Settling

Chapter 1

Jennifer Keller sighed audibly as she extinguished the flame on the candle; she had lit it for her romantic dinner. It was the third time this week alone that he had not bothered turning up for their date. She had lost count of the previous times, but was pretty sure the number wouldn't fit on her fingers. Jen smiled sadly at the uneaten and now several hours old dinner as she threw it away and cleaned up. Jen had persuaded the chefs from the mess hall to cook her a special meal for two and deliver it to her quarters. She had even gone as far as lighting a candle and getting hold of a bottle of wine

Then there was her outfit, stopping to look in her full length mirror as she passed it. She had donned her little black dress for the evening. It had a low cut V-neck at the front, went to just above her knee, with little cap sleeves and a tie at the back. It was sophisticated and elegant, especially when teamed with her hair partially up, with some down at her back, with silky waves adding to the look.

Sighing again as she looked into the mirror, she decided to go and have a little conversation with her 'date.'

Jen left her quarters and headed towards where she knew her 'date' would be, aware of every person she passed in the hallway staring at her as she strode towards her goal. Rounding a corner, Jen nearly crashed into Teyla and Colonel Sheppard, barely stopping herself before she did.

"Wow! Doc, you look amazing!" said Colonel Sheppard, ever the flirt.

Jen just rolled her eyes at this, choosing to not answer the Colonel's comment with words.

"Are you not supposed to be on a date this evening, Jennifer?" Teyla asked innocently, causing the Colonel's eyebrows to rise in interest.

Jennifer nodded, and sighed, "He didn't turn up again. I'm on my way to find him now."

"Again?" Teyla asked incredulously.

Jen just nodded and made to move away, but Teyla caught her arm first and whispered into Jen's ear. The colonel could be seen straining to hear what was being said, but was failing miserably. Teyla pulled away from Jennifer gave her arm a squeeze and led John away before he could ask any questions.

Jen continued her walk and had soon arrived at her destination.

Doctor Rodney McKay sat with his back to her, typing away on his keyboard and shouting orders at his staff. He did not see Jennifer Keller enter, but his staff did and made a hasty retreat knowing their boss had missed yet another date.

Rodney looked up from his work to see none of his staff in sight. Swearing loudly he threw himself off the chair into a standing position, muttering under his breath about incompetent people.

It was as he turned that he saw her; she looked beautiful, dressed in a stunning black dress. "Crap!" he groaned. As the realisation hit him—he had missed another one of their dates—he immediately began to tell her he was sorry but how vital his work was and that he was almost at a crucial breakthrough.

Jennifer heard none of it. She'd heard it all before of course, but she wasn't mad. Not this time.

She was disappointed. Not in him, but in herself. She'd made a mistake, one she was too terrified to admit to, and this wasn't like her. She wasn't a cruel, heartless person that would unwittingly lead someone on...but she had.

"Rodney," she said in her soft quiet voice. When he ignored her and continued speaking, she said it again only louder. It wasn't until she shouted "Rodney! Would you just listen to me?"

That he fell silent, a look of worry crossing his face. Jen took a step forward, taking a deep breath as she did, "Rodney, I'm so sorry, I really am I never meant to hurt you, but..."

"Jennifer stop, I know what you're going to say, but you don't have to I understand. I knew this too good to last. You deserve someone great, no, better than great. And I know now that, that person isn't me so go, just go." Deep down McKay knew he was didn't stand a chance with her, he knew her heart wasn't truly there. He still felt bad for forgetting about another of their dates, "But I am sorry about tonight."

Tears filled Jens eyes; she walked forwards and pulled McKay into a hug where she whispered "thank-you," with all her heart.

She left Rodney's lab, still feeling guilty but she knew with Rodney she had been just settling, because what she really wanted was out of her reach. Teyla's words echoed through her mind: 'Be brave, don't settle.' Jen knew what she had to do, but the question was could she?

Finding an empty secluded balcony on a deserted section of Atlantis, she sat thinking over the previous few months and trying to figure a way to fix things. The first mistake she made was telling him she was interested in someone else. It wasn't a complete lie, she had gotten with McKay but realised that her heart was not in it. she cared for Rodney, just not in the same way as Ronon, who she cared for more than she dared admit. The feelings terrified her and now she had pushed him away. They barely spoke now, no longer trained together and never ate at the same table. Now Jen was lonely, more alone than she had ever felt and she couldn't get him out of her mind. But would he want her now, after she had hurt him like she did?

She needed to find out...now.

Glancing at her watch, she grimaced. Two in the morning—not a good time to visit someone. But if she didn't go now she never would.

She walked down Atlantis' silent corridors at a quick pace, knowing that she could lose her nerve at any time.

Finally she reached his door; she paused for a few seconds, butterflies fluttering away in her stomach. She reached forward though, activated his door chime and waited nervously for him to open the door.

She waited for what seemed like an eternity, before she decided he wasn't going to answer so she turned to leave. Then his door slid open and his gruff voice questioned behind her, "Jennifer?"

A/N: here's something new for you, hope you all enjoyed it let me know what you thought!