(Hey guys. The plot bunnies are being annoying again and demanding carrots. Hopefully this will do will satisfy their cravings...)
When we are children, we all dream of being superheroes. We all wish we could fly, or throw fire. We wished to be able to control the elements, or be invisible. We wished for something to make us special.
Everyone has different reasons for this. Some thought it would be cool, others wanted the power and the praise, but I wanted to be one because they saved people. I saw so many people who could have been saved, but weren't just because no-one had the time. I wanted to be able to help them.
But, amid their heroic deeds and busy double lives, we forget that superheroes are just human beings. In many ways, they are the same as us. They have hopes, dreams, fears, nightmares, family, homes and a soul. They may get glory, honour and praise, but sometimes all they want is a kind word or a smile. Most of the time, all a superhero wants is a friend. They want someone to talk to, someone who understands how they're feeling, to have someone who cares about who they are, not the deeds they do when hidden behind a mask. That's us in a round-about way. Torchwood is our mask.
I suppose that's why I'm so frustrated all the time. The others have their lives. Gwen has Rhys, Jack and Ianto have each other. They all have someone who actually cares. Every superhero needs someone to talk to. Spiderman had Mary Jane, Superman had Lois Lane, but the person I want is currently sitting directly across from me. They're typing something on a computer. I wonder if they're doing the same as me, pouring some of their frustration out on a computer screen where no-one is ever going to see it. I suppose that's Torchwood security, some of the tightest on the planet. We can add anything onto the system, any time and it's completely untraceable. Amazing really, when you think about it, all that brilliance, and we still manage to keep it hidden. But this isn't going onto the system, I don't think I could deal with the others if they saw this. It'll probably get deleted the second I'm finished, but I don't care. I just need somewhere to let it loose.
It's so infuriating. There's no other word to describe it. To sit and watch them day after day as they go around doing their job. To feel yourself longing for them, but being too scared to even touch them. To want to offer them a comforting word, but being afraid that they'll reject you. I just don't know how to get through to him. He doesn't seem to know that I exist.
It seems I do have a power. The ability to make myself unnoticeable to the one person I want to notice me. The power of invisibility,
And I hate it more than anything else under the sun.