heads. Little Megan happily ran towards first Sunstreaker and then a little later Sideswipe, happily playing with both of them.

Soon after that it was time to go, and after spending almost thirty minutes extracting the children from their new favorite playmates, the twins. It took even longer because Sideswipe kept asking if he could take some of the human sparklings back with them. And Ratchet was glaring at him in such a way that if bots could burst into flame from glares Sideswipe would have burst up in flames long ago.

Some time later they finally left the preschool and arrived back at the base. There to meet them was Wheeljack and Optimus Prime. As soon as they transformed Prime asked Ratchet and the twins how things went at the preschool.

Ratchet grinned, "It went fine."

"I can see that… you're grinning," said Wheeljack.

Ratchet nodded, "Oh yes," Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were quietly (well as quietly as twins can go any where that they don't mind being heard), "Mustard and Ketchup sure seem to enjoy it. They even made a new friend."

Prime raised an optic ridge, and in an unsure voice, "Mustard…. And ketchup?"

Ratchet chuckled and told the story of the story of the little girl renaming their beloved twins. Prime and Wheeljack got a good laugh out of it, as did the entire Autobot base. As for Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, they took the teasing and started thinking of ways to get back at the ones that teased them the most (with a few exceptions) there was no way they were going to tell the other Autobots that the correct title for their paint on Earth was 'Mustard yellow' and 'Ketchup red'.

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