4/19/09- Well, due to the several reviews I have received for the gimpy little chapter I left you guys with i decided to finish that chapter the way I was planning to, so here it is, I turned it from 2 pages on word document to almost 6 so enjoy and thank you everyone for your patience and support :D
Chapter 12: Improvments
"I'll see you next week Bella," Carlisle shouted as I walked from his office. Almost a month has past since I received the call from James. I was improving quickly, especially with the help from Edward. He would take turns with Jessica from spending the night on my couch to make sure I was never alone. I may be able to walk near a man without screaming now but that still did not rid me of the fear that I was being watched by my ex boyfriend.
As I stepped out of the office, Edward laid down his magazine and walked by me.
"How did it go?" He shows interest in every session I attend. I knew that he truly wanted me to get better.
"Very well," As we walked he slipped his hand into mine causing me to shiver, though not from fear but of excitment. I had no problems with holding his hand, we will often curl up on the couch together every now and then before I would go to bed. Only problem is, I don't know how to tell him.
He has been so protective around me as if he's afraid any move he makes will hurt me. Though I may have some fear for strangers yet, I feel completely safe with Edward around.
Every night that Edward stays with me he checks every room for any sign of James. A month may have passed but he doesn't believe that he has given up on trying to find me. Now I wonder if the only man I truly fear any more is James himself. I was able to travel through the hallways without any escort these days, though Edward usually found me and walked with me. Jessica would find me every now and then but ever since Edward has taken the position of my protector she tends to hang with other friends.
"So what did you guys talk about today?" We reached the car as he started his daily routine of questions.
"Um, just the usual. We mostly talk about my past, ever since I told him myself what happened to me. I also told him..." I hesitated for a moment. I didn't want to admit to Edward about my sleep problems but he would find out sooner or later. "I'm still having problems with sleep."
"What? Really?" I looked down, I did not want him to be disappointed with me. I have been telling him that it has gotten better but I still can't keep my mind asleep. "I thought that got better?"
He didn't sound angry, though that I think about it he is never angry.
"No, I just didn't want you to be upset with me. I still see his face."
His hand gently turned my face to view his eyes. Instead of an angry disappointed expression I found his usual smile.
"Why would I be upset? I'm hear to help you Bella, not criticize you." Looking into his eyes I could not help but smile. We both sat in the car staring at each other.
"I know. What would I have done without you?" I chuckled nervously. He responded with a smile and he moved closer. He softly kissed my lips and then turned the key in the ignition. Kissing was another thing that we have been practicing lately. They've only been soft kisses but they were enough to get my heart racing. He was always cautious not to cross the line of my fear.
"So what's with Jessica lately? I haven't heard from her in forever."
"I don't know. Ever since she realized I have you I guess she felt she didn't need to worry about me too much."
"Well, though I'm sorry she's being that way, I'll be more than happy to be your guardian." He smiled at me. Then I got a nervous thought.
"Will that happen to you?" He looked at me confused as he drove. "I mean, if Jessica got sick of 'babysitting' me, don't you think that will happen to you?"
"It's not babysitting Bella, you're a grown person. I just don't like the fact that you have some creep checking up on you and since you refuse to get the cops in on this, I am staying and I'll be happy about it." He gave me a reassuring smile. I was lucky to have him but I couldn't shake that worry of him getting sick of me. He must have noticed because he took my hand while driving. "I promise, I'll always be here for you."
I sighed, not of pity but of relief. Somehow I believed him.
"I know." I smiled at him. I was extremely happy with how open I was able to be with him around. He has never lead me wrong before. He promised me that I would get better and already I have improved since he made that promise.
"So you want to go hang with my family today? Alice has been asking about you. I totally understand if that pixie frightens you on the count of she scares us all in her own way." He chuckled.
"Sure, Alice is great."
We pulled into Edwards long driveway that I have come to know very well these days. It was much more pleasant spending time at Edwards bright open house filled with comforting people rather than being alone at my place. Only recently have I been able to be in the same room as Emmett. Before he seemed so big but after the entire families help I can now be his friend as well.
As he always did, Edward quickly moved to my side of the car to help me out, even though I always tried beating him out of the car.
As soon as we walked inside the house I was immediately kidnaped by Alice. Edward tried to rescue me but she wouldn't allow it.
"Edward no, you've had her all day now she's mine!" She pulled my hand threw the house leaving him behind. He just stood laughing at me and I felt a little betrayed by him. It wasn't a bad thing in this situation but I still gave him a death glance as I was being dragged. "So you staying the night? Please say yes cause every time you stay in that house I have to worry."
"I don't know Alice, I don't want to be in the way."
"Nonsense everyone loves you. Right Jasper?" I looked around and Jasper slowly walked into the room. He glanced at me to check if I was alright with his presence.
"Of course we do." He stopped at the doorway, giving me space. Truth was, I didn't need it.
"It's ok Jasper, I think I'm ok." I gave him a reassuring smile and he continued walking towards Alice.
"So how are your lessons going? We only hear Edward's point of view."
"There going good, I feel much better these days."
"Hey! Why didn't anyone tell me we had company?" Emmett barreled in the room with a huge smile. Rosalie trailed on his heels but stopped at the door. She laughed as he stalked towards me to pull me into a hug.
At first when I saw him come to me I felt a small jolt of fear but it immediately went away when I realized his death grip was friendly and not forceful.
"Alright what are you guys doing to my girlfriend? I didn't bring her here to be tortured." As soon as Emmett released me and backed away to Rose, I felt a pair of familiar arms surround me from behind. He softly kissed the back of my neck and whispered to me. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm wonderful." I whispered back to him. I smiled and leaned back into his chest and he gladly held my balance while we stood in the living room.
For a couple hours we sat in the living room to talk. It felt nice, like I had a family. I big family full of several brothers and sisters who I could trust and my boyfriend sitting beside me holding me in his arms. The only thing I was missing was my parents however they would be arriving soon enough and then my family will be complete.
"Where's Esme?" I asked Edward.
"Her and Carlise wanted a night out, they're just going out to eat, they should be home soon."
I looked at my surroundings and found that Rosalie had fallen asleep on Emmetts shoulder while he dosed off on the couch. I searched the walls for a clock and found that it was pushing midnight. I wondered if I'd even stay awake until Carlise and Esme returned. I leaned my head against Edwards shoulder and stared at the television screen. I guess I am staying here for the night, I thought to myself.
I don't remember falling asleep but I woke up in an uncomfortable position on the couch with Edward. I looked around to find that the rest of the family had left the room and the television glare brightened up the room. I looked back at the clock to find that it was three in the morning. I normally would have gone back to sleep but with the way Edward was leaning on the couch he was sure to receive sore muscles in the morning.
"Edward?" I nudged his side with my elbow while I still laid on him.
"Hmm." I had to laughed when all he could do was grunt to let me know he was awake.
"It's three in the morning."
"Exactly, go to sleep." He softly laughed.
"I would but there's a body in the way." He sighed before stretching his body out and eventually he rose off the couch.
As I went to lay back down after he moved I felt myself flying back in the air.
"You really think I'm going to make you sleep on the couch?" I opened my eyes to find Edward carrying me throughout the house.
"No, Edward I'm fine! Let me down," He smiled.
"Shh, you'll wake the family. Don't argue cause you know your not going to win." Too tired to argue I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold some of my weight for him.
"Where are you going to sleep?" I asked when I learned that he was laying me in his bed.
"I am perfectly comfortable on the couch for the night." I frowned at him and looked into his eyes. "What's wrong?"
"You do way too much for me. I don't deserve..." he stopped me by placing a finger on my lips.
"Honestly, we pretty much have this conversation every night. Bella, I like this. I want you to be comfortable, and if you haven't noticed, I kinda like couches." He laughed. When he noticed my expression had not changed he rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine, lets say you owe me."
"Good, I'll go take the couch." As soon as I tried to get up he stopped me and softly pushed me back down on the bed.
"That's not what I meant."
"Edward, I'm tired would you just let me go?" I smiled. "What are you talking about?"
"Give me a good night kiss, and I'll call it even." I stared at him. For a second I had actually thought he was going to put me on the couch. I sighed and stared at him exactly the same. I didn't want him to get sick of taking care of me. "Hey, take it or leave it. This is the only payment I'll accept."
I couldn't help but laugh. He leaned his head towards me without waiting for my permission. Not that I didn't mind, I was going to grant him it anyways. I willingly molded my lips with his. I moved my hand to the back of his head. I had been trying to be more brave during our practices. He continued to kiss me as I lay on the bed with him leaning from the side. He tried to hold his weight better by moving his left arm on the other side of my body. He accidently brushed my side with his hand which sent a shiver down my spine.
My eyes shot open and I removed my hand from his hair. As he always would, he pulled away and took a step back. I felt a little disappointed in myself since I had not had a panic attack like this for about a month. I looked at him apologetically and noticed he stared at me in horror. I should have known he would blame himself for this.
"Don't even say it," I didn't want to hear an apology from him so instead I laughed at him. "My mistake."
He ignored my humor and laughter and sighed.
"No Bella, I should know better by now."
"Stop! It was just something about lying down thing that made me a little panicked. It was just something knew, don't blame yourself." I pleaded with my eyes. He stared to open his mouth in argument but closed it.
"Ok." He whispered. Then he slowly turned towards the door. "Night Bella."
Loneliness hit me hard as soon as I realized that he was leaving me for the night. My heart reached for him but he kept going.
"Wait," he stopped and turned to look at me. He stared at me, confused. I thought over what I was about to ask him but it didn't take long to convince myself that I wanted it. "Please, don't leave. Ss... stay."
I pleaded with my eyes as he stood at the doorway contemplating his next choice of words. He only smiled and nodded as he began walking back towards me. He laid down next to me and turned of the lamp that kept the room lit. As the darkness hit me I reached for him. When I found him I laid my head on his chest and snuggled into his side. It scared me, but I refrained from screaming or any form of fear that would cause him to reconsider his decision to stay. It only took a few minutes for my mind to adjust to the new closeness. I smiled into his chest.
"Good night."