Title: Natural Path
Author: JustDuchess
Pairing: Bella/Jacob
Rating: M/NC-17
Warnings: Adult, AU
Disclaimer:All characters, concept and excerpt is all the genius of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to play with her creations. :D
Excerpts in italics from "New Moon", by Stephenie Meyer:
{I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now—I cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. Somehow, he'd become essential to my survival. Jacob was safe harbor. I could stake a claim. I had that much within my power.
He threw his arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. When he spoke, his tone was apologetic. "Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear, I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing—and that's something no one wants to hear." He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.
My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat.
Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as was possible? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving the love he didn't want to Jacob.
Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair. If I turned my face to the side--if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder... I knew without a doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.}
My internal debate began to stir the pieces of my broken heart and butterflies attacked my stomach at the thought of turning my head. Jacob could save me; even more so than he already had. He could change my now pathetic life into a wonderful one.
With Jacob, I would never have to give anything up. Not Charlie, Renee, my friends--or what was left of them, Forks, my life... I could stay my clumsy human self and keep everything I loved; not throw it all away. And for what? So I could become immortal and never see any of them again? To see them grow old and die while I was a frozen at 17 forever?
I was going to give up my existence for someone I could never grow old with, never have children with; not that those thoughts had crossed my mind before, but I could see them. Our sons, Jacob's sons. Two little russet skinned boys with long black hair playing in the surf, their father chasing after them. I could keep my family and gain a new one as well in the pack. I liked the sun; I wasn't sure I wanted to spend forever indoors because I glittered. I didn't want to always have to be on guard. I liked being cared for, protected, loved.
Yes, Edward had done all that and maybe that was part of what held me to him, but it could not remain so as long as I stayed human. Sure, I could rationalize all this now. I was not in the dazzling infatuation of my thoughts and choices being centered around him and what it would take to keep him. My first real boyfriend; I was still young for crying out loud! My first real boyfriend who heard voices in his head, glittered, ate mountain lions for breakfast, could never be intimate with me for fear of killing me, wanted nothing more than to drink my blood and oh yeah, he's been dead for almost a century! Yes, Bella, that is a completely healthy relationship to pine over.
I snorted out loud at the thought. Jacob looked down at me puzzled, but I just shook my head.
It all seemed so crazy now, looking back. If Edward had never left and he did choose to leave me, where would I be now? Certainly not in the warm arms of my best friend that I've known my entire life. Yes, Jacob being a wolf was not out of the realm of weird, but he was right. He was still human- more so than Edward would ever be. Jacob could always see through my pretenses, break down my walls and tell me exactly what I was thinking, yet hadn't realized myself. Even though Edward couldn't "hear" me, not even he could do that.
I looked up at Jacob's face and pictured myself pressing my lips to his shoulder. I could do it; I wanted to do it. This was the right path my life was supposed to take. Hadn't Jake said so all along?
It was then that I heard Edward's velvet voice; almost as if he were whispering in my ear, "Be happy."
Those two simple words confirmed to me that I could be happy again and I would stop hearing voices too, if I was. Nodding to myself in agreement that Jacob was going to get his wish—he'd known it all along—I packed the damaged pieces of myself away and opened up a new piece of my heart. A piece for Jacob. Hoping he was up for the challenge, as I knew he would be, I brushed my bottom lip to the warmth of his shoulder.
Jacob froze, eyes shooting down to mine to see if it was an accidental slip of my head. Confusion crossed his face, as he looked into my eyes. I gave a slight nod and Jacob pulled the truck over to the side of the highway. "Bella?" he breathed, turning to face me.
I smiled slightly and closed my eyes. Jacob needed no further explanation. He placed one of his large hands to my cheek and I cuddled into it's warmth. He pulled my face up to his and his lips met mine, ever so hesitantly.
Holy crow, but his lips were warm and soft like velvet; so not what I was used to. I responded back to his light softness with a forcefulness all my own, taking him by surprise. I wound my arms around his neck and he tangled his free hand in my hair. His melting lips were no longer hesitant. They were full of the long suppressed need he had endured waiting for me, for this moment. Passionate, impatient, forceful and yet full of love, Jacob's kiss was doing curious things to my insides.
I had never been kissed like this; was never able to with—No. Stop right there, Bella.
I must never go there again. Not after I have just given Jacob, my personal sun, the rest of my remaining heart. To push the thoughts further from my mind, I made my lips seek out Jake's ear, his neck, his collar bone. My fingers grasping his hair for support as I pulled myself up in the seat, eye level with his large frame.
I traced circles over his muscled chest; hard and yet still soft. So new, every sensation was unfamiliar, but welcome and wonderful. His lips now tracing a line down my neck found a spot just below my ear that made me whisper, "Jacob, my Jacob," out loud, though it came out more like a moan.
"Always, honey. Always." he breathed in my ear as he pulled me over into his lap. His hands ran down my back, stopping to give my hips a tight squeeze. In that gesture I realized what I needed at this moment. I needed more.
Throwing all caution to the wind, I began kissing a fevered trail down his chest while my hands fluttered to the hem of my shirt. "Jake, I want...no, I need.." I stuttered in between kisses.
"Bella honey, let's...this isn't...I want..." He stammered out as I kept assaulting him with kisses, failing to let him get to his point. Pulling away from me, he said, "Bells, we can't do this--"
My breathing heavy just a moment ago, now choked off in my throat. It took me a second, but I got his point all right. Rejection began bubbling up from the pit of my stomach and anger flashed across my face. I had made myself so unbelievably vulnerable. I was so stupid. I was practically throwing myself at him after months of pushing him away. What did I expect? Him to ravage me there in the cab of the Chevy? That was certainly what I seemed to be going for. I could feel too much moisture welling in my eyes and I threw my head down so my hair would cover my face. I had to move; I wanted to bolt from the truck. I tried to squirm clumsily off his lap to my escape, but Jacob only held me tighter to him. Pushing as hard as I could to wriggle away, I may as well have been trying to push a wall for all the progress I was making again Jacob's iron grip. Damn freakishly strong mythical creatures, damn them all.
"Bella." Jacob attempted to get my attention, but I refused to look at him. I had throughly embarrassed myself and I knew it was evident in the flush of color to my cheeks and the renegade tear that had escaped from the repository of my eye—dirty traitor. I jerked my hand up to remove the offending evidence and Jacob took my moment of distraction to sneak a hand under my chin and turn my head to look at him.
"Bella honey, don't cry. That didn't come out like I thought it would. I only meant that we can't do this here, not that I didn't want this—didn't want us. That's all I want. You're all I want, you should know that." He stared at me with pure adoration in his eyes and my heart gave a slight flutter.
"I was trying to say that the side of the road is no place for..." He didn't get a chance to finish as relief rushed over me and I threw my arms around him, hugging him close. Jacob rubbed my back and murmured in my hair, "Don't worry honey, I've got you." He had no idea how right he was.