Disclaimer: I don't own Spriggs, Running Gun does. They make the money from making the machinima, I do not.

Chapter 9: Major Pain, part one

The battlefield was silent where General Vollin and the First Battalion fought Spriggs and the Elites. Vollin had gotten Rogir to help him clear the bodies earlier, so no other humans remained in the area.

Suddenly, one of the Elites stirred. Soltri got up slowly, aching in various places.

"Is everyone alright?" he asked his brothers, who were slowly getting up themselves.

"I think Rotri landed on his head," Boltri said, massaging his own aching head.

"So no lasting damage?"

"From the grenade, no, but it will likely be very painful." Boltri was looking at Rotri as he said this.

Soltri was confused. "What do you mean?" he asked. He followed Boltri's gaze to see what the problem was, and was surprised to see the condition Rotri was in: he was fine, except for the needles protruding from his chest.

"Aw, man, does my chest hurt!" Rotri said in a pained voice.

"Really? I wonder why?" Soltri said sarcastically.

Rotri looked at his older brother, confused. "What? Is there something...wrong?"

Soltri looked worried. "We need to get those things out of you, right now!"

"What things?!" Rotri asked in a panicked tone. He looked at his chest, and his brain then connected the "things" with the pain in his chest. A horrified look formed on his face. "Oh, shit."

"So what do we do?" Soltri asked, turning to Boltri, who was an expert in human weapons and would know of a solution.

"Well, we're going to patch him up," Boltri said. "Those look like slightly modified M22 grenade fragments."

"I'll get the med kit," Soltri said, slightly dejected for some reason.

"I've got spikes sticking out of my chest!" Rotri said frantically, as if to emphasize the problem.

"Actually, they're explosives," Boltri corrected.

Rotri choked. "...Explosives?"

"Why'd you have to tell him that?" Soltri asked.

"I'm not quite through yet!"

"Guys, we've got a situation..." Rotri said urgently.

"Two more seconds," Boltri said, stopping Rotri before he could continue. "There is, after all, one more problem with the M22 grenade."

"Guys!"

"In a second, if you'll let me finish."

"I've got explosive needles sticking out of my chest!" Rotri yelled, annoyed. "What do you think?!"

Boltri sighed. 'Why is it so difficult to talk to these two?' he thought.

"Alright, then, I'll make it quick: the shrapnel shards are supposed to explode immediately after the first detonation, causing additional damage to the target. However, that grenade must have been old, since the fragments have yet to detonate. In closing, it's probably best to wait before fixing him up."

A pause followed his little lecture. "Wait? For what?" Soltri asked.

As if in answer, the shards in Rotri's chest detonated, the explosion followed by a loud cry of pain.

"That," Boltri said. "Okay, get the medkit and get to work."

"You guys suck..." Rotri said weakly.

"Stop cryin', bitch."

"Since when am I Soltri?"

"I love how you're ordering me around," Soltri said sarcastically, turning to Boltri. "Your last idea didn't exactly work that well."

"To the contrary," Boltri pointed out, "it worked rather well by my estimate."

"Bullshit!" piped Rotri.

"I have to agree with Rotri on this one," Soltri said. "All we got were a bunch of grey humans. I didn't see any red or green ones."

"Actually," Rotri said, having just remembered something, "I saw the red one earlier."

"What?"

"He's the one that gave the grenade to me...He just pitched it into my hands...I thought he was trying to help."

Rotri looked astounded. "Good God, he is more cunning than I thought! No wonder he captured Dad."

"Are you two old ladies done yet so you can fix me up?!" Rotri asked impatiently.

The other two ignored him. Soltri said doubtfully, "I don't know...I still think the green one is Triple M."

Meanwhile, at the sub-station, Meme and Triple M followed Willy into one of the buildings. Other than Willy, Triple M seemed to be the only one that recognized the room; unfortunately for him, he was in here two days previously, when trying to open the door for Willy.

Willy stopped in front of a seemingly blank terminal. "We're here, gentlemen..." he said, "...to interrogate!"

Meme looked around and, seeing nobody besides themselves, asked, "Who?"

"You see," Willy explained, "through a series of logical deductions that make sense only to myself, I have found our culprit."

"Was it Professor Plum..." Triple M said, a slight hint of sarcasm in his voice, "in the dining room...with the hash pipe?"

"No, the computer!" Willy said impatiently.

As if in reply, the computer in front of them suddenly activated, its inner workings whirring to life as it said, "Welcome to the Zambai Easy-Easy Operating System."

The computer just so happened to be the one that caused the death of Major Kake, and nearly killed Triple M when he had to use it two days ago.

"Um..." Meme asked warily, backing away slowly, "Triple M? Is he alright?"

"Oh, no, he's fine," Triple M answered, also backing away. "Last I heard, losing your mind relieved a lot of stress."

Willy turned to Triple M and Meme, an irritable look on his face. "Look, I'm no more insane than I usually am. Someone's been watching us, and there's only one thing here who could do it!"

On that note, he turned back to the computer.

"Welcome to the Zambai Easy-Easy - "

"Stop playing games, computer," Willy said fiercely. "I'm onto you!"

"Would you like to play a game?" said the computer. "Tee-hee. Tee-hee."

"Ooh...kinky, but I forgot the stirrups!" Willy said. It was evident that the computer wasn't going to admit anything without some...persuasion. "I think it's time to replace your operating system. Let's see, what do I have here..." He flipped through the various operating systems that he brought with him, in case he needed to resort to this. "Windows Vista, Windows XP..."

"What?" the computer said, slightly fearful now.

"Linux...Ooh, Windows Millennium!" he said excitedly, knowing that this would irritate the computer.

"There are laws against that - " the computer pointed out, before realizing its mistake. "Er...um...Oh God...um...beep..."

"HA! Busted!" Willy said triumphantly.

"Um...er...bleep...Help?"

"Who do you work for?!"

"I do not understand - " here, the computer bleeped several times. " - understand your question. Activating neurotoxins."

Meme and Triple M screamed in terror. Thinking fast, Willy knelt down and fiddled with a few wires and boards in the computer.

"Why must you do everything the hard way?" Willy muttered as he cut some wires from a certain board.

"Go nerve gas!" The computer said triumphantly, only to find that the nerve gas didn't seem to be working. It tried again. "Uh...come on, nerve gas!" Still no result. "...Um...obibital bombardment!" The computer became worried when that didn't work either. "Um...anything?"

Meme and Triple M looked at the computer and Willy. With a victorious look on his face, Willy stood up, holding what looked like a little black box with several severed wire ends on it.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said sarcastically. "Was that the modem to all of your doomsday devices?"

"Beep."

"Now talk!"

"It was General Vollin, under orders from Central Command please don't kill me I beg of you - "

"That's right," Willy said smugly as the computer spewed information. "Keep talking. Who's your daddy?"

Meme thought for a moment. This computer, murderous though it may be, seemed to have information directly from Command. Could it possibly obtain information that could confirm the reason behind their abandonment at Zambai VII?

"Willy?" Meme said, an idea coming to her. "Could you move over for a second? I want to ask the computer something."

Willy stepped aside while the computer continued to both give info and plead for its "life." When Meme stepped forward, however, the computer fell silent.

"Computer," Meme ordered. "Retrieve mission statement."

The computer beeped a few times before making a loud buzzing sound, one that couldn't mean anything good in Triple M's opinion.

"404 Cannot comply," the computer said mechanically.

Meme would not be deterred so easily; she would just try a different search vector. "Retrieve mission files from Central Command."

The computer beeped several times again, then said, "I cannot reach the requested files."

Meme looked disheartened. Willy said irritably, "And we were beginning to get along so well, computer..."

The computer immediately sensed danger, and it quickly explained, "I cannot comply because my connection to Central Command has been severed by someone from Central Command."

There was a pause.

"What...?" Triple M said, slightly confused.

"Um..." The computer said hesitantly, as if nervous to share this next bit of information. "Did I forget to mention that we are under attack?"

Author's note: Man, I don't think I did as well here as I usually do...for that, I apologize. It's partly because of school (I swear to God, I think my teacher's are trying to kill me), partly because I'm a procrastinator who is trying to break the bad habit...and failing.

At any rate, please R&R this chapter, please!