Disclaimer: Even after 210,000 words…I STILL don't own Star Trek TNG or any of its original characters.

A/N: Oh, where to begin… I have been writing this story for 10 months. That is the longest I have ever spent on a writing project in my life and part of me just wanted to see if I could stick it out to the end. So for that alone, I am proud of myself. Ironically I will post the last chapter of this story exactly 1 year to the day from the day I posted my other novel length story. I hope the last year has shown some improvement in my writing skills. I have mixed emotions about it being the end. There is a 'yes! I did it!' factor and a 'thank goodness it's over' factor, and then also a little sadness.

I will miss writing these characters this way, and I will very much miss hearing from all of you. Your input has been vital to keeping me moving and writing and has really been the thing that has gotten the story to this place. I love to read what you thought in a specific place or a little something that made you laugh or touched you for some reason. That is the best thing ever. Even as I wrote a scene, I would think of what you all would think of it, and more times than not, at least one of you would give me that feedback I was hoping for. My personal favorite was when Damon Paule turned out to be married and someone sent a note saying that they knew they didn't like that guy, they just didn't know why. I was really hoping someone would tell me 'see, I knew he was no good!". (You all really didn't like him, by the way, and I didn't even mean to write him that way. It's like you are a collective group of jealous lovers. The claws came out and you all said 'don't screw this up for them!'). Reading the comments was easily as entertaining for me as the story itself.

So I owe you all a thank you from the bottom of my heart, not only for reading my work, and for continuing to read my work even through long breaks and pauses, but for your continued support and compliments. They have been very moving to me at times when I needed someone to tell me I was doing something well.

So here it is, for all of you…the last chapter. I hope it gives you everything you are hoping for. If not, I am truly sorry.

Until I write again-

M

Chapter 30:

The first thing Deanna saw as the transporter beam faced away was the first officer, leaning casually on the wall to the side of the transporter control panel, his arms folded sternly across his chest. He looked tired.

"You're late," he said simply as Deanna stepped from the pad, Batra and Shaule following closely behind her.

"It's 07:10!" Deanna defended them.

"You said 07:00," he told her sternly.

Deanna shrugged off his mock anger, sensing that he was very much enjoying teasing her.

"It was my fault, Commander. I apologize," Batra told him. "I needed to make one more check --" she paused when Will put his hand up, to motion for her to stop speaking. "I am not as used to packing and unpacking as you both are," she concluded quietly.

"Batra," Will smiled at her graciously. "I was only joking. Is everything alright? You're ready to depart?"

"Yes, quite." Batra and Shaule followed Will and Deanna out into the corridor.

"So did you have pleasant dreams?" Deanna asked Will quietly as the walked into the corridor. She had a glint in her eye remembering the night before.

"No, actually," Will admitted. "But to be fair, I haven't been to bed yet."

Geordi Laforge was walking towards them. He looked a bit ragged, as he greeted them. "Counselor, Ma'am," he said quickly before turning back to the first officer. "Engineering reporting in as ready, Sir. All maintenance and diagnostics have been completed and all engines are operating within normal parameters." He held a PADD out for him and Will took it and quickly looked it over.

"Geordi, you look exhausted!" Deanna exclaimed.

"Well, it's been quite a night," Geordi admitted.

"He woke you up too?" Deanna asked, a bit sheepishly.

"Yeah, well, you know what they say. Misery loves company."

"Well done, Commander. And in record time," Will said with a smile.

"What can I say," Geordi said with a shrug. "Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm going back to bed."

"Good night, Geordi," Deanna called after him. "Thank you!"

Will quickly tapped his com badge. "Riker to Bridge. Our guests are aboard and Engineering is reporting as ready."

"Thank you Commander. We'll depart momentarily," the captain answered.

"Do we know how long it will be before we reach Galia Prime?" Batra asked Commander Riker hopefully.

"Data?" Will asked.

"We will enter orbit in two days twenty two hours and forty seven minutes."

Will made a questioning look at Batra to ask if that had answered her question. She nodded in return. "Thank you, Mr. Data. Riker out."

He turned to face the women in the corridor. "Would you like me to escort you to your quarters, or can you manage that?"

"I think we can find our way, Commander," Batra said kindly. "Assuming we are staying in the same place."

"Of course."

"In that case, you should go to bed like your friend. We can take care of ourselves."

Will shook his head. "As much as I would enjoy that, I have a bridge shift beginning in ten minutes. If you ladies will excuse me," he told them.

Deanna noticed the way he touched her shoulder as they talked and the way his hand drifted across her lower back as he passed her and made his way away from them and on down the corridor.

She hoped she hadn't actually blushed, though she could feel the slight flush to her cheeks. She shook her head to herself as the three of them all walked on their way. It was amazing, the reaction he could get from her, all by a casual touch in the middle of a corridor.

….

Will found the time to get rest in the following days, but he didn't see that Deanna or Batra were getting any. Within hours of their arrival, the first communication from the Rivorn government arrived. By the end of the day the Chancellor of Dorn and his cabinet were also in contact with the ship.

Batra and Deanna seemed to have taken up residence in the observation lounge as they continued their quest and negotiations for the planetary blockade.

The bridge kept a watch on the communications as they funneled the sub space transmittions through. By the morning of the second day Rivos had agreed, leaving the Dorn government as the last stumbling block to the plan's success.

Finally, in the afternoon of the day before they were to reach Galian Prime, the communication between Dorn and the observation lounge, that had gone on for more than three hours, finally terminated.

"Communication terminated," Worf confirmed from his Bridge station.

Will looked hopefully to his captain. "If you don't mind, Sir, I'd like to peek in, see how it's going."

Captain Picard gave a quick nod, and Will was off, making his way to the observation lounge.

"Mind if I come in?" Will asked from the door.

Deanna and Batra sat on opposite sides of the table. Batra sighed as she pushed back from the table and stretched. "Please," she offered.

"How did it go?" he asked them both.

"Well, they are taking a recess to discuss the proposal. They should get back to us before too long," Deanna told him.

"You know what that sounds like to me?"

"What?" Deanna asked skeptically.

Will pulled her chair out a bit to face him. "A lunch break."

Batra looked to the door for a moment before turning back to the two of them. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to check on Shaule while we wait."

"Isn't she in class?" Will asked.

Batra nodded. "Yes, but I'd like to check on her all the same. Please, make her eat," she said tossing a glance in Deanna's direction, before walking out the far doors of the lounge.

"Is she okay?" Will asked.

Deanna thought for a moment, letting her new friend's emotions dwell with her. "We've put a great deal of responsibility on her shoulders," Deanna told him sadly. "It seems the closer we get to her home planet, the heavier the burden becomes."

"Do you think she can handle it?" he asked concerned.

Deanna let out a long sigh and offered him a reassuring smile. "She'll be fine. Once she can put the plans into action, start distributing the aid, she'll be fine. But for the first time in a long time, she was safe here. She had nothing to fear. She didn't need to cover herself, or look over her shoulder. It must be hard to go back, to take your child back."

Will nodded solemnly. "Come on," he said, hoping to lighten the mood. "Let's get some food into you while we have the chance."

"Uhhh," Deanna moaned as Will tugged on her arm. "I'm too tired to walk to Ten Forward," she whined.

Will gave up and let Deanna sink back comfortably in the chair. "Okay, you can eat here," he told her and strode off to the opposite side of the room to the replicator. He ordered her a simple salad and glass of water and brought them back to the table.

Deanna had put her head down in front of her and was either almost falling asleep or was meditating.

"Dea," he called.

Her head snapped up and she smiled somewhat embarrassed. "Sorry," she mumbled as he put the food down in front of her and pulled the chair next to her a bit closer so they could sit and visit for a while.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded as she stuffed a bite of food into her mouth. "The Rivon's were on opposite time from us, so we were up most of the night finishing up the agreement. Ambassador Greer is on his way there now to sign it."

"Just one more."

Deanna nodded. "Just one more," she repeated with a sigh.

"And you will have accomplished what you set out to do. You're almost there, Deanna."

Deanna just picked at the salad in front of her.

"Dea?"

She looked up at him and tried to smile, a tired smile. "I know. I should be proud of myself."

"Aren't you?" he asked puzzled.

Deanna shrugged. "I don't know. I'm worried about Batra, and her family. We've put them at so much risk."

"This was their choice. They were fighting before we ever met them."

Deanna nodded gratefully. "True."

"You've been working hard on it for quite a while. I understand feeling the let down at the end."

Deanna's smile widened, relieved that he seemed to understand.

"I am happy," she told him. "I'll be even happier when this thing with the Dornans is decided, one way or the other."

"And tomorrow, when I take Batra and Shaule home --" Will asked. "Then is it over? For you at least?"

Deanna nodded gratefully as she took another bite. "I can't fight the battle for them," she said as she hastily chewed. "This is their planet, their culture. I have to let it go now."

"And then what?" he asked.

"For me?" she asked a bit surprised. She gestured around her. "Life," she said simply.

"And how do you feel about that?" he asked, cautiously.

"Going back to work?" Deanna clarified. Will slowly nodded. "I don't know. In some ways, the idea of listening to someone else's problems kind of seems like a relief. That must sound very strange," she said shaking her head.

"I don't know. I guess it would make sense that if you can conquer this, then everything else is downhill from here." He watched her for another moment. "So I guess the real question is -- do you think you've conquered this?"

Deanna paused to consider the question, staring at the vegetables in front of her. "I don't know," she finally answered honestly. "I don't know if you ever conquer it. I know I'm a lot closer than I was four months ago when I tried to go back to work. I wasn't ready then. I was just too afraid of disappointing people to say it. I know you'll be watching me. You and the captain and Beverly and Worf. And that's good. I know I broke down."

Will reached up and covered Deanna's hand with his own. "Yeah, you did. Once. But think of all the things you've been through when you haven't. All the times you could have broken down and didn't." He smiled at her. " When you look at it that way, you've got to like those odds."

Deanna reveled in the warmth of his touch, and the kind concern in his eyes. She squeezed his hand, but before she could reply, the sound of the communication system broke through.

"Bridge to Counselor Troi." Worf's voice filled the room. "The Dornain delegation is waiting on a secure sub-space channel."

"That was fast," Will murmured.

"Give me just a minute," Deanna called as she stuffed her mouth with a few more bites of her meal and then hastily gulped down some water. She wiped at her mouth as Will grabbed her plate.

"I'll find Batra," he told her as he headed out the door.

"Will," she called after him.

Will paused in the doorway and turned back to where Deanna sat.

"Thank you," she told him.

Will gave her a quick wink before setting off, and before the doors closed, he heard Deanna call to Worf to patch the transmittion through.

….

The two women had talked to, reasoned with and finally begged the Dornain delegation for the better part of the day, but as they each returned home to their quarters, there was still no resolution. The Dornain government was no closer to making a decision than they had been the day the Enterprise had left Ura 5. There was a defeated air about the two of them as they walked the corridors together. It was growing late and there weren't many others walking the corridors to interrupt their sullenness.

"We should enter Galian orbit in a few more hours," Deanna finally broke the silence between them. "Data is calculating the movements of the planetary shield now. He should be in touch with a transport time soon." She waited for Batra to respond, but she only walked on in silence. "Or maybe it will be Commander Riker." Still Batra was silent. "I hope you understand why I will not be accompanying you," Deanna finally offered.

Batra nodded slowly.

"Batra," Deanna sighed, sensing her companion's whirlwind of emotions.

Batra finally turned to her and smiled, a sad hollow smile. "Of course I understand, dear. And, in truth, I wouldn't have it any other way. There is no reason for you to go back, or place yourself in danger. Commander Riker is more than capable of escorting us safely home."

"Then, what is it that's troubling you?" Deanna asked cautiously.

Batra slowed her step, and finally sank down to a bench lining an alcove near her door with a long sigh. She looked up at Deanna, full of doubt. "What would you think of me, if I told you, after all this that you and I have worked for, that I dread going back there?"

Deanna watched as Batra's eyes filled with tears, her pent up emotions finally spilling over. Deanna sat down as well, close to her on the bench and offered what support she could. "I would think that was completely understandable," she told her.

But Batra shook her head. "What kind of person am I? What kind of hypocrite? To ask others to help my people while I wish I could run away?"

"Wanting to be safe is not running away," Deanna answered. "You're world is at war. A desire to run away is a natural instinct to survive."

"And I would leave my husband and son behind? I haven't even spoken to them in three weeks. They could be dead! They could have died before I ever reached Ura 5! And I would not have even grieved for them!" Batra began to weep as Deanna wrapped her in her arms and rocked with her.

When the sobbing quieted, Deanna tried again to offer some sort of comfort. "Or they could be fine," Deanna whispered to her. "And they could be waiting for you to return home to them, you and Shaule."

Batra sniffed, trying to gain control again. But there was pain in her eyes. "What kind of mother am I?" Batra asked in no more than a whisper. "To ask my child to return to the heat of war… to put her in danger… to take her away from an education… That is not what a mother does. A mother protects her child, a mother gives her child a better life!"

"Batra, that is what you are fighting for, a better life -- not just for Shaule or Torvan, but for all the young girls who want an education. You're giving them hope!"

"I don't know that hope is enough," Batra said, wiping at her eyes. "I hope, one day, she can forgive me. Part of me can't bear to take her away for all of this, but a larger part of me can't bear to return without her."

Deanna stroked Batra's mane of black hair reassuringly.

"And in the end, if the Dornain government won't agree… it may have all been for naught," Batra added sadly.

….

Deanna didn't sleep hardly at all that night. It was not for lack of being tired, but the thought of sending Batra and Shaule back to their home world, so emotionally torn and defeated, with aid, but no planetary blockade… it hung heavily over her, like a weight hanging from her neck. It troubled her mind as she tried to rest, even filling her dreams with the kinds of violent nightmares she hadn't had in months.

She didn't blame Batra for wanting to stay. Part of her wished they would. Deanna realized that in a very short time, she would loose touch with Batra and her family. She wouldn't know if they were safe, if they had been discovered, if they were even alive. She may catch a star fleet communication from time to time about how the mission she had advocated so relentlessly for was proceeding, but for all practical purposes, Deanna was moving on with her life. That was what she had wanted. She had accomplished what she had set out to do, at least almost. It was time to let it go now; to turn the fight over to the people it rightfully belonged to. But she couldn't help but feel she had let them down, that she had failed to finish what she started.

Her sleep was fitful, and there was more than one occasion when Deanna laid awake and considered abandoning the idea all together, but she had yet to climb from her bed, when the beeping of her communication system tore her from her dozing.

….

Deanna hurriedly glanced at her chronometer as she terminated the communication an hour later. She knew that Will was beaming down to escort Batra and Shaule back to their village as soon as the gap in the planetary shield opened. It could have been any time now. There was no time for a shower. She frantically scavenged for some clothes to throw on, and pulled her hair back from her face. She grabbed for her communicator, almost franticly.

"Troi to Commander Riker," she called.

"There you are," his voice seemed the epitome of calm. "Shaule was beginning to wonder if you were going to come say good bye."

"Where are you?" she called to him.

"Are you alright?" he answered, concerned.

"Where are you!?" she repeated.

"Transporter room two. Deanna, what's going on?"

"Has the gap in the shield opened?" she asked, rapidly pulling on her shoes.

"It… just did," he answered cautiously. "Dea?" Will could tell she was almost in a panic. "What's going on?"

"How much longer do you have in the transport window?"

"Dea!"

"Will!" she shouted, but it was the captain's voice that responded.

"Eighteen minutes. There's no time for long good byes," he urged her.

"Don't leave until I get there!" Deanna called heading out her door at a run. "Promise me!"

When there was no response, she called out again. "Will! Promise me!"

With a shrug of his shoulders, Will replied. "Okay, we'll wait. But Dea…"

"I'm hurrying! Troi out."

Deanna burst through the doors of the transporter room minutes later, almost gasping from her morning sprint.

Everyone in the room was staring at her wide-eyed, not knowing what to expect.

Batra stepped down form the transporter pad and made her way towards Deanna. "Deanna, dear. What is it?"

Deanna tried to catch her breath, and then her face melted into a smile. "We did it," she almost panted. "You did it," she offered. "Dorn is signing the agreement. The planetary blockade will go into affect in 24 hours."

There was a moment where nothing in the room moved as Batra digested Deanna's words, and then Batra sighed, a deep sigh of relief, of hope.

Deanna threw her arms around her friend and together, they began to cry. Soon, Shaule made her way to their side and Deanna tucked one arm around her and held her close.

Batra finally pulled away and spoke quietly to Deanna. "You have done more for me and my people than anyone could have ever asked of you. More than anyone could have ever expected. Thank you," she said cupping Deanna's face in her hands. "I will take this from you now. Go. Live your life. Be happy. And think of us, from time to time, and know that we treasure you," she told her with tears streaming down her face.

Deanna let her own tears fall unashamed as she hugged her friend once more. "Be safe," she whispered her farewell.

She turned and hugged Shaule as well, the young girl's lips quivering as tears coursed down her cheeks. "Will we ever see you again?" she asked.

Deanna sighed, unsure of what to tell her, but Batra answered calmly.

"When it is safe, we will invite Commander Riker and Deanna to see us, to see the good that they have done. It is not good bye forever, just good bye until it is safe," she told her daughter.

Deanna nodded her agreement. "Your brother will be jealous of your great adventure," Deanna told the girl with a smile, and Shaule began to smile as well. "Remember everything you learned," Deanna whispered as she hugged her for the last time, and then stepped back, to stand next to her captain as Batra and Shaule joined Will again on the transporter pad.

"Have a safe journey," Deanna called to them.

Batra waved her hand in a final farewell, before turning and pulling Shaule's shroud over her and then covering herself with her own.

Deanna looked away from the shrouded females; the sight of it broke her heart. She looked to Will instead, though his skin was more olive and there was a ridge along the back of his hands.

This was the fourth and last time he would beam down to this war zone. He had rescued the ambassador, rescued Deanna, brought Batra and her daughter out safely. Deanna wondered if he was tempting fate to try to make the journey safely again.

Come back to me, Deanna called out, not truly expecting him to hear her inner turmoil.

But Will smiled at her and gave a slight nod. "I'll see you this evening," he said confidently, before turning his attention to his captain and giving him a nod to let him know they were ready.

"Energize," Captain Picard ordered and the three images faded away in front of them.

Deanna didn't move, didn't speak for a long moment, as if she couldn't quite grasp that, just like that, they were gone.

Captain Picard stood quietly by her side, watching her closely. After a long minute, he reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. "You did very well, Emissary Troi. And I am proud to say that I was once your captain."

Deanna turned to him slowly, to see the hint of a smile on his face. "Are you trying to tell me that you don't want me back, Captain?"

"Oh, no. Not at all. Only that I am honored to be standing here with you."

Deanna felt tears sting at her eyes again, but she tried to blink them away, hoping the captain didn't see. "Thank you, Sir," she told him quietly, reaching out and embracing him quickly.

"I suppose this is the end of a chapter," Captain Picard said, starting out the door into the corridor, Deanna following along.

"Sir?" she asked.

"The end of one story, the beginning of another?" he offered. "Dr. Crusher tells me that you intend to return to duty tomorrow?"

"With your consent, of course," Deanna replied.

"Well, you don't have it."

Deanna stopped short and stared at her captain until he turned to face her, his stern expression fading to a kind smile. "You deserve a rest, don't you think?" he asked her.

"Captain, in all fairness, I have just taken nearly four months of leave. To ask for more would be…"

"A day, then."

"Sir, the flagship of the Federation has been without a counselor of any consistency for practically six months. I think that is long enough, don't you?"

The captain leaned closer to her and spoke kindly. "In that case, I think we might be able to manage one more day for you to rest up a bit. That's an order, by the way."

Deanna put her hands defiantly on her hips. "Until I have medical clearance, I am not technically a member of your crew," she told him, as seriously as she dared.

"In that case, see to it that you report to sickbay immediately so that as soon as you're done, I can then order you to take the day off."

Deanna smiled weakly, glancing back at the transporter room door.

"Closing the door on certain chapters of your life can be more difficult than you would think, isn't it?" he asked her with understanding.

Deanna stared at the transporter room door for another moment before turning back to her captain. "Forgive me, Captain, but when Commander Riker is safely back aboard… then it will be over," she told him.

He gave her a small nod of acknowledgement before he set off. "I'll be on the Bridge," he told her. He stopped by her side and again placed his hand on her shoulder. "Well done, Counselor. Well done." And with that, he was off, and Deanna turned and made her way towards Sickbay.

….

Deanna sat quietly at the end of the bed in the main bay. She fidgeted with her hands in her lap while she waited for Beverly Crusher to return. She didn't know why she felt so unsettled. She had no fear of not passing her physical exam, nor did she really think that her anxious feelings were about returning to work. Unlike her last attempt to return to her duties, she felt at ease with herself now, comfortable with both who she was and what had happened to her. So why was it that she couldn't manage to sit still on the edge of the bed?

The image that remained in her mind was Will Riker, smiling at her reassuringly from the transporter pad, with Batra and Shaule behind him, covered in black shrouds. Was it concern for her new friends? Yes, of course. She would feel that deep concern for some time to come. But that didn't explain the nagging emptiness inside her.

Suddenly, Deanna almost jumped, as if she had startled herself. It was Will! He was gone. She couldn't sense him at all, not even a vague recollection. It was like he had disappeared from her mind.

Deanna frantically reached out to Will in whatever way she could, concentrating intensely, but it was no use. There was nothing there to reach. Deanna felt her adrenalin start to pump through her veins. What if something had happened to them? What if Will was hurt, or worse, and that is why she felt nothing. Maybe there was nothing to sense.

With a deep calming breath, she realized that it could be a hundred other reasons. The planetary shield could be blocking her sensory perception in some way. Distance never helped either. But something in her would simply not relax. She was so close to the end. She had come so far. All she needed was for Will to come home safely. Then she could finally stop looking back and begin to look forward again.

"Alright, Counselor," Beverly said with a smile as she walked towards her across the bay. "You are fit as a fiddle, as far as I'm concerned." Beverly found her friend looking strained. "Deanna? Is everything alright?"

Deanna tried to shake off her anxiety and smiled to her friend. "I'm fine, Beverly. I promise."

Beverly watched her skeptically and Deanna hung her head in shame. She reached out and took her friend's hand. "I'm worried about Will," Deanna confessed. "I just want him back aboard and this whole business to be over with," Deanna told her sincerely, hoping she understood.

Beverly watched her closely for a minute more, and then slowly nodded her head. "I can understand that," she finally admitted.

Deanna realized that this was the way it was going to have to be, with her friends watching her, even second-guessing her. She needed to accept the consequences of her actions. "Beverly," she finally told her friend. "I don't think I ever told you that I'm sorry."

Beverly looked at her, confused.

"For what I did, for the position I put you in," Deanna continued. "It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. I abused your trust, and I hope, in time, you can forgive me."

"Oh, Deanna…"

"I mean it Beverly. I am sorry, and I'll do whatever I can to make it right."

Beverly stood staring at her friend who she had missed so dearly, looking at her with her dark round eyes, looking for some sign of forgiveness. "You don't need to apologize to me," Beverly told her sincerely. "I let you down. I should have known, should have been there to help you more --"

Deanna just shook her head at her friend. "You can't even just let me say sorry," she told her sarcastically.

"I forgive you," Beverly told her simply and without condition.

"I'm not asking for unconditional forgiveness," Deanna protested.

"Well, that's too bad. You already have it," Beverly told her with determination. Her harsh expression dissolved into a smile and the two women hugged each other.

"So, Counselor, in your professional opinion," Beverly asked taking a step back. "Are you ready to return to duty?"

Deanna gave her a thoughtful smile. "I believe that I am," she told her. "More than that, I want to."

"In that case, congratulations. You are now an official member of the Enterprise crew."

Deanna jumped down from the bed and hugged her friend again. "Thank you Beverly. I'm so glad I have you."

….

Beverly took Deanna to a celebratory lunch, though Deanna had a feeling it was more to keep her mind off of where Will was and how much longer until he would be back. It was a nice distraction, but Deanna still had plenty to do that day.

"Ah, Counselor," the captain called as he approached her in the corridor on her way back to her office for the first time in months. "I thought I told you to take a day off."

"You actually told me to take tomorrow off, Captain. And I have every intention of following your orders. But for now, I thought I ought to peek into my office."

"To make sure it is as you left it?" he asked curiously.

Deanna sighed and decided to give voice to the fear. "More to make sure it isn't how I left it. Or perhaps that I'm not how I last left it." Deanna watched as the captain gave an understanding nod. "Is there something I can do for you Captain?"

"No, I just wanted to tell you myself. The planet has reset its shield harmonics, much as it did when you beamed in last. In fact, because of that, Data has been able to detect a pattern. The gap in the shielding will not open again for five more hours. He won't be back aboard until late this evening." The captain paused and studied her for a moment. "I didn't want you to be worried," he concluded.

"Thank you, Captain. That was very kind of you," Deanna answered. "I'll try my best to keep myself occupied."

"I'm sure that won't be hard to do," Captain Picard admitted. "There are many people who have greatly missed you. You passed you physical?"

"With flying colors," Deanna responded as the two began to walk together.

"And you want to do this, yes?" he asked cautiously.

Deanna looked to her office door and back to her captain. "More than you know, Sir. I am ready to move on with my life, finally."

"Finally?" he asked curiously.

"It took me a while to get here," she told him honestly.

"Well," the captain said, pulling on his tunic. "I, for one, am very glad you made it. Good evening Counselor," he told her as he headed off about his business.

….

By late evening, Deanna was finding it harder to distract herself from the anxious lonely feeling that had haunted her most of the day. She was counting the hours until Will should be back on the ship. She tried to relax, even took a long hot bath, but all that churned in her mind was what had happened to Batra and Shaule and their family, what Will must be thinking as he waited on the planet, and all the things that were left unsaid between the two of them.

After all these years, so much was left unresolved, unacted upon. Deanna tried to focus on all of the emotions that ran through her about Will Riker. What would she say to him if he were standing before her right now? What was it she wanted? Was it possible? Would it really work? If the crisis were over, and everyday life were all that were left, would this journey they had taken together, and the emotions that had followed them, would they see them through? She knew the answer, had known it for a while now. Will loved her, and she loved him. It was time to move forward together. It was time, before there was some next thing to interfere. She had pushed him away for the last time. All she needed was for Will to come home. She needed Will to come home.

Deanna dressed and tried to distract herself for the several more hours until he would be back on the ship. She reviewed her waiting patient load then cleaned her closet, but nothing could take her attention away from the constant searching her mind was doing, looking for that unique sensation in her head that was Will Riker. It was as if something was pulling her, wanting to fill the hole that his absence had left in her soul.

Where was he? Was he safe? Was he waiting? Nervous? Was he in danger? Was he thinking of her? Wanting to finally come home to her?

After a couple of hours of rooting around her quarters, Deanna walked to her desk, and for the first time since leaving the therapy center, picked up the leather bound book of poems by Robert Frost that the captain had given her. The binding had become slightly worn, and tended to fall open to the works that had spoken to her soul the most. She curled up on her couch and read, letting the emotions of the last few months flood over her for the last time before she finally filed them away and moved forward.

At first the poetry was enough to distract her, but as her emotions eased away, she was left feeling drained and empty.

On an impulse Deanna leapt from her couch and, with her book tucked under her arm, made her way to Will Riker's quarters. She thought, perhaps, the proximity to his belongings, his life, would be enough to fill the hole inside her until he could make his way back to her. Deanna keyed in her security code and smiled as the doors slipped open in front of her. She planted herself in the middle of his couch, sitting cross-legged and returned to her poetry. She read for a while longer, until the lonely feeling came back to her.

Deanna slowly closed the book of poetry and began to pace through his quarters. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to be there when he walked through those doors. She didn't want to wait anymore. She wanted to tell him exactly what she was feeling, wanted to hold him and touch him, even if it were just to prove that the long nightmare was over and that he was back, safe and sound.

After staring at the planet for a while from the window, Deanna wandered into Will's bedroom. There was a tee shirt lying on the bottom of the bed, and the sheets were unmade. Deanna shook her head at his slothenly behavior. Could she learn to live with it, she wondered. Deanna put the book on the bottom of the bed and began straitening the room. When she grabbed the shirt, to put it in the reclaimer, she realized that it was the first thing to make Will feel closer. It smelled like him.

At first she was content to hold it in her lap, then it was resting on her chest as she laid in the center of his bed. Finally she gave in and, looking around, as if someone might be watching her, Deanna pulled her shirt off over her head and pulled the loose shirt on in its place. The sensation of him filled her as she wrapped herself in it. For another hour, Deanna sat cross-legged in the middle of his bed -- waiting.

"Computer," she finally called. "When is Commander Riker expected to return to the Enterprise?" she asked as she bounced her knees, trying to keep the feeling in her legs.

"Unknown," the computer answered.

"Could you notify me when he beams aboard?"

"Affirmative," the computer answered unemotionally.

Deanna sighed as she laid back on the bed. She was so tired. If she could just let go of the anxiety, she could have slept for hours. It was nearing 11:00 hours. The computer would let her know when he was back safely. It wouldn't hurt to just close her eyes for a minute.

….

Deanna awoke to the beep of the computer. She jumped off the bed, pulling at the large tee shirt that was pooled around her, and briskly hit the computer controller.

"Commander Riker has returned to the Enterprise," the computer announced.

Deanna looked around her at Will's bedroom. "Ahhh," she sighed as she closed her eyes in a moment of gratitude. For the first time that day, she felt peace. The sense of him seeped back into her and finally, she felt whole. She straightened the sheets where she had fallen asleep, and took a seat, next to her book of poetry at the end of his bed. And she waited…and waited.

After half an hour, she couldn't think straight. "Computer, locate Commander Riker."

"Commander Riker is in Sickbay."

Deanna leapt from her place on the bed. Was he hurt? Wounded? "Troi to Sickbay," Deanna called, desperately trying to calm herself. She felt no pain from him, no distress.

"This is Nurse Ogowa. Counselor, how can I help you?"

Deanna sighed, happy to hear a familiar voice. "Alyssa, is Beverly in Sickbay?" Deanna asked.

"No, Ma'am. She finished her shift hours ago. Can I help you with something?"

"Maybe," Deanna admitted. "Alyssa, is Commander Riker in Sickbay?"

"Yes."

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing happened, Ma'am. Dr. Selar is removing his surgical implants and reversing the skin pigmentation. Should I tell him that you're looking for him?"

"No!" Deanna spoke too quickly. "No, no. It's nothing. Thank you, Alyssa."

"My pleasure. Good night Counselor."

"Goodnight," Deanna mumbled as she took her seat back on the bed. And waited.

….

Will Riker was exhausted as he walked through the corridors towards home and his bed. He rubbed his hand along his beard as he walked, just trying to make sure he was himself again. The doors opened in front of him, and without so much of a glance at the rest of his home, he headed to bed. As he stepped into his bedroom, he paused.

There, in the relative darkness, Deanna Troi, lay diagonally across his bed, curled on her side, asleep.

For the briefest moment, he wondered if he was so tired that he had walked into the wrong quarters, but with a quick glance around, he saw his trombone, his furniture and possessions. The thing that was out of place was the sleeping woman, that, he realized as he stepped closer to her, was wearing the shirt he had worn the night before.

"She made the bed," he chuckled to himself, as he watched her sleep. He stepped toward the bed and leaned closer to her. "Deanna?" he said, loud enough to wake her.

Deanna jumped and struggled to sit up, still a bit groggily. "Will," she mumbled, rubbing at her eyes.

"Hi," he said brightly. "Did you get lost?" he asked her.

Deanna knelt on the bed, as he sat next to her. "No, I'm sorry. I just-- I wanted to talk to you when you got back, but it's late."

"Deanna," Will reached out and kept her from moving away from him. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Batra and Shaule?" Deanna asked.

"Home safe and sound. The militia has made some good strides in the hills in the last few weeks." Will told her softly.

"And her husband?"

"Gault and Torvan were there waiting for us. It was a very happy family reunion." Will reached up and brushed some hair back from Deanna's face. "I'm sorry you missed it."

"And the aid package?"

"Batra will be meeting with the first group tomorrow. She'll be ready for it. Gault has been working on a network of contacts among the resistance."

"So…it's over?" Deanna asked, her voice choking on tears as she looked into his eyes.

Will couldn't stop himself from touching her face, caressing her cheek and wiping away the single tear that escaped her eyes. "It's over," he whispered. "You did it, Deanna. You made a huge difference. It's over," he repeated as Deanna both smiled and cried at the same time.

Will pulled Deanna to him and let her cry against his chest. "Shhh," he assured her. "It's okay. Shhh," he told her rubbing her arms.

Deanna pulled away and wiped at her eyes. "I don't know why I'm crying," she told him, and suddenly she began to laugh quietly to herself. "It's over," she said quietly with a sigh, as she wrapped her hands around his neck.

Will watched her closely and nodded. For a long moment, the two of them sat like that, staring into one another's eyes. Will was hoping that if he looked hard enough, he would be able to tell why she was there. But all he seemed to see was what appeared to be Deanna gathering her courage.

"Deanna?" he asked quietly.

"Thank you," she told him. "I couldn't have done it without your help and support."

"I'd do it all again," he smiled at her. "Anything you need."

"Will," Deanna began shyly. "I don't want to push you away anymore. It's over, and I want to come home."

"I can walk you home if you want," Will told her, a bit confused.

Deanna shook her head, a small smile on her face. "Not a place," she told him. She was not explaining herself nearly as well as she'd planned. "Just kiss me," she told him, giving up on verbal communication.

Will smiled at her before he gently kissed her cheek, then her eye and the tip of her nose, listening closely to the sound of Deanna's breathing. He paused, hovering over her lips. He didn't know if he was hesitating to make the moment better, or if he was just giving her every opportunity to change her mind.

He had promised himself that the next time would be it…that he was all in or not in at all. He wouldn't toy with her, or lie to her, or use her. He wouldn't risk loosing the friendship they had unless he was sure. And he was sure, had been since the last time that he was with her. The only question left was, was she sure?

He didn't have an answer for that as he watched her, centimeters from her lips as she looked back at him with wide eyes. Then those eyes filled with doubt. "Will?" she asked tentatively.

"Maybe we should talk it through this time," he suggested, mostly against his better judgment. He could even hear the disappointment in his own voice as he eased away from her.

Deanna sat in the middle of the bed, trying to look as calm as she could. "Okay," she said with a nod of her head. It was the moment of truth, now or never. "I love you. I've loved you since the first time I saw you. I'm not perfect," she admitted, "and I have some baggage, but I want to be with you. I want this to work. I want you," she told him with determination. "I choose you."

Will sat on the edge of the bed in silence trying to take in everything she had said, hoping that she meant it.

"Your turn," she urged him.

Will just couldn't stop staring. It was like admiring a piece of art.

"Will?"

With one movement, he was at her side, wrapping her in his arms as he kissed her. They fit together like no one else he had ever been with. The things she did to him, the way she touched him, that sensation he only had with her as that tickle in his mind, that essence of Deanna seeped into him.

"I choose you," he whispered in her ear as his hands tangled in her hair, and he eased her back onto the bed.

The embers that had been stomped out or ignored for so long roared back to life as they kissed and touched every piece of each other they could reach. Will sighed as her hands eased over his shoulders and caressed the back of his neck. She moaned softly as he nuzzled her neck. The feel of her skin sent a shiver through him, and he wanted nothing more than to engulf himself in it.

Deanna arched her back, curving into him as he ran his hands under her, slipping them under the shirt she wore. His warm hands settled along the curve of her back. "Mmhh," she moaned as she nibbled on his ear.

The touch of her skin was nice, but he wanted more. He wanted all of her, but he tried to slow himself down. He managed pretty well, until Deanna started pulling at his collar, trying to pry more flesh for her to kiss and tease. Fair was fair after all.

Will pulled Deanna up with him and pushed his hands under the fabric of the shirt she wore, lifting it from her skin as his hands rubbed their way up her stomach, over the sides of her breasts, teasing at the fabric of her bra and then in one motion, up and over her head.

He threw the garment away carelessly, and kissed her hard, plunging his tongue insistently into her mouth, moving his hands back to the bra that still separated his hands from her flesh.

The sound of a loud thud caught their attention, and, for a moment, they pulled apart to see what had caused the noise. Will peered over the edge of the bed, where, sprawled on the floor was the shirt he had thrown, tangled in the cover of a book, a leather bound book, that had fallen from the foot of his bed. The pages lay open to words he didn't have to read to recognize. The handwriting was clear.

The captain, Will thought as his mind flooded with memories of an old promise as well as what he had repeated only a few months ago. It was like a bucket of ice water had just been poured over his head.

Deanna was, once again, a member of the Enterprise crew. They would work together every day, no matter what was about to happen here. And he had made a promise to his captain, to his mentor, that if their relationship was to change…

Will hung his head as he looked back at this amazing woman, propped on her elbows, wearing black exercise pants and a deep blue satin bra. Deanna looked at him concerned, clearly aware of the change in his mood.

"Don't move," he told her, crawling backwards off the bed.

"What?" she asked, almost laughing as if he must be joking.

"I'll be right back. I swear!"

Deanna tilted her head to one side and scowled. "You're kidding, right?"

Will let out a small huff. What was he doing walking away from this?

"Just don't move, don't take anything off… I don't want to miss anything!" he pleaded as he straightened his shirt. "I'll be right back!"

"Will!" he heard Deanna call exasperated as he headed out the door, but he didn't turn back. It wouldn't take much convincing for him to forget about his promise all together.

He hadn't paid much attention to what time it was as he strode through the nearly empty ships corridors and rang the chime on the captain's door. He realized how late it was when there was no answer. Oh well, I tried, Will shrugged. Good enough. He turned to walk away when the doors opened.

"Number One," Captain Picard sounded a bit confused, but not nearly as upset as Will feared he might be. "You made it back safely."

Will turned back to face his captain. "Yes, Sir. I apologize for the intrusion. It's late."

"I trust the away mission was uneventful?" the captain speculated.

"Yes, Sir. Batra and Shaule are back in their village. Her husband and son were there to greet them."

"So all went well then," the captain said with a nod. "Good."

The two men stood in the doorway tentatively watching the other.

"Is there something else, Commander?" Captain Picard finally asked.

Will glanced around, uncomfortably. "It's more of a personal matter, Sir."

Without another word, the captain gestured for Will to come inside. He pointed to a chair, and Will sat down obediently.

"Can I offer you some tea?" Captain Picard asked as he moved towards his replicator.

Will gave a short nod. "Thank you, Sir," he answered.

In all honesty, Will didn't really care for tea, and the captain knew that, which meant two things; one, that Will Riker was so nervous, he needed something, anything to fidget with, and two, Captain Picard was so uncomfortable that he couldn't come up with anything else to say to him.

The captain handed him a cup and sat down on his couch, his own cup in his hand.

Will wondered for a moment if the captain may have been sleeping, but then he noticed the book on the table between them and thought it was far more likely that he had been readying. He sighed a bit in relief.

"So," the captain broke the silence. "Let's have it."

Will looked from the captain, to the book to his own cup of tea as he tried to come up with the right words. "Sir, eight years ago, I made you a promise." Will let the words hang in the room, hoping the captain would take it from there.

"You have promised me many things over the years, Number One."

Will sighed. "About Deanna," he clarified.

The captain's eyebrows slowly rose in recognition of the situation, then relaxed again as he sipped his tea. "I assume you are here to tell me that things have changed?" he asked.

"That's my intention, Sir."

"And her intention?" the captain asked.

"I think she feels the same."

The captain nodded, silently sipping on his tea, his mind churning. "And have either of you given any thought to how this will affect your work, or this ship?" His tone was not angry, but it was stern.

"I believe in our ability to separate our personal lives from our professional positions. If you disagree, or there are things that concern you…"

"A few," the captain answered honestly. "I think the appearance of impropriety can be a powerful thing. I don't know how you intend to address this relationship, but if I were to have a say, which I don't, I would prefer a practice of full disclosure."

"Understood, Sir." Will bit back his impulse to say 'I'm here, aren't I'.

"There are some lines of command that would need to be clarified to avoid any…improper…" the captain shrugged.

"I understand, Sir."

The captain put his tea down on the table and leaned back with a heavy sigh. "Could you afford me the opportunity to address you not as your captain for a moment?" he asked.

Will nodded.

"Do you think she's ready for this?" he asked simply.

Will shrugged. "I don't know, Sir. I think so."

"Are you?" he asked.

Will chuckled under his breath. "I hope so," he sighed. He looked back to his captain more seriously. "I am going to give it every effort."

"Good. See that you do." Captain Picard paused for a moment. "Will, I would hate to see her hurt. She has been hurt enough."

"I have no intention of hurting her, Sir. I love her. I want to make her happy," Will answered. "And if I'm not doing a good enough job at it, I have no doubt that you and Beverly and Worf will…encourage… me to improve."

The captain smiled in spite of himself, seeming to finally relax a bit. He swung one leg over the other, resting his hand on his knee. "You know, Number One, when I was…well, younger than I am now, the idea of marrying, settling down, it seemed completely foreign, that it would forever alter my way of life. I couldn't imagine it. But then I watched my dear friend. He had it all. A beautiful wife who adored him, a son, a career… It made me wonder if I had it all wrong." The captain paused, seeming to stare at something that wasn't there. "And then it was all gone. Just like that, and I wonder if he ever appreciated the amazing good fortune that he enjoyed. Or did he take it for granted… do we all take it a bit for granted."

Will realized that moments like this with his captain were not exactly common, and the last thing he wanted to do was seem rude, but all he could picture was Deanna sitting on his bed, wondering what in the world was going on. He almost squirmed in his seat, wondering how to tell his captain he needed to go.

"Is something the matter, Number One?" the captain asked.

Will sighed. "No, Sir. It's just--" he fidgeted a bit more. "It's just that Deanna is sitting in my quarters, probably wondering what the hell is going on."

The captain's eyes flew open wide. Then he rolled them in frustration. "Go," he told him motioning for him to leave. "Just go."

Will stood, trying to find some way to say thank you and I'm sorry at the same time.

"And you should take tomorrow off. You two could use some time to talk some things out."

"Thank you, Sir. But Deanna is back to full duty tomorrow."

"Actually, I ordered her to take the day. And I'll do the same for you. Not that mighty buildings can be built in a day, but you might at least set down a good foundation."

"Yes, Sir," Will said, smiling gratefully.

"Oh, and Commander," the captain called as Will headed towards the door. "The next time I give you an order this personal…feel free to take it a little less literally."

Will chuckled again. "I was trying to be honest and forthright!"

The captain shook his head and motioned again. "Go," he told him, and Will took him at his word.

He tried not to skip with joy, or run with over eager excitement as he made his way back to his quarters, his mind dancing with images of Deanna waiting for as he came in the door and rounded the corner to his room, his heart sank. "Damn," he whined.

Deanna lay snuggled under his covers, his shirt visible on her body between the comforter and her loose curls.

This was not the way this was supposed to go. Will inched up to the bed. "Deanna," he whispered, hoping that she would wake up. But he knew she wouldn't. She was sleeping deeply by now. He kneeled on the edge of the bed and lifted a curl from the side of her face. "Dea," he called a little louder.

"Mmmhh," she hummed contentedly, rolling onto her side, to cuddle.

Will sat down on the side of the bed with a bit of a thud. "This is the longest play of my life," he muttered as he took off his shoes. He watched her sleep as he undressed. He couldn't help but smile, not just because of the way she looked so comfortable in his bed, but the thought that this was just the beginning, the first of many mornings they would wake up together.

He slipped into the bed next to her and pulled the covers tightly around them both. Deanna snuggled up close to him with another contented sigh. Will kissed her hair. "I love you, Deanna Troi," he whispered, wrapping her in his arms.

"Mmhh, love you," she muttered tucking her head under his chin.

He'd waited two weeks, and then six months before that, and ten years before that. He could wait a little longer. There was something familiar and extraordinarily comfortable about being in each other's arms. It felt like -- coming home.