"I found this on my desk this morning. 'Hot, smart, sexy brunet. Likes to party."

"I know, right? It's like perfect for you."

"So is this girl really hot and sexy or is she your friend's mom."

"Oh my god, no. Not a mom. No, totally hot and sexy. And smart, that's why I wrote hot, smart, and sexy on the card."

"Yeah, I see that. So she wants to go on a date with me?"

"I'll set it up."

"I guess Kelly is less annoying than I thought."

"You just said that out loud."

"Umm... no, you're imagining things."

"Whatever."

"Dunder Mifflin, Ryan speaking."

"When are you going to be in Scranton?"

"Wednesday. Kelly, why are you calling?"

"Do you want to go on a date?"

"Kelly, I told you, I won't get back together with you just because you pretended to be preg—"

"Oh my gosh, Ryan. Not with me. I definitely don't want to date you. At least if you don't want to date me."

"Well then, with who?"

"The perfect person."

"You're not trying to set me up with that hair stylist girl again, are you? Because seriously, Kelly, I'm not looking to date Madam Curie or anything, but I'm pretty sure that girl can't even put a sentence together."

"She's totally nice Ryan, you're such a jerk. I got my hair cut last week- oh, and it's totally cute and it's shorter and I have these adorable bangs and—"

"Kelly."

"Right, well we talked all about how Harrison Ford is still pretty hot, but Shia LaBeouf is hotter, so she can definitely form a sentence. But it's not her."

"Well then, who is it?"

"A blind date."

"Umm... against my better judgment, I'm going to say yes. I might as well have something to do while I'm stuck in Scranton."

"Awesome, well this is totally the perfect person for you."

"I doubt it. What does she look like? What does my blind date look like."

"Brown hair. Big smile. Big-ish nose. Weird sense of humor, I guess, but funny sometimes. Oh, cute butt."

"You notice your friend's butt?"

"Only once. By accident. My friend was on the roof."

"Whatever."

"Wear blue."

"Why?"

"So that your date can recognize you. And because you look really cute in blue."

"Bye, Kelly."

"Wednesday night. That little coffee place."

"Bye, Kelly."

"You'll be there, right?"

"Yes, I'll be there. Bye, Kelly."

"Bye, Ryan."

"Your date's going to be wearing blue. So you can find them."

"What if more than one person there is wearing blue?"

"I'm sure you'll be able to figure out which one is yours."

"Where are we meeting?"

"Coffee place. That one by Poor Richard's."

"Ok."

"Oh my god, Michael, you're going to have such a good time. You have to tell me all about it. Oh my god, I'm like a matchmaker now. Like in Mulan!"

"That matchmaker wasn't very good."

"Whatever. Why are you watching Disney movies anyway?"

"Ryan!"

"Michael... what are you doing here?"

"Kelly set me up on a blind date. But I guess she's not here yet, there's no one wearing blue in here but you."

"Oh... Oh my god."

"So why are you here? Just stopping on the way back to New York?"

"Yeah, something like that. Umm... I should go."

"Come on, Ryan. At least wait with me until my date shows up. Then if she looks like Pam's landlord, you can rescue me."

"Kelly didn't, er... tell you what your date looks like?"

"No, just 'Hot, smart, sexy brunet. Likes to party.'"

"Oh."

"Yeah. But it doesn't matter. I mean, she sounds pretty great from that description... What's so funny?"

"Nothing. There is nothing funny about this situation."

"Are you ok?"

"Fine. I just... you wouldn't happen to have some pills, would you? Or a shotgun? I just need to kill myself right now."

"Ryan, suicide is not the answer to anything. Remember, once I was depressed and I almost jumped off a roof. But that would have been a bad choice. Do you remember that?"

"Yes, I remember it... Kelly told you she thought your butt was cute, and then we all convinced you that jumping onto a moon bounce wouldn't break your fall."

"Right. You should have some coffee, that'll cheer you up."

"I'd rather have some vodka."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"It's been almost an hour. I don't think she's coming."

"I really need to get going."

"Ryan, my date just stood me up. You're gonna leave a brother alone in a coffee shop on a Friday night?"

"Michael… Michael, your date didn't stand you up."

"I don't see any brunets wearing blue shirts in here."

"Yes, you do. You've been talking to one for the past hour."

"Yeah, but Kelly didn't set me up with you. I mean, I'm not gay. Are you gay?"

"No, but... Kelly did set us up. She called me and asked me if I wanted to go on a blind date. And she asked you also. And then... she set us up."

"Oh... What'd she tell you I look like? Did she say I was sexy too?"

"Umm... nice smile, nice butt."

"Well, she's good at describing me at least. Even if her gaydar doesn't work. Do you know what that is? It's like, when you know who gay people are. Like Oscar. You know he's gay. So... gaydar. Jim sent Dwight one once, but it didn't work."

"I guess it worked."

"No, that's what I'm saying. It didn't work. It kept telling us Meredith was gay. Which can't be right because she keeps coming on to me. Or maybe that's just a cover-up..."

"No, I mean, Kelly setting us up. It worked. We've been sitting together in a coffee shop for over an hour. And you haven't been annoying me, and I haven't been..."

"A jerk."

"Yes... no. But anyway... let's get out of here."

"Where should we go?"

"I don't know. I have to go to a hotel. It's too late to drive back to the city."

"You can stay with me. Jan moved out. And I've got an extra bedroom, and—"

"Okay."

"Ryan?"

"Yeah."

"Are you awake?"

"Yeah."

"Can I come in?"

"It's your house."

"I just wanted to tell you something."

"Michael, it's three o'clock in the morning."

"This is the best blind date I've ever been on."

"Good night, Michael."

"Good night, Ryan. Ryan, can I sleep in here with you?"

"... Whatever."

"Really?"

"What?"

"Go back to sleep."

"Ok. Just don't touch me."

"Deal."

"Goodnight."

"Oh, Ryan?"

"Yes?"

"I have some vodka in the kitchen, if you still want some. Jan forgot it here."

"No, I'm alright now."

"Good, me too."