Spent my Christmas putting this story together. Just a sweet story about Christmas schemes, Crane's search for the holiday spirit, the Joker's terrible singing skills, and Harvey's desperate attempts at drowning his sorrows away in sugar. Written in script like style because it's time efficient.

As always, I don't own these characters. I wish I did though.

Ahh Christmas; A time for overgrown men to dress as elves, radio stations to play Christmas tunes until you stick candy canes into your ears, and if you live in a place like Gotham, it is a time for eeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil. Currently it was Dr. Jonathan Crane who was doing the evil plotting. He rushed around in the kitchen of his apartment concocting his plan. There was a knock at the door.

Crane: Go away!

The knocking continues.

Crane: Whatever it is you are selling I don't want it! Go away!

The knocking becomes louder until it becomes pounding at the door.

Crane: (grabs his mask and begins walking to the door) Really now, what part of go away don't you understand?

Before Crane makes it to the door, the door is smashed off its hinges and a strange device flies in through the doorway. The timer on the device reads 00:10

Crane: EEEEEEEE!!! BOMB!!!

Crane dives under his kitchen table and covers his head with his hands. The timer counts down and Crane braces for the explosion. 00:05…00:04…00:03…00:02…00:01…Click.

A harmless gas pours out of the device. Crane sighs heavily and clunks his head down in relief.

Joker: If that had been a real bomb, how much protection do you think hiding under that table would have given you, hmm?

Crane looks out from under the table and sees the Joker standing there sporting a Santa hat and holding gifts.

Crane: (crawls out from under the table and notices his broken door) Sigh…you owe me a new door.

Joker: But I made up for that by bringing presents!

Crane: No.

Joker: That not enough for you? Well look what else I brought! Harvey!!

Harvey walks in through the doorway carrying a very old, brown, and dying Christmas tree. It looks like something the Joker might have been saving from three Christmases ago.

Harvey: Merry Christmas Jonathan! Where should I put this tree?

Crane: In the dumpster.

Joker: Now now, this is your tree. And I even have a star to go on top of it (pulls a star top out of his coat).

Crane: Joker, that isn't even a tree. It's a dead branch that doesn't even have any thistles on it left. And even if it was an actual tree, I'd tell you I don't want it anyways. Now throw it away before—HARVEY I SAID I DON'T WANT IT!

Harvey: (setting the tree in the living room) Aww, but you need some seasonal decorations.

Joker: I'll set the presents under the tree! Tah-dah!

Crane: (dropping his head in his hands) Both of you, I don't have time to for this. I'm busy!!

Joker: Aww, but it's Christmas eve! Don't you want to spend it with your bestest friends?

Crane: First off, we are not friends. Why don't you understand that? And second, I am busy.

Harvey: Hey, what about me? Aren't we friends?

Crane: Only on the days you are not complaining about how depressed you are.

Joker: What could you possibly be so busy with on Christmas Eve that you can't even enjoy your friends?

Crane: I'm baking cookies.

Crane points out the kitchen which is filled with a variety of baking ingredients and equipment. Bowls of cookie dough mix, eggs, sprinkles, icing, butter…absolutely delicious!!

Joker: Ah yes, I can tell by that apron you're wearing. AHAHAHA!!!

Crane looks down at the apron he completely forgot he was wearing. Aww, cutesy Crane wearing a cutesy apron.

Joker: Nice to know that I'm not the only one who enjoys wearing girl clothing.

Crane: Hey! Aprons are unisex!

Joker: That's exactly what I said about the nurse outfit but no one believed me!

Harvey stood in the background shuddering from nurse Joker memories (Peh, even though he probably enjoyed it. Come on, who wouldn't?)

Joker: So Crane, tell us. What is all this about?

Crane: Well, I'm mixing in my fear toxin into these Christmas cookies. There is going to be a Christmas food drive later today in Downtown Gotham and anyone who eats my cookies will be poisoned. There will be people running wild in Gotham all through Christmas! It's the perfect plan!

Joker: Perfect except for one aspect.

Crane: Oh? And what's that?

Joker: We aren't involved.

Harvey: Yeah, why don't we have any part in this? Why are you hogging the fun?

Crane: Get your own evil scheme. This is my idea.

Harvey: How about we help make the cookies? Making a couple hundred cookies, you might need some help.

Joker: Toasty-face has a point there. How about it?

Crane: No. Get out and take your dead Christmas tree with you.

Joker: Pleeeeeeeeeeease?

Crane: No.

Joker: Please with a cherry on top? Or maybe dynamite on top!

Crane: No.

Harvey: Heads we stay no matter what you say, tails we'll leave you be.

Crane: (sigh) Fine. But you better not come back.

And flip goes the coin! It spins and spins and spins and spins and…

Harvey: (grabs the coin) HEADS!

The Joker jumps for joy and Crane looks like he is about to strangle him. But he doesn't. Poor Crane knows he can't.

Crane: Okay fine. You can stay but you better not mess anything up. This has to be done by tonight.

Joker: I pinky promise you that I won't mess this up!

Harvey: Yeah, honestly.

Crane: Fine, fine. You can help. Just remember that I still hate both of you.

I have cut this into four fairly short chapters for easier reading. Now keep going!!