Restless

I don't belong to no one
I don't belong at all
Got my face in the corner
Got my back to the wall…

And pretty baby I'm restless, restless
Restless through and through
I'm restless, restless
You look restless too

Restless sleep, twisted dreams
Moving targets, silent screams
Restless city, restless street
Restless you, restless me
I'm a face at the window
I'm a black satin sheet
And I can't stay warm
I stay out in the street

~Tom Petty

Content. Safe. Secure. She could remember feeling all of those things as they sat there at the River Court holding each other right after he proposed. They had each other, they were starting a life together, and that was supposed to be all she needed.

Those feelings kept her going for weeks, months even, until she started to feel something else creeping in. At first it was a slight feeling, one of unease, a feeling she could just brush off. But as the days passed she felt that feeling growing exponentially each day.

Lucas had pretty much moved into her parents' house with her. As always, Mr. and Mrs. Davis were spending the summer traipsing around Europe, only calling once a week to see if she needed more money. Lucas' mother had gone to New Zealand to spend time with her boyfriend Andy, so the two teens were all alone in Tree Hill. After a sleepless night all alone in that big house, Lucas promised she would never sleep alone again. That same day he moved most of his stuff into her bedroom.

Surprisingly, their parents had all been excited about the engagement. Lucas' mom Karen had known about it for months, and because she loved Brooke like a daughter, she was ecstatic the two were taking such a big step and that Brooke would soon officially be a part of their family.

Telling Brooke's parents had been pretty intimidating, they had no idea it was coming. Catching them though turned out to be their biggest problem. They were only going to be in Tree Hill for a couple days between their cruise and their Europe trip, and the entire time they were there they were running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to prepare for their next trip. Finally Lucas and Brooke were able to get them to sit down for 5 minutes, and, holding hands, they broke the news together.

Brooke wasn't sure they would take it well. Her parents had met in their 20s but waited until they were nearly 30 to get married. They were always saying how happy they were they didn't get married right away, and how the time together before their engagement was priceless and really allowed them to grow together, so when they did get married they knew that they were truly ready to spend the rest of their lives together.

Her concerns were unfounded, as her parents were instantly excited about the news. When Brooke expressed her surprise at this, explaining she assumed they would want them to wait, they admitted that while they normally thought marriage was appropriate later in life, Lucas and Brooke were different. They didn't need to spend years getting to know each other, they had known each other their entire lives and were destined to be together.

Destiny. It has always been such a romantic word to Brooke. And after a big dinner that night with Brooke's parents and Karen, Brooke was sure that's exactly what this was, her destiny.

They decided to get married after their freshman year of college. They first discussed putting it off, but they knew that that summer was really their last to just be free. After that they would have to think about internships, or summer classes, preparing themselves for either a career or graduate school. Because that only meant a year long engagement, they were busy planning right away.

Lucas' father, as tumultuous as their relationship had, was kind enough to offer up his beach house. Brooke had always imagined being married on a beach, so the location was perfect. The downstairs patio was big enough that they would be able to seat all of their friends and family around it, using the patio as a dance floor, and putting tables in the sand around it.

The plans quickly fell into place. Brooke planned to design her own dress, and her bridesmaids were set. Haley and Peyton were her best friends in the world, and they were ecstatic to stand up at the altar with their friend.

Haley married Nathan, Lucas' brother, when they were only sixteen in a ceremony on that same beach, but just the two of them and Haley's parents. Peyton and Brooke had always been a little heart broken that they weren't there to see their friend get married. As unconventional as it was for sixteen year olds to get married, for Nathan and Haley it made sense. They had their share of tough times though. Haley had left town a third of the way through their junior year to go on tour. She was a gifted musician, but her leaving broke Nathan's heart. It had taken them months to get back on track after she showed up on his door step, heart in her hands, offering it back to Nathan. Now though, they were closer than ever, and looking forward to starting at Duke in August with Lucas and Brooke.

Peyton and Brooke had been friends even longer than Brooke had known Lucas. Truth be told, they met when they were so young, that neither can remember that fateful day. They had been nearly inseparable their entire lives, even once Lucas came into the picture. Peyton and Brooke had little in common. Brooke was the girly girl, she had loved clothes, makeup, and boys for as long as they could both remember, whereas Peyton had an affinity for music and drawing. Still, the two girls had each other, and cheerleading, in common, and that was enough. Their bond was unbreakable.

Once the location and their wedding parties were set, Brooke and Lucas jumped right into having the summer of their lives. Both were working, Lucas coaching at a local basketball camp, and Brooke working for a boutique in town, but every minute they weren't at work was spent together. Whether they were at the beach, basking in the warm summer sun, or doing something as mundane as watching a movie and cuddling on the couch, they spent every minute possible together.

Then, one morning, Brooke woke up with a strange feeling, but she couldn't place what it was. It wasn't a strong feeling, just one of slight unease. She wasn't sure why though, everything was perfect. It was what they had always planned.

But as the feeling grew, she began to realize that it wasn't what they had always planned. It was what he had planned. What he wanted. Their plan had been different. Their plan was to go to college together, but not get married until they graduated. They would live apart for at least their first year, making friends and establishing separate identities. Making sure that as they grew up, they grew even closer together, as both were positive they would do.

He had changed that plan though. Now she would be married before her 20th birthday. She would spend her evenings cooking him dinner and tidying up their apartment. They would go to every party together, because they would be together. Everyday. Forever.

The more she thought about it, the more that feeling of unease grew. He had chosen their apartment. He never asked her opinion on it, he liked it and just decided it was what they were doing. He had chosen Duke too. She never had much of a say in it, she just went on with the plan. Nevermind they didn't have any fashion related majors, she was willing to put it all on hold for him, so he could pursue basketball. She thought she would be happy enough just being with him. She would keep fashion as a hobby and pursue some other major.

She really thought she could ignore her feelings of unease. She tried to convince herself it was just nerves and that everything would be fine. It worked for a while, at least until that big envelope showed up on her doorstep.

She had applied to the Fashion Institute of Technology on a whim. Sure it was in New York City, and she'd never want to be that far away from Luke, but she wanted to apply anyway, even if only to see if she could get in. She had pored over her sketches for days, trying to select the ones that were just right. And when she finally mailed off her application materials, she had decided not to tell Lucas. After all, she knew it was a long shot and didn't want to have to tell him she hadn't been accepted when the rejection letter would undoubtedly arrive.

Shock overcame her as she peeled open the envelope. Everyone knew what big envelopes from colleges meant. As she read the words, they barely penetrated. She had been accepted. She had been accepted to FIT. After jumping up and down in glee for a few minutes, she reached into her pocket for her cell phone, excited to share the news with Lucas.

But then she remembered, he didn't know she had applied. And he probably wouldn't be too happy about it. After all, it wasn't the plan. Their deposits had already been sent into Duke. The lease on their apartment signed. The engagement ring on her finger. Her future was already set.

Still, she couldn't shake a nagging feeling. So nagging that she told Lucas she was going to fly up to New York City for a few days to visit with her cousin Courtney. The days she would be gone coincided perfectly with a camping trip Lucas and Nathan had planned, so he didn't so much as question her about her plans. He drove her to the airport, kissed her goodbye, and made her promise to have fun with her cousin and to be safe.

Brooke really did go to visit her cousin. They had a great time shopping and eating out at fancy restaurants. She shared every minute of the trip with Lucas when they spoke on the phone each night. Well, every minute except for what she did that Friday.

She woke up early and took a cab to FIT. She met with an admissions counselor and went on a tour of the campus. She had lunch with some students who were there taking summer classes. By the end of the day she realized just how much she was giving up for "their" plan. Still, she tried to convince herself, it was okay. Lucas. He was what mattered. They were going to get married, that was the important thing. That was her destiny.

Brooke tried to remind herself of that every other minute the rest of her trip and the flight back to Tree Hill. And when she got off the plane and saw him standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers she smiled and ran into his outstretched arms. As he pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead she still had to reminder herself, even then....

Brooke and Lucas. Nothing else mattered.