I am Bartimaeus! I am Sakhr al-Jinni, N'gorso the Mighty, and the Serpent of Silver Plumes! I have defeated Lord Nouda (1)! I have watched Empires fall and rise! I am a noble djinn! I also have a few minor details to clear up around here. Understand?

So it all began with a rather decently titled book series: The Bartimaeus Trilogy (2). Excellent books, for some reason I highly recommend them. Couldn't tell you why, my modesty would never allow me to continue in this vein…"

Why did I bring this up? First two books were pure gold weren't they? Then that third book was published. Don't even get me started."

Right, Ptolemy's Gate that's the one. A very deceiving book. This two faced excuse for 515 pages of written word is a, to keep this safe for our underage folks, a minor disappointment. It goes from bright cheery flashbacks to devastating flashbacks to today's modern djinn abusing age (3)."

On top of the abuse coughMandrakecough, yes djinns can cough just because we don't breath per say doesn't mean we don't cough. This last installment of the noble series just wasn't up to par. Now I'm not saying that my sparkling wit and brilliant plans didn't save the day. I'm just saying a few things didn't add up right in the end.

Want to know what exactly was wrong? Hell even that mud boy got a slim chance with that LEPrecon bird. Sorry wrong book? Well the similarities between Natty boy and him are very…similar. Profound I know. Where was I? Right! Even that foul person got to kiss the girl. Who does that Stroud person think he is?

No one gets the girl, I'm turned into an emotional sap to be pandered about a small fan fiction community (4), and one of the so called heroes dies…etcetera etcetera…

It just wasn't a good ending. Plain and simple. Why would a splendid series such as this one (if I do say so my self, It even has footnotes (5)) dash to pieces all the tried and true clichés: boy kisses girl, noble djinn (happily gains his freedom as a last wish), girl's father who is a sultan changes the law about princesses marrying street rats…. oops…wrong story again. See I can't even bring my self to discuss the "ending" of Ptolemy's Gate.

1. Oh, right Nathaniel helped, but I did all the grunt work. He just had the noble death being crushed or eaten. I wouldn't know I wasn't there.

2. Bartimaeus Trilogy: If I wasn't so humble I'd still be talking about how great this series is, no really I would. Now your closest bookstore is twenty minutes away. Run, walk, skip or crawl there and purchase the whole set. Best investment you will ever make. Don't worry about the fact it's the middle of the night. Camp out by the front doors if you have too.

3. Actually our masters have always been abusive. So it's more of an ancient tradition, not a modern way of thinking.

4. Any members of this fanfiction community reading this footnote at this time is required to then review when finished said collection of footnotes. (Thanks)

5. SEE! Yes I made you look down here for this…