The Simpsons....uh, Rogues

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Len flopped down on the couch, cool duff in one hand, remote in the other. After a stressing day at the plant he finally had the chance to relax and undwind. Away from work, in his house with his loving family -

"Dad! JJ stole my flute and he won´t give it back!" one voice yelled. His middle child, Piper, the musical genius.

"JJ, be nice to your brother."

"He started it!" His oldest, his firstborn, the prankster and trickster of the household - James Jesse Snart, shortened to JJ.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"I don´t care who started it, but I will end it!" Len hollered.

"But Dad-"

"No buts," intervened a voice from the kitchen. Mick, faithful husband and his sweetheart since highschool came into the living room, "JJ, give Piper his flute back, Piper, no yelling in the house and Len, do some parenting!"

Collective whining from the Len, JJ and Piper followed.

"But Mi~ick, it´s the start of the ice hockey season!"

"No ice hockey in this house until you´ve had a stern father-son talk with JJ. His teacher, Ms Park called again and his grades are worse than ever. I´m taking Marky to Dr Amar for a check-up and I want you all to behave until we get back. Understood?"

There was no use in talking back to Mick in this state: hands pressed on his hips and a low grumble starting to form in his throat.

"OK."

"Fine, dad."

"Can I go practice in my room, dad?"

The sound of two doors closing signaled the department of Piper, Mick and the baby Marky.

Marky was a little bundle with black, spiky hair and a permanent pacifier in his mouth. Piper was their second child, strawberry blond hair and a knack for music. And JJ, the menace of his teachers and their little town of Keystone.

JJ sat on the couch next to Len.

"Son, you know the drill," Len said.

JJ took a deep breath: "Son, we´re disappointed in you. Your grades need to get better, you should study more, be nice to your brothers, don´t cause so much trouble and ....what was the last thing, Len?"

"I dunno. Seems enough to me."

"Dad, I think I need some fresh air. Can I go to the park?"

"Do I have to sit up?"

"No."

"Knock yourself out."

JJ slipped out of the house, after grabbing his skateboard and trusty slingshot.

Another normal day at the Snart household.

"D´oh!"

"Ay Carumba!"

JJ was shoved against the school´s wall that showed a picture of principal West saying "I am a weiner" by Dan.

Dan Cassidy was the playground´s toughest player, a mean bully and the scourge of the 4th grade.

"Hi, Dan. What´s the matter?" JJ asked, fake confidence mingling with fear in his voice.

"My fist in your face, that´s the matter." Dan was about to strike JJ for no apparent reason when a loud voice interrupted them.

"Oy, lads - keep yer hands to yerself. Evan just wunts to have a little quiet in his shack and I dun´t wannae be bothered by your quarrels!"

"It´s groundkeeper Evan, run!"

"I´ve seen fish run faster then you, lads - you called that screaming: Evan has heard more screaming in the morgue when I wus still janitor there."

"Shouldn´t you bet at school?" Len asked.

"Shouldn´t you be at work?"

"Touch." Len replied, shrugged and went inside Digger´s Tavern.

"Hello, Len, what will you have?" Digger asked.

"Give me a duff, Digger," Len ordered and soon a pint of wonderful beery goodness stood in front of him.

"Beer -the solution and cause of all our problems."

The phone rang.

"Digger's Tavern... Yeah, just a sec, I'll check.

Uh, Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss. Aw, why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?

The whle bar burst into laughing.

Len couldn´t help himself and replied. "Maybe your standards are too high!"

Realization dawned on Digger. "You little SOB! If I ever find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs up your butt!"

In one house in town, two kids burst out laughing. Piper held his stomach: You´d think that it´d be less funny after the 122nd time you´ve done it....but it isn´t!"

"Hi-diddly-ho Neighbor-ino!"

"Shut up, Roy!"