A/N: Okay, the next Death Note fanfic I write is going to be serious and that's final!!
The Task Force members were about to begin another grueling day of attempting to catch Kira. Watari had already been down to give L his hourly mountain of sweets on a tray and said detective was currently enjoying a rather lovely piece of strawberry cake with whipped cream on top. Yum!
Then suddenly, they heard a soft call.
"CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!"
Er…did I say 'Soft call'? I meant deranged scream. And following said scream, a young man crashed through the window and landed right in front of the baffled policemen, who were left wondering just who this was and how he managed to leap so high.
Once the strange person collected himself, L noticed that he looked quite a bit like Light…an insane Light who wore nothing but a ripped up pair of shorts. The look-a-like's eyes soon darted to Light and he broke out in a smile that creeped out even L.
"SQUEAL!" He…er, squealed. Then he sprang forward and tackleglomped Light straight to the ground (bringing L with them of course since he's still chained to Light).
"HI COUSIN!!" The insane Light screamed in Normal Light's face.
L sat himself up and examined the strange young man before him, "And who may I ask, are you?"
Insane Light looked up at the older man and grinned again, "What? You mean Lightio here never mentioned me?!?!?!"
"…No."
"Why, I'm his favorite cousin! Tim Yagami!" Insa- Tim answered.
L bit his thumb, "Hmm…I wasn't aware that Light-kun had a cousin named Tim."
As he said this, L looked slightly accusingly at the elder Yagami, who quickly looked away.
"We uh…we don't talk about him." Soichiro answered.
Tim teared up at this and then attacked his Uncle in a bone-crushing hug, "I LOVE YOU TOO UNCLE SOI-SAUCE!!"
Soichiro grimaced.
"Tim." Light rasped, rubbing the area of his stomach that said nut job had squeezed, "What are you doing here…how did you even know we were here?"
"Well Light-Brite," Tim shouted, "I just got back from summer camp and I thought I'd come and visit my favorite cousin. SQUAW!!!"
With that, Tim tackled Light once more causing the former Kira to gasped for air. L watched the scene before him with curiosity.
"Tim-san says he was at summer camp this whole time?"
Tim immediately released Light and sat up to address L, "Oh yes, it was lots of fun! I got three square meals and a comfy bed, and they even gave me this cool sleeveless jacket to wear!"L eyed the 'sleeveless jacket that Tim held up and bit down on his thumb.
"…I see…"
"So we can all agree that the Yotsuba group is behind the recent Kira killings." L stated.
The Task Force members all nodded.
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Tim screamed as he burst through the door brandishing a gun. "LOOKEE LOOKEE LOOKEE WHAT I FOUND!!!"Everyone's eyes widened.
"Tim, put that down!" Soichiro shouted at his nephew.
Tim looked affronted, "No! You'll never take me alive Eggman. FOR I AM THE WALRUS! GOO GOO G'JOOB!!"
With that, Tim began randomly shooting at the ceiling while the Task Force quickly took cover.
"He is rather bizarre isn't he?" L whispered to Light.
"Bizarre?" Light whispered back incredulously, "This guy is beyond bizarre, you should have seen what he did at my Aunt Philip's birthday when he-"
"CAN I WHISPER TOO?!?!?!" Tim bellowed at the two young men.
"He calls that whispering?" Light murmured urgently to L.
L just blinked.
"You have an Aunt named Philip?"
"So anyway Mr. Floples, I've been having a lot of fun visiting cousin Buzz Lightyear and Uncle Soi-Milk, but I guess I miss summer camp a little. Except for the Counselors with the needles, them I can do without."
"…Tim-san, who are you talking to?"
Tim looked up at L angrily, "L-eephant, this is a private conversation between me and my friend Mr. Floples!"
L raised an eyebrow, "You mean the tape recorder you're holding."
Tim scoffed, "It's not a Tape Recorder, it's Mr. Floples. My summer camp counselor used to talk to him before I left. Then I took him with me! Cause he's my bestest friend in the whole wide world!"
Tim hugged the tape recorder clo-
"IT'S MR. FLOPLES!!!"
…Okay fine, Tim hugged Mr. Floples close to him while L slowly turned back around.
"Thank you. Now as I was saying Mr. Floples, Lightbulb and the others have been working all day long. It's really boring, but Lightlamp and Uncle Soi-beans says they have to work all day. I tried to get Lighthouse to take me to the circus before, but he just started yelling and told me he had no time to games. Personally, I think he just needs to get laid."
"SHUT UP TIM!!!"
"Gasp! Lightbulb-osaur, this is a private conversation!"
"Hi everybody!" Misa Amane called out as she entered the room.
Matsuda grinned and waved at the young model while everyone else ignored her. Except of course for Tim.
"HI!!!" He screamed in her face.
Misa blinked, "…Light? Is that you?"
"I'm over here." The real Light said with annoyance clearly in his tone.
"I'm Lightrain's cousin, Tim Yagami!" Tim introduced himself before eyeing Misa in a very…subtle fashion, "And who are yoooooou?"
Misa blinked, and then smiled, "I'm Light's girlfriend, Misa Amane."
Tim tilted his head to one side, "You're Light-on-the-sauce's girlfriend?"
"That's right." Misa answered brightly.
"Well why?" Tim asked, putting great emphasis on 'why', "Why would you date him when you can have me?"
Tim put on a charming smile for the back taken Misa, "Bu-but Misa couldn't do that to her Light, especially since you're related."
"So whaaaaaaat?" Tim shouted, pulling Misa closer to him, "Dump that Zero and get with the Hero! Hero? HERO SANDWICHS!!! I LOVE HERO SANDWICHES!!!!"
Without warning, Tim sprung into the air and landed on Light's chair, sending it rolling against the wall but somehow not toppling it over. Tim got right up and Light's face while the latter tried and failed to shrink back in his seat.
"CAN WE GO GET HERO SANDWICHS RAITIO HUH? CANWECANWECANWECANWECANWECANWECANWECANWECANWECANWECANWECANWECA-"
"And just what are you?" L asked the giant white monster before him.
"You may call me Rem," It said, "And I am a-"
"HORSIE!!!" Tim screamed as he bounded forward.
Rem just stared at the unbalanced human.
"No, I am not a horsie," She said slowly, "I am a shiniga-"
"RIDE'EM HORSIE!!!!"
Before Rem knew what was happening, Tim leaped onto her back and held onto her neck.
"GET OFF ME!" Rem shouted while bucking around trying to no avail to get Tim off her back.
"HI HOO SILVER!!" Tim screamed happily.
"So you'll do it then?" Light questioned the Shinigami.
Rem nodded, "I will kill L Light Yagami, but know that I am only doing it to protect Misa."
Light grinned evilly, "That's fine, just so long as the meddlesome detective dies I am happy, and once L is gone, I, Light Sebastian Yagami, shall retake my place as Kira and create a new, crime free world which I shall be the God of! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-"
"CAN I EVIL LAUGH TOO?!?!?!?!" Tim screamed from directly behind Light who screamed and whirled around to face his demented cousin.
"HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE?"
Light could barely contain his glee. In another minute, L would be dead and all his problems would be over.
Meanwhile, the white shinigami stood behind the elderly man known as Watari. Her notebook was open and a pen poised over it.
'For Misa,' she thought silently as she began writing.
'Q-U-I-L-I-S-H W-H-A-M-'
"FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS." Tim cried.
That said, he snatched the notebook out of the Shinigami's hands and ran down the hall with it.
"GET BACK HERE!!" Rem screamed while giving chase.
Back with the Task Force, all was quiet until Tim burst into the room, Death Note in hand.
"I HAVE THE BOOTY CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!!" He shouted at nothing.
Light stared in horror at the black notebook in his cousin's hands while L looked thoughtful.
"Tim-san, where did you get that?" He asked.
Tim grinned as he skipped (that's right, skipped) over.
"I got it from the horsie! She was writing in it."
L raised an once again bit his thumb and watched the deranged young man open the Death Note.
"Who is Quilish Wham? That's a funny name, Quilish Wham. QUILISHWHAMQUILISHWHAMQUILISHWHAMQUILISHWHAM…"
Evantually, L just tuned Tim out and looked at the now openly horrified Light.
"Very strange Light," The detective said in monotone, "That the shinigami was going to kill Watari, perhaps she would have killed me next."
Light gulped, "I-I don't know what you're talking about Ryuzaki."
"YEAH YA DO!!!" Tim butted in, "You're the one who told horsie to do it!"
"Is that so?" L asked Tim while looking at Light accusingly.
"You can't honestly believe him over me, he's crazy!" Light ranted angrily.
"Nuh-uh." Tim yelled childishly, "I heard you say it, and so did Mr. Floples, right Mr. Floples?"
With that, Tim pulled out his tape recorder and pressed 'Play':
"'and once L is gone, I, Light Sebastian Yagami, shall retake my place as Kira and create a new, crime free world which I shall be the God of! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-'"
Light could only gaped while L smirked triumphantly.
"I think you know what happens next." The sugar lover informed the mass-murderer.
Quick as a flash, Light was in handcuffs and Aizawa and Mogi where leading him away. Light frantically looked around the room for someone to help him. His father and Matsuda refused to make eye contact while Aizawa and Mogi simply kept marching him toward the door.
Said door was then opened by a grinning Misa, and for the first time ever, Light was happy to see her. She would definitely help him out of this.
"Misa!" He called happily.
"SWEETHEART!" The blonde joyously screamed.
As she bounded forward, Light could almost feel hope spreading through him…but that was quickly dashed when Misa ran straight past him and into Tim's arms.
Light's jaw dropped threw the floor, "MISA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
The aforementioned model turned to face the now captured murderer, her expression seemed apoligetic.
"Sorry Light, but Tim is just a bit more…manly than you, you understand right?"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Light roared as he was dragged out of the room and into a holding cell downstairs.
"I think he took that quite well!" Said Tim.
And so, Kira was defeated, L did not die, and Misa and Tim's new relationship continued to blossom…
Until Tim was recaptured and sent back to 'Summer Camp', of course.
And they all lived happily ever after.
…except for Kiyomi Takada who died of Cancer two weeks later.
THE END.