Cooking with Wildcat

Setting: Higher for Hire's kitchen

Wildcat is standing behind table piled high with ingredients and cookbooks. Molly, wearing a chef's hat, is standing beside him. Kit is opposite them, holding cue cards.

(Wildcat's theme plays.)

Wildcat: Today on 'Cooking with Wildcat', we will be making c...c... (squints to read cue card)

Molly: Cupcakes.

Wildcat: Right. Cupcakes. First, we need our ingredients. (He points to things on the table) Flour, salt, eggs, milk, green jello...

Molly: There's no green jello in cupcakes.

Wildcat: There isn't?

Molly: (giggling) No.

Wildcat: Uh, scratch the green jello. (tosses bowl of green jello over shoulder where it splats on the floor) We'll need a whole bunch of other stuff - like the stuff we have right here on the table. We'll just mix it all together now.

Molly: You have to _measure_ the ingredients first.

Wildcat: (pulls tape measure from overalls' pocket) What do I measure?

Molly: Use these. (holds up measuring cups and spoons)

Wildcat: (dubiously) Okay. We have two cups of salt.

Molly: That's _way_ too much!

Wildcat: (scratches head) How much salt do we need, Mollycat?

Molly: (reads from cookbook) One T-S-P.

Wildcat: What's a T-S-P?

Molly: I dunno. That's what the recipe says. Do you know, Kit?

Kit: Nope. Unless it has something to do with ESP.

Wildcat: (peers at cookbook, then turns it upside down) Are you sure this is in English?

Molly: (giggles) Yes.

Wildcat: (shrugs) We'll just leave out the salt. Put all the other ingredients into a big bowl. (dumps everything into the bowl, including egg shells) And now we mix. (pulls out a drill with a wrench attached to the chuck and puts it into bowl)

Molly: Wildcat, what are you doing?

Wildcat: I always use this wrench to mix stuff - oil, cement...

Kit: Hopefully, not _that_ exact wrench.

Wildcat turns on drill to full speed, causing most of the mixture to fly out of the bowl. The kitchen, as well as Wildcat, Kit, and Molly, are plastered with runny, floury goo.

Molly: (reading) After it's mixed, put the batter in well-greased muffin tins.

Wildcat: (squirts a liberal amount of axle grease all over tin) Is that enough?

Molly: (frowns in concentration) I guess, but I don't remember Mommy using _that_ kind of grease...

Kit: (to himself) I hope I don't have to be a taste-tester. Blech!

Wildcat: Grease is grease. (glops batter into the muffin tin and puts it into the oven)

Molly: (reading) Bake at 350 degrees for twenty to thirty minutes or until cupcakes spring back to the touch.

Wildcat: (procures acetylene torch from overalls) Stand back!

He roasts the pan. Thick, black, pungent smoke rolls from the oven.

Wildcat: (coughing) We're going to need lots of frosting.

Kit: (coughing) We're going to need a good explanation!

Rebecca: (calls from office) What are you kids doing in there?

Molly: Nothing! Nothing at all, Mommy!

Baloo: (also from office) Whoo-ee! That smells worse than the time when I flew the Duck through a volcano!

Kit rushes to open the window. Molly uses her chef's hat to fan the smoke towards the window.

Wildcat: (grins at 'camera') And that's it for today's episode of 'Cooking with Wildcat'. Tune in next time when we make dee-licious jellybean omelets topped with croutons. If I can ever get the little croutons to grow. Maybe if I add more salad dressing...

(Wildcat's theme plays.)

The End