Disclaimer: I still don't own Supernatural or its characters. I and am not making any money on this…I'm just having fun filling in the time until September!

Summary: WARNING SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 – story takes place after 4.04. Dean told Sam he wasn't alone, but is that true?

Raven524: I haven't been able to get the picture of Sam looking at his reflection in the car window from my mind and of course the plot bunny that sprang from it. More Sam angst and big brother angst to come. This story is set between episode 4.04 and 4.05. After all, they had to talk some time before they hunted the Monster in 4.05 right?

Born in Darkness

Chapter 1 – Stuck in the Middle

"I'm done with them. I'm done with everything" Sam said softly.

"Really? Well that's a relief…"

"Don't thank me. I'm not doing this for you, not for the angels or anybody. This is my choice."

Sam swallowed as he continued to gaze at his reflection in the glass. The dark night beyond mocked him with its reminder of the evil residing within his very blood. The darkness that surged through his veins tainting him and defiling him in a way that made him feel unclean—not worthy. In a way he was glad Dean had found out some of his secrets but his big brother's reaction solidified his belief that some things were best unsaid. There was no one who could understand what he was going through, no one who could help him. This was something Dean couldn't fix—no one could.

But he was used to that by now. First there had been the time he'd spent after the Trickster had killed Dean. He'd managed to get his brother back then. However for four long months he'd tried to get Dean out of Hell. He begged and almost sold his soul on more then one occasion but nothing he tried worked. No one would listen to the one who was left standing—alone.

Failure…

Now it seemed even God was against him. A chill went through him as he thought about Dean's word of warning. The angel Castiel would kill him if he continued down the road he'd chosen after his brother's death. At the time it seemed like the right choice, the only one left to him. Ruby had shown up shortly after he had buried his brother. She'd convinced him he could do good with the powers he'd been given, he could seek revenge against the demon who had taken his brother and he could save innocent lives.

It was the reason he'd stopped talking to Bobby. He knew the older hunter wouldn't approve; maybe that should have been enough of a warning that he was making the wrong decision. But at the time the need to make something good come from all of his suffering drove him—that and the thirst for revenge. Sam looked over at his brother's profile for a moment as they drove through the night. He'd almost lost him again tonight to the man who had ultimately become a monster.

Monster…

For a moment he'd believed Jack Montgomery could beat the odds against him, had argued they couldn't kill him just because of what he might become. Unfortunately their old hunting friend Travis had seen it differently and in the end forced the man to turn. Would it have happened without their interference? Could the man have made the right choice and avoided his gruesome fate? Now they would never know.

Dean was right; he had seen his own struggles in the eyes of the monster as he faced him. For a brief moment he read the part that had clung to its humanity in the eyes of the flesh eater before it attacked. At that second it was clear the man who had wanted nothing but to live his own life, love his wife and raise his children chose to die. In the end Sam's decision had also been easy. He couldn't let the monster continue—he had to save Dean and the others who would surely follow. He had to kill Jack, another innocent lost to the battle—another he couldn't save.

A soft sigh escaped the weary hunter's lips as he returned to his window. The bruise on his head was turning a lovely shade of purple. Neither of them had escaped injury free. Dean would need a couple of stitches once they reached the hotel and he would need a good dose of pain relief himself. His clothing hid the rest of the damage done by the fight with Jack. The bruises on his back and rib cage were going to be painful by morning. But it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart.

Not human…

"If I didn't know you, I'd hunt you" Dean's words echoed in his mind. A sentiment that had been reinforced when his big brother insisted they continue to hunt the man who would eventually turn into something evil. They knew nothing about Jack only what he could become and it had been enough for Dean to continue the hunt. He'd seen it in his brother's eyes; the man never had a chance of avoiding his fate.

But Sam believed what he'd said when he'd been trapped in the closet. They had a choice and in that moment he'd made his. He had to believe it didn't matter what he was but what he did that counted. Jack had turned to protect the one he loved just as surely as Sam had started down the path his brother had begged him not to take to save him. It had seemed right at the time and he had done a lot of good but deep down he had been afraid of what else would be released if he continued. He was playing with fire and he knew it. Could he stop? He wasn't sure--which is why he had meant it when he told Dean he had made the choice to not use his powers anymore.

Sam shivered slightly as he began to let his eyes close. The large black hole that had shrunk slightly when Dean returned had grown again and he wasn't sure he could close it this time. The night's events caught up with him as the adrenalin in his system dissipated. Dean had been right on a number of things, but he was wrong when he told Sam he wasn't alone. His big brother had an angel on his side and it was clear to Sam his brother had been brought back for one reason—to continue the job his father had whispered to his brother just before he died. If Dean couldn't save Sam, he had no doubt now that his brother would have the strength to kill him.

Alone…

Tears gathered for a moment but refused to fall as he thought about what it would do to Dean should he turn. The sadness was soon replaced with a moment of anger. Fate had decreed Dean should be on the side of angels while he'd gotten the demon blood and legacy of evil. They were both caught between Heaven and Hell with no where left to turn for help. He had been born out of darkness because of a deal made by his mother to save his father. Before he'd even had a chance to live the cards had been stacked as the yellow eyed demon made a deal with his mother that eventually would seal his fate.

He didn't blame his mother; he understood the lengths any of them would go through to save the one they loved. Besides Dean had told him she didn't know what the demon planned. He had to believe had she known, she never would have made the deal. Suddenly his father's behavior towards him also took on new meaning. His Dad had known something, that was for sure and it hurt to think his Dad felt he wasn't strong enough to resist. No he trained his oldest son to be his keeper, his conscience and eventually his executioner if Sam went too far south.

He was the evil son…

Sam glanced back at Dean once more and felt the anger disappear. It had been Sam who had argued angels existed, that there had to be a greater good when Dean refused to believe. He could tell his brother was still not convinced--though he appeared to have at least accepted something greater than them had brought him back. He knew his big brother didn't believe he was worthy but Sam knew better. If anyone deserved to be saved, it was Dean. If the powers that be had to make a choice between them, then he wanted Dean to be spared.

His brother deserved to be saved and Sam knew he didn't. It wasn't fair but in the end it was what he'd been dealt. Even though Dean had returned, Sam was still alone because he was the only one who could prevent his destiny from happening. He would show Lucifer, God or whoever was pulling the strings that Sam Winchester would not accept the path laid before him. He'd be his own man and make his own choices. It was who he was—who he had to be to survive.

"We'll be at the hotel in five—you okay Sammy?" Dean's voice broke into his thoughts and woke him from his partial slumber. Sam could see the silhouette of his brother's face reflected over his shoulder in the glass. It gave the appearance that his brother was watching over him. Something that in the past would have been comforting but now—he wasn't so sure. However, it was clear from the look on Dean's face that he was already back in big brother mode. A soft sigh escaped his lips, for now Sam was going to enjoy it for as long as he could because once his big brother found out what he'd done—he'd be alone for sure.

The young hunter shrugged his shoulders and turned to look at his brother. Four months of being alone and years of being a Winchester provided the only answer he could.

"I'm fine Dean…"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Dean was worried.

His little brother had been strangely silent during the long ride back to the hotel. He had been relieved when Sam told him he'd stop using his powers and he wanted to believe—no he did believe his brother would keep his word. Unfortunately he also knew Sam still hid things from him.

It had hurt to find out the way he had that Sam had lied to him. Not just omitted telling him, but actually stood there and told him he hadn't used his powers. The anger he'd felt, the betrayal still ran deep and with it came mistrust. How would he know if Sam was telling him the truth in the future? What else was his brother hiding from him? How could he protect his little brother if he refused to let him in?

The anger soon abated when he remembered the devastation he'd seen in his brother's eyes when he'd practically jumped from the car. How could Sam think he'd feel any differently about him? He was his brother, end of story. And yet Sam had been afraid to come to him with the truth, afraid he'd be seen a freak of nature and something to be killed.

As he thought back over the day's events, he could understand where his brother was coming from. Shame flowed through him as he remembered using his fists instead of letting Sam explain. A quick look showed the split lip, evidence of his temper unchecked. He'd almost walked out on the one thing that made his trip downstairs worth while. Simply because Sam had done the best he could while he'd been gone.

He'd only had to suffer for three days when Sam died. But his little brother had suffered for months and not just the four months after his death. He'd seen the year before slowly eating away at his little brother as he tried to save his rear end. He'd heard the anguish in his brother's voice when he admitted he'd never given up trying to save him, but in the end had been unable to. Sam had been left with nothing but pure guts to continue the fight that had been set out for them before they were even born.

He heard the soft sigh from his brother and turned to glance at him. He could tell from the slope of his shoulders that Sam was upset and he was largely to blame. Since he'd come back he'd been pushing his brother and it had to stop. Who was he to judge? He'd made a deal with a demon to save Sam, why should his little brother be chastised for practically doing the same thing.

Oh he knew Sam didn't see it that way. He believed his brother thought he was doing something good when he developed his power to expel demons. But it had been no better than the deal Dean had made. He knew the use of Sam's powers could only lead to a nasty end and it was one he would fight to stop. Sam had forgotten that Ruby was still a demon and not to be trusted. Demons were never the answer to the problem and yet Sam seemed to think it was okay to accept this one. True she had helped them, but at what cost?

As he pulled into the motel parking lot Sam was out of the car before he'd even placed it in park. He watched as his brother disappeared into the room without a backwards glance. "This is going to be a long night" Dean said to himself as he followed his brother into the room.

Dean noticed his brother hadn't even turned on the lights; his large frame was laying on the bed his back towards the door. The do not disturb sign was clearly out. Switching on the light he removed his jacket and groaned at the bruises from their latest fight. "I'm going to take a hot shower Sam…" There was no sound only silence as he grabbed his kit and walked into the bathroom.

"Damn it Sammy!" Dean remarked as he climbed into the tub. He'd forgotten how sensitive Sam could be. His brother had been so kick ass over the past year, hiding the soft side so well that it was easy to disregard its presence. For a brief time tonight he'd seen the lost little boy look in his brother's hazel eyes. The look that begged him to fix this and tell him it would be all right. Only to be quickly replaced by despair.

The truth was, he wasn't sure it was ever going to be all right again. Angels and demons were back and the end of the world seemed to be around the corner with Sam and Dean smack in the middle. For a moment he felt as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. The urge to grab Sam and run for the nearest hole was strong. Why was it up to them? They never asked for this job…

"If you change history, think of all the people who will die…" Castiel's words crept into his thoughts.

The hunter hung his head as he tried to quell the fear in his stomach. It didn't matter what he wanted only what he could do. He could save people and he would figure out a way to save Sam. The end of the world could come and he would fight like his father had taught him while standing beside his brother. In the end it was all he knew, it was who he was.

Dean climbed out of the shower and quickly dried off. It was time for he and his little brother to have a heart to heart before things got out of hand. "Hey Sam, why don't we go grab a…."

Dean's heart dropped as he surveyed the empty room. He moved quickly to the door and noticed the Impala was still parked out front. So his brother hadn't driven anywhere. He looked back into the room and saw his brother's bag and laptop. A feeling of relief washed over him as he realized Sam hadn't left him. He was probably just going for a walk to clear his head. As he walked back towards his bed his blood ran cold as the light hit an object. Sam had left the demon killing blade behind…he was out walking and he wasn't armed.

"I'm done with everything…" Sam's words flashed through his mind. Surely his little brother wasn't foolish enough to go outside without protection. Lilith was still after him not to mention who knew what else. It was reckless…

Another thought crept into his mind. If his brother wasn't going to use his powers then why did he go unarmed? He hadn't heard the door but he wondered if Ruby had shown up again. Anger spiked through him as he realized his brother probably had gone on another hunt. Since he'd left without him it could only mean one thing--he'd lied to him again when he said he was done.

"Damn it Sam when I get my hands on you, I'm going to beat the crap out of you!" Dean raged as he quickly dressed and got ready to go find his brother. He had just placed the keys in his pocket when he heard a loud knock at the door.

He pulled his gun and slowly opened the door, his mouth dropped open at the person standing on the other side. "Ruby?"

"What the hell did you do to him?" Ruby demanded as she shoved her way into the room.

"Who?" Dean began to pull the blade from under his jacket. It was time to send this demon back.

Ruby turned and smiled. "Sam of course. You did go to Hell to save him didn't you or did I miss something…"

"That's none of your business bitch. You couldn't wait to get your claws into him but I'm going to take care of that right now." Dean raised the knife and approached the dark haired demon.

"Fine, send me back, it's probably too late anyway…" Ruby looked at Dean and waited.

Dean stopped as a chill went through him. "What do you mean too late?"

"I tried to warn him, tried to tell him he had to use his power to send Lilith's latest demon back and you know what he said?" Ruby stood and waited, her head cocked as if she was trying to figure him out. "He said it didn't matter--then he told me he wouldn't need my services any longer."

"Where is he Ruby—tell me where he is or so help me…"

"What? You'll kill me? I'm the one who kept him alive for you, showed him how to survive. But you convinced him it was wrong to use what he was given. Tell me Dean? How many innocent people have you killed with that knife? Sam saved twice as many innocents using only his mind. But that doesn't matter to you—only the body count does." Ruby spat as she moved into a defensive stance.

Dean stopped as Sam's words flowed through his mind. "I've saved more in four months than we've saved in years Dean—the knife kills the innocent host!"

Dean shook his head. He wasn't sure why Sam's powers scared him but they did. Something inside him told him that if he let Sam continue down this path it would only end in disaster. He didn't need a messenger from God to remind him. Just the fact that the yellow eyed demon had something to do with it was enough of a warning. He'd known all along using Sam's powers was playing with fire. But none of that mattered now. He had to find Sam. "Where is he Ruby…"

Ruby looked at him for a moment; pity filled her gaze as she moved towards the door. "Follow me and you better bring the knife. Of course, we may be too late already…"

TBC

Raven524: Okay so here is the first chapter…should I continue?