Disclaimer : Disclaimer : One Piece belongs to Oda Eiichirō.
A/N : Crackficish
Rating : K

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Bloody nuisance!

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He snorted, his eyes trailing a distant seagull skidding over the water after its prey.

Had to just let it go. Let it go. Stop thinking and argh, concentrate!

He breathed out deeply, banned all thought from his head and closed his eyes again. Focus. The sun blazed overhead, the sky was deep, deep azure...Heat on his shoulders and back, red spots behind his eyes.

He was centered within himself. Calm. Empty. Weights on his stretched arms, legs crossed in the lotus position...

'SANJIIIIII! I'm hungry!'

The bellow came from the left. Not expecting running feet across the deck. No no. This was Monkey D. Luffy after all. Had his parents perhaps, in a fit of uncanny foresight, perceived their son's future ability to stretch his arms and swing in the rigging? From mast to mast, even from dinosaur head to...

Zoro head.

Palm landing flat, fingers dug through green spikes, and pushed. Zoro tilted one way, Luffy soared the other. A whizz in the air and then a thud in the vicinity of the galley entrance.

For a second longer, the soon to be greatest swordsman in the world remained perfectly poised and stoic, putting every guru from here to Raftel to shame.

Then he exploded.

'What?' Luffy ceased his onslaught on the galley door to look at the snarling triple-sword wielding demon who had materialized next to him.

He had his fists up in mid-air, reading for another hammering, when the door opened.

'Lunch is ready- Oi, Luffy, what did you do this time?'

'Me? Don't know.' The Straw Hats' captain bounced into the galley. Zoro sucked in a noisy breath. Sanji regarded him with detached curiosity. Smoke wafted towards Zoro's nose, teasing with the scent of tabacco.

'Didn't you hear me, marimo? Lunch is ready. Stop standing there like the bouncer from hell and get inside.'

Then he left to go get the crew.

Zoro went in and sat down on the left bench next to his captain. Luffy, oblivious to the Aura of Murderous Intent, had already begun feeding his face. The rest of the crew filed in. Robin came in first, returned Luffy's cheery "ah, Wobin!" with a serene smile and sat down opposite them, Figures she wouldn't even blink.

Chopper and Usopp came in next, the sniper gesturing excitedly.

'...no way, we'll have to try again later. So weird.'

Luffy made an interrogative munching sound.

'The fish in the aquarium,' Usopp replied. 'They're all hugging the left wall, like there's a predat-' He caught sight of Zoro. His eyes widened and he swallowed hard. 'Eh…eh...' He smiled weakly. 'Zoro-kun. Ha-Having a good day? Nice weather, isn't it?'

All the while he edged closer to the right bench, giving the left one a wide berth. He sat, then Chopper appeared from behind his back and plopped down next to him, eyes round and bright. He scooted over a minute later to make room for Brook, who sat down with slow, careful movements and put his hands on the table where Zoro could see them, and Nami, who gave Zoro the same look she would the frothing jaws of a shark.

The light falling in from the galley door was blotted out for a moment as the last of the crew came in. There was some shuffling on the bench as Franky lowered his bulk.

'Why are you guys all sitting over there?' Luffy demanded. 'Franky, come sit over here!'

'No, that's ok. I...want to sit next to Nami. We haven't sat next to each other for a while, have we?'

Franky gave her a big smile. He got a wan one in return.

Zoro ate silently, feeling not the slightest remorse at terrorizing his crew mates - none of whom had touched their plates. All but one of course.

Sanji took in the full bench and the nearly empty one. He gave Zoro an annoyed look. Then his face changed completely and he sidled over to Nami.

'Nami-swaaan! Come and sit next to me. It's all right,' he assured her when she began to protest. 'I'm here to protect you. Come on.'

Zoro's eyebrow twitched. Protect her from what? Dumbass cook!

Sanji took her hand, waited for her to stand up, and led her to her new seat. She sat down opposite Franky. Sanji took her plate, set it down in front of her, then took up the wide space between her and Zoro, his back slightly turned to shield her from the ugly green monster.

'Eat up, come on.'

Slowly, warily, the Straw Hat pirates obeyed their cook and began to eat.

'Seconds!' Luffy declared when Nami had finished about a quarter of her plate. Sanji turned and smiled at him.

The smile was still on his face when he bent down between Luffy and Zoro.

'Coming right up.' And then, patting Zoro's shoulder, tilting his head sideways, so soft a whisper next to his ear only the man himself could hear it, 'Rage in your own sweet time, shitty bastard, not at my table, got it? You're scaring the ladies.'

Zoro's other eyebrow twitched. Scaring the ladies...Like I care, idiot!

He really didn't. As if the women weren't scarier. And he certainly didn't care that cute furry things were hunched over their soba with drooping antlers.

Because he didn't care at all - he was Zoro! - he sighed, and reduced the Aura to himself and the object of his growing irritation next to him.

The tension in the galley relaxed visibly. The antlers perked, cautiously hopeful, shoulders straightened, heads lifted a little higher.

In the aquarium, the fish resumed their normal swimming patterns.

Sanji gave Zoro another pat on the shoulder as he put a freshly filled soba bowl in front of Luffy.

'Sugeeee,' Luffy drawled.

Zoro continued to eat in silence while the others began to talk and eventually, reassured that they wouldn't all be horribly maimed within the next fifteen minutes, chatted away unconcernedly. They didn't take notice of Zoro not talking. That was business as usual.

It wasn't until after the last bite had been taken, and Sanji had been thanked for yet another delicious meal, that Zoro spoke.

'Luffy, I wa-'

'Hey, Brook, want to go fishing?'

'Yohohoho!'

Snap.

Zoro stood up, eyes closed, spread fingertips touching the table. 'Franky.'

A wobbling 'Yes?'.

'I want the Mini Merry.'

'Okay! Super! You got it!'

Zoro opened his eyes. Yes...once again on the Merry.

He licked his teeth, jaw working, then turned and strode out, hand on Wadō's hilt.

This afternoon, he was going to meditate on a shopping boat and he felt sorry for the poor bastard who dared to interrupt him.

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tbc? of course! :D