Warning: man-sex.

A/N: Thank you all for reading! Please leave me a review, even if it's been months or years since this was released. I'd be pleased to hear from you.

Part 17

Gloved hands shoved deeply in his pockets, Iruka pulls his dark military trench coat tighter around his body. His boots crunch crisply in the snow. It is rare for snow to fall in Konoha, even rarer for it to build up and stick. He is determined to enjoy it as much as possible before it's gone.

He's been back in Konoha for well over a year now, and only yesterday got his first letter from Naruto. He grins. It wasn't so much a letter as a journal of the boy's adventures, a manila envelope stuffed with over thirty pages of awkward, tight scrawl of dubious spelling, spanning the two and a half years he's been gone. Apparently he worked on it from time to time, whenever he thought of it, and finally mailed it all together when he got the chance. Iruka is more affected than Naruto will ever know, that his former student thought of him so often and shared so much with him.

He wonders, wry smile twisting his lips, how long Sakura's letter is. He wouldn't be surprised to learn it had taken two or three envelopes to fit all the pages.

Even better than getting the letter was the news it reported at the end: Naruto will be home in two months, in mid-April. Iruka can't wait to see how much the boy has grown, how he's changed and how he's remained the same. Iruka's really missed his loud, mischievous ray of sunshine.

His hand crinkles the envelope in his pocket, one he just got today and hasn't opened yet, as he thinks about another person he's missed.

He stops walking as he reaches the bridge, the one where Naruto used to meet his team back when they were all genin, back before Sasuke was completely consumed by his vengeance. Leaning against the rail, he listens to the burbling of the stream below—it's not quite cold enough to freeze over the surface of the water—and pulls the envelope out of his pocket. It's thin, plain, and there's no return address on it, but he recognizes the handwriting. It's his first, and possibly only, letter from Shiko.

The desire to bury it in a drawer and forget about it is almost as strong as the desire to read it, but Iruka won't hide from this. He owes that much to her.

He slits the envelope carefully with the edge of a shuriken, takes out the single sheet of paper, and begins to read.

Dear Iruka,

Been a long time, huh? Been a really long time. I wanted to write you to let you know how I'm doing, because I know you care, even though it would be easier if I could believe you don't.

The place I've settled for the time being is nice, a little dull but picturesque and the rent is cheap. I've got a job as a librarian in a government facility, which is also a little dull, but the people I work with are really great. They've helped me through many difficult days.

I don't really have a life outside of work, aside from joining my co-workers for a pint or two after a shift or on the weekend. I don't really want one, either. Especially not a love life, at least not yet. I still grieve for you, for us. The wounds are still raw.

Sometimes I'm smothered by doubts about our decision to end us, my decision to leave. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe if I'd stayed with you, we could have worked out something we could both live with. Maybe the specter of Kakashi that hung over us, over you, would have faded with time. Maybe we could have gotten through the darkness and come out the other side even stronger.

But, I don't really believe any of that. It's just wishful thinking because I miss you so very, very much. It still hurts like hell to know that, from the beginning, there was nothing I could have done to change any of this.

Sometimes I wish I could have Kakashi take you out of my head, the way he took me out of yours—without the replacements, of course. Cowardly of me, I know, but I can't help it.

I can't really hate Kakashi anymore. In the facility I work for, there are a lot of top-secret files about various ninja, and there is an extensive dossier on Sharingan no Kakashi. Of course I don't have the clearance to read it, but ninja aren't the only people in the world who can dodge security. I read it out of morbid curiosity, and it was quite enlightening. The things he's supposed to have done…and a lot of it's 'alleged', so I don't know if it was all true, but even if he only did less than half of what it said, it's no wonder that he turned out so fucked up. I would be able to hate him if he'd done all those things on his own, but it was Konoha who ordered him to do them. It just confirms that I've made the right choice to not live in a ninja village. I see ninja more often than I want as it is, working where I do.

If you are with Kakashi, I hope you've been a stabilizing influence on him. If you are not, I hope it's because that's what you really want. Either way, I hope you're happy, or at least not miserable anymore.

I'll send my return address when I feel able.

Love always,

Shiko

Iruka silently folds the letter and puts it back in the envelope, slipping it back into his pocket. He turns and leans on the railing with his elbows, hands clasped in front. His heart throbs and burns with pain. The knowledge that Shiko is still hurting so much is almost more than he can bear.

He is not 'with' Kakashi, has never been 'with' him aside from a month he can't remember and doesn't want to, but it's more out of sheer stubbornness than because he doesn't want to be. He's trying hard to resist what seems inevitable because he doesn't like the notion that something beyond his control is dictating what he wants and who he's with.

In the beginning, that reasoning was rock-solid, and even though Kakashi pushed him almost past his endurance trying to get him into a relationship, Iruka was able to put him off. It took Kakashi a few months, but it finally seemed to sink in that he wasn't doing himself any favors by being so aggressive. After that, he backed off, gave Iruka space, let Iruka seek him out instead of constantly forcing his way into Iruka's attention.

And seek him out Iruka did, out of necessity. The bond they share makes it physically painful if they are in reasonably close proximity and don't come into contact for several days. Luckily, they can stay apart for longer periods if there's distance between them, or their effectiveness as ninja would have been severely compromised. It's a little compromised as it is; Kakashi was away for two months in Cloud Country last spring, and by the time he got back they were both almost insane with longing.

Iruka almost, almost went to bed with him then, but stuck to his resolve. This enraged Kakashi so much that he destroyed his own apartment, and then went to T&I and demanded that Ibiki lock him up until he could calm down enough to keep from forcing himself on Iruka. Ibiki accommodated him, knowing Kakashi wouldn't have come to him if it wasn't very serious.

Kakashi was incarcerated there for over a day, and then Tsunade sent him on another mission. When he got back two days later, he was able to be rational again. He and Iruka talked for a long time, and they were able to work out the guidelines for a tentative, platonic friendship. It obviously pained Kakashi a great deal, having to give up pursuing something he wanted so much, but he stuck to their agreement.

Their friendship slowly grew more comfortable, easier for both of them to bear. Now, when they are both in town, they see each other every day. Iruka was surprised to discover how likeable Kakashi is when he's not being psychotic. He's easy to talk to, for Iruka at least, and their conversations cover everything under the sun and are never boring. And damn, but the man can cook. Iruka suspects it has something to do with the Sharingan, but he doesn't want to know. He misses Shiko's crab cakes sometimes, but that was the only thing she really knew how to make well, while Kakashi can make just about anything taste fabulous. Iruka's added several extra hours of training into his week just to balance out the calories, because Kakashi's more than happy to cook anything he wants, anytime. He returns the favor when he can, but he doesn't have as much free time as Kakashi, and he's a mediocre cook at best.

Of course, time spent with Kakashi isn't all good times and feasting. The man can be incredibly self-absorbed—self-obsessed, really—and childish, arrogant, petty, argumentative and so thoroughly obnoxious that it's all Iruka can do to keep from snapping into kill mode. But he can also be kind, fair, funny, whimsical and surprisingly thoughtful when he puts his mind to it. And he holds Naruto in high esteem, which carries a lot of weight with Iruka.

And if sometimes it obviously causes Kakashi pain to be around Iruka, enough to make him lash out like a cornered, wounded animal; if sometimes he gazes on Iruka with an eye full of melancholy or despair…well, that's the bed he's made for himself. Iruka can hardly cut him loose, considering.

He sighs, scrubbing his hands through his hair, rubbing at his cold ears. The truth is, Iruka is starting to feel a lot less like he's taking the healthy course of action by not allowing himself to get too involved with Kakashi. It feels more like he's clinging to principles that don't really apply anymore out of sheer bullheadedness. Maybe there's a little bit of martyrdom there too, because of Shiko, and the grieving process for her as well.

The main thing that's kept him from letting things progress past friendship with Kakashi is the uncertainty of whether it's really Iruka that is attracted to Kakashi, or if it's the soul bond. If the bond was dissolved somehow, he doesn't know if he'd still feel anything like he does now. There is no data explaining to what extent the soul bond influences one's feelings toward the person one is bonded to, and even if Orochimaru had tried to measure such a thing it would probably be pretty inaccurate.

Iruka couldn't bring himself to go straight to the Hokage with the news about the soul bonding jutsu; he went to Ibiki instead. Surprisingly, Ibiki advised against bringing the matter before the Hokage. Ibiki thought Kakashi's assessment that Tsunade would not be able to allow him to operate as a shinobi if she was aware of the matter was correct, and Kakashi's skills were desperately needed. She would also probably place severe restrictions on Iruka as well, since the full effects of the jutsu were unknown and the source was so questionable, to put it mildly. Which would mean another desperately needed shinobi partially or fully out of commission.

They had a meeting with Tsunade—himself, Kakashi and Ibiki—where the interrogator did a masterful job of explaining the situation without being at all specific or giving anything away. Tsunade rubbed her temples with her fingertips and said that as long as no one's mission or job performance was impaired and no one was being hurt in any way, she didn't want to know about it unless Iruka felt it was necessary.

Iruka was moved that she would leave the matter up to his discretion. He chose not to tell her.

The price Ibiki extracted for allowing Kakashi to escape reprimand was that he show Ibiki a particular disintegration trap jutsu and how to undo it, and that he allow all materials and documents that he had hidden in a house in the Uchiha complex to be confiscated.

"I know you've probably already moved everything important somewhere else," Ibiki had said, "but if you know what's good for you, you'll leave something down there that will interest me before we go in."

Kakashi reported later that Ibiki was very satisfied with what Kakashi had left him, so all was well.

It was another condition of Kakashi's reprieve that he turn over all information he had regarding Orochimaru's soul bonding jutsu to T&I, so they could look for a way to undo it. Kakashi did so without complaint. Two weeks later Ibiki told Iruka that, while they would never stop looking for a way to dissolve the bond, it was very likely they'd never find one. He should learn to live with it, Ibiki said. Iruka had been extremely relieved that Kakashi hadn't been lying about the jutsu being impossible to undo, but it disturbed him to think that his mind and heart—his soul—weren't completely his own anymore and never would be.

However…after more than a year, Iruka is tired of second-guessing what he feels. He's tired of trying to separate his soul from Kakashi's in his mind, tired of being suspicious of anything he feels toward Kakashi. He's tired of punishing Kakashi for what he did. He's tired of punishing himself.

If this soul bond is going to be a part of him forever, he's going to have to trust it if he ever wants to trust himself again. He's going to have to accept that even if it is influencing what he thinks and feels, how he acts, that's all part of who he is now. Besides, he and Kakashi are stuck with each other no matter what, so Iruka may as well enjoy it if he can.

A little part of him thinks that maybe if he moves on with Kakashi, cosmic synchronicity will allow Shiko to move on as well. It's silly, but far stranger things have been known to happen.

His heart constricts a little as he realizes he's actually come to a decision.

Iruka senses someone approaching, and though he doesn't hear him, see him or feel his chakra, he knows who it is. He smiles.

"Communing with the eternal, Sensei?" Kakashi asks.

Iruka turns around, leaning back on his elbows. "I don't even know how one would go about finding the eternal, much less communing with it. I'm just indulging in everyday, ordinary introspection." He snickers to himself, because Kakashi looks surprisingly cute with a round knitted hat pulled close around his head like a skullcap, hiding his hair. That seems to be his only concession to the cold; he's not even wearing a jacket over his uniform. His mask is down, hooked around his stubbled chin—he obviously hasn't bothered to shave today—and he's wearing an eye patch instead of the hitai-ate.

"Ahh, Sensei, one does not seek out the eternal. The eternal seeks you," Kakashi sagely proclaims, leaning next to Iruka on the railing.

Iruka snorts. "You're a master of meaningless platitudes, Kakashi."

"We all have our specialties." They look out across the bridge in silence for a few minutes, then Kakashi asks, "Did you get your novel from Naruto?"

"I did," Iruka replies, grin stretching wide. "I take it you got one too?"

"A measly twenty-two pages. Sakura's came in five separate envelopes."

Iruka bursts out laughing. "I'd guessed maybe two or three."

"You underestimate his ability to pad a letter with mushy declarations of eternal devotion."

"Ah, well," Iruka chuckles, "it wouldn't be the first time he's been underestimated. He's more than the sum of his parts, that one."

Kakashi nods. "It'll be good to have him back home," he says softly, almost to himself.

"It'll be great," Iruka agrees. "I've really missed him."

"Me too."

Iruka fidgets with the cuff of his coat for a minute before saying, "I got a letter from Shiko today."

He watches Kakashi in the periphery of his vision. The jounin's only outward sign of distress is a tightening around his visible eye. "Oh, yeah? How is she?" he asks disinterestedly.

"She's having a hard time moving on."

"Hm. Is she thinking of coming back here?" Kakashi's voice is so casual, he could be discussing the weather, or some tidbit he read in the paper this morning, or any number of trivialities, were it not for the white-knuckled grip he has on the railing.

Iruka's tempted to torment him a little, but decides against it. "No. I told you, she doesn't want to live in a ninja village."

Kakashi's hands relax a little, but his eye is still troubled. "Does she want you back?" He looks like he regrets asking for an instant after the question leaves his mouth, before schooling his face into perfect neutrality.

"She doesn't say," Iruka admits.

"Ah." It's amazing how someone can look so nonchalant and still radiate so much tension.

Iruka takes pity on him. "Kakashi, even if she wanted to try again, we can't go back. Things are different now; that part of my life is over. I miss her, but what's past is past. Besides, if I wanted to be with her, I'd have to leave Konoha again. I didn't like it the last time I did it, and I'm not at all eager to do it again."

"Maa, Iruka-sensei, you don't have to justify anything to me. It's not like I'm your boyfriend, or something." His tone is playful and the tension is gone from his face, so Iruka just punches his shoulder lightly and doesn't get on his case about being childish. "Speaking of boyfriends," Kakashi continues, "I've been meaning to ask you this for a while, but I keep getting distracted by shiny objects."

It's Iruka's turn to get a little tense. "Oh?"

"How come you've never asked me, or anyone, to make you…unreceptive to men again?"

Iruka relaxes. "Oh, that. Is that reversible?"

"Theoretically," Kakashi says slowly.

"Well…I guess in light of other things, it just never seemed that important. It was a bit disconcerting at first, finding men as…appealing to me as women, but I never really minded it. I was never homophobic; men just didn't interest me. Now, they do." He shrugs. "It's added a dimension to my life and taken nothing away, so I see no reason to let people mess around with my head anymore, trying to fix something that isn't really broken."

"What an enlightened view, Sensei."

"That's not tacit permission to add any more dimensions to my life, Kakashi," Iruka warns, only half-joking.

Kakashi feigns hurt. "Would I do that?"

Iruka crosses his arms and glares.

Laughing, Kakashi rubs the back of his head with one hand, holding the other up, placating. "No new dimensions. Got it, Sensei."

They watch the landscape for a few minutes. There is a cold wind blowing steadily now, and Iruka's nose is starting to run. He licks his chapped lips. He left his hair down because it is so cold, and now it keeps blowing into his eyes. He doesn't bother trying to push it back.

His heart has taken up residence in his throat and it feels like there's an earthquake in his guts, as he tries to figure out how to say what he wants to say to Kakashi. Now that he's come to a decision, he doesn't want to put this off.

"Kakashi…"

The jounin turns toward him. "Hm?" His eye narrows a little. "What's the matter, Iruka?"

Iruka's mind is completely blank, but he opens his mouth anyway and hears himself say, "Do you want to have a go at it?"

He doesn't know what he really meant to say, but that was definitely not it. It's difficult to refrain from clapping a hand over his mouth or hitting the heel of his palm against his forehead. He wills his face not to heat up, but he can practically feel steam rising off his cheeks.

The look Kakashi's giving him clearly says, 'That can't possibly mean what I think it means.' "Do I want to have a go at what?" he asks with exaggerated enunciation, as though he doesn't think his mouth is working properly.

Well, now that Iruka's said it, he's got to work with it. "Me. Us. Me and you." He waves back and forth between them. "Do you still want to?"

Now Kakashi's look says Iruka has pole-axed him in the chest. He moves to stand directly in front of Iruka. His face is definitely not indifferent now. It's fearful and dangerous, hopeful and despairing. It's painful to look at, but Iruka holds Kakashi's gaze steadily.

"You…are you fucking serious?" Kakashi asks, his voice strained and reedy.

"I'm tired of fighting this, Kakashi. There's no point, and it's just hurting both of us."

The look in Kakashi's eye is sharp enough to cut through steel. He's trembling all over. "Fighting what, Iruka?"

Iruka almost gets annoyed, but realizes that he should appreciate that Kakashi wants it spelled out for him, with no room for assumptions. Even so, he can't help stalling. "Fighting the way I feel about you."

A ragged breath. "What way would that be?"

Iruka's shaking a little too, now, and his eyes drop from Kakashi's face. "Well…that is, I…" He takes a deep, steadying breath, his sinuses burning with cold.

Kakashi clutches Iruka's bicep hard with one hand, and the other tilts his chin up, gaze imploring.

"…Love you," Iruka finally whispers.

Kakashi is statue-still for so long that Iruka starts to feel panicky, but then he sees Kakashi's throat working as two burning tears slip down his right cheek. He opens his mouth as though he's going to say something, but falls to his knees instead, still clutching Iruka's arm. He buries his face in Iruka's belly, releasing his hold to wrap both arms tightly around Iruka's middle. His shoulders heave in short staccato bursts, but he makes no noise.

Unsure what to do, Iruka settles one hand on Kakashi's shoulder and cradles the back of his head with the other, rubbing gently with his fingers. They stay like that until Kakashi's shoulders stop shaking.

Abruptly, Kakashi's arms tighten hard, and Iruka lets out a surprised yelp as Kakashi stands up, lifting him off the ground. Kakashi lets out a whoop and laughs, verging on hysteria, as he spins them around.

Iruka looks down at his face, trying to muster up indignity. "Put me…" He trails off, staring, because he didn't know Kakashi had such a happy expression in his repertoire. Even with the tears still leaking from his eye, it's a little like looking into the sun.

Kakashi squats down and Iruka's feet touch the ground again. The jounin stands up and takes Iruka's head between his hands, bringing their foreheads together. "You're sure about this. You're sure?" he gasps, breath warming Iruka's cold-numbed lips.

Iruka chuckles breathlessly, feeling lightheaded and slightly euphoric. "Idiot. I wouldn't have said anything if I wasn't sure."

"You'd better be damn sure. You can't take this back later. You can't decide it was a mistake. I'll lose my fucking mind, Iruka." Kakashi's teeth are chattering, and Iruka doesn't think it's from the cold.

Iruka puts a gloved hand on Kakashi's cheek, pushing his head back a little so he can see his face. "I won't change my mind. I mean it."

He takes a breath to say something else, but Kakashi kisses him roughly, tongue at his lips like a battering ram, stubble prickling his skin, and all words flee from the assault. He opens his mouth wide, arms tightening hard around Kakashi's chest. At the taste of the jounin's tongue, a mindless hunger sweeps over Iruka, and he sucks on it hard, biting, clawing at Kakashi's back like an animal.

A slight disorientation followed by the sudden absence of clear winter light and biting cold conspire to distantly alert Iruka that Kakashi's had the presence of mind to teleport them somewhere indoors, but Iruka's so starved for this that he wouldn't have stopped even if they'd fallen into the stream under the bridge. The sudden change in temperature makes his exposed skin burn, exciting his senses. He shoves Kakashi down, following him down to the rough carpet on the floor of wherever they are, mouth still devouring Kakashi's as he rips his gloves off and shrugs out of his coat.

Kakashi isn't idle; he lifts his legs one by one and reaches around Iruka so he can tear his boots off. He undoes his pants frantically and shoves them down, kicking them away, as Iruka claws Kakashi's vest and shirt off, short, sharp nails digging red trails along Kakashi's chest. Iruka follows them with his tongue and teeth as he wraps his fist hard around Kakashi's cock. Kakashi cries out, pulling at Iruka's shirt impatiently, and Iruka lets go of Kakashi to yank it off. He surges forward, crushing his mouth against Kakashi's as he wraps his arms around Kakashi's torso, lifting him, forcing their bare chests violently together. His mouth leaves Kakashi's to bite down hard on the junction of his shoulder and neck.

"Easy," he hears Kakashi pant.

"Fuck easy," Iruka growls.

Kakashi's throaty chuckle causes something in Iruka's mind to come unhinged. He has only the dimmest awareness of his pants being undone and shoved down to his knees, of Kakashi's calf on his right shoulder and Kakashi's other leg wrapped high around his back. What fills his mind and senses are the hard, heavy, burning-slick feel of Kakashi's body, his chilled fingers and hot, hot mouth, the heady, rutting scents of precum, sweat and saliva, the salt-savory taste of Kakashi's mouth and skin, the sound of Kakashi's groaning, gasping cries. The only sense that doesn't feel amplified is sight. All he sees are Kakashi's eyes, both of them visible now, locked on his, and darkness seems to close around them as Iruka pushes into Kakashi's body.

The words Shit, I'm fucking a man flash across his mind like a spark and disappear.

He feels both of Kakashi's feet on his ass, pushing like he's trying to shove Iruka's entire body inside of him. Their eyes are still locked, and Iruka can't look at anything else. The Sharingan spins once and is still.

Through the fog of ecstasy, Iruka notices that the darkness has taken on strange qualities. It rolls over the two of them in waves, like water, as though they're submerged in a dreaming sea. He can't feel the floor anymore, can't feel himself moving, only the heat and pleasure and the strange currents of the darkness.

Iruka's hands are holding Kakashi's above his head, and they start to feel strange, like his bones have become rubbery. Iruka pulls his eyes from Kakashi's to look at them. They are growing into each other, Kakashi's fingers submerged in the back of his palm, their shapes spreading out and distorting. His legs have already fused with Kakashi's, he realizes, when he tries to move. The sensation is disconcerting, but it does not feel wrong, and it makes him curious. He lowers his chest to Kakashi's, and feels the flesh and bone begin to melt together, hearts becoming one organ with one beat.

It's exhilarating. It's madness.

Are you doing this, he tries to ask, but Kakashi's mouth is on his, and his eyes close briefly. When he opens them, the dark sea has receded and he is back on the floor, digging his fingers into Kakashi's hips as though he's trying to reach the bones, pounding into Kakashi like he wants to fuck him in half. Kakashi's hand is a blur on his cock, and his jaw is clenched, teeth bared in a snarl. He's giving as good as he gets, ankles locked around Iruka's waist giving him leverage to slam his hips up. Iruka hears helpless, desperate cries coming from his own throat, and then Kakashi throws his head back and screams like an eagle as he comes. Iruka comes after him like a tidal wave, roaring and enormous, so hard that it feels like his eyes are going to fall out of his head.

Iruka collapses on top of Kakashi, and they lie there gasping for a long time.

After emerging from the maelstrom of pleasure, it occurs to Iruka that he was probably a bit rough, and the only lubricant he used was whatever precum was on his cock when he shoved it in. "Did I hurt you, Kakashi?" he asks, too drained to be as concerned as he probably should be.

"Hurt me? Fuck, no, you didn't hurt me." Kakashi's words are a little slurred, and he sounds amused. "That was fucking incredible."

Iruka pulls out slowly, groaning, and gets shakily to his knees, lifting one of Kakashi's legs to inspect him. He looks chafed and swollen, but there's no sign of blood. Iruka relaxes and lies back down next to him.

"If you're that worried," Kakashi says, "you can let me top next time."

Iruka makes a noncommittal noise. He's too sated to think about having more sex right now, and is not sure he's ready to contemplate the subject of Kakashi penetrating him.

"Iruka…" Kakashi hesitates.

Lifting himself up on an elbow, Iruka eyes the jounin. "Hm?"

"Did you…like it? I mean, as far as you remember, this is your first time fucking a man, right?"

Iruka chuckles, stretching out a hand to run over Kakashi's chest, rubbing the remains of ejaculate into his skin. "It was spectacular, Kakashi."

Kakashi grins smugly, reaching up to stroke Iruka's arm.

Iruka frowns, remembering. "Although…"

The grin falters. "I don't like that tone."

Iruka waves a hand. "It's nothing bad. It's just…did you get the sense that we were, at one point…floating somewhere, and fusing together?" He cringes inwardly. If Kakashi believes he's so good he makes Iruka hallucinate, there'll be no end to his conceit.

Kakashi looks surprised. He props himself up on his elbow, turning to face Iruka. "You got that too? I was afraid I was dreaming all this, when that happened."

"You weren't doing that with your Sharingan?"

Hurt flashes through Kakashi's eye as he snaps the Sharingan closed. "Of course not. I told you I wouldn't use that on you again without your permission, Sensei."

Iruka strokes a hand across his cheek. "I thought perhaps it was something beyond your control, in a situation like that."

"No, I would feel the chakra drain if it was the Sharingan. I don't know what that was. Something to do with the bond, maybe."

Iruka's brow furrows. "But nothing like that happened when we were together before?"

"No, but that doesn't really mean anything. It could be that was only because the bond was so new."

Iruka's very troubled by this. There is so much they don't know about the nature of the soul, and a bond like this could have many consequences they can't foresee. That dark sea…it wasn't like a dream at all. Iruka can almost feel those insubstantial waves rolling against his skin; the sensation is not fading.

"Iruka, did you dislike it? Melting into each other, I mean. Was it bad?"

"It was…" Iruka searches for the right word. "It was unsettling, but it wasn't bad. I didn't mind it at all, when it was happening."

Kakashi reaches over and pulls Iruka in for a kiss. "Good," he says. "Neither did I."

Iruka turns away, sits up and looks around the room. They're on the floor of what looks like someone's living room. The blinds on the windows are all closed, and it's too dim to make out any colors, but he can see the shapes of the furniture and the layout of the room. He doesn't recognize it.

"Where the hell are we, Kakashi?"

"Ah, heh…it's, um…Guy's place."

Iruka stares at him. "Guy's place."

"He's on a mission to Sand. Asked me to water his plants." Kakashi looks sheepish.

"Oh, is that what we're here for," Iruka says conversationally.

"Well, I didn't want to presume to teleport into your apartment, and I had the dogs over last night and I haven't had a chance to clean up yet, so…this was the only place I could think of." He peers at Iruka. "You mad?"

Iruka shakes his head, grabbing Kakashi's discarded shirt and cleaning himself off with it. "No, I'm not mad. I might have been a little weirded out if you'd taken us to his bedroom, but this is fine." He pulls his pants up and fastens them.

Kakashi, still naked, scoots over to him and wraps his arms around Iruka's chest, kissing his shoulder, his neck, his cheek. "I'm still in shock from all this," he murmurs. "I'm still not totally convinced I'm not dreaming. You've been so insistent for so long that you didn't want to be with me like this. What changed your mind?"

Iruka strokes Kakashi's arm. "Like I said, I'm tired of fighting. We've got to be around each other for the rest of our lives, so if I'm going to be attracted to you, I don't feel like torturing myself forever. Or torturing you, to be honest, even if sometimes it seems like I should."

Kakashi's arms loosen a little. "So it's because of the bond jutsu."

Iruka turns in the loose circle of arms to look at Kakashi. He's smiling, but his eyes are pained. He doesn't meet Iruka's eyes. "What is?"

"You're just here because you can't get away from me. If it weren't for the bond—"

"Kakashi, there's no way to know what things would be like without the bond. It's over and done; you did it yourself! This is how you've set things up, and we both have to live with it." When Kakashi still refuses to look at him, Iruka sighs and puts his arms around Kakashi's waist. "Look, if you hadn't performed this bond jutsu on us, you would have gotten sick of me and moved on a long time ago. It's not just me."

Kakashi shakes his head. "I don't think that's true, Sensei."

Iruka throws his head back, huffing in frustration. "What the hell is it about me that got you so hung up on me, anyway? I mean, out of all the people you could have chosen to fixate on, why did you pick me? What makes me so goddamn special?"

There is only silence. Kakashi lowers his arms to Iruka's waist, resting them loosely, his head bowed, eyes on the floor.

"I'm serious, Kakashi, I really want to know."

Kakashi finally raises his head to look at Iruka. "Ninja don't usually make it very far past thirty. Shinobi who get to be our age…they live like they expect to be cut down any minute. They either act half-dead already, or live like they're trying to pack an entire lifetime of experience into every day. But you, Sensei…" He trails off.

Iruka squeezes his arms around Kakashi. He knows what the jounin's talking about, but can't figure out where he's going. "What about me?"

Kakashi's eyes flicker away for a moment. "You're always so busy, so friendly, schedule always full, but not like you're trying to beat the clock. You live like you expect to live—like you expect to be alive tomorrow, and the next day, and next week, and next year. Whether you're teaching pre-genin terrorists or running an A-class mission." Kakashi pulls Iruka near and lays his head on the chuunin's shoulder. "You're so alive, Sensei. So alive."

Iruka stares into space, processing. "You started wanting me…because I'm alive."

Kakashi looks up, drawing back. "Well, when you say it like that, it sounds idiotic. But that really means something in the ninja world, doesn't it? You know what I'm trying to say."

Iruka isn't sure he does, but he doesn't think it will make any more sense if it's explained further—it will probably make even less sense, actually—so he just nods.

Kakashi seems satisfied with that, and puts his head back down. "I only wanted to have you, then. I didn't want to love you. I didn't ever expect to. And I didn't care if you loved me or not." He pauses. "I don't love you because of any jutsu, Iruka. There was nothing in Orochimaru's research to indicate that people fell in love with each other because of the soul bond. I love you because you're Iruka."

Iruka smiles, leaning over to drop a kiss on Kakashi's forehead. "Well, the same goes for me, then, so quit moping."

"I don't mope." Iruka can hear the grin in Kakashi's voice. After a minute of silence, during which the jounin slides his bare body into Iruka's lap, straddling him, Kakashi continues. "I suppose I really don't care why you're here, as long as you want to be here."

"I want to. I feel kind of like Sleeping Beauty eloping with the fairy who cursed her, though."

Kakashi raises a brow. "Fairy..?"

"Or better yet, the prince leaving Snow White to the dwarves and running off with the wicked queen."

Now both brows are raised, and Kakashi leans back to punch Iruka lightly in the chest. "First I'm a fairy, and now I'm a queen? What exactly are you trying to say?"

"Hey, it's not my fault that most of the villains in those sorts of tales are women."

Kakashi scoffs. "Those stories were so dogmatic. Like the Garden of Eden all over again." He looks thoughtful for a second. "So I'm the villain of this story, huh?"

Iruka laughs, hands on Kakashi's hips. "Even you can't deny that." He lowers his eyes, and they narrow. "Things weren't supposed to work out like this."

Kakashi tips his head back, looking at him intently. "If you're going to say you want this, you can't resent me for it. You're choosing this."

Iruka leans up and kisses him firmly. "You're right. I am. Besides," he goes on, pulling Kakashi closer, "in any story, given another year, or two, or ten, things might be just the opposite of what they were when the story ended. The villains might win after all. Or they might reform. Or the hero might fall prey to wickedness. It all depends on where one ends the story."

"Well, for today," Kakashi purrs, sliding his hard-on along Iruka's bare stomach, "let's end the story here, with us fucking each other stupid until we both pass out."

"On Guy's living room floor."

"Do you care?" Kakashi growls as he pushes Iruka back, grinding his hips.

"Not even a little," Iruka pants, as he pulls Kakashi down and they fall into the shadows and drown, together.