Happy Holidays, loyal fans! ...And, of course, to everyone that isn't an avid follower of my work as well. To be honest, I'm not certain I HAVE any loyal fans...but, this is all meaningless dribble, isn't it? This story was originally posted on another website as part of a Secret Santa deal: you create something with a randomly chosen somebody's interests in mind, and then everyone shares their gifts with everyone else when the time comes. A nicely-drawn cartoonish picture of Waluigi was my gift...I have a fascination with him, even though he's never done anything noteworthy in the history of video gaming...and the story below was shown to the world with a dedication to my recipient. Just thought I'd tell everyone that knew me why I suddenly moved from WEWY and .hack to B-K...

...Oh, and if anyone's curious, the username of the guy this was originally for went by "Kingfisher", and the site was a well-known Mario fansite called "Lemmy's Land". I hope he's having a Happy New Year's!

Chapter 1: It's A Wonderful Life…Isn't It?

Our story begins in a small corner of the Isle O'Hags, the land in which a bear and a bird have had many a famous adventure. This small corner contained the Spiral Mountain, which was where said bird and bear's adventures had always begun. And in a small corner of this area stood a small, blue-roofed house, which was the home to the bird, the bear…and yet another bear.

"I hope those two are back by Christmas," Tootie, the young bear at the house, muttered to herself as she swept the floor clean of dust. "It figures that they have to go on their latest adventure right before the holidays, leaving me to stay here and keep the place clean for their return. This is so unfair; just because I was put in mortal danger once, it's like I've been removed from existence! I've seen royalty that gets kidnapped practically once a week, and they're still allowed to mingle with the public…heck, some of them get to go on adventures themselves! Maybe it would all have been better if I never existed…"

As if the world was one giant stage, and he had just been given his cue, Cheato the Spellbook suddenly popped up. He's allowed to suddenly pop in like that; he's a magic book, after all. It also explains why he can fit into a building that's usually smaller than himself. "Wanting to change the story of the world, young cub?" the living book inquired "I must say, that is certainly a lofty goal...with dangerous consequences. Aren't you even considering what would happen if you never truly existed?"

"Oh, hi, Cheato. No, I'm not worried; like you said, no matter what I wish, I can't change the universe," Tootie answered. "After all, it's not like life is one big game, and I can cheat the system…cheat the system…Say, Cheato, would you-"

"NO," was Cheato's blunt reply. "No to the hundredth power. No way in Hailfire Peaks. Zetta no. I refuse to hack your soul out of existence…but if you would like to learn a lesson about the importance of being alive and doing your part in the grand scheme of things, I could probably conjure something up."

"Sure, why not? I've got nothing but time until Banjo and Kazooie come back from Showdown Town," Tootie curtly replied. And with a quick recital of some mystical words, Cheato transported himself and Tootie into a world much like their own, but with a slight difference…it was a world in which Tootie never existed.

Chapter 2: Changes…Changes Are A Part Of Me…

Now, obviously, Tootie was expecting SOMETHING to change. Specifically, she expected to see that Banjo's house would be a lot dustier, since cleaning up was all she ever did these days. However, the changes made to the world were more…noticeable. For starters, they were standing…well, Cheato was floating, technically…in a crater that used to be Spiral Mountain. No house, no river, no actual mountain; the entire place looked like Kazooie had burped Grenade Eggs every second for a whole month. Tootie quickly turned to her guide of this strange world and asked, "How exactly did my not getting kidnapped and not sweeping the house lead to the utter annihilation of this place?"

"That question will be answered once we reach our final destination," uttered Cheato, as he hovered towards the hole in the side of the cliff that led to the rest of the Isle O'Hags. As Tootie followed him around the realm, she couldn't help but notice how grim the world had become. Jinjo Village had become a slave camp, which she and the magic book had to sneak around before some random green enemy caught up to them. Bottles' house was flooded, and as she swam to the other side (Cheato teleported to avoid getting his pages wet), she couldn't find a single trace of the family that once resided there. Jiggywiggy's Temple appeared to have been taken apart piece by piece, and Heggy's Egg Shed was cracked like a…well, an egg. Honey B.'s Hive in the Plateau was a sorry site indeed; what was left of it was completely charred. The only trace of Honey B. was her wings, which were lying on the floor, the crimson at the edges implying that they had not been removed pleasantly.

"Okay…being the MacGuffin in my brother's first adventure lead to the apocalypse? That 'final destination' you mentioned had better be one heck of an informative location," Tootie muttered as she continued following Cheato into the Pine Grove. There, she saw the worst of all the changes to the world. The small body of water nearby had been filled with toxic waste, and the plant life was certainly a thing of the past. Lying in the ground nearby were three tombstones: one for Banjo, one for Kazooie, and even one for Mumbo. In the distance, the buildings of Grunty Industries pierced the sky, as did a grand statue of Gruntilda, just to rub in how much the evil of those wicked witches had triumphed.

"And here we are," Cheato told Tootie, indicating that this was the last stop on the tour of this ruined world. Just when Tootie was about to ask why this was the end, she heard a soft whimpering noise coming from the nearby Wumba's Wigwam. A sixth sense told her that the answers awaited her inside.

Chapter 3: The Answers Are There, You Just Have To Know Where To Look

Tootie quickly hurried inside the Wigwam, but saw neither Wumba nor the creature making the whimpering noise. Upon searching the place, she found Wumba hiding behind her chair…and apparently, SHE was the whimpering one. When Tootie attempted to approach her, Wumba jumped back like she was a dear that had just heard a rather loud noise. "Stay back! Keep away from me!" cried the Native American girl…though it was debatable if America was a part of this universe or not. "Please don't touch me! I beg it of you, please, go away!"

Since it seemed that it would be easier getting knowledge from a really, really drunk Captain Blackeye, Tootie decided to head back outside. "Why's transformation girl suddenly got a phobia against being touched?" she asked Cheato, who was waiting patiently for her.

"Well, if you were not kidnapped, somebody else had to be," Cheato started to explain. "Since Grunty wanted to become younger and beautiful, and since Wumba would be the cutest being around if you didn't exist, she got taken away instead. You might think that the cutest would've been Honey, but Gruntilda didn't want to risk becoming part bug. Now, where was I? …Ah, yes. Banjo and Kazooie ended up saving Wumba instead of you, but Wumba was so terrified of the experience that she became a recluse, an outcast, a hermit. That is how the real trouble began."

"You see," Cheato continued, "Humba provided an essential service: transforming your brother and his breegull companion into different creatures. Now, while I believe it would be possible for them to complete their 'Tooie' adventure and be able to fight against the Hag 1 without transforming once, Humba's services had the side effect of using up Glowbos. As you know, those little creatures are used to enhance magical abilities. Without Humba, at least half of the Glowbos in the land were left unused…and Gruntilda saw this as an opportunity that couldn't be turned down."

"Gruntilda's cronies brought her all of the unused Glowbos, including the one in the safe that was unlocked with the Ice Key. In this world, she used the boosted magic against your friends in the final battle, and…it wasn't pretty. They lost, the world was enslaved, and by miraculous coincidence, it never would've happened if you were never kidnapped. To adlib a poem I once heard about…ahem…

'For want of a Tootie, a Humba was lost.

For want of a Humba, some Glowbos were lost.

For want of some Glowbos, some magic was lost.

For want of some magic, a victory was lost.

For want of a victory, a world was lost.

And all for the want of a cute little bear.'

Did that make sense to you? I certainly hope so. You see, Tootie, your role in the universe was nothing major, nothing incredible noteworthy…or Jiggyworthy, if you prefer. But without that one tiny cog in the machine of destiny, the rest of the universe just can't function properly. Be proud of the fact that you are alive, for every life has value, whether they know it or not."

"All right, I get the point. World minus me equals bad. Getting kidnapped was scary, but apparently, it saved the world. Can we go home now?" Tootie inquired, wanting to leave this scary version of her homeland ASAP.

"But of course," Cheato said, and the pair was instantly whisked back home.

Chapter 4: All's Well That Ends Well

"Yo! Pigtails! You got some grub waiting for us?"

"Kazooie, be nice! That's my sister, after all!"

"Hi bro," Tootie uttered, as she saw Banjo and his loudmouthed partner enter the house. "How did things in Showdown Town end up."

"We came, we saw, we beat the wicked tin can of the west. Nothing out of the ordinary," Kazooie replied as she hopped out of Banjo's sack and took a seat on a comfy chair nearby. "How about you, kiddo? Still whining for being left back here all the time?"

"No; I've finally gotten over it," Tootie replied, as she helped Banjo remove his sack and hang it on the coat rack by the door. "I've done some heavy thinking, considered my options, that kind of stuff. I think that, if I had a choice between this life and a different one, I'd be absolutely fine right here."

"…Cheato got to you, didn't he?" Kazooie casually asked. After Tootie took a brief moment to look shocked, the breegull continued. "Years of moping around this joint, and you get cured this quick? I've seen batteries recharge slower than that. That ratty old book has loads of free time and more magic than you can shake a feather at; you couldn't find someone more capable of messing with your mind if you tried. Plus, he did the same thing to me this one time, when I was wondering whether I should just ditch Banjo and go on my own adventure…saying 'it didn't end well' would be an understatement. But enough about that; where's that grub I asked for earlier?"

"KAZOOIE!"

"Don't worry, bro; I'm on it," Tootie told Banjo as she headed to the kitchen. They were a weird pair, but even if she hadn't been shown that strange vision by Cheato, there wasn't anything in this world that would want her to be taken away from them. All in all, Tootie could say that she had…wait for it…a wonderful life.

THE END