My Pride and my Promise, a bleach fanfic

Hey guys! I came up with this little ficlet while I was listening to the song featured in it. Originally it was going to be a romance between some characters from a different show but then I looked at the lyrics and was like "OMG It's so much what would have been going through Bya-kun's mind when he was lying there next to Rukia!" It's set after Aizen and co ascend (cough cough) to Hueco Mundo.

My first one-shot (for real this time) and in first person too! Yays for me!

Oh, and I cleared up the little boo-boo with the whole sakura/plum blossom thing!

DISCLAIMER: Umm…I don't own Bleach or In Between by Linkin Park.

xXx

Have you ever had a been dying? It's rather surreal. After a while you stop feeling the pain and just float there. You think about what you've done in your life and if you're satisfied that no business is left over you can pass to the other side peacefully. I looked over my life so far and found nothing to keep me in the land of the once dead. Nothing was holding me back, except…

"Nii-sama…Nii-sama!" Rukia called out to me. No! I screamed at her from my mind. Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like her…I can't break more than one promise today. But Rukia is not her sister, no…Rukia is strong. Rukia would be able to handle what I had to tell her. I tried to sit up to explain about her sister when I was pushed down by gentle hands.

"You're hurt pretty badly, Captain Kuchiki." Captain Unohana smiled at me. I shivered inside. She scares me more than Kenpachi on a bad day. At least you knew he would slice you up. She would just make any healing she had to do one you painful. I lay back down. Damn, this is going to be more shameful then I originally planned. Well, if I'm going to say it I might as well say it like this so she feels sorry for me and doesn't bring it up again…

"Ru-kia." I choked out. Who would have thought fighting a Ryoka could make a person so thirsty? Not me until my throat was on fire after being defeated by the boy who was lying next to me, being healed by his friend. The eyes of the female captain next to me widened a little on hearing my request but she hid it by looking up and addressing my little sister.

"Kuchiki Rukia…Captain Kuchiki is calling for you" Unohana said. She wouldn't pry, just sit nearby and make sure I wasn't going to pass out or do something incredibly embarrassing like that. Sometimes I like healers a lot

"Rukia…Are you there?" I asked, making sure she was over the shock of me asking for her.

"Yes…Nii-sama." Good, this won't be any harder than necessary. Hisana, please forgive me. I asked my deceased wife her forgiveness before breaking my promise to her.

Let me apologize to begin with

Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed

But somehow I got caught up in between

"There is something…I need to tell you. On a spring morning 50 years ago. Before the plum trees bloomed. My wife passed away." I might have laughed at the look Rukia gave me. I was a I-already-knew-that-but-I'll-make-it-look-like-I-just-remembered-so-you-retain-some-dignity-look.

"I know. Hisana-sama." Why does it still hurt every time I hear her name? The pain should have faded by now but no, I still loved her so much it hurt. Funny thing, love. The one person who wouldn't love me back in all of Soul Society was the person I fell in love with. Thanks, god. I really owe you one…

"I was told that you took favor in me due to the fact that I looked very much like her. And for that reason you took me into the kuchiki house as your sister." Now I didn't want to laugh. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Note-to-self: don't make promises that are hard to keep…oh, already did that…twice. Go Byakuya! I took a deep breath before changing everyone who heard me's view of me forever. God, they're going to realise I have feelings. Poor Renji, he'll have a heart attack.

Let me apologize to begin with

Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed

But somehow I got caught up in between

"…yes. I told everyone in that mansion to tell that falsehood to you…Hisana is your older sister Rukia." Damn it, why is she looking at me like I betrayed her? It's not like I'm her actual brother! When did it get like this? When did I suddenly see her as my little sister? I swallowed, the pain in my throat meant that a normal person would want to cry right now but I was a Kuchiki and Kuchiki's do not cry.

Between my pride and my promise

Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come

The only thing that's worse than one is none

"Hisana, she…died in the real world and was sent to Inuzuri with you. But, she could not live there while carrying a child so she deserted you while you were still a baby…that is what she told me. Hisana regretted that decision deeply. Even during the 5 years we were married she kept searching for you everyday." Such a caring soul she had been. Never giving up, being strong for the sister she didn't know. I remember the first time she told me about her sister. The regret in her eyes as she asked me for what she thought of as yet another favour but what I thought of as the first step to her accepting me as a human. Tch, how wrong I was. But she was willing to lower herself to save the girl who was in front of me as I told the story, something I could never have done. Something I still respect her for.

Let me apologize to begin with

Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed

But somehow I got caught up in between

"In the spring of the 5th year…" I closed my eyes as I remembered her last words to me. The woman I loved had been grateful even to the end. Grateful, not loving. It was something, at least. That's what I try to tell myself anyway.

Between my pride and my promise

The day that she passed away there weren't any plum blossoms on the trees. Her favourite flower would never bloom for her again. I think of her whenever I use senbonzakura. I make the petals for her, a message everytime I go into battle. I'm still thinking of you, my love. Maybe she can hear me. She didn't look beautiful when she died. She was sweating, her skin was yellow and her eyes were bloodshot but she was beautiful. From inside her she exuded a sort of glow that made her beautiful, not just look it. Her voice was scratchy but still music to my ears.

Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come

The only thing that's worse than one is none

"Byakuya-sama. Please find my sister. But when you do please don't let her know that I am her sister. Without revealing anything please protect my sister with your strength Byakuya-sama. I deserted my own sister. I have no right to be called her older sister and for that reason I want her to be able to call you her older brother. I'm sorry for being so dependent on you even in the end. I'm sorry for not being able to return the love that you've given me whole-heartedly. The 5 years in which I spent with you were like a dream. Byakuya-sama." Because they didn't feel real. Love makes things real. Having someone in love with you is odd. You're in denial that they could love you. I learnt this the hard way. I made it unreal for her.

And I cannot explain to you

In anything I say or do or plan

Fear is not afraid of you

As she passed away, I held her hand. The blossoms fell as I looked up at the tree. It was only when I realised the tree wasn't losing petals that I realised I was crying.

Guilt's a language you can understand

I cannot explain to you in anything I say or do

I hope the actions speak the words they can

"In the following year I finally found you. I immediately welcomed you into the kuchiki family. But because of the mixing of blood between someone from Rukongai and the blood of someone from a noble house was against the kuchiki family's rules. The people in our house were against it. For that reason, when I brought you in I swore on my parent's grave that this would be the last time I ever broke the rules. And from that moment forth, under any circumstances I swore I would abide by the rules." I stopped to breath in and watch her reaction. I would have to tread carefully for this next part. This was what I had been building up to say. Hisana, give me strength.

For my pride and my promise

For my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come

The only thing that's worse than one is none

"When your execution was decided. I did not know what to do…Should I abide the rules as I had sworn to my parents? Or keep the promise I made to Hisana to protect her sister? I did not know which path to follow. Kurosaki Ichigo…I thank you. Rukia…I'm sorry." Too bad I was back in the land of the living now. Rukia's eyes were overflowing with tears. Unohana was unashamedly crying at my tragic love story and Ichigo was looking at me with new understanding. I'm sorry, Hisana. I promised you I wouldn't tell her, but she is my pride now. Our little sister is my pride.

For my pride and my promise

Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come

And somehow, I knew that she understood why I had broken my promise to her. For my pride in Rukia, and promise to Hisana to always protect our little sister I was willing to break any rules because they were more my family then anyone with the same blood as me.

The only thing that's worse than one is none

xXx

That was sadder then I thought it would be! But the song fit better than I thought it would. Wow, I feel so sorry for Byakuya now. Anyway, Merry Christmas! R&R!