A/N: Okay folks, after a long absence from , I finally found it in myself to finish this story. Sorry if it isn't that great. It's actually surprisingly hard to get back into the voices of characters that I haven't written for in months...if that makes sense. In any case, I hope everyone enjoys this, and I really, REALLY appreciate all the feedback I've gotten on this story.
Ginny woke up the next morning, not immediately remembering what had happened the night before. She didn't recognize where she was. All she knew was that she wasn't in her room, and she wasn't alone in the bed. Someone had their arms wrapped around her, and things slowly came back to her. The library...telling Hermione she loved her...coming to Hermione's apartment...
They'd slept together.
Ginny's eyes widened as she took in her position. Both of them were naked, and Hermione was hanging on to Ginny like her life depended on it. Ginny suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe...like all of the air had been sucked out of the room, and she felt like she was being split in half. One half of her was saying what it always did.
Run. Get out before she wakes up and you have to look her in the face as you leave.
The other half of her was singing an entirely different song. One that she wasn't used to.
Stay. Be here when she wakes up so you can hold her and she'll know everything is alright.
Ginny didn't know which half to listen to. Her first instinct was, of course, to leave. It was what she knew how to do best, and old habits die hard. She'd even sat up a few times, but she always laid back down when she felt Hermione's grip tighten around her. The longer she laid in the bed, the harder it was for her to listen to her instincts. She didn't want to leave and hurt Hermione.
As she mulled her options over in her head, she felt Hermione stir next to her.
"Hey," Hermione said as she woke next to Ginny. Ginny didn't respond, not sure what to say. Hermione looked at her and frowned. "Is something wrong?"
"No," Ginny managed to get out. "I just wasn't expecting you to wake up so early. It's only..." Ginny looked at the clock, "Oh, it's 10. Well, that's late." Ginny felt very uncomfortable. She never slept that long or that soundly outside of her own bed.
Hermione looked away. "We're you planning on..." Hermione drifted off and Ginny gave her a questioning look. "No...it's nothing. Forget I said anything."
"No, you've got something on your mind. Get it out." Ginny gave her a reassuring smile.
"I was just wondering...were you planning on leaving before I woke up?" Hermione said, hurt clearly all over her face.
Ginny didn't know what to say. When Hermione said that, she realized that subconsciously she'd been planning on leaving Hermione in the middle of the night, and seeing the pain in Hermione's eyes mad her realize that Hermione had known that the entire time. That's why she'd held onto her so tightly in her sleep and why she'd had a look of surprise on her face when she'd woken up and Ginny was still there.
"Did you think I was going to leave you?" Ginny asked.
"Well...I didn't know. I wanted to believe you'd still be here, but I wasn't sure."
Ginny started to snap at her. "I thought you weren't going to hold my past against me. I can't believe you'd think I'd do that to you after everything!" Ginny knew she had no right to be mad, but she was anyway.
"Ginny, I didn't mean anything by it. I just...I was scared, okay?"
"We spent all of last night making love to each other, and all you can think is that I wanna leave! God, you're just like everyone else!" Ginny got out of bed and started throwing her clothes on.
"Ginny, that's not what I meant-"
"Well, that's basically what you said! How can you not trust me?" Because she shouldn't trust you...you were going to leave...
Ginny ignored her conscience as she grabbed the rest of her clothes and went to leave the room.
"Oh, I get it," Hermione said, getting out of bed and wrapping the blanket around yourself. "You didn't get the chance to leave during the night, so now, you're going to make me feel like it's my fault."
Ginny rolled her eyes. "Don't try to turn this around on me, Hermione. I'm not the one with the trust issues!"
Hermione sighed and tears started . "I get it. This is your way out. That's just fine, Ginny, but at least admit to yourself the truth. Admit that you're afraid of caring about anyone but yourself because you might get hurt like all the girls you're with do!"
Ginny didn't respond to Hermione's words. She just opened the door and walked out of the apartment.
Ginny and Hermione hadn't spoken in three weeks. Since graduation was coming up, she didn't need anymore tutoring, and Ron had accepted the excuse that she was so busy with getting ready for that that she didn't really have time to see Hermione. Ginny had almost called Hermione about a hundred times, but what was she supposed to say? She'd done exactly what she had promised herself she wasn't going to do, and she felt like a piece of shit for doing it.
Every night since Ginny had walked out on Hermione, she dreamed of her, and of the night they'd spent together before their falling out in the morning. It had been the best night that Ginny had ever had. Before that night, she'd never believed people when they'd said sex was supposed to mean something. For her, sex had always just been a way to feel good, but Hermione had changed that. Sex with Hermione meant more than anything had before. It was fulfilling in a lot more ways than just the physical...and then she'd left Hermione in her apartment, naked and crying. How could she have done that to the woman she claimed to love? How could she be such a coward.
"I guess I was right all along," she said to herself in the mirror as she got ready for school. "I never really did deserve her." She threw on a top and stared at herself in the mirror, trying to think about what she had to do today instead of dwelling on her epic failure when it came to Hermione. Today was her last official day of school, and she had to make sure that she'd actually passed all of her classes.
She knew that she only had to work on her English grade. Hell, this was going to be her best set of grades since elementary school. She'd even managed to swing a low A in math because she started getting tutored by...no, she couldn't think about her. She couldn't let herself break down in tears again. She didn't deserve to be sad. She was the one that had screwed everything up so badly.
Ginny went downstairs to find her parents and her brother gathered in the living room waiting for her.
"Okay," Ginny said. "What's going on down here?" Ginny was more than a little afraid, because her mother had that look on her face that always meant that she'd done something wrong.
Ginny's father spoke up first. "Your brother told us about your tutor."
Ginny's face turned red with anger. How could Ron tell them about Hermione when he knew that they weren't too keen on the fact that she was gay?
"Listen...I can explain...I'm not even seeing her anymore!" It felt like a stab in the chest, admitting that she was no longer with Hermione.
"No, you don't understand," Ginny's mother said. "We're proud of you!"
"Um...huh?" Ginny didn't get it.
"I told them you got yourself a tutor and you fixed your grades...all by yourself." Ron winked at his sister, and Ginny smiled.
"And now, you're graduating!" Molly said taking Ginny into her arms.
"Well, that's not a sure thing yet, Mom. We have to wait for my official grades to come in, but I'm glad you're proud of me...for once." Molly just squeezed Ginny tighter.
"Okay, Mom," Ron said. "I think you should give us a chance to hug the grad, too." Molly finally relinquished her hold on her daughter, and Ron grabbed his sister. He leaned into her and whispered in her ear, "I've always been proud of you, Ginny. I think they have been, too." Ron pulled back and smiled at his sister, and Ginny smiled back.
"Okay, this whole gathering isn't just about congratulating you, Gin." Arthur smiled at his youngest.
"Well...I don't know whether to be excited or scared...so I guess I'll just be both."
"Trust me," Arthur said, "this is going to make all of our lives a lot easier. Now close your eyes." Ginny did as she was told, and her dad grabbed her hand and lead her outside. "Okay, you can open your eyes now."
Ginny opened her eyes, and she couldn't believe what she saw. In front of her was a car. It wasn't super fancy like Harry's cousin's car, but she'd been begging for a car since she got into high school. The car was red and small, and Ginny couldn't wait to get inside.
"Are you guys serious? Is this my car?" Ginny yelled as she jumped up and down.
"It's not the top of the line, but it runs well, and the speaker system isn't too shabby." Arthur handed Ginny the keys. "I think you can give yourself a ride to school this morning."
Ginny hugged her dad and mom, then turned to her brother.
"Hey, do you need a ride to school? I'll drop you off before I go."
Ron smiled. "Looking for an excuse to drive?" Ginny nodded, and Ron rolled his eyes. "Whatever, just as long as you aren't late to school." Ginny and Ron got into the car and drove off, waving at their parents as they left.
"I can't believe they got me a car!" Ginny exclaimed.
"Me either. All I got was a pat on the back."
"Yeah, but they're paying for your college education. I'm going the much easier, much cheaper community college route, so they have money to pay for my car."
"Yeah...just focus on the road, alright? I don't think you wanna flip your car the first day you have it."
"I'm seriously so excited! I can't wait to show Hermione!" Ginny immediately felt the lump come back in her stomach. She'd managed to keep her mind off of Hermione for a full ten minutes.
"Um, Gin, are you alright?" Ron asked. Ginny didn't think she could talk without her voice cracking, so she just nodded. Ron shook his head. "Please tell me everything is okay with you and Hermione.
Ginny swallowed as hard as she could, and replied, "Let's not talk about her, alright?"
Ron leaned his head against the window. "What the hell happened?"
"I said I don't wanna talk about this, Ron. Just drop it."
"I just wanna know, was it her being an idiot, or was it you?"
Ginny pulled the car over to the side of the road. "Fine! You wanna know what happened? It was the same as every other girl I've ever been with! I fucked up, and she'll probably never want to talk to me again! I'm a fucking screw up, okay?"
Ron looked over at his sister as tears streamed down her face. Ginny expected him to give her a piece of his mind, but he just pulled her into his arms.
"I...I don't know what to say, Gin. I wish I could fix this. I wish I could fix you."
"Does that mean you think I'm broken?" Ginny asked, pulling away from her brother and looking him in the eye.
"I don't think you're broken, but I think you could use a little fixing up. I think everyone could. It's just hard for me to see you this way. You've never been this way about a girl."
"I've never felt this way about a girl," Ginny said, starting the car and continuing in her way to Ron's school.
"Then why did you hurt her like that? Why did you hurt yourself like that?"
Ginny shook her head. "I...I don't know, Ron. It's just...what I do, I guess."
"Don't sell yourself short. You're a better person than you think you are." Ron patted his sister on the shoulder as she stopped the car. "Try to enjoy school today. Just remember, you'll never have to deal with Snape again." Ron winked at his sister and got out of the car. Ginny spent her drive back to her school trying to stop herself from crying. When she pulled up in the parking lot, Harry was waiting for her, Cho standing next to him.
"Hey," Harry said as Ginny got out of the car. "Who's car is this?"
Ginny put on a smile that she only half felt like having on her face. "It's mine."
Harry's eyes got wide. "No fucking way! I can't believe it! Did you parents get you this?"
Ginny nodded. "Graduation present."
"Well, I love it," Cho said. "We'll actually be able to go out this summer."
"Yeah, the two of you and me...alone...because I'm a fucking idiot douche bag."
Harry put his arm around Ginny's shoulders. "Yeah, you kind of are." Ginny punched his in the side. "Hey, you know I'm only here to tell you the truth, but I will say this: you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Just move on and make sure you don't walk out on the next girl."
Ginny's stomach tied into knots. She didn't think that she would ever find someone that made her feel like Hermione did.
"Whatever. Let's just get this day over with I'm so done with this place." Ginny, Harry and Cho all went their separate ways to class. Ginny got A's in her first two classes...no surprises there. Then, she went to English, and held her breath as she found out if she really would be graduating or not. Ginny walked up to Snape's desk, and saw her grade in his grade book.
"You gave me a D?" Ginny exclaimed. "I should've at least gotten a B!"
"Miss Weasley, after the amount of times you skipped my class, I had every right to fail you, but alas, I have no desire to have you here disrupting my classes next year, so congratulations...you've passed."
Ginny wanted to kill Snape. She knew that she should've done better in this class, and the old Ginny would have jumped over the desk and risked the police charges. The Ginny that was with Hermione would have reported Snape to the school district and done everything she could to get him fired. Unfortunately, neither of those Ginnys existed anymore.
"Fine, whatever," was all she said as she walked to her desk next to Harry.
"That's it, Miss Weasley? No clever quips or violent outbursts?" Snape had a triumphant look on his face, and that's what really set Ginny off.
"Hey, I figure, at least I get to leave this place after today. You...well, you get to be stuck here trying desperately to get a promotion. Unfortunately for you, you aren't a good teacher, so you'll be here for a very, VERY long time. Have fun dealing with high school kids well into your old age. As for me? No, I don't need a violent outburst, because I don't have to give a shit about what you have to say anymore. I'm done."
Snape looked like he was about to explode. As Ginny turned around, she smiled, knowing that she really didn't have to deal with Snape after graduation.
Harry high fived his best friend as she sat next to him. "Nice burn."
"Yeah, well, I think that's been a long time coming." Ginny wanted so badly to text Hermione what she had just done, but she knew Hermione hated her after everything.
The rest of the day went smoothly, and before Ginny knew it, a week had gone by, and it was time for her to graduate. Naturally, everyone in her family was there to celebrate the last of the Weasley's making it through high school. After a lot of begging and pleading, Ginny had convinced her parents to let Harry be with her as they got ready.
"I can't believe we actually graduated," Harry said as he put on his tie.
"I can't believe you graduated with honors."
Harry rolled his eyes. "Hey, I spent a lot of my time actually doing my work. I had to find something to do while you were off with whoever the flavor of the week was." Harry frowned as he realized what he'd said. "I'm sorry...I'm still not used to not being able to talk about girls with you."
Ginny took a deep breath. "Well, I guess I should get used to it. I have to move on, I guess."
Harry grabbed Ginny and hugged her. "I don't care what you did or what mistakes you've made; you're still the closest I've had to family since my parents died. I love you, Gin."
Ginny could feel tears welling up in her eyes. "Okay, you've got to stop being so sappy. Crying is just gonna ruin my make-up."
Harry let go of Ginny and smiled. "Well, let's look at the bright side of our futures. I'll be going to school with Ron, and you'll be at school with Cho about fifteen minutes away from here. College is going to be just like high school."
Ginny cringed. "Let's hope you're very wrong about that, Mr. Potter."
The pair and Ginny's family left for the graduation ceremony. Ginny was disappointed that she, Harry, and Cho had such distant last names, because not having them near her was making the ceremony drag on for a lot longer than her attention span would allow. Even as she walked across the stage and took her diploma, she didn't feel fulfilled or accomplished. All she could think about the entire time was how much she missed Hermione and how badly she had screwed up.
None of this matters to me. She was the only thing that mattered, and I pushed her away.
As the ceremony ended, and everyone around her was filled with joy, all Ginny was filled with was regret. She wouldn't have even been here if it weren't for Hermione. She would have been stuck at the school for at least another summer, if not longer. She would have had to deal with her family's disappointment...with Ron's disappointment. She would have had to see Harry and Cho move on to bigger and better things while she was left behind. The only reason she was even able to get out of the hell of high school was because of Hermione Granger.
And all she'd done was used her...just like every girl.
But Hermione wasn't like the other girls. Hermione was the one girl that Ginny had actually cared about. Being with Hermione had never been about self gratification or an ego boost. She'd been with Hermione because she loved her. She really was in love with her.
Hermione was right. Ginny thought as everyone threw their caps in the air. I was afraid.
Ginny walked with the rest of her class to the parents and visitors area. She took pictures with people she'd never met and took pictures with people she hadn't seen since the second grade. Finally, she found Harry in the crowd.
"Hey!" Harry called out. "I didn't even know that Seamus still went to school with us."
Ginny laughed. "Well, graduation is that time of the year where you think to yourself, 'Did I really go to school with all of you people?'"
"Yeah, I guess so." Harry looked around. "Have you seen Cho? I kind of lost her in the crowd, and I'm supposed to meet her parents."
"You sure you're ready for that, Harry?"
Harry punched Ginny in the arm, then looked over Ginny's shoulder. When Harry kept looking over her shoulder, Ginny got concerned.
"What's wrong, Harry? Is Luna standing behind me or something?"
Harry shook his head. "Um...Ginny...remember how you said you wished you could talk to Hermione again?" Ginny nodded, not liking where this conversation was going. "Well, I think you're about to get your wish."
Ginny looked at Harry, confused, but realized what he meant when she turned around and was face-to-face with Hermione.
The pair stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Hermione turned away and smiled at Harry.
"Hi, Harry. Congratulations!" she said, giving Harry a hug.
"Thank you very much, Hermione." Harry stood there awkwardly after the hug, then said, "Um...I need to go find my girlfriend. I'll catch you two later." With that, Harry ran off away from the girls.
Hermione looked at Ginny, and Ginny looked back, not having a clue what to say to her.
"Nice of you to come," Ginny finally said.
"Well, seeing as I tutored you, I wanted to see if it was actually worth it." Hermione was being very cold, and it hurt Ginny to her very core to think that she was the reason Hermione was being this way.
"I..." Ginny started. "I don't know what to say, "Mione. Nothing seems right."
"There's nothing to say. Everything is over. Let's just move on, yeah?"
Ginny knew that Hermione was right. There was no saving what they had. Ginny had closed the door on their future when she'd left the apartment.
Ginny nodded. "I'm really glad you came, Hermione. I'm...I meant it when I said I love you." Ginny started to walk away when she heard Hermione speak up behind her.
"You're a real bitch, you know that?"
Ginny stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to face Hermione.
"Excuse me?" she said.
"You heard me! You left me in my apartment! After everything we'd been through, and after you knew that I had issues after Fleur, you still left me! Was I just some fling? A girl you could fuck then forget? Was that all I was to you?"
Ginny stepped closer to Hermione. "You know, people can hear you."
"I don't care! God, Ginny, I want so badly to hate you! You're nothing but a coward and a liar and I have every right to hate you!"
Ginny looked at the ground. "I know...I'm sorry, I just-"
"No! I'm talking, and you're listening." Ginny shut her mouth and nodded, even though she was pretty sure she didn't want to hear what was coming out of Hermione's mouth.
"I gave myself to you, Ginny," Hermione continued. "I let you in like I haven't let anyone in years, but I guess I was being stupid. I should've known I was just another conquest...another notch on the head board."
"It's not like that, Herm-"
"Did I say you could talk?" Hermione snapped at Ginny, and Ginny shook her head. "I thought that you were special...that we were special...and you just threw it all away like it meant nothing, and that's not even the worst part!"
Ginny stood there waiting for Hermione to go on, but Hermione said nothing.
"Hermione," Ginny said, "what's the worst part?" Hermione shook her head, and Ginny took a step closer. "I want to know. Please."
Hermione took a deep breath. "The worst part is...I can't hate you. I've tried so hard for the last month to tell myself that you didn't love me, and I had about a million reasons to hate you. I just...couldn't. I loved you so much...I love you so much...and as much as I know you don't deserve anything from me but hate, it's the one thing I can't give you." Hermione took another breath and looked Ginny in the eye. "I know you love me. I know you didn't really want to leave me. You put on this big brave act for everyone, but it isn't fooling me anymore. You were afraid that if you didn't get out when you did, we'd both end up even more hurt in the end."
"I..." Ginny tried to defend herself, but there was no defense. Hermione was right...again. "How do you know me so well?"
"It's because I love you," Hermione said, almost too quietly for Ginny to hear. "And because of that, I'm giving you a choice. You can break up with me for good and live the rest of your life jumping from bed to bed. It would break the both of us, but I think we'd both be strong enough to move on...eventually." Hermione stopped and Ginny got worried.
"What's option 2?" Ginny asked.
"You can take a chance...and stay with me. You can actually let me in and open your heart to something that will be wonderful and exciting and fulfilling. It may not be perfect, but I think that we both make each other better people...and I don't think I'll ever love anyone as much as I love you."
Ginny hadn't even realized she was crying until she felt Hermione wipe her tears away. Ginny knew that this would be her final choice. There wouldn't be any going back. Hermione would be out of her life, never to return if she chose to break it off, and she knew she wouldn't have the heart to leave Hermione again if she chose to stay with her.
Ginny took a breath and smiled at Hermione. "There really isn't much of a contest, is there?"
With that, Ginny grabbed Hermione and pulled her into a kiss. Ginny could feel Hermione smiling into the kiss, and she couldn't contain her smile. They finally pulled away from each other when air became an issue, and they smiled at each other.
"So, I assume you're choosing option one?" Hermione asked.
"Yeah, I think it's safe to say that." Ginny grabbed Hermione's hand and started leading her through the crowd.
"Where are we going?" Hermione asked.
Ginny stopped walking and faced Hermione. "It's been a month since I've been able to see you. I think we need to do some...making up." Ginny gave Hermione a wicked smile.
"I assume you won't be leaving this time?" Hermione said.
"No, I think my days of running are over." Ginny gave Hermione a peck on the lips, and the couple left the graduation, hand in hand.