The Ghost Of An Idea

Author: ShaViva

Rating: K+

Season: 5

Summary: It's Christmas Eve and Sheppard is having a bad day of the Ebenezer Scrooge kind. What will he do when confronted with Past, Present and Future? Set Season 5 so beware possible spoilers.

Classifications: Friendship/Team Fic, slightly angsty. This is Sheppard centric but everyone has a role.

Pairings: Suggestions of Sheyla, not established.

Spoilers for: I could list the individual episodes but any references I make are pretty minor ... I don't want to give anything away so just assume anything up to an including Brainstorm is fair game. If you haven't watched season 5 though I don't think I'm spoiling any major plot lines.

Disclaimer: I am unfortunately not associated in any way with the creators, owners, or producers of Stargate or any of its media franchises. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, equipment, etc are the property of whoever owns them. Any original characters, plot, settings, and anything else I made up are the property of me, the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Copyright (c) 2008 ShaViva

"Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine." Charles Dickens

Stave One: Friends Lost But Not Forgotten

"Colonel!" John Sheppard glanced over his shoulder at the insistent shout chasing him down the corridor.

"Radek?" he waited until the dishevelled countenance of Radek Zelenka arrived in front of him.

"Colonel, I'm glad I caught you," Radek replied, breathe hitching testament to the fact he'd never really gotten into shape, despite Sheppard's attempts to get all the science staff participating in fitness training.

"What can I do for you?" Sheppard began walking again, Radek scurrying along beside him.

"Is about the Christmas party this evening," Radek began.

"Major Lorne is overseeing all those arrangements," Sheppard interrupted dismissively.

"Yes and he is currently in Puddle Jumper bringing supplies from the mainland," Radek ignored John's lack of enthusiasm for the topic. "A batch of Ruus wine was discovered to be contaminated and the kitchen staff need to bring more in from P4X-978."

"So bring more in," Sheppard said impatiently.

"They need authorisation to dial the gate," Radek reminded him.

"Can't Woolsey do that?" Sheppard picked up the pace a bit, forcing Radek to trot to keep up with him.

"Mr Woolsey is in a meeting," Radek explained.

"Fine, you have authorisation to send someone to P4X-978 for more wine," Sheppard stated abruptly. Radek stopped at that ... Sheppard had opened a gap of a few paces on the smaller man before he spoke again.

"We will see you at the party later?" Radek asked in a quiet tone.

"Got a mission this afternoon," Sheppard replied evasively, turning back to look at Radek with a carefully regretful face. Of course he didn't share the fact that they only had a mission because he'd scheduled it deliberately so he'd have an excuse to get out of anything he didn't want to do.

"Rodney mentioned it," Radek returned. "He said for sure you'd all be back in time to attend."

"I've got other plans," Sheppard announced blandly.

"It would be good for morale for people to see you there Colonel," Radek said reproachfully.

"It's Christmas Radek," Sheppard returned in an emotionless voice. "They won't need my kind of morale." Not wanting to give the other man the chance to say more John turned and rapidly strode away, leaving a puzzled frowning Radek behind.

oOo

Sheppard made his way up the steps to the Control Room a few minutes later, mind engaged with less than pleasant thoughts. He'd never understood why everyone always got so excited about Christmas. Okay, maybe when he was a kid he'd understood but he was as far as you could get from those days. Sure, the food was always a step up from the usual fare and he guessed the chance to kick back with a drink couldn't be discounted but was that really worth all the additional hassle?

What he especially didn't get was the eternal desire of everyone for him to be involved. This was going on his fifth year on Atlantis and they still hadn't gotten the message that he didn't like Christmas!

"Colonel Sheppard," Richard Woolsey appeared at the doors of the conference room, his meeting having just concluded.

"Mr Woolsey," Sheppard returned, looking around him to where Rodney sat at one of the consoles. All he wanted to do was check with Rodney on the status of his Puddle Jumper but everything seemed to be conspiring against him.

"You authorised the resupply mission to P4X-978?" Woolsey asked.

"Is that a problem?" Sheppard frowned, surprised Woolsey already knew about Radek's request.

"No, no," Woolsey said quickly. "The party will be good for everyone. I trust we'll see you there?"

"Parties aren't really my thing," Sheppard said casually.

"As a member of the senior staff I expect you to put in an appearance," Woolsey said with pompous self importance.

"It's a Christmas party, not an official function," Sheppard retorted. "I'd go if it was an order but since the last time I checked you were still a civilian you'll just have to get along without me."

"Is there some kind of problem with this particular party Colonel?" Woolsey didn't take offense to John's combative tone, distracted as he was with the uncharacteristically not easy going manner of his military leader.

"I don't do Christmas," Sheppard announced grimly, shaking his head when Woolsey went to question him further. "I need to check in with McKay. We're taking Jumper One this afternoon ... Rodney's team only finished fixing it yesterday."

"Of course Colonel," Woolsey waved a hand expansively, waiting until Sheppard had passed before adding something in a low tone. "I'm not all that fond of Christmas myself, but I am ... fond of the people here, and the city itself. Being a part of the celebration ... well I hope it gets that across to everyone."

Sheppard did nothing to acknowledge the statement but the tense line of his shoulders let Richard know his words had found their target.

oOo

"Please tell me Jumper One is good to go," Sheppard threw himself into the chair next to Rodney and looked at him hopefully.

"All systems check in the green," Rodney announced with a pleased, smug smile, swivelling to look at his friend. "Wanna grab some lunch before we head out?"

"I need to get a few things from my quarters," Sheppard refused evasively.

"They won't be singing carols yet," Rodney pointed out impatiently, too smart not to work out John's real motives. "You really need to get over your aversion to all things Christmas."

"Next year," Sheppard quipped, jumping up and moving to cross the Control Room. "I'll see you in the Jumper Bay."

"You don't know what you're missing," Rodney called after him.

"You can give me the highlights later," Sheppard called back.

oOo

Striding quickly down the corridor, Sheppard put what he hoped was a less than welcoming look on his face in the hopes he wouldn't get interrupted again. It seemed to work because he made it back to his quarters without any further interactions.

Swiping his hand over the door controls John rushed inside, attention more on getting clear before he was spotted than in watching where he was going. He had just enough time to register the skateboard he'd forgotten to put away earlier before his foot landed on it and he went arse over armpit. Luck wasn't with him either – right before the painful landing on his tail bone he managed to slam his head against the edge of his desk ... hard.

The pain registered even as his vision greyed and he lost touch with reality.

oOo

"Shep!" An insistent voice brought him back to himself abruptly a short time later.

Sitting up quickly, Sheppard put a hand to the back of his head, wincing at the large lump he found there. Swallowing on a wave of nausea John crawled on his knees the few steps to his bed and dragged himself up. Stretching out miserably he put a hand over his eyes, blocking out the light and the thought of how embarrassed he was gonna be if he had to involve Doctor Keller in his little accident.

"Shep!" that same voice drew his attention towards the window. Everything dropped into the background and John sat up abruptly again, groaning when dull pain throbbed through his head. "You never did learn how to fall right," the apparition said with a head shake of amused fondness.

"Holland?" John rubbed at his eyes, expecting the vision to disappear. No such luck.

"It's me," Captain Neal Holland confirmed. "And no, you're not going nuts ... although in this place I can see why that'd be your first thought."

"How ... I'm dreaming this, right?" Sheppard did the whole 'pinch yourself to wake up' routine, disconcerted to find the image of his long dead friend still in front of him.

"Ever hear of Ascension?" Holland asked with an amused smile. "Not your deal I know but ... a lovely lady by the name of Oma Desala made me the offer and I just couldn't refuse."

"I saw you dead!" Sheppard ground out heatedly. "I've read the mission reports ... bodies disappearing to nothing. That wasn't what happened with you."

"Different times," Holland explained casually. "Oma made everything look exactly as you expected ... didn't want to freak you out."

"So what? You've been floating around in the higher plane all this time?" Sheppard asked sceptically. "Sorry buddy but I just can't see you happy not getting your hands dirty,"

"There have been times I had to be forcibly restrained," Holland admitted, no longer casually amused. "That's the price you pay for getting the opportunity."

"Yeah, well it's too high if you ask me," Sheppard cast a keen glance at the image of his friend before flopping back down stretched full length on his bed. The silence continued for several moments, John determined not to play along with whatever was really going on.

"Aren't you the least bit curious about why I'm here?" Holland finally broke the silence to ask.

"Not especially," Sheppard replied. "If you even are really here," he muttered under his breath.

"Oh, I'm here all right and you're still a stubborn son of a bitch!" Holland returned impatiently.

"Glad you noticed," Sheppard retorted. "I'm just gonna lie here until I wake up or someone notices I haven't turned up and comes to check on me."

"You can't keep avoiding things Shep," Holland said softly, moving towards the bed.

"I can," John insisted, jumping up before Holland could get too close and backing towards the window. "You're not here ... you died in Afghanistan because I didn't get there in time to save you. I hit my head and now I'm having some kind of hallucination ... a really, really vivid hallucination. End of story!" Deliberately he turned his back on Holland, concentrating on the view outside.

"I'm here," John flinched when a warm hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed firmly. Crap! He'd been avoiding getting too close so he wouldn't have to find out that whatever this thing was it had actual physical presence. "What are you doing with your life Shep?" Holland stepped back, letting Sheppard have the space he was so blatantly broadcasting the need for.

"If you're ascended then you already know the answer to that," John replied snidely.

"I should have said what do you think you're doing with your life," Holland was unperturbed by John's attitude.

"Killing Wraith ... destroying Replicators. Saving Earth," Sheppard recited glibly. "More than I ever did back home."

"And yet you're hiding out in your room to avoid the preparations for a party with people you've known for five years," Holland reminded him. "You always had a wall around you the size of Texas but now? Have you let anyone get close to you since you've been here?"

"I have friends ... good friends!" Sheppard returned defensively. "Please don't tell me you came all the way here to tell me to get a life! You of all people would know the reasons why I can't do that."

"Everyone dies John," Holland offered, not concerned that one of those deaths had been his own.

"Yeah well they can keep doing it in their own time," Sheppard retorted childishly. "I'm fine just the way I am."

"You're not," Holland retorted grimly. "And every year that goes by makes you less and less so."

"Why the hell are you doing this?" Sheppard demanded angrily.

"Because you need to change things, let people in before it's too late," Holland warned in an ominous tone.

"Thanks for the heads up buddy but I like my life just the way it is," Sheppard smiled convincingly. "You can fade back to wherever you came from, mission accomplished."

"Oma said you'd be too stubborn just to listen to me," Holland shook his head sadly. "You leave me no choice but to force you to look at things with different eyes. Don't think you can get out of this either ... there's nowhere in this galaxy or any other where you can hide."

"From what?" Sheppard asked suspiciously.

"You'll see," Holland returned complacently. "You'd better get ready for your mission ... Rodney's on his way."

Sheppard turned to look at the door just as the door chime sounded. Glancing back at the place where Holland had been standing he saw nothing more than his empty room.

Touching a hand to the back of his head again Sheppard frowned in confusion. Had that been real or some kind of waking dream? And if it was real, what had Holland meant by saying he was going to force John to look at things differently?

The door chime sounding again broke Sheppard out of his reverie. Shaking his head he swiped a hand over the controls to let Rodney in.

"What took you so long?" Rodney complained.

"Ah ... slight ... incident with my skateboard," Sheppard gestured vaguely to where the offending item was resting against the wall. The evidence of impact was obvious and Rodney turned to John with a frown.

"You okay?" his tone was as close as he got to expressing the concern that was an inherent part of their friendship.

"Bump on the head," Sheppard said dismissively. "I'll be fine ... and no I'm not having Jennifer check me out before we leave."

"Fine," Rodney gripped, following Sheppard out the door. "Just don't blame me if your brains start leaking out your ears ... although I'm not sure we'd actually notice the difference."

"Nice McKay," Sheppard laughed at the implied insult to his intelligence. "Where's your Christmas spirit?"

"Where's yours?" Rodney shot back pointedly.

Sheppard snapped a quick look at Rodney before resolutely looking away, carefully not thinking about his recent ... hallucination.

Authors Note:

So obviously this is a Christmas story ... have no fear though, it's all written and just needs some final editing/smoothing. Posting will be completed before Christmas Day. I was thinking to time the last chapter for Christmas Eve – but will anyone be reading fan fiction during the day on Christmas Eve???

Also I made up Captain Holland's first name ... because he seemed to need one and I couldn't find reference to one anywhere.

If you're waiting for FJS4 don't get mad at me ... I am still tapping away on that. I'd hoped to be able to have it done and then do this story but it's taking a lot longer than I imagined it would so I took a break to do this story ... because I always wanted to do a Christmas tale (the little one between FJS2 and FJS3 doesn't count!) and it's not like I can do one two weeks from now! You all can understand that, right?