"Countin' On Forever"

Summary: He was supposed to help, supposed to keep his promise, supposed to do a lot of things. AU Troyella.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the HSM franchise, including the characters mentioned within.

Author's Note: Okay, so here's the angsty one-shot I had mentioned I was writing. It is angsty; this is very much NOT fluffy. Just fair warning there. I usually deal with the happier stuff, but this was kind of a personal challenge/experiment to write something pretty different. So, here goes...

Gabriella sat at the dining room table fingering the delicately embossed crisp pieces of paper that sat stacked before her. She let her fingers move to touch the small tissue papers that were stacked next to the invitations and the envelopes.

"You were supposed to help me with all of this, Troy," she said in a soft, monotone voice.

The tall, blue-eyed man stood silently in the doorway, watching her intently. "I know," he responded just as softly.

"So many decisions to make, so much to do...I've always been pretty good at organizing things, but this..."

Troy strode toward her slowly, taking in all of the wedding-related items strewn about the table and the room, items he hadn't paid much attention to until now. Seeing her at the front of the church wearing his ring and vowing to be his wife...that was the most important part to him.

"Aren't these flowers beautiful? Sharpay, Taylor, and Kelsi...well, they know a thing or two about flowers."

"Yes, they do...they're beautiful...like you, Brie," he said quietly.

"And there's surprisingly no pink," Gabriella said with a half-choked laugh.

Troy's lips curved just slightly into a small smile. "No. That is a surprise."

He watched her rise slowly from the table, her body devoid of the energy he was used to seeing in her, and followed her into the bedroom. He found her standing in front of their full-length mirror. He remembered when he'd hung that on the closet door for her, smiling briefly as he remembered her silly arguments about not wanting to embarrass him by wearing a perfectly appropriate top and hideous pants, if she couldn't see how the whole outfit looked together. He had told her he'd hang it but that no mirror could truly show her how beautiful she really looked, what he saw every day. It was those little moments he knew he'd always hold dear. Those moments he'd always long to recreate. Moments not to be taken for granted.

Troy was drawn out of his reverie by the quiet sniffling he heard coming from his fiancee. He glanced at her reflection and saw the tears welling up in her eyes and beginning to stream down her cheeks. He wanted so badly to go to her.

Gabriella saw in her reflection both what was and would never be. She saw the dress, the beautiful white satin billowing to the ground so perfectly, like in every fairy-tale she'd ever heard. And yet she knew that the woman that stared back at her from the mirror, her eyes red, her cheeks stained with tears, would not have her fairy-tale ending. The emotions were all too much for her. The reality was too much. Her eyes drifted away from the mirror and came to rest on the pictures hanging from the wall.

Troy followed the direction of her eyes. His own eyes were filling up with tears just seeing the agony she was going through, knowing her mind and what she was thinking. The engagement photos that stared back at them from the wall showed pure happiness and hope. Both persons in those pictures believed that love could conquer all.

Gabriella's head was shaking slowly back and forth, her hands shaking and clenching into fists. Her eyes fell to the dresser and found another photo of she and Troy, from their prom. That one was almost worse. The happiness was there, sure. They practically beamed. But it was the innocence that really got her. How were they ever that innocent? And, why, oh why, couldn't they go back to being that innocent? She wanted those days back. She wanted any days with him back.

"Damn you, Troy! Damn you! Damn you, damn you, damn you!" she cried out, letting the anger spill from her, her particular form of anguish at that moment.

Troy flinched as he heard the words flying from her mouth and the harsh tone that she used that got louder and louder until she finally choked out the rest of her accusation.

"You said you'd be fine. You said you'd come back. We were gonna do this together. We were going to have forever...dammit, why?!! Why? Why?"

Troy felt his own heart break just that much more as he watched his beautiful fiancee crumble before his eyes. She began to weep into her hands, her body withering to the ground, not having the strength to hold itself up in this moment. Not being able to take it anymore, he moved to the floor to sit behind her. He carefully wrapped his arms around her. It was a strange sensation. He was aware of her presence in his arms but it was not as though he could truly feel her. He ached at the realization; he had feared as much.

Gabriella gasped on a sob. She must be imagining things. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought that he was there with her, his arms wrapped around her. She didn't dispute that she had still felt his presence around her over the past few days since she'd received the worst news she had ever received. Even as she'd watched them lower the casket into the ground yesterday, as she'd heard the shots ring out in tribute to the honorable man she loved, as they'd handed her the folded up flag, as she'd looked around unblinkingly at the tear-streaked faces of those who also loved him, who loved her too, she had felt as though he were still there next to her. She hadn't felt alone.

When she'd woken up this morning, she had merely rolled over and sobbed into his pillow, breathing in his scent, having no desire to be anywhere but there. And, so she'd eventually slipped back into unconsciousness, waking up again in the late afternoon to once again find that she had not woken up from the dream...oh, how she wished it had only been a dream. She'd eventually arisen and gone through the motions of starting a day. Walking through the apartment aimlessly, she spotted her dress, hanging in the spare bedroom closet. Her mother had stayed with her the past couple of days and must have left it open when she'd left yesterday, begrudgingly but at Gabriella's request. She couldn't take the hovering, the coaxing, the comfort. Not now.

Gabriella had pulled the dress out and mechanically put it on. She had moved to the dining room, sitting down and taking in the array of wedding supplies still there. The room also held quite a few floral arrangements, those that friends and family had sent to her and had sent to the funeral home. She didn't even recall who had brought them back to her place. And, now, there they sat, a sea of life blooming around her...except that they would all be gone soon enough...life would fade and their petals would wither and fall off. It would all happen so fast...too fast. She had never thought much of that before. Now the thought consumed her.

She had felt the need to talk to him. No one was around to think she was going crazy...though she felt certain she couldn't help but do so. She had some odd sense that maybe he could hear her. Even if he couldn't, she had spent the last nine years talking to him, since her parents had moved them here when she was 12 and they'd become fast friends, and eventually much more to each other. She didn't know how to stop. And, apparently, she didn't know how to stop feeling him either. It was as if he was right there with her in the apartment, in their room, holding her to him. She closed her eyes, trying to see him sitting there with her, almost feeling his lips brush softly against her temple.

Troy observed Gabriella's reaction and wondered if she could sense him there somehow, hoping beyond reason that she could. He leaned closer, accepting the strange new sense of her that wasn't quite touch exactly, just presence. Seeing her close her eyes, he turned his head slightly and brought his lips toward her temple to the best of his current ability.

They stayed like that in the quiet for some time, till finally, Gabriella took a deep breath and opened her eyes, new tears pooling in her eyes as she looked at her lone reflection. Whether she felt him with her or not, the reality was staring back at her from the mirror...and that person looked broken.

Gabriella slowly pulled herself up and moved around to sit on the bed. Her heart beat thrummed in her ears as she let her eyes drift over her nightstand, coming to rest on the envelope there.

"Chad brought me your letter...I haven't...I can't..."

Troy's eyes followed hers and he moved to sit on the bed next to her, wrapping his arm around her. "Read it, baby," he pleaded softly.

"I know you wrote it for me and you'd want me to read it...I'm just...so afraid...I don't...want it to be real."

"I know, baby."

Reaching for the envelope, Gabriella held it in her shaking hands. She didn't know how long she sat there staring at it. Neither did Troy; time was not what it once was in this...space he now occupied.

Finally, she shakily broke the seal and reached into the envelope, her hands enclosing the piece of paper within. Feeling her heart clutch at the very thought that this was one of the last things he had touched, she retracted her hand and brought it to her lips, trying to control her breathing.

"Oh, Brie...shhh...shhh...it's okay," Troy soothed, knowing she couldn't hear him, but needing to soothe anyway. He made a show of rubbing her shoulders up and down and waited.

Eventually, she stilled herself again and reached back into the envelope, slowly removing the letter within. Carefully unfolding it, she let her eyes find the ink on the page, holding it up and away from her slightly so that she didn't let her tears run down onto it. She knew this was what she had left; she couldn't ruin it. The words shot straight to her heart, her soul. She could hear his husky voice speaking them...

"My dearest Brie,

If you're reading this...well, if you're reading this, I'm so, so sorry, baby. I never wanted to leave you. I would never...could never intentionally do that. You must know that. I know you might be angry with me for leaving and for promising I'd come back. I couldn't let myself see any other possibility. I hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me at some point and I hope I have done you, our loved ones, and our country proud. I only wanted to try to make things better, safer for us, my love. I hope you can understand that, and I think deep down you do.

Brie, you are everything to me, everything I've lived for, every hope I've had, every dream of mine come true. No matter what, know that you were the best part of my life. My life has been blessed because God gave me the most beautiful gift...you...this girl...this woman who has taught me what love is, what true happiness feels like, what heaven feels like. I don't know what happens next, baby...what the heaven upstairs is like, but I know that it won't compare to the life and the love we've shared. You're my heaven. You're my eternal bliss. And, Brie...I'm still countin' on forever, baby.

I'll be waiting. I know we'll have that. And, I'll finally get to see you in that pretty dress. I'm so sorry to make us wait for that. But I have faith we'll have our time again. What we have is too strong not to last. But, my love, I need you to remember who you are - this strong, beautiful, hopeful woman I love. I need you to do the things we talked about and dreamed about together. Learn all that you want to learn, try those things we wanted to try together, but most of all, love. Brie, it's okay for you to love again. It's in your very nature to do so and I want you to be happy. Your smile, your laugh - they bring warmth to all those around you, and I want to feel that warmth from where I am. I need to, baby, so I need you to be that girl again. I know it's not an easy thing I ask of you right now, but I know you can get there, my love. Brie, I don't know if there are enough words, or at least, the right ones to say all I should say to you right now. Please just know that my love for you exists wherever I am. It always has and it always will. You are everything good and kind and sweet and beautiful and perfect to me. Thank you for your love. Thank you for how you changed me...made me better. Thank you for saying "yes." That was the happiest day of my life, followed closely by every other day spent with you. I love you. Always.

We'll have forever, Brie...

Yours,

Troy"

The tears streamed down her face. Her chest felt so tight. Her throat hurt. And yet, some part of her knew that it wouldn't always be like this, not to this degree. She knew because she already felt him healing her, in his words to her, in his presence and comfort that she still felt. She knew she would need to do as he'd asked...that she could...eventually. But today...today she would lie down on their bed in her beautiful white gown and cry and ache for the man she loved. She would re-read his letter and she would hide from the world and she would cry some more. And, tomorrow...she'd wake up again, realize it still wasn't a dream, and the tears might come once again, but so would the sun. It would come each day. One day, it would make her smile. But not today.

Troy had re-read his own words, feeling at once that he had said what he had needed to say and that there was no way he could have said everything. He saw his Brie take it all in. He saw the glimmer of hope, however slight, as she'd read his promise and reminder of forever. He'd seen the hint of acceptance when she'd read his requests. He knew her and he knew that she could do this, that she could go on. But he knew that it would not be today. So, for today, he would lie down next to her, hold her to him as best he could and just be grateful for her presence, for her love, for this moment. He knew he'd need to move on as well, to leave her to live the rest of her earthly life until they could have their forever. One day, when she was ready and he too could bear it, he would. But not today.

Author's Note: Well, I warned you... I don't really know how you took that, so please be kind and review and let me know, even if it's only to curse me for daring to conceive the possibility of this happening to them. I had tears writing this and have been repeatedly telling my Troy just how much I love him. So, if nothing else, this has leant even further support to that. This idea was kind of inspired by songs like "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood, "Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" by Leann Rimes, and "Travelin' Soldier" by the Dixie Chicks...plus probably another three fave movies of mine, Titanic, Pearl Harbor, and P.S. I Love You...plus, sadly, the experiences of others I have heard about/read about. And grief, well, we've likely all experienced that to some degree. So, there you have it. Thank you so much for reading! If I have made you all sad and depressed now, may I suggest reading parts of some of my other stories to cheer you? ;-) I think I'll go work on 'Tis the Season some more now and get into a cheerier frame of mind. Hugs, all! --Mel