I will remember

Chapter Thirteen

'Can I please talk to you?'

He hesitated, but nodded. The room became empty and Lily took a seat. Her body was beginning to shake from nerves. 'How are you?' She asked looking up at him. Feelings swarmed through her.

He shrugged. 'Alright I suppose.'

'I'm sorry... ' She said watching his face. He looked down, his facial features were blank. She noticed the dark shadows under his eyes.

'For what?' He asked.

'Take a seat.'

'I prefer to stand.'

'Alright.' She stood too. 'I am, sorry for ignoring you for the past few months. For pretending you weren't here and for not giving you a reason.' He went to say something but held his tongue. Lily slightly aggravated and impatient said 'Please say something.'

'Why?' He replied softly.

'Why what?' She asked puzzled.

'Why did you run away?' She knew he was talking about the night of their kiss. She looked away and walked towards the fireplace, as if a little distance between them would hide her truth.

'I… I don't really want to express why. But I am sorry I walked away and never spoke to you.'

'Was it because you thought I still loved you?'

'No.'

'Don't lie to me Lily.'

The sound of her name rolling of his tongue sent a tingle down her spine. She turned her head in his direction. 'I'm not lying James. Truthfully I thought you considered me nothing more then a friend.' Lily sighed. 'I guess I should give you the reason.'

'Yes, I believe you should.' He let his gaze fall upon her. Lily felt the pressure of sadness in his eyes. She started to walk towards him wanting to embrace him and take his worries away, but stopped a meter from him. 'Before I destroy what we had I'd like to ask you something.'

'And what is that?'

She hesitated. 'The truth.'

'I'll give you the truth.' He answered.

'Then tell me how you really feel.'

'I'd rather not.' He took his eyes from her and settled them on the fire behind her.

'You're building it up inside yourself. It won't help. I've tried. You helped me when I was suffering from loss. Now I want you to let me help you with your loss.'

'Remus told you.' He stated the words flowed with no real tune to them.

'Yes, like you told Remus we kissed.'

'Fair enough. I don't need your help.'

'James…-'

'Lily you did fine ignoring me. If this is just about my parents then I see no point to this.'

'Ja-'

'Just because I am now dealing with loss doesn't mean you can waltz back in, feel sorry for me, try and help me and then leave once again. I am not a fool.'

Lily gaped at him. 'I care for you…' She blurted defensively.

He sighed. 'And I care for you.'

She cringed at the helplessness in his voice. 'Then let me help.'

'So when you're done you can leave me again?'

'I am sorry.' Was all she could respond. It is better that way.

'Then leave.'

'You don't get it James!' She turned her back on him frustrated.

'What's there to get? You won't tell me the truth so of course I don't get it'

She put her head down in shame.

'Why did you run and ignore me. Why are you trying to help me even thou you are going to go back to ignoring me and if you really wanted to help you would explain yourself.'

'I can't'

'You can, you won't. You can't help me then. You want the truth from me; I'd like it from you.'

He was right. He deserves every single bit of it. But I have kept my pathetic feelings this far. 'It will make things worse.'

'How can it? Look at things, this is me far from okay I don't believe it can be much worse.'

'It can.' I'll fiddle with your emotions and get you confused.

'You going to tell me that you've got a sickness, a disease?'

'No.' Lily said surprised by his accusations.

'It's not going to be so bad then.'

'This is worse.'

'Worse then your health?' He questioned, his eyes drifting back to her, puzzling.

'I guess not.' Lily sighed desperate, shuddering under his powerful gaze.

'Explain it.' He took a step towards her, she felt the thumping of her body and hoped James could not see the effect he had on her.

'No.'

'Why?' He was now aggravated.

'Because I can't' I sound so damn pathetic.

'No you won't.' He took one more step closing in half the distance.

'I'm sorry.' She breathed helpless. Her mind intoxicated with his closeness.

'No your not.'

'James-'she started as she turned away from him.

He grabbed her shoulder and turned her back around. 'Tell me-'

'I love you.' She shouted, although the words were barely audible and choked. He let her go stunned. She could feel him starring at her; she looked up at him, her eyes watering. He had his mouth ajar, unable to find speech. She gulped holding back the tears. 'I love you.' She said the words softer and more coherent. He closed his mouth and stood there. Lily made for the portrait hole and ran.

She ran across the school grounds to fall beside the lake. The sun had disappeared over the last mountain tops and the moon had already found itself reflecting in the still lake. Lily silently sobbed into the cold grass. 'Why?' She sobbed in whispers. 'So stupid.' She felt warm fur brush against her. Her heart stopped alarmed. She looked up and found the stag leaning against her. He looked at her with a sad face. She looked into his eyes. 'I swear you're so...' She sniffed her tears away but collapsed in more sobs. The stag leaned his head on her shoulder. She put her arms around him. 'I shouldn't have told him. I can't bear to see him know… But I can't bear not to see him… What have I done, I told him I loved him.' She gasped, caught in a sob. 'I do love him.'

'Close your eyes.'

She heard a warm voice say against her chest. Lily closed her eyes welcoming the familiar voice and grasped the stag tighter. She could feel his warmth, his smell, his soft breath, his cloth of cloak and cologne. Lily froze feeling skin and-

'I love you too Lily.'

Lily let the stag go to find James. She gasped wildly confused.

'I am an animagus. I transformed into my animal form when I saw you out here in the storm. I thought it was the only way to get you inside and safe. Since then I've transformed because it was the only way I was able to be with you. I am sorry if I hurt you or offended you in any way.' Lily stood up and crossed her head stepping backwards. 'Lily?'

She started running. 'Lily!' He yelled after her. He got up and followed her. She was already making her way up the marble staircase before he had entered the oak doors. 'Lily.' He called again. She turned down a corridor and James followed, cornering her into a dead end. She turned.

'You were a stag all this time!'

'yes.'

'You said you didn't like me anymore!' She said angrily

'I lied.'

'Why?' helpless.

'Because I didn't want to lose you. You told me to change. You told me you only wanted to be friends. If I told you I still liked you, you would have walked away. I never knew you felt this way. I am so sorry Lily.' If I had of just known…

'I chose not to believe it.' She whispered

'Why?' He replied flabbergasted. She went silent. After a minute or two James spoke again. 'We had our first kiss in this corridor.' Lily looked around her surroundings.

'James…' I don't know what to say…

'Lily... 'He took a step to her and in reaction she took a step back. 'What's wrong?' He asked taking another step forward.

'You… I… I don't know. I just can't believe how stupid I was and I still find it hard to believe that you love me.' This has all been so muddled with.

'Your right. I don't love you.' Lily put her head down and went to leave. He stopped her and held her in front of him, lifting her head. 'Because it's more then love. I can not describe it. I am stuck under your spell. It's like I am destined for you. I am sorry for lying. I didn't want to loose you when you were so close.' He brushed a tear from her face. She went to hide her head but he kept it lifted. 'I love you.'

She gave a smile, overwhelmed. 'I love you too.'

He felt her cheek and leaned in for a kiss. She put her arms around him as he picked her up and spun her around. He let go for a moment. 'I will always and that won't change.'

'So you plan to marry me?' Lily giggled.

'That's not all I plan to do with you.'

Lily raised her eye brows. 'James!'

'What.' He said innocently. He brushed his lips against hers again.

Five Years Later

'Lily's his here, his coming. Take Harry and go!' James yelled from the living room.

'No, not without you.'

'I'll fight him off. Please go, you have to be safe.'

'I can't leave you.' Lily said desperately.

'Do it for Harry!'

'James!'

The front door was smashed off its hinges.

'GO!' James screamed to her.

Lily ran out of the room, her heart beating at an incredible rate. She heard James run into the entrance and heard the laugh of a second man. A man that was feared by so many. James yelled at him. The man gave another laugh and lights flashed around the room.

Lily grabbed her baby, Harry, from his cot and held him tight. He smiled up at his mother. 'Shh' she whispered, tears covering her face. Loud crashes were heard from down stairs. Lily closed her eyes hearing the horrific sounds of laughter from the unwelcomed man and her lovers curses. She prayed with all she had that James would be alright.

Everything went silent. Lily listened hard for a noise. There was a word spoken and a green light flashed, creeping through their house of Godrics hollow. A scream echoed in midair and then there was a thud, followed by another moment of silence.

Someone had died… Lily listened for the survivor… the echo of the scream lingered in her head growing ten times louder then it ever reached. 'JAMES!' She cried.

Piercing laughter came from the other side of the door. Lily held harry closer, tears streaming down her face. The door slammed open and a tall man in a travelling cloak walked in and laid his evil eyes on her.

'Hand him over' He asked in his deep voice.

'Never!'

'Give him to me now and I won't have to kill you, along with your unfortunate husband.'

'You will have to kill me!'

'Silly woman.'

Harry started crying in his mothers arms. Lily put him in his cot and turned to Voldemort, her wand raised. He gave a cold laugh and bellowed 'Advanda Kedavra.' The room illuminated green. It was full of Lily's scream of agony. She fell on the ground, sprawled out to live on with James in death, leaving there only child Harry to live on.

Voldemort lowered his wand to Harry and cursed the Death curse upon him. A light flashed and Voldemort yelped as the curse had somehow backfired. Afraid and distorted Voldemort fled the house. As the light disappeared the child laid there, unscarred, but a lightning shaped bolt on his forehead. He laid there crying, both his parents dead. Not to know he would be a child of no parents, not to know what his parents were like or how they smelt and sounded. Harry Potter the boy who lived, son of James and Lily Potter. The parents that will always be looking over him…