Title – Therapy
Pairing – Glitch/Cain
Rating – The usually; pretty intense, nothing specific.
Disclaimer – As always, if I owned them I wouldn't be sitting here writing about them not, would I?
Summery – Months after the eclipse, everyone must deal with what happened, and while the others all carry on with nice and normal, happy lives, Cain and Glitch both have pre-existing trauma to contend with, and each only seems to be truly understood by the other, each stuck in their personal hells while everyone else around them is happy. In this chapter, Cain helps Glitch deal with a few nightmares of his own.
Setting - Several weeks after 'Afraid of the Dark' and 'Lost in the Night'
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"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Glitch." Blue eyes met brown. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, Cain, I'm sure," Glitch answered irritably.
Cain drew back a little, laying beside him propped on one elbow. "You can't blame me for wanting to be careful," he stated. "You know I don't want to do this."
A wave of guilt edged around Glitch. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry. But I really think it's helping."
Cain drew a deep breath and knelt, looming a little over Glitch.
"You're sure you want to do this again?"
Glitch glared playfully at his lover. Cain just nodded once and began to work, swinging a leg over Glitch so that he was kneeling over his legs.
He reach along the side of the bed until he found the leather belt strapped there. He pulled it up, holding it out for Glitch to see. He felt the younger man tense, but he didn't stop. A trembling hand reached out to the belt and he ran his fingers up and down it, feeling each hole in the strap, each edge, cut and filed to a *perfect* smoothness by Cain so they wouldn't dig in unnecessarily.
After a couple of minutes, he set it down carefully and gave one nod to Cain. He took another moment, then lay back against the bed.
Slowly, Cain picked it up, drawing it out in his hands, and wrapped it across Glitch's waist. He buckled it, just loosely, not even holding him; just there.
"Are you okay?" He asked. The first hurdle was often the hardest, and when he panicked at the presence of the strap, he only ever got worse as it was tightened.
Glitch nodded with forced confidence and a small, seemingly genuine smile. "Carry on," he insisted.
Cain obliged, undoing the belt and tightening it a couple of notches. Just enough that he could feel it, enough that it would be hard to wriggle out from it.
He felt Glitch tense under his hands, and began to rub his chest and stomach as soothingly as he could. "Relax," he ordered. His hands went to one of Glitch's, holding it still for a moment, then wrapping one of the leather handcuffs attached to the belt around it, buckling that too.
He looked up at Glitch. He was forcing his breaths to come as slow and deep as he could, but he was doing well.
The other hand was kissed, then imprisoned.
Cain lay down over his lovers body, one leg between his, his hand resting firmly on his chest just below the strap. "Don't think about it," he ordered. "It's only me holding you down." He pressed a little with his hand and leg as though to prove the fact. "You have nothing to fear from me. Now talk to me; what did you do today?"
Glitch opened his mouth to speak, but only managed a gasp. He closed his mouth and shut his eyes and tried again.
"I did nothing," he forced. "I spoke with DG about gardens and harvest; we think there's a way to use her light to make the fields of the Papay fertile once more; she can grow their trees with a visit, but she wants a more permanent solution-"
The belt was tightened another notch. Pressure from it was now greater than the pressure of Cain's hands.
Glitch paused and swallowed hard, taking a moment. "If we can find the right infusion of...." Cain's hands drew away from him and reached for the second belt, the one that would eventually hold his head. "...of Moritainium...." he absently went to hold out one hand, like a set of balancing scales. He jumped horribly when he realized he couldn't.
Cain watched him carefully.
Glitch took a very long minute, catching and slowing his breathing. His eyes reddened, but he didn't cry. He forced himself to be still and calm, and eventually he regained enough composure to look at Cain and manage a single nod.
Cain silently obeyed, shortening the tie between the first cuff and the belt until his waist pushed his hand out of the way.
"I'm still okay," Glitch insisted. That was the first hint to Cain that he was fast approaching the point of not being okay.
He carried on anyways, trusting his lover to tell him, one way or another when he'd had enough.
Glitch began to shake as Cain reached for the second hand, and gripped his tin man's fingers tightly.
"I'm okay," he whispered. "I'm okay."
"I'll stop if you ask me to," Cain reminded him gently.
Glitch lifted his head a little, looking Cain in the eye, and shook it. "No," he insisted. "Carry on."
As he said it, Cain tightened the strap to it's maximum, cutting into him a little and keeping him immobile. Glitch sucked in a breath, but seemed as well as possible.
Cain leant over him smiling proudly. "You're doing well," he told him, then dipped his lips to his lovers ear. "I'm so proud of you; this takes real courage. I'm proud of you."
He drew back, kissed him gently, and picked up the one for his head. So far, this one had proven the most challenging, although Cain thought it was probably obvious why. Not only did it deprive him of the ability to see properly, but it also held his head, and the precious remaining half of a brain, completely immobile. He was completely at Cain's mercy. He shushed him the whole time he gently fixed it across his forehead, stroking his face as he secured it. He leaned down and kissed him again, stroking his lovers lips with his own. "You're doing well," he whispered, taking a moment to stroke his stomach and face, touching their noses together.
He pulled back slowly, the hand on Glitch's stomach stroking his arm and hand as he climbed lower. The only thing left were his legs.
Glitch gabbed the other mans fingers as their hands brushed.
"Don't!" He gasped. "D-don't. No."
Cain turned back to him to see him straining to look down at him, to follow him as he left his line of sight. He understood.
"It's okay, sweetheart," he whispered coming back up to him, kissing his hand where he held it, then his shoulder, then lips briefly. "I'm here, you're safe."
"No," Glitch gasped, not seeing him. "No, please...let me go." He began to thrash. "Please, let me go...let me g-go!"
Cain's hands quickly did so, expertly un-strapping his hands, then his head, then his waist. Always in that order; he once tried undoing the waist before the head and he hurt his neck trying to get up, and once tried doing the waist before the hands last and he had hurt his arms trying to get the cuffs off. This way, if he hurt anyone, it was only Cain.
As soon as Glitch was free, he threw himself off of the bed and away from Cain. Cain sat for a moment, perched on the bed, just watching him. This was the way it always happened; he had tried once to hold him and comfort him, and it just didn't work; his half a mind didn't realize that Cain was just Cain, and the restraints he so feared had been removed and replaced with his lovers arms. All he could do was hope that this time, Glitches mind stayed intact. It was always worse somehow when Glitch didn't remember what had happened, as though it was for nothing, because the nights when he didn't remember were the nights he made no progress, and Cain was left with the memory and the knowledge that he had made the younger man at his mercy suffer needlessly.
His eyes calmed. He smiled weakly. He returned to the bed.
"Sorry," he whispered sheepishly, curling up under Cain's arm and resting his head on his lovers shoulder. "I'm okay now."
"We're not trying again," Cain warned. That was usually the next thing he said. "Not tonight."
Glitch smiled, head-butting him playfully. "Then what do you want to do with your evening?" He paused, looking up and grinning mischievously.
Cain could already tell he had glitched. Sometimes it happened like that; he'd forget things even as he mentioned them or thought about them. Cain considered telling him what had happened, but decided against it; he didn't need to know he'd forgotten again. It wouldn't help.
"Whatever you want to do, sweetheart," he whispered hopefully.
Glitch's grin widened, then wavered, and he looked down, resting his head by on Cain's shoulder. He paused for a moment, and then asked quietly; "can we use the straps again?"