A/N: I'm adding an authors note to this because the break off point for this has gotten slightly confusing. I'd originally intended for it to be a general piece that could have taken off between many episodes. I started this story after 2.10 and I didn't see anything that happened in 2.11 coming other than the Christmas gift. I was completely blindsided. I loved it, but I never saw most of that coming. So if you're reading, bear with me, while I sort this out. I'm not planning for this to be an overly long story. Given some of my other efforts though, it's impossible to know what short constitutes I tend to be rather verbose.
Chapter 1: Exquisite Torture
These were always the worst days. Right after the intersect was forced on him, the worst days had been the missions. He was always so terrified someone might die. That he might die. That it might hurt. That there was nothing after this life or worse that there was something after this life and his lack of religion would cause him to spend an eternity in damnation.
Chuck thought he'd done a pretty good job adjusting to the life of an asset. He could handle the missions, he was still scared, but he didn't start each one thinking he was definitely going to die anymore. He trusted Casey and Sarah to make sure he survived. Well he trusted Sarah anyway…He pretty much trusted Casey…mostly.
But now it wasn't the mission days that wore on him. It was the days between missions. Working eight hours at the Buy More and then date night or date in night, or just hanging out with Sarah somewhere. It wasn't that it was unpleasant, it's just well… things had been awkward lately. Having a girlfriend who wasn't really your girlfriend was complicated…emotionally complicated.
Chuck sighed and removed the tie he was wearing. If he wasn't going to wear the tie then he needed a different shirt. The problem was, that they weren't going out on a real date, but Ellie thought they were, so he had to dress up…so they could go to some cheap restaurant somewhere and she could have a salad and he could have something…cheap. It needed to be cheap because he worked at the Buy More and Sarah's government stipend wasn't going to buy them both a nice dinner.
Chuck settled on a nice t-shirt that would match Sarah's eyes. Match Sarah's eyes? Chuck thought. I'm a nerd, not her gay friend…what's wrong with me? Disgusted with himself, he stuffed his canvas wallet into his back pocket and grabbed his Nerd Herder keys and left the safety of his bedroom.
"Night, Ellie, Night, Devon, I'm going out!" Chuck called as he walked past the kitchen and headed for the front door.
"Chuck, wait!" Ellie called after him.
Chuck sighed and spun around. "What's up?"
"Your not going out on a date, are you?" Ellie asked.
"Well, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Dressed like that?"
"We aren't going any place fancy…" Chuck replied defensively.
Ellie was walking quickly towards him and she let out a deep breath. "Chuck… I know you don't like me interfering, but you have to show a girl you care… I know you and Sarah have been on again, off again, but if your going to close the deal you need to show Sarah you still really care about her.
Chuck wanted to groan. He wanted to roll his eyes, he wanted to tell Ellie that it wasn't going anywhere so just let it alone already. But of course all of those options were out so he just said. "Sarah doesn't mind casual."
"Of course she says she doesn't mind casual. You work at the Buy More, she loves you and she knows you can't afford to take her some place fancy every night, but you don't have to dress like you don't care…like you've given up." Ellie frowned at him.
"True story, Bro." Awesome added from the kitchen.
"Fine…" Chuck huffed. He retreated back to his room and changed into a button down shirt, but skipped the tie.
"That's much better," Ellie nodded as she straightened his collar. "See it's not so bad to make a little effort. Now stop and get her some flowers before you get over there. You can never underestimate the effect flowers have on a girl."
"Ellieeeeeee…"
"Chuck, promise me, you'll buy Sarah some flowers."
"I'm going to be late…"
"Promise me…"
"Fine, I'll stop and pick up flowers."
Ellie literally shook with pride. "That's my brother!" she crowed. She gave him a tight hug. As she released him she added. "Tell, Sarah, that we're all going to have dinner on Friday night."
Chuck sighed. "Here?"
"No, were going to Alessandro's, but we're going to meet here, before though."
"Ellie, I can't afford that," Chuck whispered fiercely.
"Don't worry, Devon and I will pick up the check. I just want us all to go someplace nice." She squeezed Chuck's arm. "Have fun tonight."
***
Chuck finally got to Sarah's place about twenty minutes later then they'd agreed upon. He hated being late. Chuck attempted to knock casually on her door. How does one knock casually? It sounded like a normal knock to him. Sarah opened the door in jeans and a cotton blouse that hugged her in ways that made Chuck want to knock his head against her door, casually, of course. "Hi," Chuck muttered. "You look …" Chuck had been through three thesauruses since he met Sarah to try to keep from repeating himself constantly. "Exquisite," he finished. There were only so many times and so many ways you could tell a woman she looked beautiful. It would help if Chuck's heart didn't stop for a second each time he saw her.
"Thanks," she smiled broadly. Every time he told her she looked beautiful she never failed to respond to the compliment. "You look very nice as well, what's with the flowers? Are we having a special occasion?" she asked eyeing them carefully.
"No…" Chuck sighed. "Ellie's concerned I've fallen into a rut and that I need to be making a bigger effort. She says a girl always appreciates getting flowers and she made me promise her that I'd stop and buy you some. Sorry."
Sarah gave him an odd look. "Don't be sorry, she's right. I do always appreciate it when you bring me flowers. Even, if your sister made you. She took the flowers from him and gave him a peck on the cheek." Chuck's heart stopped for the second time since answered the door. "Just let me put these in some water and we'll go, okay?"
Not having a vase of her own readily available, Sarah ended up throwing much more expensive looking flowers provided by the hotel into the garbage and put Chuck's sad little collection of Paperwhites in the hotel's vase. Sarah seemed to love them, but it made him feel rather pathetic overall.
***
They ended up at Riley's a common hang out for the two of them. The salad were edible the burgers were cheap and while there was a Clippers game on the TV, if anyone was watching Chuck would have been shocked. Sarah had given up on her salad about halfway through and was now stealing French fries off his plate.
"You know, you don't have to stealthily steal my fries every time I turn away. You can just have some," Chuck offered.
Sarah gave him an innocent look. "Don't be silly, I don't want your French fries." Chuck shrugged and then she added. "Besides what would be the fun in that?"
Chuck chuckled and Sarah gave a little giggle when he smiled. Chuck shook his head and leaned back in his chair with a sigh.
"What's wrong?" Sarah asked.
Chuck glanced over at Sarah to see real concern painted on her features. "It's nothing," he replied in a defeated tone. "Are you ready to go?"
Sarah shrugged. "Sure, are we going back to my place?"
Chuck was noncommittal. "I guess."
"You want to stop and get a movie?"
"Do you think there is anything at the video store that we haven't already seen?"
"Probably nothing we'd both actually want to see," Sarah replied. "We should probably go through the daily report anyway."
"Have I mentioned that I hate the daily report?"
"On occasion." Sarah smirked as they walked outside.
"The downside is I waste two hours, the upside is I get a splitting headache and we have to do another mission. How is this fair?"
Sarah smirked at him. "I'm not going to make you do it, but if you don't, Casey will just make you do two tomorrow. Besides if we aren't getting a movie and you aren't going to look at the daily, what are we going to do until you go home?" Sarah asked.
"I could think of a few things," Chuck muttered, although apparently not quietly enough.
"Feeling flirtatious tonight are we?" Sarah asked quirking an eyebrow.
"Sorry," Chuck mumbled.
Sarah smiled. "Care to share what you had in mind?" she asked folding her arms across the Nerd Herder and giving him a coy little look.
"Oi, stop that!" Chuck barked.
"Stop, what?" Sarah asked.
"That look."
"Which look?" She gave him puppy dog eyes. As she settled her head on her arms and blinked in exaggeration at him.
"You're impossible…" Chuck opened the Nerd Herder and buckled himself in. Sarah quickly hopped in next to him.
"You started it." Chuck glanced at her and grinned. She wasn't looking at him at first, but when he didn't start the car. She looked over at him. "What?" she asked.
Chuck just shook his head. "It's nothing." Chuck popped the Nerd Herder's clutch and whipped into traffic.
"You always say that," Sarah pouted.
"That's because it's always nothing."
"Liar"
Chuck shook his head and concentrated on cutting through the LA traffic.
***
"What is that smell?" Chuck asked as they stepped back into Sarah's apartment.
"It's the flowers you bought me," Sarah answered.
"That's…powerful."
"They're Paperwhites, they're fragrant."
"My eyes are burning…"
"I'll crack a window, tough guy." Sarah shook her head. "Taken down by a daffodil, wait until I tell Casey."
"Hey!" Chuck objected.
She smirked at him. "Get to work," she admonished without any venom.
Chuck setup shop at her desk and opened the daily report. This was among his least favorite parts of his job. Every day the NSA and CIA assembled a report various items that had crossed some analyst's desk the day before and been flagged for further review. Chuck knew he wasn't the only form of review, but ever since the new Intersect was blown up, the report had been getting thicker. What used to take him a half hour and listening to on his Ipod while he drove around on Nerd Herd jobs now took generally a couple of hours to read through and then usually at least an hour of clips of telephone conversations. He usually flashed on a couple things a week out of the all the reports he read and if he saw anything he'd have to go to the morning briefing.
Sarah puttered around her apartment a little while Chuck started working on the report. Then she sat on the bed and read through a Arabic newspaper. She tried to spend at least a little time each week reading in each of the eight languages she was fluent in. Chuck thought of it as her nerdy side and he thought it was adorable. Especially when she grabbed her bottom lip in her teeth to keep her lips from moving while she read.
Chuck shook his head and went back to the report. After forty minutes or so Sarah got up and stretched, causing her shirt to gap above her jeans. Chuck was trying not to look, really he was.
"Do you mind if I work out a little?" Sarah asked.
Chuck groaned. "I have to finish this tonight you know?"
"I know, I'm not going to interfere, I was just going to do a little kick boxing."
"How am I supposed to concentrate with you doing that?"
"Does the noise bother you?" Sarah asked.
"It's not the noise," Chuck grumbled.
"Well what's the problem then?"
"How am I supposed to concentrate with you prancing around in your workout clothes?"
"What do you mean…I-DO-NOT-PRANCE."
Chuck shook his head. "Never mind."
Sarah grunted. "Let me guess, it's nothing?"
"Of course…"
Chuck wasn't sure but he could swear he heard her mutter "Men…" as she stalked into the bathroom.
Chuck couldn't swallow when she stomped back out a few minutes later and viciously attacked the heavy bag she'd had mounted in her hotel apartment. She crushed the bag left, right, left, left kick, left kick, uppercut. Chuck was more distracted by the spandex covering her bum and watching her muscles work underneath her clothes, than the actual punches. After a few minutes, a sheen of sweat started forming all over her body and Chuck banged his head on the desk to try and get his concentration back. He still had half the report to go through. If he couldn't take his eyes off Sarah, he'd never finish. Mercifully, she worked her way around the bag so that he couldn't watch her without her noticing and his eyes shifted back to the report.
Ribitchtnkov met with a man Klivshi Klastvsitz at the one eyed pirate for two hours. Attempts at bugging the table were unsuccessful but a bribe paid to the waiter revealed that Ribitchtnkov had met with Bjerkoski twice in the past week. Intel suggests that Ribitchtnkov and Klastvsitz could be setting up an arms buy for…
Crap didn't these people need vowels in their names? Chuck wasn't even sure how to pronounce Ribitchtnkov if he flashed how the heck was he supposed to tell General Beckman what he was doing? Chuck noticed that Sarah's punches had slowed, but when he glanced over she immediately resumed pounding the bag making him wonder if she'd been watching him. Chuck began to wonder if he'd be better of just doing two reports with Casey tomorrow. The thought of having to read two daily reports while Casey muttered about his lack of responsibility and civic duty finally managed to get his eyes back on the page. More about Ribitchtnkov and Klastvsitz, perfect this was just perfect.
Sarah worked the heavy bag and then did some other exercises. Chuck was transfixed watching her do handstand pushups. He pretty much forgot about the report. Sarah had caught him watching several times, so Chuck gave up pretending that he wasn't. She didn't show any sign that she really cared, but she was smiling a bit more between exercises. Chuck groaned as she started doing the splits while in her handstand. She really was impossible.
After she finished her stretching she walked over and looked at there Chuck was with the report. "Chuck, you have to get this done."
"I know…"
"I'm going to go take a shower, try and get it finished."
Chuck refocused on the report in front of him. Luckily a large part of the last half of the report were just photos of people suspected of being involved in terrorist activities. He was able to work his way through fairly quickly. About two thirds of the way through the photos, Chuck flashed
A photo of a necklace
A man in military dress
A page from the terrorism watch list
A large yacht
Four crates of guns sealed in a secret compartment
A photo of a necklace
Chuck wrote down the details of the flash. Then flipped to the next page and recognized the gentleman from his previous flash. He pulled the two photos and put them to the side, then continued working through the stack.
Sarah came back out thankfully she was dressed in full length pajama pants and a long robe that went below her knees. She came around Chuck and looked over his shoulder her hand resting on the back of his neck. He fought the urge to shiver. "You found something?" she asked as she picked up the photos that he'd set aside.
"I don't know, it just appears that two Oman nationals are running guns to Somali pirates. Not exactly a threat to national security."
"Still, it's good info, nice work." Sarah's fingers were scratching the back of his neck. It felt heavenly. Chuck knew she didn't mean anything by it. They were friends, close friends. Since their first date she'd started showing some physical affection for him while they were in private. It was little things. They were the gestures of a close friend, not necessarily a girlfriend but each and every time, Chuck's body reacted. She removed her hand as she moved the photos and notes to her briefcase. "I'll take these to General Beckman in the morning. I don't think you need to be there…unless you like to come."
"No thanks, I'd rather sleep in."
"How much more do you have left?" she asked.
Chuck checked his watch it was 11:15. "I don't know maybe twenty minutes?" Sarah nodded and went over to the small side table and started disassembling and cleaning her side arm. Chuck had almost finished when she snapped it back together.
He gave a large yawn while she checked the action and the sighting. "Do you know that you remind of me Casey when you clean your gun?"
Sarah gave him a glare, but it was teasing. "Thanks, just what I needed to hear."
"You can always count on me," Chuck grinned at his own joke.
"I know," Sarah replied with complete sincerity. "Now finish your report," she replied softly.
Chuck's gaze lingered on her as she holstered her weapon and slid it under her pillow.
***
Chuck finally finished the report and closed it. He put the everything but the photos he'd flashed on into the metal box and pushed the incinerate button. The machine whirred and growled for a few minutes and then something that looked like a hockey puck spit out of a tray at the bottom. Chuck waited for it to stop smoking and then dumped it into Sarah's metal trash can.
"All done?" Sarah asked from her perch on her bed.
Chuck yawned and stretched. "Yeah, if those things get much longer I'm not going to be able to work them into my day."
"Tell that to General Beckman," Sarah replied.
"I just might,"
"Chuuuck," Sarah replied warningly.
"I know, I know. Listen, Ellie wants us all to go out to dinner on Friday."
"Oh, all right, that sounds fun. Should I dress for anything in particular?"
Chuck shook his head. "I don't know, we're going to Alessandro's."
"Oh, that sounds nice, I love the manicotti there." Here head shook back and forth for a second before she announced. "I'll have to get a new dress, Ellie's seen all of my date night dresses."
"Sarah…" Chuck started
"What?" she replied.
"Don't go through a lot of trouble. Awesome and Ellie are going to pay, because I'm pretty much tapped out until next week. I don't want you to have to buy a dress and stuff just for ..." Chuck trailed off and looked at the ceiling.
"For what?" Sarah prompted
"A fake date," Chuck finished still keeping his focus on the ceiling. Sarah didn't answer so he finally removed his eyes from the ceiling and glanced at her. She had a frown on her face and looked slightly hurt. "It's not that I wouldn't want to take you there. I just …well I do work at the Buy More."
"I know," Sarah said defensively. "Look it's not a big deal. I'll find something in my closet. It's for our cover right? We have to make it look good."
"Yeah," Chuck sighed. "I'm beat, I better get home. It was fun hanging out with you. Even if I spent most of the night reading about terrorism." Chuck gave her a grin and it must have been fairly goofy the way she grinned back. He yawned again.
"You don't have to go home, you know?"
"What?" Chuck wheezed.
"You could stay here. I don't mind. It would be good for our cover."
"I uh, don't have any clothes here…"
"You could go home and change in the morning," she suggested.
"I don't have any pajamas…"
"Last I checked, you still wore boxers to bed. You are wearing boxers aren't you?" Sarah gave him a curious eye.
"I just can't, okay?"
Sarah sighed. "You're going to have to sleep here eventually. It might get Ellie off your back. Neither of us has stayed over since…" she didn't finish her statement, but Chuck knew what she was referring to, their first date. Their only real date.
"I know."
Sarah walked over to him and looked him directly in the eye. "I know it's awkward. But since you don't feel that way about me anymore, it should be easier. I'd even let you sleep on my couch…if I had one."
Chuck closed his eyes. If only he really didn't feel that way. "Yeah, I know… it just feels…"
"I don't bite," Sarah said playfully.
Chuck closed his eyes. She was standing so close that her breath was mingling with his. Torture, this was torture, exquisite torture, yes, but it was still torture. "I just, after everything…I'm not ready to deal with that yet."
"Okay, Chuck, she went up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek which surprised him. It wasn't for their cover, it wasn't a thank you… it was private affection. Once again, not the type you gave your partner, but not something so overt that she meant anything by it.. She'd made several gestures tonight, that Chuck hadn't expected. "See you tomorrow?" she asked as she bounced back on her heals.
"Of course, when was the last time you went a whole day without seeing me?" Chuck asked.
"September 9th 2007," Sarah replied automatically, then laughed.
"Been counting the days have you?." Chuck grinned in what he assumed must be an idiotic way at Sarah.
"Some things you just don't forget."
Chuck started to feel awkward standing there staring at her. He needed to leave. It was time for him to leave, why wouldn't his feet move towards the door? Sarah had a questioning look on her face. Chuck knew she was wondering why he was just standing their staring at her. If only he had an answer for that question. Finally, he took a step toward the door and tried to give her a jaunty wave. "Night, Sarah,"
"Goodnight, Chuck…"
***
Chuck stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. How many times had he regretted telling Sarah that they could never have a future? It certainly seemed like she hadn't given up on him, but was it safe to let her know that he wasn't concerned about knowing her past? Some people had a reason to hide their past and from what Chuck had seen so far, she had many very good reasons. He reflected back on the breakup of their real relationship, such as it was. It bugged him that he'd been so cruel. It had been bugging him since Jill. Sarah had been so completely great about Jill. Jill might have finally broken him for good, if Sarah hadn't been willing to pick up the pieces and put Chuck back together. All that a few weeks after he told her that he could never be interested in her…
He definitely needed to apologize. At the very least he owed her that.