O Tannenbaum

Summary: Even a Gestapo agent can tap into his more human side to celebrate Christmas. Major Hochstetter decorates a Christmas tree in his office.

Major Wolfgang Hochstetter plucked an ornament out of a box and studied it a moment. It was one of several figurines he had prepared every year for his office Christmas tree. This year's addition was a caricature of an American Army Air Force colonel, complete with hat and bomber jacket. Hochstetter smirked as he added the final touch: A loop in the shape of a noose with which to hang the colonel on the tree, both literally and in effigy. "That will be your fate, Hogan," Hochstetter growled as he chose a branch for the ornament.

Next out of the box was another colonel, but this one wore a German Luftwaffe uniform and a monocle. Hochstetter slipped another noose loop on the figurine and hung it on the tree near the Hogan ornament.

Hochstetter stepped back and examined his work. The tree was still mostly bare, but just the figurines of Hogan and Klink, the two men he hated most, were enough to make him smile. One by one the other ornaments were placed on the tree. Many were caricatures of allied spies—alleged or otherwise. Others were German military men Hochstetter didn't particularly like. Among the spies were the men Hochstetter had observed to be closest to Hogan and Klink, including Carter, Newkirk, LeBeau, Kinch, and Schultz. Once all the ornaments were "hung," Hochstetter began to add the classic candy canes.

As the major placed the candy canes on the tree, another agent stepped into the office.

"Major Hochstetter, there is someone here to see you."

Hochstetter didn't even glance up. "Yes, yes, tell them I will be there in a moment."

"Jawol, herr major!" the young lieutenant said with a salute. When he thought Hochstetter wasn't looking, he reached over and plucked a candy cane off the tree. He tried to slip it into his pocket when Hochstetter yelled.

"WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?!"

The lieutenant backed toward the door. "I am sorry, herr major. I am going."

"Stop!"

The other agent froze. Hochstetter approached him. "The candy cane, lieutenant."

"B-but herr major, Christmas is a time for giving."

"Bah!" screeched Hochstetter. "Then give me that candy cane!"

With a shaky hand, the lieutenant handed over the treat, glancing nervously at the effigies that hung on the tree behind the major. Hochstetter grabbed the candy cane and put it back in its place.

"No one is to touch anything on this tree! I will surround this tree with a ring of steel! Anyone trying to take anything off this tree will be shot! Anyone trying to put anything on this tree will be shot!"

"J-jawol, herr major!" the lieutenant said, saluting yet again. He then turned and hastily made his way out of the office.

Hochstetter glowered as the young man left. Finally he turned and admired his tree for a moment. Satisfied with his work so far, he picked up the phone and instructed his secretary to send in the guest.

An elderly woman stepped into the office carrying a box. "Guten tag, Wolf," she said with a warm smile.

Hochstetter slipped around her and closed the door to the office. "Guten tag, mother."

"I have brought your tree topper."

"Wunderbar!" Hochstetter said excitedly, taking the box and setting it on the desk. He opened it and pulled out an angel designed to look like none other than the glorious, smug, triumphant....Major Wolfgang Hochstetter.

"It is perfect!" Hochstetter cried. "Danke, Mama."

Mrs. Hochstetter smiled. "You were always my angel," she said.

Hochstetter set the lovingly-made topper in its place and stepped back to admire his handiwork.

"There is a bare spot right there, Wolf," Mrs. Hochstetter stated, gesturing to a spot in the middle of the tree, right above the Hogan and Klink ornaments.

"Ja, I almost forgot," Hochstetter said, scrambling to open a drawer in his desk. He pulled out a heart shaped picture frame featuring none other than his beloved mother and placed it carefully on a branch in the bare spot Mrs. Hochstetter had pointed out.

"Now it is complete," Hochstetter said triumphantly.

"Oh, and such a lovely tree," his mother said.

"You like it?"

"I love it, Wolfie."

Hochstetter reached over and plucked a candy cane off the tree, offering it to his mother.

"Danke, Wolf," Mrs. Hochstetter said, taking the candy.

"Now we must follow our annual tradition," Hochstetter said eagerly.

"Of course, Wolf. Would you like to start?"

"Ja, I will, Mama."

The major paused to collect himself before beginning to sing. "O tannenbaum, o tannenbaum, wie treu sind deine Blätter!."

Mrs. Hochstetter joined in the song, and soon mother and son were singing so loudly that everyone downstairs could hear them. The other agents knew better than to give any indication that they knew what was going on. Hochstetter did not like to be caught being sentimental. But even a man deceived into blindly following a nut in Berlin has a human side, and Major Wolfgang Hochstetter was demonstrating that fact at that very moment. It made some shake their heads and wonder, "What's a nice guy like that doing in the Gestapo?"

Merry Christmas, everyone!

AN: Ha! You thought he was going to put a swaztika on top of the tree, didn't you? Hochstetter is way too conceited for that! He has a sick, twisted, egotistical sense of humor. But he loves his mama.

This story was born of a conversation with my brother at stupid o' clock in which we discussed how Hochstetter might decorate a Christmas tree. It was also written at stupid o' clock. I'm going to bed now...