AN: Hey guys, this is my first attempt at writing twilight, so bear with me. This is set right after edward says his good bye in new moon. enjoy, and please review.

Disclaimer: not mine. not even a little bit.

Chapter 1

Bella's POV

I wondered when I would stop wondering. I wondered when the unstoppable force of time would heal the gaping hole in my chest that Edward had left behind.

He promised a clean break.

"It will be as if I'd never existed." He'd said.

Bull shit.

He could take away his CD. He could take away the pictures. He could even take away my plane tickets to Jacksonville and my new stereo, but he couldn't take away my memories.

I had loved him. More fiercely than I had ever loved anyone in my entire life, but for me I suppose that isn't saying much.

I hadn't moved, slept, or eaten for an entire week after the Cullens left. I missed Edward, arrogant ass that he was. I missed Alice. Her brother hadn't even let her say goodbye. To his credit, he allowed one person that right, though if I were to guess I'd say that Edward was reluctant to give said permission, and only gave it because the outcome was inevitable.

After Sam found me in the woods and Dr. Gerandy had given me the medical OK, Charlie had left to tell everyone searching that I was okay. It was then that Dr. Carlisle Cullen climbed through my window.

I didn't see him enter. I only heard the familiar sound of footsteps on the wood floor as he crossed the room to kneel down next to me. I knew how I probably looked, soaking wet curled up in the fetal position, my eyes half open due to exhaustion and my lips blue.

He golden eyes shone with compassion and concern as he reached a pale hand out to touch my forehead.

"Bella, you're ice cold." He murmured, before standing and retrieving another blanket to drape over me.

I opened my mouth to thank him, but no words came out.

Once he had thoroughly tucked me in, he let his cold hand graze my cheek briefly before thinking better of it as he noticed my shiver.

"Sorry," He apologized. "I sometimes forget how cold my hands are."

"It's okay." I rasped.

The hoarseness of my voice seemed to affect him. He sighed, obvious sorrow in his eyes.

"Bella…I'm so sorry for what is happening. Edward is set on leaving. He's so sure that you'll be safer without him. Perhaps he's right."

I shook my head slightly.

"It's not his fault I'm a danger-magnet."

He smiled slightly at that.

"I suppose that much is true. I think I've just grown accustomed to stitching you back together. You have to understand though, that knowing my family puts you in more danger than you would have been in without us."

"You can't know that." I argued weakly. "Eventually your permanent unchanging good looks would have forced you to move away. You're not the only vampires. Nomads would have wandered through eventually. And since I smell oh-so-good…"

The doctor shook his head in amusement, running a hand through his golden locks.

"Bella, you really are a unique human. And you're likely correct. You do smell good. I haven't yet been able to figure out why."

I remember my lips almost curving upward into a smile.

"Any theories?"

He shook his head.

"No plausible ones. I considered that there was perhaps something different in your DNA, but then your mother or father would have the same draw, and they clearly do not. I was going ask permission to test your blood next, but…"

At that he trailed off, but I knew his meaning. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to block out the pain.

An icy hand grasped mine tightly.

"Bella, I cannot express exactly how sorry I am that we are you doing this to you."

I squeezed back lightly.

"It's not your fault."

"I'm letting it happen. The fault is as much mine as it is his."

"Carlisle, you're just trying to keep your family together."

He looked away.

"Yes, but at what cost?"

He shook his head, looking down at his watch.

"Bella, I should go."

I reached out and grabbed his hand.

"No," I whispered. "Please don't leave me yet."

"You know I have to leave eventually. My family is expecting me."

"I know, but could you stay until Charlie gets home? Please?"

He seemed to ponder the thought before nodding slowly.

"I suppose that would be alright, if nothing else than for your safety."

I took a deep breath in relief.

"Thank you."

He nodded almost imperceptibly.

"You should get some sleep Bella. I don't want you to catch an infection with your chill and weakened immune system."

I looked at him and shook my head.

"I can't sleep."

His eyebrows furrowed.

"Why not?"

"I-This is going to sound silly."

"It's okay. I promise not to tease."

Our eyes met and saw the sincerity in his.

He asked for it.

"I can't sleep alone."

"You're not alone Bella. I'm right here."

"I know. It's not that. Before…he used to sneak in every night and stay with me, sort of holding me. I've grown so accustomed to his presence that I can't sleep alone anymore."

I looked away from Carlisle's calculating stare, afraid of his response.

A second later I felt the mattress shift suddenly and opened my eyes to pale skin on top of my comforter.

"Carlisle, are you sure you're okay with this? I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

He chuckled.

"You're nearly hypothermic, you likely haven't slept much in days, and you're concerned about me?"

I blushed, prompting another chuckle.

"Bella, my concern is for your wellbeing. You need sleep. If this is the only way you'll be able to achieve that then I am happy to help."

"Thank you." I whispered.

It was an odd feeling, someone caring again. Especially Carlisle. He and I had never been very close. He was a very reserved man in many respects. The most affection he had ever displayed publicly was putting his arm around his wife, a move one could make with someone not nearly as high in their regard.

I wasn't sure if this open show of affection from such a quiet man was making me feel better or worse.

Carlisle, all of the Cullens, meant a great deal to me. But they were leaving. And being so close to what I would no longer have could almost be considered prolonging the inevitable. I needed him though. I needed one last good memory to dwell on; to dull the pain that would follow. I think Carlisle knew that.

I tried to slow my mind enough to fall asleep, but too many thought were racing through it.

This, I recalled, was when Edward would wrap his arms around me. The comfort in those moments had the ability to calm me immediately, and slumber always followed quickly.

I sighed, a noise that did not go unnoticed by the blonde next to me.

"Still can't sleep?"

I shook my head and bit my lip.

He saw right through me.

"Bella, whatever you need to do to fall asleep is fine, just please do it. It'll put this old man's worries at ease."

I laughed lightly.

"You're not old. And are you absolutely sure? I can't see how using you as a pillow could make you anything but uncomfortable."

"I could say the same to you. We aren't exactly soft."

I shrugged.

He gestured for me to commence the cuddling, so I did, but with considerable reluctance and awkwardness.

The moment I laid my head on his chest, I took a deep breath, finally finding some semblance of peace in my chaotic world.

In typical Carlisle fashion, an arm wound around my shoulders, holding me to him gently and allowing me to relax completely.

I looked up into his golden eyes sleepily.

"Will you wake me before you leave?"

He squeezed my shoulder lightly.

"I promise." He murmured. "Now go to sleep."

I remember smiling before I fell completely into the slumber than I needed more than I was willing to admit. What can I say? I've always been stubborn.