Hey guys! I have decided to post this early as I honestly can't wait until "The Crappy Twilight Cliches Show" finish (like some other people). If you liked 'The Crappy Twilight Clichés Show', then you'll probably like this one. Enjoy, and please read and review!
Disclaimer: Unlike Stephenie Meyer, I'm not a Mormon, am not married, but I do have conversations with Edward. Oh, and I don't own Twilight.
Plot No. 1 – (Really Crap) Truth or Dare
Setting – The living room in the Cullen House
Time – Early Morning, Saturday
Alice: -flies down the staircase at vampire speed- Oooooh I know what we should do today!!!
Edward: -groans- Alice, not again!
Alice: -pouts- Yes again Eddie-puss!!! Truth or Dare time!!!
Edward: But we played that yesterday. And the day before. And last week.
Alice: I don't care. Who wants to go first?
Emmett: -jumps up and down- Ooh, pick me, pick me!!!
Alice: -grins evilly- If you say so…Emmett, truth or dare?
Emmett: What?! No no, that's not what I mean an-
Rosalie: Are you chickening out Emmett?
Emmett: No no, bu-
Alice: Then truth or dare?
Emmett: Fine, dare! I'm not going to chicken out…
Alice: -claps hands- Okay then!!! –Runs to kitchen and back with a bottle of apple sauce in her hand- Drink this!
Emmett: -Clutches head- Holy God, you're kidding me, aren't you?! –Falls and squirms retardedly on the floor- Noooooo, anything but that –jabs finger at the bottle-!!! Anything!!! Aaaaaaaaargh!!!
Bella: Just drink the damn thing, will you?! It isn't that bad, trust me.
Emmett: -whimpers- But it's a bottle of apple sauce…I hate apple sauce…and I'm going to throw that up later…which is painful…
Rosalie: Drink it, or I won't let you touch me for an eternity!!!
Emmett: -huffs- Fine then, everyone seems to hate me!!! –Opens lid and starts sucking the bottle-
-'The Dawn Is Breaking' suddenly pops into the Cullen living room behind Emmett-
TDIB: -pulls up Emmett's underpants- WEDGIE!!! –Runs towards Edward's piano-
Emmett: -accidentally squirts apple sauce on his face- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
-All the Cullen kids and Bella turn towards the piano, where TDIB is playing "Heart and Soul"-
TDIB: -grins spastically- Hi guys!!!
Edward: -Walks towards TDIB- Who are you, what are you doing here, and why are you on my freaking piano?
TDIB: -smiles innocently while playing 'Chopsticks'- It's a Steinway Concert Grand, Edward…I always wanted to have a Steinway Concert Grand…-sigh-
Edward: Fine then. Who are you?
TDIB: -plays first few bars of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony- I am the all-knowing God, and I know each and everyone of you!!! Especially you, Bella!!! –Points at Bella- YOU!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! –Bangs on piano dramatically-
Edward: -reads TDIB's mind- Um, why would 'God' –makes little quotation marks- call herself 'The Dawn Is Breaking'? Honestly, I could find better names in a La Push toilet filled with werewolf diarrhoea crap.
TDIB: Because I am the all-knowing God who just gave Emmy-poo over there a wedgie. Okay?!
Emmett: -shouting- YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING WEDGIE?! THANKS TO YOU, NOW I HAVE APPLE-FLAVOURED SHIT ALL OVER MY AWESOME FACE!!! –Wipes apple sauce off his face with his sleeve-
TDIB: -bows- You're welcome! Oh yeah, and by the wa- -Is interrupted by Emmett throwing up regurgitated apple puree onto the carpet-
Alice: Oooh…Esme is not going to be happy about that…
Rosalie: -with a disgusted look- Eww! Emmett, the toilet was invented for a reason!!!
Emmett: -is too busy throwing up mushed apple-
TDIB: Anyway… (To Edward) Bite me, Edward!!! Bite me!!! I want to be a vampire as well!!!
Edward: -screaming- WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?!
TDIB: BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT PERFECT SELF-CONTROL!!! –Thrusts wrist at Edward- NOW BITE ME!!!
Edward: NO!
TDIB: YES!
Edward: NO!
TDIB: YES!
Edward: NO!
TDIB: YES!
Edward: GET LOST!
TDIB: NOT UNTIL YOU BITE ME!
Bella: Wait… (To TDIB) Why are you here anyway?
TDIB: (To Bella) Because I can! Besides, daily Truth and Dare is actually starting to become really boring and unoriginal. I swear, play something else for a change!
Bella: Hey! It's not my fault! I really want to play Monopoly for once, but Alice –jerks thumb towards the hyper pixie- insists on a Truth and Dare marathon.
Alice: Oh, blame everything on me, the vertically-challenged psychic, huh?! You're just jealous because you can't come up with awesome ideas like I could!
Jasper: Alice love…I like the idea, but…maybe we should do something else for a change an-
Alice: -screams- OH JAZZY! NOT YOU AS WELL!!! –Dry sob- WHY IS EVERYONE AGAINST ME?!
Emmett: -starts singing 'Welcome to my Life' by Simple Plan-
Alice: SHUT UP, EMMETT! I DON'T NEED YOUR SYMPATHY!!! AND YOUR SINGING SUCKS!!!
TDIB: -chuckles evilly- Disrupted a game of Truth and Dare? Check. Gave someone a breakdown? Check. Edward changed me into a vampire? Hmmm…working on that. Mission almost accomplished. –Disappears from the Cullen House-
Emmett: -looks around- Hey…where did that bitch go?
Like it? Hate it? Please review and tell me what you think!
Next Chapter - IM Messaging!