1.

Love is strong. At times it controls your whole life. It's what you live for. Love is life and life is love. Though love never ends...it travels and stays in your heart. It goes on when life is over and it is around us. We can always feel it, like air, and sunshine. It is there. But life is different. Life is ended and it does not go on. Still what are you suppose to do when life and love are gone.

"Bella," the voice wasn't a whisper but close to it. It was more like a breath. The air that formed my name. I could feel it. It tickled my ear. It was such a wonderful voice. It was strong and full of life. Something that had become unknown to me.

"Bella love it is time to wake up," it ordered me and the smile that had seemed to form over my face, disappeared and turned into a frown.

"No," I said stubbornly.

He chuckled low and deep. I could feel the warmth of it on my neck. I hugged my pillow a little tighter and felt his arms squeeze my waist just a little. The smile was back on my face.

"I don't want to wake up. You leave me," I said. It didn't have any sound to more of a movement of my lips and the sound of my mouth opening and closing. Again he laughed.

"I could never leave you, not even now," he said and I sighed.

"You're a liar," I said for who knows how many times.

"Am not. I speak what I know," he said and I shook my head keeping my eyes tightly closed.

"You left me, purposely," I said and he buried his face in my hair. "I didn't." he didn't say it but I knew that's what he wanted to say. I knew everything about him. I knew his favorite color and what kinds of jeans he loved to wear. I knew what days he liked best and I knew his favorite food. I knew exactly how to take care of him when he was sick and what soup he liked. I knew he didn't like anything to do with limes. And I knew he knew everything about me.

"I like having you with me," I said not wanting to make him hurt. The pain was double knowing he was hurting. If I hurt him I hurt myself twice as bad. It was something that came with the package deal of love. "I like being with you," he said quietly and I could hear the smile in his voice. The wonderful amazing sexy smile.

"Lair."

"Am not."

"Then stay, please,"

"Always." he said and I felt a tighter squeeze on my waist.

"You're going to leave now," I responded. He always left as soon as I opened my eyes.

"Not, really," he breathed.

"Will you come back," I asked, but I knew and he knew there was another meaning to the question.

"Of course," was his answer. I opened my eyes and for a moment I actually saw his dark green eyes staring back at me I blinked and realized it was only the neon color of the numbers on my alarm clock. My throat clogged. And my breath became heavier. My eyes prickled and tight pain formed in my chest. Tears started to pour out of my eyes and I did the best to hold them back.

"Edward," I sobbed as I squeezed the pillow tighter as though it was him and I could keep him here with me.

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"You're an idiot," I say to him as we walk hand in hand along the quiet street.

"Yes, but you know what's the best part?" he asks me as I lean into his shoulder. "What?" I say skeptically.

"That you fell in love with me," he says and I laugh. I can't help but laugh when I'm with him. He makes me happy. He makes me feel like it's only us and no matter what we will always just be us. I sigh knowing we are avoiding a subject that we both don't really want to talk about but know we have to.

"I won't marry you unless you go," I tell him and he sighs.

"I told you I don't want to go. Can't you just be happy?" he says staring at me. I look away from his eyes knowing they have such a strong affect on me. I couldn't though not really. I am coming in between his dreams and I feel guilt taking me over. I was upset at first when I learned I would be away from him for my college years. I was more afraid because people change. I know now that we really love each other and I am okay with it. Nothing can or will come between us.

"Edward, it's what you want. I'll still be waiting. It's our future!" I argue with him.

"I don't want to go there. I can easily just start school here," he retorts back at me. He is giving me a migraine. Why must he be so stubborn?

"That's not the point. You wanted to go since forever; it's been your dream since way before you met me. I'm not going to let you ruin it," I grab his face in my hands. I need for him to understand me right now? I need to tell him this and make sure he won't ever forget.

"I love you, I'll wait for you and when you come back, we'll get married, and we'll go off together," I tell him and he smiles at me. His green eyes sparkling, the amazing green eyes I fell in love with.

"I can't bear to leave you. Ever," He takes a deep breath and looks at me and then looks away before he continues, "Come with me?" he says quietly and I am shocked.

"Edward I can't I have to finish my-" but I am cut off when he presses his lips to mine. There is desperation in this kiss and amazing power in it. His lips completely warm mine which froze in the cold weather.

He pulls away after a moment but I'm still in a daze. "I will never leave you, it's a promise. So either I stay or you come. If you can wait for me then I can wait for you," he says with a smirk and I glare at him.

He never breaks his promises, I knew that.

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Edward was a senior then. He was graduating, wanting to go Dartmouth since he started freshman year. He didn't want a whole country to come between us, but he wanted it. He was accepted.

"Bells," her tinkling voice came into my bedroom and she sat on the bed making my body jump. I was supposed to get up but it was too hard and the tears had made me tired again. So I didn't bother. What was the point? There wasn't really a reason to get up and do anything.

She started to shake my shoulder and I ignored her.

"Bella come on it's time to get up," she said with a tired sigh and I nodded and I lifted myself from the bed.

She looked me in the eyes, hers having the same green tinkle his had. Hers was different though. Hers were lighter and his were dark.

"Bella I love him too, but you have to move on. It's been 6 months, Bella." she said quietly and I shook my head.

"Alice you weren't there, he didn't DIE in your hands," I snapped and got up from the bed. "Bella!" she called out to me but I ignored her as I slammed the door to the bathroom. I felt her knock on the door.

"Bella! He is my god damn brother, it's hurting all of us but you can't continue like this it's unhealthy," she said knocking harder.

"Maybe you just didn't love him as much as I did," I said and the quiet knocking stopped. It was quiet for about a minute before she responded again.

"To hell with you," she cursed and I heard her footsteps as she walked away. Quickly I threw open the door. "I'm sorry!" I yelled but the front door slammed and it echoed through out the whole house. I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair. I was being horrible I knew that. It wasn't completely my fault. Sometimes I had no control over my words or actions. It had been worse the first couple of months. I used violence and hurtful words. I threw them at anyone who bothered to say they understood.

I sighed and leaned against the wall as I slid to the ground. I wasn't going to cry. Not anymore I was done with crying. I hadn't cried at the wake or at the burial, I hadn't cried during the first couple of months and I only cried after I accepted he was no longer with me. I cried for weeks when it finally settled in and then I heard his voice. I felt his presence. It felt like the rays of the sun on my skin, like the droplets of rain, the slap of the wind, the caress of a light breeze. It was wonderful and frightening and amazing at the same time

I was scared because I was going crazy, I was hearing things, but I knew I wasn't. It was him with me. Inside me. He was everywhere and I knew he hadn't left me, not entirely.

That was the only way I was able to return to a somewhat normal schedule. I went back to work and came home and ate and went back to bed. I started to live again, but it was living without a soul, without anything in me.

It wasn't really much of a life but as much as I wanted to I couldn't just abandon my whole life. It felt wrong to live the life I had built with him. He no longer lived it so why should I?

But of course I couldn't make my mother or my father of any of the in laws that had become so much more than family to me, I couldn't make them hurt anymore than what had already happened.

So I hugged my knees to my chest and waited. It took forty five seconds in counting.

The front door opened slowly and I could hear the creak in the hinges. Then the small light footsteps followed behind. The door closed again and I sat still afraid if I moved she would leave. I felt her shadow looming over me. I lifted my head and she was glaring down on me. When she seen me she sighed and slid down against the wall on the other side of me.

We sat in the hallway not moving or talking. It didn't even seem like we were breathing.

"I'm sorry. What I said was stupid and I didn't mean. I know you're probably tired of hearing those words…but I don't know what else I could do," I whispered finally. This wouldn't have been the first time I had lashed out at Alice. It wouldn't be the first time she sent me to hell and it wouldn't be the first time I apologized for it.

"No, Bella. I know…I love Edward and I haven't completely gotten over it myself. I keep thinking he's away for some reason and he'll be back. He'll come back and none of this would matter," she said and took in a sharp breath.

"I know. But Alice I am sorry," I whispered again.

She just shrugged not fully accepting my apology. The words had hurt her. I knew that.

"But telling me to move on," I continued quietly in the small hall, "How would you move on if you had to live without Jazz? Would you be able to do it?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened her eyes again there was fire raging behind them.

"I don't know, but I sure as hell wouldn't be cursing out his family and saying stupid things like 'maybe you just didn't love him'. You couldn't be more wrong or stupid," she snapped and I nodded. "I know," was my response.

"Bella I'm just saying, that I know Edward. He doesn't want you to live like this," she told me. She was the only person that never spoke of him as past tense. He was still her brother and so she wouldn't say were or was when talking about him. I couldn't even do that.

"He doesn't have a say so in my life," I said angry at him. I had been angry at him since that day. I was upset with him and hurt by him and he would never come back to try and make it up to me.

I suddenly felt very cold. A chill went down my back and I felt completely empty. My words had hurt more than just Alice.

"Bella," Alice said softly and the tone of her voice and the emptiness and chill and stupid words and actions, the memories and images were just too much and I broke down. I cried and I felt her arms wrap around me.

"Bella," Alice said but it was mixed with another voice. A heavier deeper one and their voices mixed in harmony. I shut my eyes tight and hugged Alice a little tighter. She couldn't hear him but I could. I could feel him back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to both of them.

Okay this is something I have been throwing together for a while and I know that some may not want to read it because Edward's not exactly alive, but trust me that isn't really a big factor in this story because I myself am in love with him and couldn't bare to have a story with out him being a major character.

So please review and check it out for me. If you like it I'll post the next chapter really super soon and if you don't then I'll probably make it a one shot. Tell me what you think please.

This story is also ALL HUMAN.

Truly Twilightholic-Tanya