Author Fighters Happy Hour
Chapter 1
"Who am I?" asked someone, "Are you SURE you wanna know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If someone told ya I was just your average, happy-go lucky guy without a care in the world…" the person who was speaking was Johan. As he finished, he looked ticked, "Then you need to tell me who said it so I can go kick his sorry ass! Seriously, I am Johan! I have a reputation to keep and some idiot's goin' around calling me "happy-go-lucky"?! I oughta wrap his head in TINFOIL!" Johan mumbled, darkly, before continuing, "BUT that's beside the point. Anyway, I've recently started hitting on…I mean going out with one of Drake's many crushes, Ino. I'd like to say we've been going steady, but hey. Who says these things turn out perfect?"
Johan picked up a bouquet of flowers and walked over to a door.
"But tonight, everything's about HER!" The door swung open and Johan held out the flowers, "For you!"
Standing in front of Johan was a group of savage-looking warriors. Johan made a quick head-count before commenting, "Well, there's not enough flowers for everyone, so I guess a few of you will just have to share. Is that…"
Before Johan could finish his sentence, the warriors began beating him to a pulp. He screamed in pain, but someone arrived.
"Now, now boys, you know what I sucker I am for flowers."
The person was Oldkid.
"YOU!" Johan growled.
"Tough, Johan." Ino said, coming out from behind Oldkid.
"INO!" Johan screamed, "YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!"
"As if." Ino replied, flatly.
"Blinded by your thoughts of sex, you could not see past the lies." Oldkid commented. Johan tossed the bouquet into Oldkid's face.
"YOU WANNA GET CRAZY, OLDKID?!" Johan shouted, "THEN LET'S GET CRAZY!"
"Be careful what you wish for, Johan." Oldkid stated. Johan snarled. Oldkid then asked, "Have you ever danced with the devil?"
Johan got a flat look as he replied, "Yes. He told me you have Herpes."
Oldkid's response was to sock Johan in the jaw. Johan was sent to the ground in a heap.
"So, let me get this straight—you sneak into Drake's base, UNINVITED…" Oldkid punched Johan's stomach, "To try and steal his girl…" he stomped on Johan's…nether region. Johan screamed in pain and clutched it, "And you have the NERVE to insult me." He kicked Johan across the room, where he lay in a sorry pile, "But still, you'll have your uses for my plan."
"I don't know, Oldkid." Ino commented, "What about Nukid?"
"That narcoleptic pervert can't POSSIBLY stop me now!" Oldkid replied.
"But you know, Nukid's not the only Author out there." Ino pointed out.
"Who could try and stop me? A goofy hedgehog?" Oldkid asked.
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TL began jotting down orders, frantically, in the old villain's bar.
"Okay, okay. Who ordered what again?" TL asked.
"I ordered the blood." TSS hissed before gesturing at Warlord Xana, "HE ordered the burger!"
"I ordered the martini!" X Prodigy shouted.
"Okay! Uh…what's in that again?" TL asked.
The crowd was getting restless. TL quickly walked out, carrying a tray filled with drinks and different foods.
"Sorry, everyone!" TL apologized, "I forgot to ask you all for ID, so could you just…" everyone simply chucked their weapons at TL.
Iron Mantis walked over to D-Dude and asked, "Couldn't you have trained your own brother up a bit more?"
"I'm still busy training the OTHER new guy." Dimensiondude replied, pointing at Hurricane's Quill, who was wearing a black Bouncer shirt.
HQ sighed, placed his head in his hand and asked himself, "Has job hunting REALLY led me to this?" Dimensiondude then whipped HQ on the butt. "OW!" HQ then wheeled over to the Fictorian Dragonsaur and demanded, "WHAT?!"
"Mosquito." Dimensiondude simply replied.
Roscoso was playing cards with Andy the Darkrai Pokemorph.
"So, when should our next fic be coming out?" Ross asked.
"I don't know." Andy said, "Let's find out."
Lunatic 121 was talking to D-Dude, Warlord, and Jean Kazuhiza.
"Oh, you guys can KEEP your Author fics!" the Fictorian Ninja said, "I've got plenty of good fics on the way!"
"That's no guarantee, Loon. Believe me." Dimensiondude stated.
"What?" Lunatic asked.
"Why'd you think I NEEDED to make an Author Fighters fic?" D-Dude asked.
Lunatic then flew over to Andy and Ross' table.
"When should YOUR first fic be coming out? Speak, pest." Andy simply said.
"Whenever I dang want to!" Lunatic replied. Andy tossed Loon away and he crashed into the wall.
"And our fic should be coming out some time after THAT. Happy, Ross?" Andy asked. Roscoso sighed.
"WHY'D YOU INVITE THIS GUY?!" Lunatic screamed.
DM was talking to Ranger and Airnaruto.
"Come on, guys. Cheer up a bit." DM said before continuing, quickly, "I mean, so what if TL's Transformers parody stars you because he couldn't decide who to use for the Autobots and Decepticons so he simply went with some of his Author friends? I mean, it's no big deal."
"Chief, you're in the fic as Optimus Prime." Airnaruto pointed out.
"What?" DM simply asked.
TL managed to escape the angry mob and hide behind a door, gasping for breath.
"What do you want?"
TL then saw the owner of the bar—Nukid.
"Nukid?" TL asked, "What're you doin' here?"
"Performing an experiment." Nukid replied. The mechanical Spud which kept tabs on the Author Fighters lay on an examination table, half of its face removed to show its mechanical inside.
"'Sup?" Spud asked.
"Quiet, Spud!" Nukid snapped.
"Cool." Spud replied.
"Oh, right." TL said, drooping a bit.
"What's eatin' you?" Nukid asked, "Usually, you're the happy-go-lucky and playful hedgehog…save some of those spots in Anti-TL's Wrath when you were just plain paranoid."
"Oh, it's nothing." TL replied before saying, "Actually, I've been feeling…kinda strange. I've been feeling weird lately and, when I'm around the other Authors, it just gets stronger. Maybe I'm just going crazy but…" TL took a deep breath before saying, quickly, "Nukid, I think I got a girlfriend and forgot about it."
"I think you're right." Nukid said.
"You DO?" TL asked, hopefully.
"I think you're crazy." Nukid answered.
"OH, COME ON!" TL half-shouted, indignantly.
"FINE!" Nukid said, "I'll look into it."
"Thanks." TL thanked. He then sighed before saying, "I mean, maybe this feeling comes from the fact that I want a girlfriend. Seriously, X Prodigy paired me up with Hanabi Hyuga and I've started to get addicted to it, yet I've become good friends with some other Authors who're girls, like Lucky, Sakkee, and a few others." As TL was saying this, Nukid noticed something on Spud's face and touched it. Electricity pulsed through his body and he vanished. "Anyway, thanks for listening Nukid. It's…" TL then noticed that Nukid was gone. "Nukid?"
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Nukid reappeared in the old Villains' bar and he seemed half-conscious.
"Now, is it my birthday?" Oldkid asked.
Nukid then passed out.
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Johan was dreaming about dancing with several hot girls and got ready to kiss one, but it turned into Nukid.
"JOHAN!" Nukid barked.
Johan woke up to find himself tied to Nukid.
"Nukid?" Johan simply asked.
"Oldkid tied us here. He's made off, but I can still find him with the proper assistance." Nukid said.
"Who cares what YOU think?" Johan asked, "I've been duped by a girl! Can't honestly say I'm surprised, but…" Johan then screamed in pain, "WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!"
"Pinching a nerve in your left hand." Nukid replied, blandly, "Now that I have your full and undivided attention, reach into my back pocket and find my com-link."
"Alright." Johan began rummaging around in Nukid's pockets until…"OW! WHAT?!"
"That's NOT a pocket!" Nukid growled.
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TL was cleaning an empty table and muttered, quoting himself, "Sure, Nukid. I could use a few extra bucks." TL's com-link then acted up. He picked it up and said, monotonously, "Hello. Nukid's Bar. You call, we…"
"Soul?"
"NUKID?" TL asked.
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Nukid had the com-link active and was cutting the ropes.
"Alright, Soul, I'm in the old Villains' Bar, but I don't seem to be in any danger." Nukid said.
"Y'know, I could be a threat if I…" Johan's statement was cut short by the fact that Nukid continued to pinch him, "OW! I'LL SHUT UP! I PROMISE!"
"TL, I'll be needing everyone out of Team Ryche." Nukid said, "Maybe your brothers, Airnaruto, the whole deal. What Authors are there?"
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TL walked out into the driveway and replied, "It's just me! Everyone else went out looking for you."
"Fine, I'll send a bike. I placed a tracking device on Oldkid before he left. Follow the signal and…" Nukid finished cutting the ropes and saw something. Something attached to Johan's manhood.
"What?" Johan asked.
"There's a BOMB strapped to your NUTS?!" Nukid demanded.
"Boy, you really ARE an assassin." Johan said, sarcastically, "You don't miss a thing."
"WHAT?!" TL shouted, "THERE'S A BOMB?!"
"Never mind, Soul." Nukid replied, "Just wait for the bike."
"But what could a bike…" A motorcycle then zipped over to TL. The Fictorian Hedgehog dropped the com-link.
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Nukid was working on the bomb attached to Johan.
"So, Ino left you?" Nukid asked.
"Well, can't honestly say I'm surprised." Johan said before saying, "Just let the bomb go off! Put me outta my misery!"
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TL sat in the motorcycle and found that it was computer-operated.
"Voice-command activate." TL said on instinct.
Voice command activated. The motorcycle replied.
"Why is it that everything I can't see is voiced by Val Kilmer?" TL asked before saying, "Sorry, Nukid." He then said to the motorcycle, "Follow Nukid's signal."
Following Nukid's signal."I'M COMIN', NUKID!" TL shouted. He then noticed they were going unsually slow and checked something, "What the…TEN MILES AN HOUR?! C'MON! WE NEED TO KICK INTO OVER-DRIVE!"
Over-drive activated. The motorcycle replied.
The motorcycle took off, leaving TL to scream, dangling onto the handles only by an aura arm. He quickly reeled himself back in.
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"I still say you should let the bomb go off." Johan said, stubbornly.
"And I say you should take it like a MAN." Nukid replied, "Besides, I'll be the least of your problems when backup arrives."
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"HOLY CRUD! HOLY CRUD! HOLY CRUD! HOLY CRUD! HOLY CRUD!" TL screamed over and over again.
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"And I hope that you give faith a fighting chance." Johan sang.
"Johan?" Nukid asked.
"And if you get the choice to sit it out or dance…" Johan continued.
"Johan, I already defused the bomb." Nukid pointed out.
"I hope you dance!" Johan continued.
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"ALRIGHT, WE'RE HERE! CAN YOU STOP NOW?!" TL demanded.
Stopping at this speed would be unsafe. The motorcycle replied.
"BUT IF YOU DON'T STOP NOW, YOU'LL CRASH INTO A WALL!" TL screamed.
New objective: the motorcycle replied. TL looked afraid as it finished, Crash into a wall.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" TL screamed.
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Johan had (finally) finished the song.
"We should wait here until backup arrives." Nukid said.
"Yippie-skippie." Johan grumbled, chains wrapped around him. He then said, "Y'know, I was kinda thinkin' of a Ghost Rider look. What do you think?"
"I think it's a pathetic idea." Nukid stated, "Now, I'll start trying to find some clue on where Oldkid is."
"I don't care about HER." Johan replied, "It's INO I want!"
Nukid sighed before telling Johan, "Johan, take MY advice. Forget Ino. As hard as it may be, she'll NEVER leave Drake in a million years for you."
"Yeah." Johan sighed. He then perked up before saying, "But…what if I did something that Drake could never DO in a million years? Now, what's something Drake hasn't…" he then noticed that Nukid had his back turned. He then realized that one thing Drake had never done was kill an Author Fighter. He pulled out his whip and said, "It's nothing personal, Nukid. It's strictly…"
The motorcycle then crashed into Johan. Nukid walked over to the wreckage and saw TL in a heap, his fur was slightly crisped and sparking with red electricity.
"Please don't tell anyone I zapped myself." TL said.
"Oh, thank God. You're alive." Nukid said. His fist tightened and a vein began to throb.
"Maybe you should put some airbags in this thing." TL pointed out. An airbag then exploded into his face.
Airbag activated. The motorcycle stated. TL groaned as Nukid's hand tightened.