Title: Word Play

Author: Clay

Pairing: very slight Mal/Simon

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mild Jaynestown spoilers.

Summary: Mal just likes messing with him.

Author's Notes: Because I think every author gets the urge to tackle the "morning after" scene. This is my take. Oh, and I'm not trying to offend any Simon/River shippers. I like a little csi as much as the next person; just doing what I'm doing for humor purposes. Also, VERY short.

"Captain, can I have a word with you?" The request was punctuated by a sharp tug to his sleeve and Mal dutifully followed Simon around to the side of the ship. The stench of Canton hung low around them, but they were slowly getting used to it. Still, Mal didn't want to stay on this planet any longer than the rest of them and Simon's sudden need for this aside wasn't making things go any faster.

Most days a move like that would earn Simon a scowl and a short, "You got something to say to me, you can say it right here," but the boy was already a good bit flustered, an easy target, and riling him up further would just about make Mal's day. So he went along with a tight smile stretching his lips, going for aggravation rather than the entertainment he was expecting.

"Somethin' on your mind, Doc?" Mal asked once Simon had come to a halt. He leaned lightly against Serenity's hull, arms crossed over his chest.

"Yes," Simon stated, staring right into Mal's eyes.

Mal always admired that about the boy. Greater men had near wet themselves at less deadly looks, but not Simon. Didn't even flinch.

"I'd like you to reconsider taking me on this job."

"You'll be gettin' your fair share if that's what's bothering you."

Simon shook his head. "I would really prefer to stay with River–"

Mal frowned. Now he was getting aggravated. He had it in mind to make use of Simon and now here he was backing out. Not only that, but getting the boy out into the real world, muddying up those polished shoes a bit was oddly appealing. No, Simon wasn't getting out of it so easily.

"Shepard can look after her just fine for a couple of hours," he cut in.

"Perhaps, but–"

"Look, boy, I'm doing you a favor here." Not true. Not in the slightest, but Simon didn't need to know that. "Little Kaylee wants you along and I'm thinking maybe this here is your chance to impress her with some of that high brow Core learnin' you seem so keen on flaunting."

"Well, don't. I have no interest in impressing any women."

Oh, he was making it far too easy. Almost taking the fun out of it. Mal pushed off the ship to make a lazy circuit around Simon, eyeing him up, making him wonder. "Now Doctor," he said, no longer able to hide his amusement, "I have no problem with you being sly, but is there any particular reason how come you're telling me this?" That last bit had been spoken once he'd come fully around, face to face with Simon once again, so he could see plain as day the horrified look Simon was aiming at him.

"What!?"

"Like I said, not my business," Mal reiterated, "but lusting after me won't bring you nothin' but disappointment."

"I am not!"

Mal raised an eyebrow. "Jayne, then? Best not to let him on to that. He don't need no more reason to want to pound you into the dirt."

The rainbow of expressions that filtered across Simon's face was far too enjoyable. He eventually settled on righteous anger. "I am not gay," Simon said, firmly standing his ground, mirroring Mal's position as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Mal shrugged. "It's in my experience that there's only one reason a man's not looking to impress a woman."

"I have River to–"

"Whoa now!" Mal laughed, throwing up both hands and backing up a step. "I don't need to be hearing about that. What you do on your own time is no concern of mine, but don't you think that little girl's a little too–"

"That is disgusting!" Simon cried, finally losing his composure enough to rear back, expression absolutely priceless.

"Then I guess we're back to you bein' sly." He could see it on Simon's face – the dawning realization that this was all just a game. Too bad. Might as well keep it going anyhow. "And while I am a fine specimen..."

"You are incorrigible," Simon muttered, shaking his head and raising one hand to rub at his eyes. He heaved a sigh and brushed past Mal, no longer up to the abuse.

Mal turned to watch him go. "So, you're coming, right?"

Simon's only response was a weary, "Tamade...."

Mal smiled. Simon would come. If Mal was surprised to hear such language from his upstanding doctor, it didn't show. Instead he just grinned wider and called after him, "Not helping your case any, Doc!"

Simon was almost gone now, getting to the point where he was about to round the bend that would take him back to the cargo bay doors, but Mal wasn't done with him just yet. "Don't you be fantasizing about me while we're walking around out there!"

Simon shot him a very not amused look. "Barbarian."

Mal laughed. "You ain't so bad yourself."

Simon ran.

When Mal found Simon the next morning, curled up on that bench with Kaylee like a couple of kittens, he had to admit that it was darn near the cutest thing he ever saw.

But there was business to be attending to. Mal gave the bench a swift kick and was rewarded with Kaylee's sleepy eyes blinking up at him.

"Hey, Captain..." He watched her, trying very hard not to smile as she realized just where she was... and who she was atop. "Captain!"

A second later Simon was coming to similarly. "Kay... Mal!" Mal swung his gaze around to the boy. "Mal!" Simon stuttered again as though he couldn't quite believe his eyes. And when did Simon take to calling him 'Mal?' Might be interesting to get the boy liquored up more often just to see what came of it.

Simon had scrabbled off the bench by now, giving some stuttering diatribe about his innocence. Mal tuned most of it out, admiring that fine bit of skin where Simon's throat blended into his sternum usually covered up by high collars. He was surprised that nothing had actually happened between the two of them. What with the doctor so disheveled and all, Mal knew he would have taken advantage had he been in Kaylee's shoes.

The rambling was coming to an end now, Simon saying something along the lines of, "...I would never... not with Kaylee..."

Not with Kaylee, huh? Mal couldn't help that line of thought working its way into his face, eyeing up Simon with an expression that said all too clearly, 'And what was all that about not being sly...?'

He had half a mind to say it, and Simon was sure to be anticipating such a jab, but then Kaylee spoke up.

"What do you mean, not with me?"

A good distraction, that, being that he had come here for business purposes. And while watching the doctor flounder was by far more entertaining, now was not the time.

"Yeah. Uh huh," Mal cut in before it could go much further. "Where's my hero?"

And there Jayne was, taking full advantage of his new hero status. Mal managed to pry him away with minimal trouble. That settled, he waved Simon and Kaylee into getting their butts in gear. Just as he was ready to head out, however, he heard Kaylee's, "Where are you going?"

Mal almost smiled. They were on a tight schedule, but he supposed he had a moment for a little doctor bashing. It would make the day that much sunnier.

Simon caught his eye, looking for help and finding not a gorram thing.

"I'm going with you..."

"Mmm... I don't think so..."

And Mal kept his eyes trained on Simon all through her little "what's appropriate" speech. The boy was far too good at sticking both feet in his mouth, and damn but it was fun to watch him squirm.

Kaylee wrapped it up and swept past Mal, but Mal lingered for just a moment longer, almost wishing Simon could join them if only to enjoy his continued discomfort. In the end he just shrugged and followed after his crew. There was a rather sad call of "Mal..." but Mal just kept going, climbing up the stairs that led topside.

"See you on the ship, Doc," he said, and then, smiling to himself as the sun touched his face. "Shoulda just told her you was sly...."

End