Beyblade

Apply standard beyblade disclaimer here.

The 20 rules to live by and know like the back of your hand as a Blitzkrieg Boy.

a/n:

Bloody vulgar, 'cause I can.

Inspired by peroxidepest17's bleach 11th division fic. Credits.

CODE OF HONOR

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#1 dinner

If you're going to come home losing a tournament, and actually daring to announce the victory was instead claimed by some motherfucking asshole living down the street who's never even stepped before into a beyblading official tournament, then Bryan will tell you you're fucking brave to actually walk through the door with blood and bruises all over your pants and flesh and skin.

No dinner tonight, and fucking please, you sore eye, slam your face into that thing you deem a wall, and reflect on how in the world you could have actually lost. Then turn around, punch yourself into the nearest mirror, and notice how you definitely resemble motherfucking asshole.

Ian's not cooking dinner for you tonight.

#2 flames

Rule number 2 is easy. If you're bleeding and nearly dying, and Kai's not there to come save your ass, then Tala certainly doesn't give a damn. Like the fuck a team captain would think you're strong enough to be part of the Blitzkrieg Boys if you can't even rescue yourself from the verge of being consumed by darkness. And darkness's good for anyone sometimes. Keeps one insane, Tala will say. And then he'll leave you alone, and make sure you experience it yourself first hand.

There's nothing more amusing to those fiery blue eyes, to see one's teammate get strong by being consumed with flames out there in the beyblade dish, getting hurt and screwed around like fuck, and then being sent to the hospital the next second.

Not like he'd cry for you, asshole. You don't deserve it for being such a pansy.

#3 brag

No point waving your beyblade around and proclaiming you have the world's number one most awesome bitbeast. If you're going to say that, you'd better back that brag up with some solid shit, or someone's going to oh-so-hurt your ass tonight. Like go out there, get hurt, win some bey battles, actually defeat that idiotic pig of a Tyson, and then come scrambling home with holes in your pockets.

Maybe Ian will actually save you his home-cooked pasta, and watch you retch you stomach and puke for being an epic failure in being such a damn bossy brag with all talk and no brawn.

#4 toilet

When no one's home to clean the toilet, never ever grab Bryan's newspapers to do the job even when there's no toilet paper.

Or else someone's bit beast is getting whooped by Falborg tonight, and you don't want that your face to be the one doing the cleaning the next day. The hell you won't.

#5 funeral

If Ian actually looks at you with those sneaky eyes, and touches his fingers to his nose, and suggests you taste his cooking for dinner tonight –

Back away slow-like.

Chances are, that factually proven intelligent brain of his despite being the size of a midget (no, it's not hollow) is scheming up two hundred and twenty two ways to make you pay for the last time you actually failed to beat him in that beybattle training. And one of them actually consist of plotting your demise, funeral, and making sure you're buried alive.

#6 bed

Oh, say what? You failed to defeat Wyborg?

Kai scoffs.

Hide now, quick.

That usually means he's already relayed that message to Tala, and someone's sleeping out on the hard concrete ground tonight.

Ian's taking your bed. That midget sure can sleep the size of two spaces.

#7 lessons

Lessons learnt out at the beydish is easy. But lessons learnt out when you're sitting at the sidelines are much, much harder.

Like when you realize you're sitting in between Kai and Tala, that usually means trouble is brewing up for the team just 'cause they're fighting and giving each other the cold shoulder, and definitely not tag-teaming for the next round. If Kai looks at you, this means you are next out there to get a good whooping on the beydish. If Tala narrows his eyes at you, that means he wants you to tagteam him instead of Kai, and that usually means –

When you head back into the locker room, Kai will hate you for replacing him.

And Tala will hate you for causing that stupid mistake in your moment of hesitation, and actually make him bother to come save your ass during the tag-team match when the hell you're supposed to be the one helping him.

#8 dinner

If Ian forgets to cook, and Kai and Tala gives you the eye –

Two cups of coffee. All black. No sugar. Seafood pizza, no achovies, no olives, a whole lot of onions and tomatoes, Coke large two, ice cream double size and make them chocolate flavor for both if you would please and –

"Would you just scram and get the hell out and buy dinner before the two of us fucking starve!"

#9 forget

"The hell you looking at me like that?" If Spencer asks you that after you forget to clean the toilet in the morning, chances are, in three seconds, RUN AWAY REAL QUICK because Spencer is NOT going to spend the next few minutes staring at you while Bryan roars in fury outside, and chases you down with a hammer for being so fucking inhygenic.

Yeah, you wake up at fucking five am to clean the fucking toilets tomorrow, you do.

No Ian?

Oh, Bryan will take your bed tonight.

#10 shame

When you collapse on the beydish, get your ass kicked real bad, don't ever look at the sidelines or tell your opponent where you're from.

You're a fucking embarrassment, and you better know it enough to not shame your other teammates with your origins.

#11 music

Turn on the radio, and if it's Ian, and only Ian around, play some happy bouncy pop songs to put that guy in a good mood.

If it's Spencer, or Bryan, who fortunately have similar tastes, change to some classical music. (Don't ask why some big stout strong men like them actually have such paradoxical tastes. You know it's not polite to ask, and it's rude to interfere with their personal choices, so just fucking switch the radio channel already.)

If it's Spencer, Bryan and Ian in the living room and Ian tells you to switch over to happy bouncy pop songs, say no, and listen to Bryan.

If either Kai or Tala is present –

Change to the channel which plays heavy metal music, now.

And it better be some good music, or else.

#12 hair

You see Tala step out of the toilet in the morning with a tootbrush in his mouth looking like shit with his hair all messed up and dishevelled –

Don't insult his hair. Never, ever, do that.

Or he'll unleash Wolborg, and break your bones.

You will see Kai staring down at you three seconds later, actually smirking in mirth.

You don't want that.

#13 touch

Touch Ian's nose, and it's the end of the day.

Touch Bryan's things, and you're butchered.

Touch Spencer's coffee, and you're dead.

Touch Tala's hair...

Prepare to die.

Touch Kai's scarf –

It's the end of the world.

#14 pictures

One thing to know for sure when you step into the Blitzkrieg Boys' apartment, is to never ever point at their childhood pictures, and ask where the fuck the place is. When Ian starts to approach you like you've got cornstalks growing out of your ears, your best bet is to recover quickly and say "oh of course, it's the fucking ugly sonnafabitch place where the bloody Boris deserves to rot for being such a tremendous asshole."

If you answer that one wrongly, you get Bryan flexing his muscles, preparing. Spencer out of the corner of your eye will flick you a warning look.

Kai will 'hn.'

Tala will keep quiet.

That's the worst part.

Your choice. To answer right, or die.

#15 sleep

One thing to know is that after a bloody long fucking draining and exhausting beyblading finals, don't even fucking put your filthy foot in any of their room, and attempt to wake them up if it's not enough fucking noon. For the love of your life, if you cherish your limbs, know that the explosion and anarchy and pandemonium that will break out (all hell will follow) if you do, will be beyond your life.

(You might find yourself in another part of the world the next time you open your eye.)

That said, leave them be, and you'd enjoy it more if you watch Ian snore in his single room, Spencer sleeping with his eye mask on, mouth open with drool trickling down, Bryan with newspapers over his face...and if you head into the next room and are lucky to catch the door unlocked, Kai will probably be on the floor, courtesy of Tala's mighty kick of the bedsheets dragging the blue head down with it.

#16 hurt

The usual speculation around town is that if you hurt one of the Blitzkrieg boys – emotionally or physically is not the point, then be prepared to face all five of them.

Yes, even Ian.

#17 brains

Smart? No, don't even try.

You want details?

Oh, the one where Kai topped the cohort in his Math exam, or the part where nobody has beaten Tala in Calculus before?

Then again, pick Bryan and Spencer. They'll name you every single goddamn politician leader from any country from any year you want.

Even Ian knows chemistry equations like the back of his hands.

Whoever said Russian boys with a passion for those spinny top things cannot score in academia, is 1) insane 2) out of their mind 3) and is a sore fucking jealous loser.

#18 will

It's easy. Hurt Ian, and Bryan will laugh. Two seconds later, when it's obvious Ian is really hurt, Bryan will run after the bloody fucking asshole who dared.

Hurt Bryan, and Spencer will make you meet your doom. He's not a violent guy, that guy, but he can swear vengeance on fuckers if he wants to.

Hurt Tala...

It'd be good to write your will. Now.

They say Kai is capable of killing with his fingers.

#19 definitions

If they call each other fuckers, it usually translates to "yo fucker teammate, let's go train at the beydish and I'll fucking kick your ass so hard, you will kiss the moon."

If they call some other beyblader fuckers, it usually means "you fucking coward, if you're not even as strong as Ian, don't fucking even try to trade blows with me on the dish."

If they call some random people out on the street fuckers, chances are, it is a bloody warning to fucking run away now.

No, no reason. Just 'cause you're being fucking irritating and annoying and bloody sore eye.

And would you kindly move you fuckers 'cause you're in their way.

#20 family

And you know all that bullshit about some fellow fuckers punching you up real bad when you're in a pathetic state, the same fellow fuckers who box your ears and toss you unceremonially onto the ground when you look anywhere in the blues, the same fucking fellow fuckers with the nerves to dislodge three of your molars, nearly strangle you and pin you to the wall so you know you'll wake up the next day feeling someone just ripped your bones apart, and then three seconds later, you find yourself walking side by side with those fellow fuckers towards the dining table, and you're racing to see who eats the ramen bowls fastest?

...Yeah, those fellow fuckers are your family.

And no matter how hard you want to wallop their asses sometimes, you know nobody kicks asses as hard as they do. (And you know you'll stick your ass beside theirs till the day you die.)

...Just because they're fellow fuckers by the name of the Blitzkrieg Boys.

Hoh yeah, that totally makes all the difference in the world.

FIN