A/n: This idea has been sitting in my head for ages now, until I couldn't ignore it. The next chapter for "As If By Magic" is still being Beta-Read, so I thought, "why not?"

I'm sorry for anybody else who has done something similar to this. I did not under any circumstances intend to copy you.

I would probably give credit to Mrowrkat98 though, as number 2 and 3 were kind of inspired by her (her, right?) list on 100 ways to annoy Animorphs and Company.

Anywho, on with the disclaimers!

Disclaimer: If I owned Animorphs, I wouldn't have left you with an awful cliffhanger at the end of the series.

WARNING: Contains possibly high levels of OOCness. This is not beta-read. Please point out mistakes. Read with caution. Also, rated T. Why? Read and find out!

(UPDATE: I went over this, and proofread it. No doubt there will still be mistakes, though. Also, this now going to be made into it's own story, instead of just a oneshot. Yay! Make sure you take a look at Chapter Two!)

The Visser Humilation Club

Chapter 1 - Dinner for Two

My name is Visser Three.

Conqueror of all humans.

The only Yeerk to ever cease the body of an Andalite.

Pathetic creatures. The humans too.

Someday, planet earth will cower to the mightiness and supremacy of the Yeerk Empire!

Mavris 257 approached me, shaking uncontrollably in his Hork-Bajir host body. He was scared and so he should be.

"V-Visser, Sub-Visser Fifty-Four is here..." he stuttered.

((Then let her in, you fool!)) I bellowed.

"Ye-yes Visser…" Mavris replied, and ran to quickly open the door.

In stepped Sub-Visser Fifty-Four, previously known as Sub-Visser Fifty-One, and her army of Hork-Bajir.

((SUB-VISSER FIFTY-FOUR!)) I screeched, ((WHAT IS THE MEANING OF YOUR LATENESS!?))

"My apologies Visser. I… she… we were stuck in traffic."

(And so you should apologize you useless dapsen! You should feel privileged that I even let you come in my presence after you disgraced our people and let the Andalite Bandit escape!)

"It will not happen again Visser," she reassured me.

((So what is the news that you have come to deliver, Sub-Visser Fifty-Four?))

"Well, you see, Visser…"

"I do not have time for your excessive rambling! I am not a patient Yeerk, so get to the point before you become Sub-Visser Fifty-Five!"

Her army of Hork-Bajir stepped back. Hah, now that they see the all mighty Visser, they had no use for protecting the Sub-Visser!

"A head of a large company here on earth would like to meet you for having food at a large, indoor space surrounded by other groups of humans. We… my host… says humans call it a date."

((And why would I care what your host says?)) I demanded, ((Take her away!))

My own elite team of Hork-Bajir stepped forward and grabbed hold of her arms, ready to toss the pathetic excuse for a Yeerk off the premises.

"Wait!" she shouted, "The head of the company owns a large computer company! You could gain her trust then infest her once you have made inquiries from her on the date!"

I paused, considering this, and then laughed, ((You expect me to go through with your absurd plan after what happened with Matcom?))

I could see the fear in her eyes. She was trying to keep calm, but I still saw it. It made me happy.

"But Visser… if the head of the company is infected, not only would you gain access to the majority of primitive human computers, but you would also have links to Earth's army forces!"

Earths army forces? Hah, I had no use for them. They were weak, pathetic creatures, those humans. But then again, perhaps it would be wise to infest this head of company like Sub-Visser Fifty-Four was proposing. I could use there own defense forces against them! The foolish creatures would never see it coming!

"Fine, Sub-Visser Fifty-Four. But if this plan fails, you shall be decapitated!"

The Sub-Visser turned pale.

I booked the "date" with the human later that night. Iniss 226 had offered me a loan of him "suit." How dare him! There was no chance I would share a piece of artificial skin with that repulsive Yeerk! I told him that I was to give him one earth hour to find a "suit" for me, and it had to be the earth manufactured material known as cotton otherwise I would use him as bait for the Andalite Bandits in my next scheme.

I got out of a primitive, big machine used for transportation here on earth and headed for the door to the restaurant. A restaurant is a place where humans come to eat food and discuss pointless social matters. Tonight, that was exactly what I was going to be doing.

I walked through the door and looked around the room. The Sub-Visser had told me I had to look for the table with a yellow rose in a vase on it. I finally spotted the table, and the lady sitting at it. I could not see her face, as she was holding a piece of laminated plastic up to her face. Walking over to greet her, I said;

"Hello, you must be the head of a large company I am supposed to meet up with."

The lady looked up from the piece of laminated paper.

"VISSER THREE?!"

"VISSER ONE?!"

All the humans in the restaurant turned their weak eyes to stare at us. Maybe I was not suppose to shout in the complex…

"I have to… use the… what's that place humans go to urinate?"

This attracted even more stares from the humans.

"The little Andalite's room?" Supplied Visser One unhelpfully, a devious but somewhat calm grin on her face.

"Ah, yes. That it is." I quickly ran off to the little Andalite's room. It then occurred to me that Visser One had been lying to me, as humans could not possibly have something called the little Andalite' room when they were unaware of the existence of Andalites themselves.

Out of the pocket out of a piece of artificial clothing called trousers, I got out something called a cell phone. It is a primitive piece of technology which humans use to communicate with each other. My cell phone was the color pink. Angrily I dialed in the number of the Sub-Visser and waited.

Ring Ring,

Ring Ring,

Ring Ring

Hello, it's me…I… us… Taylor here.

"YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF –"

I'm not answering my phone at a moment, so please leave a message after the beep.

Beeeeeeep.

I left a message for her, alright. Unfortunately, I can not repeat it for the use of very impolite Yeerk cuss words. I was going to behead that scum when I found her.

"AHHHH!" I roared angrily and stuffed the cell phone back in my pocket.

I marched back into the dining area, trying to ignore all the stares I was getting from the humans. Unfortunately, I was sick of ignoring them.

"STOP STARING AT ME, YOU PATHETIC HUMANS!" I roared, "Us Yeerks will enslave your planet and take away your freedom!"

The humans stopped staring at me and quietly went back to eating their meals.

I approached the table that Visser One was sitting at. She looked calm. That was not a good thing.

"Why are you here?!" I demanded.

"I was told that I was to meet with a head of a large company at this complex," she responded.

"But I was told that!" I shot back.

A human wearing a funny piece of human clothing that I believe is called a "Tuxedo" approached me.

"I am sorry sir," he said in a funny voice, "but if you can not be quiet, I'm afraid I would have to ask you to leave."

"Leave?! LEAVE!?" I fumed.

"Yes sir," he said, "leave."

I sat down in the chair with a huff.

"This is all your fault, Visser One! The Council of Thirteen shall hear of this!"

"And how is this my fault?" asked Visser One as she took a tip of a some sort of liquid through her mouth.

"Because…" I couldn't think of a reason. I was stuck for words, against the most scummiest Yeerks in the galaxy!

"If you ask me," she said calmly, "This is more Sub-Visser Fifty-Four's fault than mine."

I suppose the scum had a point.

"Where has the piece of laminated plastic you were observing only a few moments ago gone?" I asked.

Visser One rolled her eyes. The scum was using human expressions! Another thing to tell the Council of Thirteen about!

"It's called a menu. If you plan to invade earth you need to at least learn a bit of human culture. They took it away because I ordered our meals."

"OUR?!" I asked politely, "But am I not suppose order the meal myself?"

Visser One grinned slyly, "I saved you the trouble." I knew she was up to something… but what? That was what I was going to figure out.

After a few minutes of silence, Visser One spoke up.

"Sooooo.. how is the whole "Catching the Andalite Bandits" coming along?"

I grew furious, "That matter is none of your dapsen!" I snapped.

She smiled smugly, "Oh, but Visser Three, don't you know? Making pointless conversation over a table in a restaurant is a human pastime."

I was about to say something regarded as impolite when another man in a "tuxedo" approached the table holding two dishes.

"Mushrooms in pepper sauce for the madam, and escargot for the missuer."

The human put the respective meals in front of us and trotted off.

I looked blankly down at my meal.

"What in the name of the Sulp Niaar pool is that?"

"Its escargot," replied Visser One, "It's a dish from a country called France on this planet."

I looked down at the meal again. It somehow looked familiar…

"You scum! You ordered me a meal which resembles the form of our brothers and sisters!"

Visser One ignored me. Those people of France would pay for eating the escargot, and so would that low-life Visser!

"The Council of Thirteen will hear of this!" I screeched.

"Oh, shut up and eat your escargot."

I gazed her my glare that could make a whole army of Hork-Bajir run away in terror. Again, I was ignored. Then I had an idea of sharing with her a human youth had called me the other day when my limo ran over his bike.

I turned out Visser One knew the meaning of this word, because she began making a high wheezing noise.

"Oh my god!" somebody yelled, "She's choking!"

Choking? Perfect! Visser One would choke to death and I would become the Visser One! And best of all I would not be responsible for her death! It would be the mushrooms in a delicious and tangy pepper sauce with did her in!

The humans all gathered around her. One kept on hitting her with a hard force on the back. Maybe this was some method of trying to get her to regurgitate the mushroom. You could never be sure with humans.

Visser One made a large coughing noise and coughed out the mushroom

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room…

Tom and Taylor hid behind the giant chocolate fountain. Tom was busy taking pictures of Visser One and Three with a disposable camera while Taylor was occupied by spinning her prosthetic finger in the chocolate.

"May I just comment on how excellent you plan was to take photographs of the Vissers on a date then send it off to the Council of Thirteen, then claim they were behaving in an inappropriate manner, as dating is considered a romantic act on earth; thus allowing us to take their places!" Tom stopped when he realized his fellow Yeerk wasn't listening.

"I wonder what is would taste like if I dip a corn chip in the chocolate," Taylor muttered to herself wistfully.

"Ri-ii-ii-ight…" Tom said, and continued to snap photos of the Vissers shouting at each other. All of a sudden…

"Hey, Visser One's choking!" Tom exclaimed. Taylor stopped staring into the bottomless fountain of chocolate and looked up. Sure enough, Visser One was busy choking on something and some guy in a tuxedo was slamming her back, attempting to make her cough it out.

"Must be the sauce…" Taylor mused quietly to herself then continued to swirl her prosthetic finger in the chocolate.

Suddenly, Visser One coughed out the mushroom. Somehow, the mushroom defied the laws of gravity. Maybe the Ellimist did it. Maybe it was Crayak. The mushroom flew all the way across the room and hit Tom in the eye.

"Ouch!" remarked Tom, as he accidentally let go of the disposable camera. The camera fell into the chocolate fountain.

"NOOOOOOO!" yelled Tom desperately. He stuck his arm down deep into the depths of the fountain, trying his hardest to recover the camera, "Curse you piece of primitive photographic technology! Curse you!"

Tom looked up very slowly and saw Taylor was holding the camera, which was drenched in chocolate. Taylor then did something nobody would have expected. She took a bite out of it.

If Tom was on IM, his facial expression would have been "0.0"

"I... she…" said Taylor.

"We think it needs more sauce."

Oh yeah, interesting fact, did anybody know there is a video game franchise for Animorphs? I bought the Gameboy Color game a few weeks back. I cost me ten dollars AU, which is about 6 bucks US. It's really funny, because the graphics are pretty weird. The Hork-Bajir are blue and look like birds. Also, Tobias's sprite is the same size as everybody elses. Geez, big bird. The mall is so tiny, it only has a few shops. The game is sort of set out like Pokemon, for those who have played it. Instead of instantly touching and morphing the animals, you have to lower their HP (Hit points) to zero (hey wait, but wouldn't that kill them?) and then you automatically acquire the animal. You can only have six morphs at a time. Sigh. The game is actually ferociously hard though. I've found that the further you get in the came the harder it is to get an accurate hit against an animal, Hork-Bajir or Taxxons (The Taxxons actually look pretty accurate.) I haven't even made it to level 2. Overall, the game is worth buying for six bucks, regarding you have a gameboy color or gameboy advance to play it on, that is. Okay, well enough of my rambling. REVIEWWWWWWWW! XD